Chapter 4
An Accident
Lily walked down the corridor to the prefects bathroom. She couldn't wait to soak in theat big bathtub. There were so many bubbles and gloriously hot water. Lily couldn't help but smile just thinking about it. She whispered the password to the picture and entered. The bathtub was already full, putting her hand in she noticed that the water was hot, and it appeared to be clean, so she decided to save time draining and filling the bathtub and just use what was already there. She stripped and slid into the bath, sighing with pleasure over the warm water.
"Er, excuse me?" Was someone talking to her? She opened her eyes and looked around, but could see no one. "Were you aware that I was in the tub already?"
She knew that voice, it was calm and deep, someone she had spoken to recently.
"Who is that? Where are you?" Lily asked, looking around in puzzlement.
"I'm right here, behind these bubbles, your foot is on my hand."
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, were you watching me undress? Who are you?" "It's me, Remus Lupin, is that Lily? Lily Evans?"
"Yes, yes it's me. I'm so sorry. This is so embarassing. Would you mind closing your eyes while I leave?"
"Don't bother, I was on my way out anyway. This is awkward. Would you kindly cover your own eyes?"
"Of course, I'm dreadfully sorry. How stupid of me!!!" Lily peeked to see if he was done and got a good view of his ass, well toned too, she couldn't help but think. ew, dirty thoughts, out out, get out of my brain. This is Lupin, just a friend. What a nice ass though, and that voice sure was sexy. And he was so poite and kind about it. What a sweetie. She asked if she could open her eyes. Lupin said yes. She looked up and continued apologizing.
"Don't worry about it, it's fine. Stop appologizing. Stop." She continued to ramble about how stupid she was until he put his hand over her mouth. She continued talking for a moment, and then realised that his big hands were covering her mouth. He had tied his towel around his waist, revealing a six pack and bicepts that would make a girl melt. He pushed his wet hair out of his face, it made Lily very conscious of her own wet hair that looked almost maroon in the dim lighting of the bathroom. It was drifting around her in the bubbles and clinging to her body. Remus couldn't help but think that she looked like a sea queen. He could not see too much of her, just her head, shoulders, neck and hair floating amoungst giant pink and blue bubbles. "Enjoy your bath," he said, starting for he door and removing his hand from her mouth.
"What can I do to make it up to you? I feel so guilty." He turned back towards her and reached for her face, taking it in his own hands and kissing her, gently, on the mouth.
"You already have. Don't tell James." Lily felt her face grow hot. How could she not tell James? She had not technically done anything wrong, but if she didn't tell him then it would make it seem like she had. On the other hand if she did, it might ruin his friendship with Remus, as well as her relationship with James. She did not know what to do, so she lay back in the bubbles and lisened to Remus's receding footsteps.
Lily went back to the common room an hour later. James was asleep on the couch in front of the fire. Lily looked at him, so peaceful. Should she tell him? If he found out, which people always did in circumstances like this, it would be even worse. She did not want to ruin what they had just recently started, but she did not know what else she could do. She did not want to destroy his friendship with Remus, but what other choice did she have? Lily sighed and went to the couch. She lay down next to him and pulled his arm around him. She gently patted his chest. He woke up, and seemed very surprised that she was there.
"Hello. When did you come back?" James asked groggily.
"Just now. We need to talk." Lily told him.
"Uh-oh, this doesn't sound good. What did I do?" James asked, more awake now.
"Nothing, you're perfect. It's something I did." Lily told him. She took a deep breath. Better sooner than later.
"What did you do? You can tell me, I won't be angry." James assured her. "Don't say that, you haven't heard what I did yet. You will be angry." Lily told him, grimacing.
"Just tell me, this beating around the bush makes it worse." James said impatiently. She was making him nervous with all this side talking, and he was tired as it was.
"Ok, well just now in the bathroom I went in and got in the tub, but Remus was already there-" Lily started.
"Did you have sex with him?" James demanded sharply. He did not like the idea of his new girlfriend naked in the same bathtub as his friend- but then again, who really would?
"Of course not. What do you take me for?" Lily asked. She would have been angry over such an assumption were it in a different situation. She was not really in the position to be angry with James.
"Just checking." James told her.
"Anyway" Lily continued, "I apologized and asked what I could do to make it up to him because I felt guilty for intruding and, you know, ruining his bath and whatnot. He kissed me and then said I already had made it up to him. I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to betray you or anything."
"You were just an innocent bystander, it was his fault, not yours." James told her, sounding a little stormy.
"I don't want to ruin your friendship with him, I just thought you should hear it from me, not someone else." Lily told him nervously.
"Of course, you are right, I haven't seen Lupin yet, so maybe he will confess. I won't get mad until I have given him a fair chance to explain himself, okay?"
"All right, but don't get too mad. I don't want to come between you two. It would make me feel worse." Lily told him. "Can we still be friends?" Lily asked him after a minute.
"Why wouldn't we be? But I thought we were more than friends Lily. Unless you are seeing Lupin now...? Are you?" James asked her, sounding more nervous now than mad.
