Title: In the End
Author: Crimson Lipstick
Rating: PG –13
Category: Angst/Tragedy
Disclaimer: I own nothing except nothing. Even though that's contradictory.
Summary: Chronicles Rogue's life from the beginning of her downward spiral to her tragic death…
Author's Note: So, so, so sorry for taking so long to update. I've been really busy, this site wouldn't work for me and I was suffering from writer's block. Anyway I hope you all like this new chapter. And oh yeah, I know I have a feeling I have Rogue's last name wrong, but I couldn't remember it or if her last name has ever been mentioned before. So if anybody knows……….
Jupiterhime: Thanks, I really like it when people tell me they like my work. And I normally update faster than this.
The Awakener Viari: It's good I'm getting readers, who can relate to this type of thing. Thanks.
Imagica: That's really sad. What many people who commit suicide don't really understand is that they do leave quite a few people who love them behind. I hope this may be able to help you understand.
Enchantedlight: Cool. Sorry for taking so long!!
Lily: No, Jean really isn't the best person for Rogue to turn to. But you don't know thatRogue actually wants Jean's help. Anyway, thanks for reviewing.
TheDreamerLady: Not a big fan of Jean, lol? Okay, I really hope you like this new chapter. As I said before, I appreciate your reviews.
Chapter 6
ONE WEEK LATER….
The holidays were coming to a close and people began to return to the school. Naturally it was not long before the rumours began to float around. This was Mutant High, after all, and things always had an unexpected way of getting out. Secrets didn't last very long there.
In this case, it was said that Rogue, Marie D'Ancanto, was cutting herself. Many didn't believe it; to them it seemed impossible. But then again, Rogue had been acting strange lately, hadn't she? Yeah, and she hadn't been seen in the cafeteria for ages. Or around the school, come to think of it. Maybe she and Logan had a fight? Or maybe the Professor threatened to kick her out!
The vivid imagination of many students flourished with no real hard evidence or facts. In fact it was almost like the teachers themselves weren't doing anything to quash the stories.
Opinions were divided but everyone agreed that Rogue had changed. That, they knew for sure.
Rogue mainly kept to herself, ignoring the whispers that followed her around the school. Since Kitty had gone to visit her parents after their holiday in Florida, the task of being alone was made all the easier. Things were kind of strained between them anyway, and Rogue welcomed the silence and space between them..
She had stopped cutting herself; fearing the upheaval it would cause. However she was sinking into a deep depression.
They were all worried about her and yet Rogue felt as if she had no one to turn to.
As for her and Logan…
She didn't know where they stood now. She knew he cared about her, but how deeply was the real question. And then there was Jean. Yes, the wedding was still on, but Rogue had a feeling that wouldn't change much. Jean had been trying to reach out to her, and Rogue had a sneaking suspicion that it was mainly due to guilt of lack of involvement in this whole matter.
The Professor, Scott and Storm in the meantime had left her alone. Perhaps they had finally gotten the message or perhaps they were silently watching her every move. Rogue sincerely hoped for the former. There wasn't much one could hide from a telepath.
But in any case, everything was fine that week. In fact she could almost say that she was beginning to feel better. Beginning, being the keyword. Because … it simply wasn't a case of not being able to touch anyone. Rogue dimly imagined herself in ten years, even twenty years from now. Would she ever learn to touch? Her future seemed bleak. It was a case of waking up in the morning and not wanting to get up. A case of being jealous and envious of everyone else. Why her? Why?
Why not anyone else? Why not him? Her? Anyone.
And there was the added bonus, of everyone claiming that she wasn't eating enough. Which she was. She knew she wasn't fat but she was feeling it. It was kind of hard to explain, but she did know she was in a healthy weight range. Anyway that week, she really had been trying to make an effort to eat more often, even if it was when everybody was asleep or in the pool.
But then one day that week was over and that was… was when…
When everything really started fucking up.
It all started when Rogue got a headache.
She was lying in bed at night, awake, staring at the ceiling. The pain started of mildly, but soon it was throbbing, verging on the state of a migraine. It reached a stage where she could take it no longer, so she got off the bed, intent on getting some aspirin from the medical storeroom. Jean wouldn't mind, and even if she did, Rogue didn't give a shit.
It was around one when she dared to stick her head out the door. The hallway was empty.
Perfect.
She cautiously exited the room, and tiptoed out. With any luck Jean wouldn't be in the bay.
The medical bay itself was dark and desolate. She felt her way around the room, slightly frightened by the dark shadows on the wall.
She entered the medical storeroom, and flicked on the switch. She held her breath but soon it became apparent that nobody else had seen, and she confidently walked in. And technically she wasn't really doing anything wrong. ..
