Title: In the End
Author: Crimson Lipstick
Rating: PG –13
Category: Angst/Tragedy
Disclaimer: I own nothing except nothing. Even though that's contradictory.Summary: Chronicles Rogue's life from the beginning of her downward spiral to her tragic death…
Enchantedlight: Thanks. And now I'm feeling really guilty for taking so long to update! TheAwakenerViari: Yeah, I've been told that a lot, lol. Don't forget to review this new chapter!Fizzleup: I'm sorry, you feel that way. I really don't like stories like that too, but I don't mind writing them, :-) But, hey remember this is just fanfiction. TheDreamerLady: Sorry for making you wait again! I read your review during school and it really helped make computing a whole lot bearable. Hope you like this new chapter! Jupiterhime: Depressing and brilliant? Two words I hoped my story would attract. As for more soon, I am so sorry for taking a whole month. Really. Melarien: Here's the new chapter! Hope you haven't forgotten about it, lol
Thanks for all your reviews, everyone! I'm real sorry for taking so long.
And don't forget to review!
Chapter 7
..."Rogue! Rogue! Rogue, wake up!"
Rogue moaned and turned over, pulling the sheets firmly over her head. It seemed to her that she had just fallen asleep an hour ago.
"Rogue, come on! If you don't wake up now you'll be late for like the third time this week!"...
It was far too early to be getting up.
...Knock, knock
Rogue groaned and stretched. She turned her head towards the clock. The bright red letters clearly read 11.30AM.
Her stomach made an odd noise and yesterday's events came back to her with a jolt.
See? At least Ah'm still alive.
She blanched suddenly, and quickly held a hand to her mouth...
Much too early.
She at least deserved another ten minutes. With that thought in mind, she rolled over to her side. Perhaps Bobby would get tired of knocking and go away....
Bobby?
Wait a minute... wasn't Kitty the one trying to wake her up?
"Rogue?"
No, it was Bobby. Yes, he was wanting to be apologize... but hadn't he already? Oh yes that was before...
"Rogue?"
"Is she awake?"
"I don't know. She rolled over, but..."
Before what? Now she was remembering. She talked to Bobby before talking to Scott. And that was before she was talked to Logan...
Logan. Oh no. Oh no. God no.
"Rogue!"
There was that voice again. Sharper. More urgent. Oddly familiar. Perhaps she should find out who was speaking...
Yes, that was a good idea.
Slowly she flitted her eyes open.
Immediately the bright lights hit her. She winced.
The medical bay was white and add that to the bright lights…well it was hell.
Pure hell.
"Rogue?" Someone asked her again anxiously.
She took a deep breath to settle herself.
Rogue then looked up and to her right.
Storm was sitting on a chair next to the immaculate bed. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Jean hurrying over towards her.
Both were peering at her.
Rogue then realised her sheets were twisted, her hair was matted and she was breathing awfully fast.
Funny... Ah don't remember having a nightmare...
"How are you, child?" Storm said softly, her accent for the moment seeming almost British.
"What happened?" Jean's voice, though gentle in tone, had a certain edge to it.
"Oh," Rogue blushed, "It must have been one of those nightmares – Ah haven't had them for a while, though."
Storm exchanged looks with Jean, "Before that we mean."
"Oh," Rogue shifted uncomfortably, her head feeling strange, "Ah'm tired – can we answer these questions later?"
Jean paused and then nodded her head slowly, "Okay. But Log-"
"No!" Rogue said suddenly, "Ah'm tired. How- how long have Ah been like this?"
Jean gave her a quick searching look. Rogue wondered if she was trying to read her mind.
But before Jean could say anything the Professor had suddenly wheeled in. His face looked grave, "Rogue."
"Professor," she answered.
He opened his mouth.
"It was an accident," Rogue said firmly, cutting him off, "Ah just want y'all tah know that. Now can Ah please have some rest?"
After failing to convince Rogue to have something to eat, Jean seemed to grow into an irritable mood. Normally Rogue would feel bad, but to put it polietly...
Ah know your dirty little secret, Doctor. And you deserve tah rot in hell.
Hopefully Jean hadn't chosen that exact moment to read her mind.
In any case, just mere hours after she had woken up, Scott Summers came to visit her. His monotone face was for once showing emotions. Sorrow was etched on his face, an expression that looked as if it were in no hurry to leave.
As soon as he had entered the room, Jean left, vaguely mentioning the Professor and some important message. Scott gave her a puzzled look, but did kiss her goodbye.
