Title: In the End
Author: Crimson Lipstick
Rating: PG –13
Category: Angst/Tragedy
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN X-MEN.
Summary: Chronicles Rogue's life from the beginning of her downward spiral to her tragic death…
Enchantedlight: Thanks for reviewing again! And I'm sorry for taking so long to update. TheDreamerLady: You added me to your favourites J! It's good you don't think I'm going to fast. The Awaker Viari: I tried hard to capture the feelings of a cutter, so thanks. DitaSweetSorrow: Thank you so much for your review and pointers. When I have the time, I'll go back and change a bit of chapter 4 and see if I can make it a bit more realistic. Also thanks for editing this chapter for me :) Jupiterhime: So sorry for taking so long to update. Thanks for reviewing,Lily: I'm sorry that you don't want Rogue to die, but it's the reason that this story is under the category Angst/Tragedy. If it makes you feel any better though, I'm having second thoughts about the ending. I hope you like this new chapter.Sparklingrain: Yeah! He's back! Keep on reading! Lal: Amazing? Thanks and I'll try to get the next chapter up faster.
Chapter 5
THAT NIGHT…
Silence occupied the kitchen. They sat still lost in their own thoughts. She stifled a yawn and looked over to where the clock was. It was nearly one and yet they were still in silence. She rapped her manicured nails on the coffee cup and tried to meet his gaze but to no avail. He wasn't paying attention to her; his mind was on other things.
They had been sitting like that for half an hour. She wondered how much longer they would sit there in silence and whether it would be acceptable for her to get up and refill her cup. Finally she could not take the uncomfortableness no longer and decided it was up to her to speak.
"Are you okay, Logan?" She looked opposite the table that they were sitting at.
Logan looked up as if just realising she was there, "Yeah, I'm fine."
"I think you need acting lessons," Jean smiled, "Logan, tell me."
"Aren't you a telepath?" Logan stood up and paced the room, "I'm sure you can find an answer."
"I don't make it a habit of reading other people's minds," Jean was slightly confused.
"Well if you had maybe, you would know what's wrong with her."
"Rogue," Jean nodded her head as she understood the cause of his strange behaviour, "You're worried about Rogue."
"You think?" he said sarcastically
"Hey, listen!" Jean glared, "I'm not the monster everyone makes me out to be!"
"I know, Jeannie, but…." Logan sighed and stopped pacing near the wall, "I'm just so fucking worried about her. You know that she yelled at Scooter and me today? I've never seen her like that. "
Jean nodded slowly, "I know, Scott told me."
Logan snorted, "What does he know? In fact what the fuck do I know? All I know is that there's something wrong! Jean, it's like I'm watching her slip away from me, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it!"
He hit the wall with his right fist suddenly, making Jean flinch.
She quietly stood up and rested a hand on his shoulder, "We're all worried about her too, Logan."
"Are you?" He leant forward on the wall, both hands clutching at it, as if he would like nothing more than to rip it off.
"Yes, Logan! I am worried! But I know she has to come to us, not us to her, for us to help her! She has to realise that there is something wrong with her!"
"And what if she doesn't?"
"She will, Logan. She will."
"I smelt blood," he said suddenly.
"What?"
"I smelt blood, coming from her room. Then when I saw her a couple of days later, I grabbed her wrist and she yelped in pain. I'm not stupid, Red, she's a danger to herself."
"Logan…."
"You know," he went on, "I promised her I would protect her from anything, anyone. I just never realised that one day I would have to protect her from herself."
Jean was silent. Yes, she had noticed a change in Rogue but she had been too busy to bother much about it. A knot of guilt grew in her stomach and she wished she could go back in time to rectify her mistakes, but the fact was that she hadn't done anything. However not wanting Logan to know about her lack of involvement, she quickly recited something Storm had said to her, which she, Jean, had stupidly dismissed.
"Her marks are getting worse. And I don't think she's eating right."
"Jeannie…" Logan began.
He stopped short, frowned and sniffed the air.
Jean glanced at him uncertainly.
"Wait here," he growled and walked out of the room.
Jean raised an eyebrow.
Rogue was walking to the kitchen, quietly as to not alert anyone of her presence when she heard someone coming towards her.
"Logan!" Rogue said as he came into her sight.
"What the hell do you think you're doing, kid?" Logan demanded.
"Ah was on mah way tah the kitchen," Rogue looked confused,
"Don't lie. What did you hear?"
"Nothing. Why were you talking about me?" Her eyes narrowed.
"What do you think?" Logan said sarcastically.
She opened her mouth and closed it, looking remarkably like a goldfish.
Logan didn't have to be a genius to figure out that the look on her face was genuine.
"Shit," He swore, " Oh shit."
Ah trusted him!
"So tell me, Logan what were you talking about?"
"Rogue-"
"No, you listen! Ah don't appreciate being talked about behind mah back!" She pointed a finger at him.