"No, but I'm so confused. I don't really know what I'm feeling for anyone, it's so tangled up, you know? I don't want this to be just a rebound from Severus. I want to know that it's real James. Can you understand that? I just need time." Lily explained to him. She really liked him, but those things she had been thinking about Remus…they couldn't just mean nothing. Maybe this wasn't as real as she had thought.
"Of course you do." He took her hand and looked into her eyes, "doesn't this feel real to you?" James asked her. How had he known exactly what to say to confuse her even more? It was like he was reading her mind.
"James, we're too young to be in love. You can't be my soul mate, and we are not going to spend the rest of our lives together. I'm sorry, but I need time to be myself before I can be in a relationship. I need to focus on my friends and my studies. I need to find out who I am." Lily told him, truly believing what she said. "I've been with Severus for two years, and I've spent all of that time defining myself based on him and based on other people. Now I need to find out who I am without a guy in my life." Lily explained, hoping that he would understand.
"Whatever you want to do Lily, but is there hope for me? Do I have a
chance with you in the future?" James asked. He could not believe that after all this time he had finally had her, only to lose her again in a moment. Life was very cruel.
"Of course you do. I think we should both see other people, so that we know what other relationships are like and have something to compare ours to. You will still be my friend right? I don't want to loose your friendship. And go easy on Remus." Lily implored.
"Of course. Anything for you. Can we still go into Hogsmede together?" James asked.
"We'll see, maybe by the time that rolls around you'll be over me and wanting to go with someone else. Maybe even the long legged Slytherin. And who knows, maybe I'll have a new boyfriend." Lily said, although she doubted it. She was planning on remaining single for the time being.
"Right, see you tomorrow." Lily lifted her head off of him and he got out from underneathe her. He then turned and helped her up.
"Good night James." She called after him, hoping that he was not too hurt.
"Good night Lily." When Lily got up to her bedroom she saw that all of the girls were awake and waiting for her.
"What were you thinking?" Demanded Alice. "Why on earth would you dump the hottest guy in the world?"
"How do you know already?" Lily asked, shocked. She knew that news traveled fast at Hogwarts, but this was ridiculous.
"There's a pipe that carries noise from the common room, we heard the whole conversation, but that's beside the point. He didn't want to break up with you, why did you dump him?" Alice asked her.
"You heard the whole conversation right? I'm too young to be having these feelings. We need to wait a few years, then I'll seriously date him. I don't want to be on the rebound from Severus, and I need to feel good about who I am alone before I can feel good about who I am with someone else. Do you remember hearing any of those things?" Lily asked.
"Let me get this straight," Alice looked really confused, "you're dumping a perfect guy because you like him too much? This wouldn't have anything to do with Lupin?"
"Of course not. I just feel confused. Can we go to bed? Or talk about something else?" Lily told her.
"Most certainly NOT! We are getting to the bottom of this. You're scared aren't you? Miss. Never Trust Anyone might have lost her heart. Is that it? I'm right aren't I. You love this boy!" Alice declared. Lily was genuinely irked at this point. They were glossing over all of her other reasons and only focusing on that one. Her being scared had nothing to do with it! Yes, she liked James, but that wasn't the point.
"Alice, don't be stupid. I am 15 years old. Love is a really strong word, I don't even know what that word means. I need to get some things straight, date other people, and then see if I still like him." Lily told her. "And you aren't listening to any of my other reasons!"
"Is that why you dated Severus for two years? He was safe, you knew there was no risk in loving him? Lily Evans you had better look me in the eye and give me an honest answer."
"Maybe, I don't know. Severus was boring, yes, and if you are defining safe as boring, then yes, Severus was safe. If you consider big, strong, and a good kisser dangerous, then yes, James is the most dangerus boy on campus. I, personally, disagree. Severus is a psycho and James is the sweetest, most considerate boy I've ever dated. Not that there's much comparison. I mean, Severus is the only other guy I have dated. But things with Severus were never like this. I never felt scared with Severus, I didn't care about him very much, everything was fine. With James, I don't know, it's just different. Weirder, more...I can't explain it. He just makes me feel like, ugh, not worthy, scared, I don't know."
"Jeez Lily, if you feel like that, why in hell did you dump him?" Alice asked, exasperated.
"I told you, I'm scared and confused, now I need to go to sleep." Lily closed her hangings, muffling Alice's voice and blocking herself from view. Why was this so hard? She had been dating Severus for two years, and felt relieved when she had dumped him. She had dated James for two days and she felt terrible about dumping him. She closed her eyes and wondered what he was doing right then.
At that moment James was sitting on his bed, head in hands. He looked up at Sirius.
"She just dumped me man. After five years I get two days of bliss and then it's over. All gone. She wants to be friends, which I guess is better than nothing, but she wants to see other people and focus on her studies."
"What? You idiot, what did you do? Even I can keep a girl longer than that. I could probably keep Lily longer than that." Sirius told him, sitting next to him on the bed.
