Solstice by SLynn

Chapter 9: Invincible

Two days after being admitted to the local hospital, Xander was released. He had steadily grown stronger and was eager to move on.

They all were.

That night, as Buffy patrolled and after Willow and Tara's departure, Giles abruptly turned off the television.

"We need to talk," he said, coming and sitting in the arm chair beside Xander.

"Sounds serious."

"It is," Giles began, taking off his glasses in what Xander could only think of as an ominous sign. "Angel called last night. After leaving the hospital, on his way back to Los Angeles, he'd gone back into the catacombs."

"To check on the body?"

"Yes," Giles continued. "Except, there was no body."

Xander continued to look at him intently.

"At first, he hadn't thought too much of it. Thought that with the ritual and all, it might be normal. Might even be the normal death of a heffian demon, he hadn't been certain and didn't want to alarm us if it was."

"But it wasn't, was it?"

"No. A heffian demon dies much like a human, leaving a body."

Xander let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"So…"

"It might mean nothing," Giles interrupted. "It might just mean someone got to the body first. Except…"

"Except what?"

"That night, I wasn't thinking. If I had been, I wouldn't have done it."

"Giles, what is it?" Xander asked, growing concerned.

"I took the blade."

"I don't…"

"I took the blade from the body," Giles said looking down for a moment, and then standing quickly. "If I had left it in and just gone back later, she would be dead. We'd be certain."

Xander began to realize what he was saying, what was happening. The blade was somehow tainted to prolong bleeding and death. It almost killed him.

"You couldn't have known," Xander said.

"No," Giles said shaking his head, "but I should have. It's my job Xander."

"But we don't know, do we?" Xander finally said. "She could be dead. The transformation could have reversed."

"I suppose so," Giles answered, unconvincingly.

"Have you told the others?"

"No," Giles said resolutely, placing his glasses back on. "I figured you should know first."

"Thanks."

"Can you still tell? Does the connection…"

Xander shook his head.

"Sorry."

"You shouldn't be. I'm sorry."

"Don't, okay. Don't start beating yourself up about this. Trust me, it doesn't do any good."

"I suppose you're right."

"We'll worry about it tomorrow. Fill in Buffy and the rest. If there's a next time, we'll be ready."

Giles nodded and without another word went upstairs. Xander, alone with his thoughts, tried not to think about it. Tried to take his own advice and leave it for tomorrow, but couldn't.

Over and over a single thought ran through his head.

'I'll be back for you later.'

Buffy had slipped into the apartment, trying not to make a sound. She wasn't surprised to find the television on, but was to find Xander awake.

"It's nearly three?" she said in mock alarm.

"I know," he said in an even tone.

"Can't sleep?" she asked, scooting next to him.

"Considering that's about all I've done for three days, you shouldn't be too surprised."

"That's true. I've been meaning to talk to you about it. I think you've got a problem. We're planning an intervention and putting you on double espressos twice daily."

Xander laughed.

"You guys didn't think it might have something to do with the massive amounts of pain killers coursing through my body?"

"Nah," she said smiling, "to easy an answer. You're obviously deeply disturbed. You may need counseling."

"Will you hold my hand?"

"Maybe," she said now laughing and leaning in to plant a quick kiss on his lips.

"I feel better already."

"Good. But seriously, why aren't you asleep?"

"Why did you stop by if you thought I'd be in bed?" he asked with a funny smirk.

"I was just checking," she said evasively, "and you're avoiding my question."

"Let's not right now," he said suddenly very tired and leaning back into the couch to gaze at the ceiling.

"Everything alright?" she asked seriously.

"You're here."

"Thank you, but that's not what I meant."

"It will be," he said, still avoiding the subject, "I'm just so tired I can't sleep."

Buffy nodded and rested her head on his shoulder. She felt it too. Weary. Everything had been happening so fast for so long, this really felt like the first time she'd rested in months.

"I love you Buffy."

She wasn't even sure he'd said it. It had been so quiet and so sincere. Lifting up her head, taking his in her hands, she looked into his eyes. For a moment he held her gaze, intently and then shook his head with a laugh.

"I'm talking crazy talk, aren't I?" he said sounding embarrassed.

But she wouldn't let him turn away. She held him there, and looked back into his eyes. He'd told her that once before, but only once. And she'd never said it back. Until now.

"I love you Xander."

He kind of smiled at her, looked down and looked up again.

"Crazy," he finally said, "You really are making me crazy, you know?"

"But better?" she asked.

"Much," he answered as he leaned in and kissed her.

Whatever may come, at the moment he felt that it would be alright. They'd take care of it as they always had. They'd overcome what ever odds they'd have to face.

As he held her in his arms he could only think of her. Not in his wildest dreams could he have believed it. The two of them together. The only good thing to come of all of this. If there was anything to be said for all that he'd gone through, at least he had Buffy.

That's what love felt like.

Love made you do the whacky. It made you willing to do things you didn't think possible. Face the unimaginable again and again. And he knew he would.

It made you invincible.