Rogue swiftly searched around and came upon a bottle of paracetamol on the third shelf.
Found it.
She grinned and tucked it in her jacket pocket. She would return it in the morning, after all she didn't know how much she'd need. Rogue turned off the switch and exited the storeroom and then the bay.
Congratulating herself in the corridor, she didn't hear the footsteps approaching her.
"Rogue!"
She stopped dead.
Why do Ah meet everyone in the halls?
"What are you doing?" Scott folded his arms. Rogue thought fast.
"Hungry," she lied, "Ah need food."
"Oh," Scott said, "Especially when you're heading the opposite way to the kitchen."
"Well um," Rogue floundered, "Ah- Ah was hungry and Ah went to the kitchen tah eat. Now Ah'm heading back tah mah room."
She nodded her head sagely.
Scott didn't say anything. He just seemed to stare straight ahead. She vaguely wondered what colour his eyes were.
That was his curse. Rogue tried to imagine what it would be like to only see in shades of red . He probably would be used to it. But what he and Rogue had in common, was the fact that before their mutations manifested they had lived relatively normal lives, with basically no handicaps. In one magical stage of his life he could see all the pretty colours of the rainbow and in one gorgeous stage of hers, she could touch. Without fear of killing anyone, that is.
Still, Ah'd rather see only red the rest of my life than tah never be able tah touch.
"What?" Rogue said, when Scott seemed to be lost in another world.
"I saw you on your balcony," Scott said, "From that bench by the edge of the grounds."
"Oh." There wasn't really much she could say to that.
"I haven't seen you around lately."
"Really? Well Ah've been busy."
"You know if there's anyone you need to talk to. I'm here."
Rogue smiled softly at that. Scott truly was a good person to talk to. Before this whole mess had begun, they used to talk, especially when Logan wasn't around. But now, it was if there was some kind of mental block between them. It was exactly like the one between her and Kitty, or the one between her and Logan. Come to think of it there was a mental block between her and the whole world.
"Ah do know. So what about you and Jean, huh? She seems pretty optimistic, especially about the wedding." Rogue cut straight to the point. Her headache was really killing her.
"I know but, I-I just can't get rid of that feeling that-" Scott paused as if realising he had said too much, "So, Rogue, how are you doing?"
Rogue noticed the sudden change of topic.
"Ah think Ah'm heading on the right track."
"Yeah," Scott paused, "I'm going to go to bed now. Hopefully Jean's finished her work in the bay."
Jean's in the bay? But Ah was just in there and she wasn't.....
"Okay," Rogue smiled slowly, "Goodnight."
"Night."
She watched him walk away. Her stomach grumbled.
Guess Ah really am hungry.
She walked slowly towards the kitchen door, which was unusually open.
And then she froze, her mouth, her eyes wide open. The kitchen was in her direct view.
Jean was in there and so was he. They were standing, by the fridge, talking softly. It must have been something interesting or Logan would have immediately sensed her. Or at least Rogue hoped so. Perhaps he did know she was there and didn't care.
But that was when things began to go all wrong.
Jean said something and Logan wrapped his arms around her. He whispered something and Jean laughed. She lifted her head...
What the...
Jean brought her mouth closer to his and... and they kissed. His hands ran through her hair, hers settling around his neck...
Oh mah GOD
If was as if Rogue couldn't move. She watched, horrified and yet transfixed, by the sight of Jean against the wall and Logan... Rogue shook her head trying to clear her thoughts. Tears welled in her eyes. Her palms were sweaty. Her mind was going a hundred miles per minute.
"Ah hate you."
And then she ran.
As fast as she could, away from that wretched room.
Rogue slammed the door behind her, her mind replaying the scene over and over again. Her hands shaking she hit the play button on her stereo, in an effort to block out the memories. Music began playing, but her theory failed.
...His hands wrapped around her...
She roughly opened the bottle and threw the cap aside. The pain in her head started flaring up again.
…He didn't even notice her…
It wasn't like she was jealous or anything, because she wasn't... but he should have known better. He should have known what a fragile state she was in. But now Rogue knew the truth.
He didn't care. Jean didn't care. No one did. Sure, they might have, but at the first signs that she was getting better, they abandoned her. They got on with their happy little, fortunate lives, and left her to pick up the pieces of her own miserable one.
She roughly ran a hand through her hair, her headache turning into a migraine. She glanced down at the bottle quickly, before quickly popping two pills.
A song was playing on the radio.
"Something is cold and blank behind her smile
She's standing on an overpass
In her miracle mile
She moved her hand upwards to the off knob on the stereo, but in the process of leaning over, tripped over her chair leg . She hit the ground hard as she sprawled across it. Swearing, Rogue lightly touched the edge of her lip, and withdrew it to see crimson.