Rogue felt her stomach tighten.
"Logan-" Scott began as he seated himself.
"Ah know," Rogue said the first thing that came to her mind.
Ah don't wanna talk about that bastard…
"You do?" Scott sounded surprised.
"Yeah uh, Jean told me," Rogue didn't like lying to Scott, especially when she had no idea what he was talking about.
"Just after we talked," he said, "This happened I mean."
She nodded slowly, wondering when Scott had lost the ability to make comprehending sentences. It seemed he was in too much shock, because all of a sudden he had the subtly level of the mighty Wolverine.
"Why?" There it was out.
He doesn't know… About Jean and Logan... How could THEY??
Pity washed over her. She did actually like Scott.
Though now she had a perfect excuse to hate "Miss Jean 'Yes that's my real color'."
"Rogue…."
"Just tell me why."
Rogue looked away.
"You can tell me," Scott urged.
"No. No I can't. Sorry," she winced.
Scott frowned, "Is it because of your powers?"
"Kinda," she said softly, melting into Marie.
Scott sighed, "Rogue…"
"It was an accident," she whispered, half to herself, "Ah lost control…"
"You could have died."
"Jean said it's very hard to die of a paracetamol overdose," Rogue said.
"I know, that. We're just all worried about you, we don't want to lose you."
Rogue opened her mouth to tell him they would never lose her, but the words simply wouldn't come out of it. Feeling slightly foolish she closed it.
"Dr Grey has a time limit," She said after the silence got too much for her.
"I'll go."
"No, no." Rogue realised her mistake.
Scott looked over.
"Can you stay?" she pressed, "We don't have to talk. Ah – Ah just don't want tah be left alone."
"Okay," He paused, "I'll stay."
FOUR HOURS LATER…..
"What the fuck are you doing here?"
Logan stared.
She glared at him. He had rushed over as soon as he heard she was awake. He who had been the most annoyed that no one woke him up. It was he, who Jamie had alerted. He who had broke open the door and seen the trashed room. He who had found her. He, who had stayed by her bedside the whole time, save when Storm forced him to get some rest. He who had returned only to see the man he hated talking to her. He who had courteously waited for Scott to leave.
He had a thought a thankyou would be the least he could expect.
That was just one of his many mistakes.
Rogue had been curled up, reading, when he had walked in. Scott had just left and Storm, on Rogue's request, had brought some things from her room.
She had just begun a new chapter, and was immersed in the book. At that moment she was in another world. It was just as depressing as this one, but in this world she wasn't the main character.
However Logan chose that exact same moment to walk in.
Her reaction was painstakingly honest to her true feelings.
This is all his fault !
"Too see how you were," Logan said steadily, answering her question, after a moment or two of confusion.
"Well, maybe you should have checked before!"
"What?"
"You and Jean! Ah saw you tah! Don't deny it!"
Logan broke her eye contact and leant against the wall
"Kid..."
"You know Ah feel!"
"I do?"
Rogue clapped a hand to her mouth, "Shit."
Great choice of words, Marie, great choices.
Logan caught on immediately and it was quite clear he was debating in his mind what to say.
"Kid," Logan finally said softly, "You're a kid."
Rogue bowed her head, "Ah know."
"I don't feel about you in that way," Logan sighed, "I didn't think…"
"Ah don't," Rogue said quickly, "But you and Jean? What about Scott?"
"You mention Scott a lot, kid," Logan's brow furrowed.
Laughter flowed from her lips. But there was something wrong, like it was tainted. It was a happy sound, yet it sounded so dark.
This was not the confused girl he had picked up.
She was not the Rogue he knew.
And this scared him.
He sat down on the edge of he bed.
"What happened to the room?" He tried a different tactic.
"Ah trashed it. Sorry, but Ah thought it would be a bit obvious," Rogue said scathingly.
Why does he have to ask such stupid questions?
"You don't have to be rude."
"Ah know," Rogue sighed, "Look, Logan, Ah can't help being mad!"
"It's just that," Logan stopped short and rubbed his temples, "I didn't think you'd take it like that. We didn't plan for that to happen. It just did."
"Ah don't care," Rogue clipped, "You did hurt me, Logan. Ah can't just forget this ever happened!"
"Is this why you did this?"
"Partly."
"Shit," Logan said, "I should have never come back."
"Yes," Rogue said, "You shouldn't have."
"I can't leave you like this."
"Yes you can."
