Joey came in and almost tripped over a box. He was about to say something about how annoying it was to have Ross's boxes all over the place. If it had just been Chandler in the room they would have had another session of complaining about Ross and puzzling out how they were going to get rid of him in a nice and friendly. But Ross was sitting over on the couch, looking miserable. That was the only look he did these days.
'Hey,' Joey said, biting back the words he was going to say. He exchanged a look with Chandler who knew exactly what he had been about to say. Chandler said, 'Hey.' Ross looked up belatedly and said,
'Hi Joey.'
'Hi Ross, how are you doing?' Joey said, with excessive cheerfulness. 'It's so good to see you looking so well.'
'Oh well,' Ross said, 'You know now it is, after your marriage ends. I know really well of course, because this is the second time this has happened to me.'
'Well I'm never getting married,' Joey said.
'It should be all right for you,' Ross said, 'It's just me. I'm the one who can't stay married.'
'Hey Ross,' Chandler said, 'Don't say things like that. It's not your fault. Those women.'
'Yeah, those women,' Joey added.
'I mean Carol, that's just the way she was,' Chandler said, 'And Emily, well, you rushed a bit quickly into that one.' Ross still looked despondent. The cheering up attempt was a failure. Joey sighed.
'It's a pity in a way that things didn't work out with you and Emily.' Chandler stared at him.
'But you hate Emily.' Ross didn't bother looking up at all. He hated speculating about Emily. She was gone and his life was a wreck. Two divorces!
'Yeah I know,' Joey said, and then noticed Ross, whose head was still down. 'I mean I was mad at her before because of all her demands and every thing, but I don't hate her. She's got her good points. She's a good kisser.' That was the wrong thing to say too.
'What's this all about Joe?' Chandler asked.
'Well it's just that if she was coming here, in the next two weeks, she might be the one millionth person through on a British passport.'
'And?' Chandler asked.
'Well that person's going to get one million dollars. There's going to be a big promotion for British tourism. Of course pounds would be better but a million dollars sounds good too.'
'Wow,' Chandler said. He looked at Ross. Even a small share in a million dollar would help him out a lot. 'How do you know this?'
'Oh you remember that girl I saw at British Airways six months back?'
'Give me a break Joe,' Chandler said, 'That could be anyone.' As if he could remember every girl Joey had ever dated. Joey shrugged.
'Oh yeah, true, I don't think I ever introduced her. Anyway, I met a friend of hers, he told me.'
'Oh.'
'Yeah, because if she was going to come in the next two weeks, he could fix it that she was the one to win.'
'You're not serious?' Chandler asked in amazement.
'Yeah, he really said that. If he got a cut of it, $10,000, he'd arrange it. The winning person can't be related to anyone who works at the airport you see so he can't just get his sister or someone to fly in. And they have to be British, that's the point.'
'Oh,' Chander said. 'Well Emily's never going to come so we can forget that.'
'Yeah.'
'Unless...' Chandler thought out loud. Ross was their friend but they really had to do something about him. 'Ross could persuade her.'
'How?' Joey asked, 'She won't come.'
'My marriage is over,' Ross said dolefully. 'Don't you understand? I'm the divorced person.'
'Even if she came and won the money she wouldn't give Ross any of it,' Joey said. 'She's mad at him.'
'But she'd have to,' Chandler said.
'No she wouldn't,' Joey said.
'Think, Joey think, what happens when you get divorced?' Chandler asked patiently.
'You give the rings back?' Joey asked.
'Divorce Settlement, Joey. It didn't matter before because she's got no money and Ross has no money but if she suddenly gets one million dollars while she's still married to Ross, well she's going to have to share, whether she likes it or not,' Chandler said. 'Ross could pay off your friend out of his share.'
'Brilliant,' Joey said, awed. Chandler smiled.
'Well it's not a bad idea.' A very good idea he thought.
'It's a great idea,' Joey said.
'It's a terrible idea. How could I take money from Emily?' Ross said. 'She doesn't have any more money than I do. Probably less.'
'Look, she's going to have a lot more money than you. It will be a million dollars she just wins, just by turning up. It isn't going to be money she's earned or made sacrifices for. She's just going to jump on a plane,' Chandler said. 'She's not going to starve because she has to give you a bit.'
'It's a win win situation,' Joey said. 'Everyone would be happy.' Emily would have money, Ross would have money for a deposit on an apartment and he and Chandler could have the flat back. He could see no flaw in it.
'If I could get her back, I would,' Ross said, 'I don't need a million dollars to make me want to do that.'
'Yes, but she won't trust you,' Chandler said.
'So I'm never going to get her back,' Ross said, 'I don't know wny you're torturing me like this. I'm going out.' Ross stood up to leave.
'No, no,' Chandler said, 'Sit down. Just listen. If you told her that you were going to stop seeing Rachel - in fact if you told her you weren't going to see any of us ever again, and that you've got an apartment away from us all, do you think she'd come?'
'Yes but I can't say that because it's not true,' Ross objected.
'Yes but suppose if,' Chandler persisted. 'Think outside the box.'
'I - I don't know. but Chandler -'
'So you ring her up and say all that and beg her to come,' Chandler said.
'Yes but Chandler, none of that's true,' Ross said. 'That would all be lies.'
'Yes but she won't know that will she?' Chandler said. Ross frowned.
'Then she gets here and finds out that it's a lie she's going to be so angry and upset,' Ross argued.
'She's just won a million dollars, she's not going to be that unhappy,' Chandler said.
'Anyway,' Joey said, 'The point is, she'll have won and so will you.'
'She'll get mad at me,' Ross said.
'We won't let her hit you,' Joey said. Ross shook his head.
'I don't want to tell lies to her. She already doesn't trust me. She'll just think that this proves that she was right all along. '
'Ross,' Chandler said seriously, 'Your marriage is over.'
'Yes Chandler, I think about it every day,' Ross said irritably. Did his friends think he could forget that?
'So it doesn't matter what she thinks of you does it?'
'I suppose it doesn't.'
'So you'll give her a call?' Ross sighed. Joey and Chandler had to wait a whole minute for his answer.
'Okay.'