"Great," Rogue banged her hand against the floor.
"You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away
She sat up slowly and rubbed her head. Everything was so screwed up. Including her headache. She took two more pills, in an effort to speed up the effect.
"A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won't save her from herself
The headache wasn't getting any better and it was a lethal mix with her feelings at the time.
"How long does it take for this fucking piece of shit to work?" she yelled. Her anger was rising. She was mad at everyone, everything. More pills passed through her mouth. She didn't care. Anything to get rid of the pain.
"Her mouth was an empty cut
And she was waiting to fall
Just bleeding like a Polaroid that
Lost all her dolls
"You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away
She crawled over to the door, and rested with her back to the door. A small sob escaped from her mouth. How could he do this? He knew!!
She shook more pills onto her hand. Her mind was blank, void of any useful thoughts. She lost track of how many she was swallowing. All she knew was that Logan was a jerk.
"A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won't save her from herself-"
Ten? Twenty pills? What did it matter?
She stopped suddenly and jerked upright.
What the fuck am Ah doing?
"Dammit!" she yelled. She threw the bottle across the room. It hit the wall and broke, its contents showering the ground.
Her eyes narrowed. She stood up and switched off the stereo. She paused before knocking it over onto the floor.
This was all HIS fault. He was going to die for this....
She rubbed her hair in desperation, and kicked the edge of the stereo. Now everybody was going to find out and they were all going to blame her, and offer help, just like last time.
Just like the last time she had done something stupid.
She yelled, and swept a hand across her desk. Books, papers, pens, pencils, all fell to the ground. She bent down and kicked them into all directions.
Ah'm just getting started.
She yanked down the curtains and punched the walls. She walked back wards admiring her work and in the process stubbed her toe on a pair of scissors on the ground.
A thought struck her.
On that impulse, she opened her closest and took out every long sleeved article of clothing she could find.
Then she cut them all into shreds.
Those clothes were the cause for half her god damn problems!
She was crazy, struck by a sudden fit of rage. She was mad and deadly. Mad at Logan and mad at herself.
And then reality kicked it.
Shit.
Rogue sank to her knees. Tears poured down her cheeks. She wanted to scream and bang her hands on the floor. She wanted to yell and tear out her hair. She wanted to holler and smash the windows.
But something inside told her not to. That kind of noise could attract people to the room....
With this thought in mind, she took a deep breath and looked around her room. The scene was pretty miserable.
Kitty's stereo lay on the ground broken, pills littered the room, glass was scattered on the floor, books were all over the ground. Half her clothes were cut up and the pieces were floating around the room just like feathers.
She had literally trashed the room.
What had she done?
What should she do?
Relax, Marie, Relax.
Her first thoughts were to go to the Medical Bay, but to say what?
And maybe she didn't take that many pills....
She glared at the room, as if to blame it for everything.
When the room didn't do anything, she switched off the light and threw herself on her unmade bed.
And gradually sleep took its course.
Gradually.
Knock, knock
Rogue groaned and stretched. She turned her head towards the clock. The bright red letters clearly read 11.30AM.
Her stomach made an odd noise and yesterday's events came back to her with a jolt.
See? At least Ah'm still alive.
She blanched suddenly, and quickly held a hand to her mouth.
Oh god…
Knock, knock
"Who's there?" She sat up.
"Bobby."
"What do you want?" she snapped.
"To come in."
"Uh, this isn't really the time."
"Okay."
He opened the door and walked into the room.
"Bobby!" screeched Rogue, "What if Ah had been changing?"
He seemingly shrugged, "But you weren't."
"Still…" Rogue took a deep breath and settled herself.
"What do you want?"
"To clear up some rumours."
"What rumours?" Rogue snapped irritably. She wasn't in half a bad mood as she was in a last night, but she was feeling kind of strange.
Ah'd wish he'd just leave.
Bobby laughed softly, "You'd be surprised at what some people are saying."
Rogue forced a smile onto her lips, "Like what?"
"That you cut yourself," Bobby immediately looked down at the ground, and then looked up and gave the cut on her lip a second glance.
"Really? Are they saying that?" Rogue said sarcastically.
"So-" Bobby fidgeted.
"Are the rumours true?" Rogue said bluntly.
"Yeah," Bobby said sheepishly, "I mean this is Mutant High. You can never tell..."
"What do you think?" Rogue cut him off again.
"Wh-"
"Ah'm good, thanks for asking," Rogue smiled brightly and cut him off.
Bobby gave her a strange look and regarded her coolly for a moment before looking around the room, "Uh, what happened?"