"You really want me to go?"
"Yes."
"Jean..."
"Want me tah throw you out and tell Scott of your little 'predicament'?"
"Marie..."
"What have Ah told you about that name?"
"Okay. I'll go," Logan said, "You know what, kid? You're right. Everytime I come back here... this isn't my home. It's yours. I dont have the right to come in here, and fuck up your life."
Oh god... Ah hate my conscience!
He turned around and Rogue mentally beat herself up.
"No!" she burst out suddenly, "If you hadn't come back, Ah think Ah would have been in an even worse state."
Ah think...
Logan turned around, "Made up yer mind yet?"
Rogue sighed, "How is it possible to hate someone and yet like them at the same time?"
"I don't know."
"Ah don't care! Ah hate everything!"
The words had left her mouth before she could think.
His hand moved towards her bare arm automatically, in a helpful gesture.
"No gloves," she whispered.
Logan lightly stroked her arm with a finger. Quickly and so lightly, that she could barely feel it.
This just made her feel worse. Even Logan was scared of touching her.
They all were scared of her.
She pulled away. Logan nodded his head understandingly.
They didn't say anything, and simply looked at each other. Ever since he had come back, it was as if they were always fighting. But now…
"Thanks," Rogue finally said quietly.
"For what?" Logan stood up.
"For clearing everything up."
Logan paused and then looked at her face. It was a steady gaze, an imploring one.
"You're welcome."
And then he was gone.
THREE DAYS LATER...
Explaining thoughts in words is a very hard thing to do. Sometimes there isn't a word to describe how you feel.
And that kind of summarized Rogue.
Her thoughts were all jumbled up
She wasn't jealous of Jean. Her feelings towards Logan, she reliased, were no more than schoolgirl crush. He had been the first person she had connected with when she was in her most vulnerable state. What she was jealous of, was of Jean and Logan. Even Scott and Jean. They could touch and she couldn't.
Why her?
Okay, yes, it was a question she asked often. But there was a reason she asked that question so often. And that was because there was no answer. Life wasn't fair to anyone, she knew that, but why did she seem to have it worse than anyone else? What had she done? Why should she suffer?
She was a good person, or at least she had been. She envied everyone and hated them. They could pretend to understand, but they wouldn't be able to ever fully comprehend. Her nightmares and eating problems were because of her mutant powers. She was isolated. She was angry. She was hurt. She wanted this all to end.
When her mutation had first manifested,she used to dream that one day she would wake up and s would be suddenly - magically - be able to touch. It was unlikely, nearly impossible, but it was a thin shred of hope. However as time went on, reality kicked in, and it slowly dawned on her that she was stuck like this for life. And as she finally begin to learn to accept, everything began to change. Life itself wasn't what it had been.
Do you know how its like? To hate yourself for something that isn't your fault? It always took her hours to fall into a slumber plagued with horrors. In those hours, before sleep, she would lie and think about her situation. Rogue hated being trapped in that room , if you could call it one, or the way people acted around her. If they were so sorry, why wouldn't they let her out? They came everyday and talked about everything, except her problem. It was like they thought she didn't want to talk about it. But she did. But how to bring such a delicate topic up?
One day, Rogue had gotten up and decided to look in the mirror. She was feeling kind of fat. But there was no mirror. Jean and the Professor had all of them taken away. That was what her life had become.
As for suicide, Rogue couldn't deny that she had thought about it. But what was holding her back was if she failed in her attempt. People were already treating her like a freak and if she was a victim of a failed suicide attempt.... At least the paracetamol overdoes had been an accident.
Kind of.
She sat there lost in thought. Someone knocked gently on the door and then pushed it open.
"Hello?" A sweet feminine voice questioned. .
Rogue looked up in surprise, "Kitty?"
Kitty laughed, nervously, "Yeah, it's me."
"How did you…? Why...?"
"I like heard," Kitty said simply, "And… and I felt like so bad. I had to come." Then she shrugged, "Besides school is like starting real soon."
"You came back all the way from Chicago?" Rogue asked in amazement.
She really is a great friend.
Kitty nodded.
"Kit-Kat, I don't-" Rogue stopped and cleared her head, "Why exactly were you feeling so bad?"
"Well you like know," Kitty said, "Our fight."
Rogue laughed softly, bowing her head, "That was mah fault. Ah'm the one who broke your stereo and trashed the room we shared! Ah'll pay you back..."