"Kid-"
"Ah have feelings, you know! If you want tah to talk, do it in front of mah face!" She continued angrily.
"Marie-
"Don't you dare call me that! Ah trusted you!" She gave him a disgusted look.
"We're just worried about you," Logan finally managed to cut in, looking somewhat wounded from her last remark.
"Why?"
"Because of this!" With a sudden fury Logan tore off her left glove.
His face whitened at the scars and his hand reached out for hers. She knew what he was trying to do and immediately took a step backwards.
"Marie…."
"No!" Rogue took another step backwards, "Just don't!"
He reached forward but seizing her chance she snatched the glove off him.
"I can heal you!"
"Ah know you can! But Ah don't want to be healed!"
Logan's face was expressionless, "Kid…"
"What?"
He sighed, "Let me heal you."
She held up a hand threateningly, "You do that Logan and Ah will absorb you fully. If you're lucky you'll only end up in a coma like David."
Logan had no idea who David was, but sensing the sincerity in her voice paused, "Rogue, this- this isn't like you."
She sighed, "Logan, Ah'm not in the mood to talk, okay?"
He studied her for a moment and then his eyes travelled her to her wrists.
She covered them up, " A stupid mistake, Logan. And Ah don't make mistakes twice."
Well technically Ah did…
He grabbed her elbow, just as he realised someone else's presence in the room.
"What the hell is going on?" Scott Summers appeared in front of them, arms crossed.
Logan sighed and released Rogue, "Great timing, Scooter. Do you want to explain this one, kid?"
But Rogue had already left.
TWO DAYS LATER…
She woke up in a sweat, her breath rugged. She bit her lip and blinked hard, to prevent the tears from falling. She couldn't and they fell silently down her cheeks and then onto her pillow. She hastily tried to wipe them away.
Taking a deep breath, she unstuck herself from her sheets and looked over at the time.
2.30 AM
Her stomach growled but she ignored it. She recalled the crap that she had last eaten and while it was more than ten hours ago, eating anything more would not at all help her figure, which thankfully had improved. Now she just had to maintain it.
Maybe Ah should just eat healthier food than skipping meals….
She slowly got up and grabbed her dressing gown. With a backwards glance at Kitty, she opened the balcony door and quickly exited the room.
She sat on the balcony rail and idly wondered what would happen if she jumped off. Nothing, really, she wasn't that far up.
But for a while she just sat there, lost in her own world. One which she had created. Where everything was wonderful, beautiful and peaceful. Here she could forget.
And finally she felt tranquil.
Unbeknownst to her, someone was watching.
For the past few days Rogue had mainly kept to herself. She stayed in her room all day and only came out at night to eat in the kitchen, and that was only if she felt like it. Kitty was the only person she talked to but Rogue hadn't really been in the mood to talk for awhile now. Besides lately Kitty had been acting even more strangely. So far Rogue had refrained from asking or figuring out why.
It was the late afternoon and Rogue was sitting on her bed, scribbling in her notebook, and listening to her walkman. Her eyes looked out the window; it was a clear summer's day and thankfully not too hot. Some mutant kids were outside, laughing, lazing around and playing games of all sorts. They looked so happy and carefree, Rogue thought with a sudden pang of jealously.
Kitty was in the bathroom preparing for a date with Lance. Rogue was glad; of course she liked Kitty, but the one bad thing about the mansion was the lack of privacy.
Her pen was poised over a new leaf of paper when her train of thought was interrupted.
"Rogue, what like happened to my mirror?" Kitty shouted from the bathroom.
Rogue switched off the music and removed her earphones.
Took her long enough.
"Oh," she blushed, "Ah broke it. Ah'm sorry. Look Ah'll buy you a new one."
"Well you should have like told me!" Kitty walked out the bathroom and glared at Rogue.
This is really unlike Kitty. Ah mean it's just a mirror.
"Kitty?" Rogue asked quietly, "Is there something wrong?"
"No –yes, no well it's like you."
Rogue blinked, "Me?"
"Well they've been like talking…"
Who are they?
But she didn't ask that question; there was a more important one to ask.
"What have they been saying?"
Kitty sat down on her bed and bit her lip, "That-that-"
"Kitty?" Rogue spoke with compassion, but her eyes were filled with anything but.
"They say you're cutting yourself."
Her eyes flitted to Rogue's journal, with a glint of curiosity.
"Oh," Rogue stuffed the journal under her sheets, "Have they now?"
She tried her best to sound as if she didn't care, but failed miserably.
"Rogue, I love you and everything but, why?" Kitty said.
"Why?" demanded Rogue, fuelled by a sudden anger that was no longer just due to lack of sleep, "You believe them, without even asking me for mah clarification?"
"Weeks ago, I wouldn't have. But now, Rogue, it's almost like I have no idea who you are anymore. Like you're a different person."
"So you think Ah've changed too?"