How long did it take you tah notice?
"Well um," Rogue got out of bed, "Uh, I knocked down the stereo and Ah broke it."
"What about the pills? And your clothes? And everything else...?" Bobby looked at her, his expression shocked.
"What pills?" Rogue looked around and blinked, "Oh shit. Well, Ah-Ah had a headache and Ah dropped the bottle. Ah've gotta tell Jean. As for mah clothes... they- they were out of fashion, Ah had no choice. And leprechauns did the rest of the damage tah mah room. Okay, well that's it. Nice for you tah drop in. Goodbye!"
She pushed Bobby towards the door.
"Rogue?"
"What?" she hissed.
"You o-" He caught the look on her face, "I mean, can I do anything for you?"
"Yeah," Rogue answered, "If you see Logan, tell him Ah hate him."
"Logan, but..." Bobby was cut off as she closed the door on him.
Then she gazed around the room. She lightly picked up a piece of glass that was strewn on the ground.
"How the hell am Ah going to explain this one?"
Rogue didn't dare to leave her room, even though she was beginning to feel awfully strange and disorientated. She couldn't bear to see Logan, Jean, or even Scott for that matter.
She was sitting on her balcony rail, an activity for her that had become more common since of recent times. It was late in the evening and she was writing in her journal. She looked over at the sunset and then paused, as the Logan inside her warned of someone else's presence.
"Who's there?" she asked sharply.
"Me."
She recognized the voice immediately, "Ah didn't know you were back, Jamie."
"Well," he smiled weakly and stepped through the door separating the room from the balcony, "I am."
"What do you want?" Rogue traced a fingers on her scars. They were beginning to itch her, but she knew better than to pick the scabs.
"I'm sorry."
"What?" Rogue blinked, "Jamie, what did you do?"
"What- what I said to you. You know before the holidays."
"What about what you said to me before the holidays?" Rogue frowned; she wasn't really thinking straight.
Jamie sighed. He clearly thought she was purposely making this hard for him.
"You know what I said. I'm just really sorry and well, that's it."
"Why be sorry?" Rogue turned around and faced him, "It was the truth."
"You okay?" Jamie asked, surprised by her answer.
Her eyes flashed once again and he visibly flinched.
Ah hate that question!
"No offense," he continued hurriedly, "But you seem different today and your room is...."
"Trashed?" Rogue smiled slowly, and then immediately grabbed her head as a strange feeling vibrated it.
"Yeah..." Jamie flushed.
"Don't worry," Rogue shrugged, "Ah'm just glad you liked mah work."
She laughed then, a rich deep haunting one that sounded so unnatural.
"You seen Logan?" she stopped laughing.
Jamie shook his head silently. Rogue took it as a sign to go on.
"He's probably pining after Jean," she said airily, "Flirting with her. Planning ways to cancel the wedding. She feels guilt, so she comes along and pretends that she's here to help me. However she knows how Ah feel, and genuinely cares, even in guilt, and that however is at least better than someone who knows and doesn't care."
It feels good tah actually tell people Ah how feel, even if they don't understand.
"I really don't understand what you're going on about," Jamie frowned.
"Ah wouldn't expect you tah," Rogue said. Another vibration came over her and she took a steady breath.
He nodded. Being one of the younger students at the mansion meant that was an answer he heard often.
"Jamie," she then said placidly, "What was the real reason why you were feeling so sorry for me?"
Jamie fidgeted slightly. Rogue took a leaf out of Logan's book, and raised one eyebrow.
"I thought that the reason you were cutting yourself was because of what I said to you," Jamie said softly.
"You have no idea."
Rogue looked down at the grounds, temporarily lost in thought.
"Rogue?" Jamie asked her suddenly.
"What? Oh yeah, Ah'm fine," Rogue rubbed her head. The dizziness was slowly overtaking her.
Ah really shouldn't have taken those pills…
"I didn't ask..."
Rogue suddenly knew she had to get Jamie out of the way.
"Hey, Jamie? You wanna do something for me?"
He nodded.
"Then get out of mah sight."
Jamie opened his mouth.
"Please?" Rogue added.
Jamie looked shocked, but then nodded, as though coming to a conclusion, and walked out without any fuss.
Rogue waited until she heard the door click before she stood up shakily. Everything was slowly becoming hazy. She walked into the room, swaying slightly.
What's happening?
She grabbed the edge of the bed and lowered herself onto her knees. Her grip slipped and she fell towards the floor.
"ROGUE!" Someone pounded heavily on the door, "Marie! Open up!"
And that was when everything went black.
Another cliffhanger! Don't forget to Review!!!
Crimson Lipstick
Song is Coma White by Marilyn Manson