"Don't worry about it," Kitty winked, "We can go like halves. Besides I've been like looking for an excuse to get a new one, without having like to give the old one to like Jubes."
"Thanks," Rogue said, "Ah owe you loads."
"You seem," Kitty paused, "Serene?"
"Serene?" Rogue gave her a strange look.
Kitty laughed again, and in clear effort to change the topic held up a cookie packet. Rogue understood; Kitty probably thought Rogue wasn't up to talking about her overdose.
"You know you would like think since we live here, we would get better food than like plane food!"
Ah guess this isn't the time to tell her Ah've never been on a plane. Except the Blackbird of course...
A smile escaped onto Rogue's face, "Thanks. Ah am hungry."
Kitty picked it up.
"Dammit!" She tore at the package, "It won't like open. Where's Mr Logan and his claws when you like need them?"
Hopefully nowhere.
"Let me try." Rogue leant forward.
"No!" Kitty grabbed them out of her reach, "Dr Grey said not to like strain you. Besides, I brought scissors."
She held up a pair of very sharp kitchen scissors.
Rogue's heart quickened. Her mind travelled back.
..."No sharp objects. That means no mirrors. No razors. No knifes. No scissors. No one bringing sharp objects into your room," Jean ticked off her fingers, "Also, in light of the reason you are here no medicines will be taken without supervision."
The red haired doctor sighed and looked sadly down at her patient, "I'm sorry. But Rogue, none of us want any more harm to come to you. You've already damaged yourself, not to mention your liver, and if Logan hadn't found you...."
"Ah know," Rogue said suddenly. Her anger at Jean had subsided with the genuine sorrow that Jean was showing, "Ah know. But when do Ah get out of here?"
Jean sighed again and looked out the window for a moment.
"Jean?" Rogue asked nervously.
"We'll see."
And without meeting Rogue's eyes once, Jean swept from the room.....
"Rogue?" Kitty cut in, as she finally opened the packet. She held up a biscuit, "Want one?'
Ah can't believe this… Jean said no sharp objects… but Kitty might not have known… Or couldn't believe Ah could do a thing like-
"Rogue?" Kitty said a little more firmly.
Rogue blinked , "Sure."
A thought struck her.
Rogue didn't know where from, but she acted quickly; as soon as the thought had flitted into her mind.
She moved her hand quickly and pushed the packet off the bad.
"Shit!" she swore and leant down as if meaning to pick it up.
"Don't!" Kitty jumped up, "I'll get it!"
In the precise moment Kitty was bending over the floor, Rogue grabbed the scissors and tucked them under her pillow.
"Got it!" Kitty resurfaced, "You're getting clumsy."
"Ah know," Rogue winked to show she was joking.
Kitty looked relieved, but then her eyes narrowed.
"Where's the scissors?"
"Ah don't know."
"Funny," mumbled Kitty, Then she shrugged, "I gotta like go. Dr Grey has a stupid time limit."
She pouted. And then got up.
A sneaking suspicion entered Rogue's mind.
Had Kitty given me the scissors on purpose?
She shook her head. No, it was stupid. It was probably an accident. Nevertheless Kitty hadn't even bothered searching for the scissors......
"Have the packet," Kitty rested it on a table, "Save some for the next time, okay? And make sure like Jean doesn't like see it."
Kitty grinned.
Rogue was too lost in thought to respond or even smile back.
"Sorry, Katherine," she whispered, as Kitty neared the door.
Kitty turned around, "What?"
Rogue flushed, "You know, Ah'm just so sorry. Ah hope one day you'll understand."
"But I do," Kitty said, "And everything's going to be fine. Sure, you made a mistake, but a year from now I bet we can like laugh at this."
Her naivety is so… god Ah don't think Ah can finish that sentence
Rogue watched Kitty leave. Without knowing it, Kitty had finally broken the spell. Something in Rogue's mind had clicked into place.
A sense of reasoning was not too far away.
LATER THAT DAY....
She sighed and leant back on the soft pillows.
She traced a finger over the blade, and choked a sob. With that same finger she touched her toxic curse.
Her skin.
Rogue gazed out the window.
For the first time in weeks, she felt like she had a purpose. An answer to a question. A way out…
She suddenly laughed. She tossed her hair and beamed.
Ah can't believe this is it…
This chapter was nearly done a week after I uploaded my last one, but then I went on holiday so I couldn't post it! So, real sorry, this chapter SHOULD have been up sooner.
Now Review!! Feedback is appreciated!
Crimson Lipstick