"Ah know you have," Kitty was silent for a moment, "Rogue, if this is all because you can't touch…"
"You wouldn't understand," Rogue hissed, "How it's like not tah touch. How tah not feel someone else's touch. The raw feeling of flesh. Yeah, call me stupid or whatever. But how would you feel if you couldn't touch! Haven't Ah told you about David? A sharp edge is all that can touch me now! And how would you like it tah not have a boyfriend because you can't touch. How would you feel without your precious Lance?"
"You had a boyfriend!" Kitty said, "And it like didn't work out. That's not my fault!"
"Ah know it wasn't, Kitty! It was mine, and that's my problem! A separate problem, Ah might add. Besides Logan…"
"You like Logan?" Kitty stared at her.
"No!" Rogue sounded shocked, "Ah don't like him – not in that way at least!"'
Kitty paused, "Okay…."
"Ah don't!" Rogue jumped up, her hands in the air.
"I believe you. God, Rogue, relax."
Rogue took a deep breath and sat back down, "Ah'm sorry but-"
"Sometimes sorry isn't like enough. Rogue, look, something is like wrong with you and you just won't admit it!"
"Nothing is wrong with me!"
"Yes there is!" Kitty nearly screamed.
"God, Kitty, relax," Rogue mimicked.
Kitty quietened down slightly, "Rogue…."
"No," Rogue made to get of the bed.
Kitty looked at her. Her once carefree face now looked troubled.
"What?" Rogue asked rudely as their eyes met.
"Promise me, you like won't do anything stupid," Kitty said softly.
"Sorry," Rogue stood up, "Ah only make promises Ah know Ah can keep."
Kitty was silent until Rogue opened the door, "Where you going?"
"For a walk," Rogue said, "By myself."
Rogue sat on the bench and looked over the mansion's vast grounds. The trees behind her sheltered her from the sun's glaze. The area was isolated and she basked in the serenity of it. From here she could see her balcony and it amazed her to think that just last night she had been on it.
This particular place held a lot of memories for her. After all it was where Mystique disguised as Bobby had told her to leave the school. She idly remembered to back then.
Life was a whole lot different now.
She sighed and closed her eyes.
However as usual her peace was disturbed. She clicked her tongue in irritation as the intruder spoke.
"Rogue?"
"No," Rogue didn't even look up, "Go away."
"We need to talk."
"That's what everyone says tah me. You need tah think of something better."
"Okay," the person paused, "You need to talk."
Rogue didn't respond and Jean took it as an invitation to sit down next to her. Rogue purposely turned away from her.
"You're being really immature, Rogue," Jean said quietly.
"Ya know, Ah can just walk away," Rogue's eyes remained closed.
"Then why don't you?"
Rogue opened one eye slowly and looked steadily at Jean, "Because Ah was here first and if anyone should be going, it should be you."
Jean smiled, "Funny. But I'm not going."
"Until Ah tell you that there's something wrong with meh?"
"You know it, Rogue. Why won't you admit it to the rest of us?"
"Because Ah don't lie."
"But you just did."
Rogue glared at her, "Ah don't need this philosophy shit."
"Then tell me what's wrong."
"You know what's wrong? Everyone thinking there's something wrong with me!"
"Who?"
"Logan, Kitty, Jubilee, Jamie, Scott, Storm, You. The list goes on and on. And that's not mentioning the Professor and his so called vision."
"Dream," corrected Jean.
"When was the last time a dream of yours came true?"
Jean eyes focused on the ground.
"It will next spring – when I get married," she said finally.
"So you're still getting married?" Rogue looked over, in amazement.
"Why wouldn't I?" Jean said calmly.
"Logan."
Jean laughed but seeing how out of place it was, stopped, "We're friends, Rogue. That's all."
"You sure about that?"
"Yes, Rogue. I am."
Silence reigned. Jean looked Rogue over. She did look about the same, but there was a sort of haunted look to her face, hilighted by the bags under her face. She had lost a bit of weight, Jean decided, and on the whole she would look better if she would smile more often.
She finished her examination of Rogue, and being uncomfortable with the silence, spoke.
"We care about you. All of us would be devastated if something happened to you. We want to help you – but you have to let us. Before I thought it was just you wanting attention, but now I have a feeling it's something more."
"Say Ah needed help," Rogue looked at her squarely, "How could you help meh?"
Jean opened her mouth-
"Save it, Grey. Look, if Ah I need your help Ah'll come for it, okay?"
Jean nodded slowly, "Agreed. But Rogue-"
Rogue stood up, "Ah just need some time. Ah'll see you when school starts, Dr Grey. "
Jean watched her walk away, arms folded, eyes downcast.
"But do you have enough time?"
Rogue stopped walking and turned her head as she heard Jean's last comment
Yeah, I know it was short but it had to be. I screwed up my plan for this story, so I just need to figure some stuff out. Also sorry for taking so long to update. Don't forget to review!