"You probably could. I'm going to fall over and die any second. She just dropped it on me, I didn't even do anything wrong. She said she wanted to get to know herself, and to make sure I wasn't just a rebound from Severus. I knew it was wrong to move in on her so fast after she dumped him. Didn't I tell you it was wrong? I knew it was wrong."
"Shut it, mate, you're babbling. You're really hurt, aren't you?" A look of true sympathy came onto Sirius's face. "Man I'm really sorry, but I don't know what you should do. I would just stick with the friendship thing, that looks like your best bet to me. Was there another reason did she say? Something you could do differently?" Sirius asked him.
"Well, yeah, but I can't tell you, because it would make you go crazy and blow up at something." James told him, a faint smile creeping onto his face, although it disappeared moments later.
"Shit, just tell me." Sirius told him.
"Nope." James said, shaking his head sadly.
"Bloody hell, just tell me!" Sirius asked.
"I can't, sorry. Wish I could, but I can't." James told him. "It would put a friend at risk."
"Fine, the next option is seeing other people, you have to, because if you don't seem to be getting over her and getting something to compare her to than she'll think you're desperate and stupid." Sirius told him.
"But I am." James said, not seeing why he should try to hide the truth. It was painfully obvious to himself, so he assumed that the rest of the world could see it too. "That's not good mate. You need to obtain data, hot chicks are the best for obtaining data from, but Holly's off limits, she's mine."
"I would never do that, unlike some other people that come to mind." James said, practically growling at the thoughts now entering his mind.
"Who, me?" Sirius asked, taken aback. This time he really did not know what he had done.
"No, forget it, never mind." James said, shrugging it off.
"Just tell me what you're going on about." Sirius said.
"She was, er, obtaining some data of her own shall we say?" James said.
"What do you mean?" Sirius asked hesitantly, sure that he wasmisunderstanding.
"She kissed someone else okay?" James said.
"Lily did? I never would have thought that of her! She's not the type to do that." Sirius said, disbelieving.
"Well, someone else kissed her would be a better way of phrasing it I suppose." James told him.
"Who, the little bastard, I'll kill him." Sirius swore.
"No you wont, because he's one of our best friends. Speak of the devil, here he comes now. Dont say anything or I'll kill you." James threatened.
"Please, can I please kill him? I would you know, I would do anything for you man, and he hurt you, so let me hurt him." SIrius, although playful most of the time, was steadfastly loyal to James. They were closer than brothers, and would do anything for one another, much as they joked around and teased each other.
"Don't you dare." James warned, although touched by the offer.
"Fine, you're the boss." Sirius said glumly, obviously wishing that he could pound Remus.
"Hey Remus, what did you do tonight?" James plasstered a smile onto his face and looked up as Remus entered the room. Sirius looked at him in obvious disgust. He sneered and masde a slight, barely noticeable, growling noise in the back of his throat. James grabbed Sirius's arm. "Stop it, let me handle it."
"What are you two up to?" Remus asked, entering the boys dorm and shutting the door behind them.
"Answer the question Remus, what did you do tonight," Sirius's voice was
close to a growl, he moved menacingly towards Lupin, poised to attack. "I need to talk to James, it's important. Do you-"
"We both already know, you bastard, how could you?" Sirius continued to move forward agressivley.
"It's okay Remus, neither of us will do anything, you're my friend so I will give you a chance to explain. Not to mention Lily would be upset if I broke my word to her. I think she would suspect if you didn't show up for classes, or did show up with a black eye." "James, I would never intentionally hurt you-" Remus started to explain.
"What do you think you did?" Sirius demanded, interrupting.
"Sirius, let him talk, calm down. Continue Remus." James offered, motioning him with his hand.
"She's just so pretty, and smart, and kind, I've liked her for a while as well, and when she asked if she could do anything t make it up to me, I couldn't control myself.
I'm really sorry, but don't blame her for what I did, it was my fault." Remus told him. "You're right, it was your fault, Lily would never stab anyone in the back, unlike you. James has already been dumped by her, probabally because of you, and the best excuse you can come up with is' she's really pretty, I couldn't control myself'??" Sirius told him menacingly.
"James, I'm really sorry. I honestly didn't mean to ruin anything." Remus told him, looking upset.
"Too late, you already did. Now everything is ruined for him." Sirius said dramatically, throwing his hands in the air. The really amusing part was that he was serious. Well, it would have been amusing if James were in the mood to laugh or joke. "Sirius calm down!!! You are giving me a headache. Lupin, she's fair game now, so you won't need to try and control yourself anymore. We're over, she dumped me. Kindly shut up, both of you. I need my sleep.
Authors Note: I hope you all enjoyed...although i am highly confident that you probably did not enjoy that little break up...sighs. Oh well, haha. Wait till the next chapter! Well, you don't have to wait, it's already posted. But things will start to get better now! Review...
Oh, ps, I'm looking for more feedback about whether you all like the longer chapters with no cliffies or the really short chappies with cliffies...last time I was past chapter 11 by this time...and