Title: Dust in the Wind
Anime: Slam Dunk
Author: nikki hiiragizawa
Genre: one-shot angst
Rating: PG
Pairing: HanaRu and then RuHana
Disclaimer: Slam Dunk is not mine but Kogure is mine...muahahahaha...
Notes: This is mainly on Rukawa Kaede's POV
Hmmm...do not kill me afterwards...
The moment I saw this first year student when we met at the rooftop of Shohoku High School, I immediately knew that life would take an unexpected turn.
Hn...Sakuragi Hanamichi. That mass of fiery auburn curls on his obviously airy head, those unblinking and piercing dark eyes, that muscular form, all of them spell out one word.
DANGER.
I couldn't help getting interested, even if his head butts had my poor head bandaged for days.
Hn.
Who would believe that he would end up in the basketball club like me? Lucky for him. He lacks skills, I personally think he just joined because he likes Captain Akagi's imouto, the person that was the root of our fights...though I do not know why the hell it was. Kogure-sempai would try to reconcile us by letting us work together, like me teaching him how to do a lay-up shot. Funny, that supposed to be camaraderie had me covered in band aids the next day.
We could have been good friends that early, since he looked fine to me. He was friendly to almost everyone, even with Captain Akagi (sometimes), and he had some guts. But, he had already made up in his mind that he is the magnificent tensai basketball man, the hero of all...and I am his great kitsune-otoko arch nemesis.
What a tiresome do'ahou.
He really was very persistent in trying to annoy me. That obnoxious laughter that made me sigh exasperatedly was just a puny example. He would elbow me, shout at me, kick my butt, and ruin my routine just to make himself noticed. Although I did not do anything about it but shrug, he got easily pissed off; a sign of that was when he starts calling me Rukawa with the 'R' fiercely trilled. Still, I just shrug...or sleep.
The trilled Rukawa was better than kitsune-otoko, anyway. At least he remembered my name.
All he thought of me was a nuisance in his way, a wall blocking his path to greatness. I really do not mind, since many people see me as that, too. Kiyota, Maki, Uozumi, even Taoka-sensei...Sendoh...well, not really Sendoh since he has too much air in himself, too.
That is why it was a confusing event for me when we all went out one night to celebrate our victory with the Ryonan team.
Miyagi had suggested that we go to a karaoke bar, one idea which all of them readily approved of. Not wanting to be a killjoy, I slowly trudged behind them even if I'm ready to face my pillow.
Hn.
I sipped my drink quietly as I sat on a dark corner barely visible from them all. I winced as I watched Mitsui-sempai murder his third Backstreet Boys song. Kogure-sempai, his face flushed with alcohol, managed to calm the roaring Mitsui down and let Miyagi sing at last. I was disappointed as Miyagi started to sing a sick ballad for his beloved Ayako.
Tsk tsk...
After two hours of wailing and screeching (not to mention Akagi-sempai's bellowing), they handed me the microphone and urged me to sing. I refused with a killer look. For Kami's sake, I do not wish to wail.
Mitsui-sempai pressed the microphone to my chest as Miyagi cheered for me, but I hard-headedly said no. Just when Akagi stood up to drag me towards front, the voice long been quiet was finally heard.
"Rukawa doesn't know how to sing, dakara, I'll sing for all of you! See the talent of the tensai!!!!" My tipsy teammates immediately applauded him while I thankfully scuttled back to my corner.
Sakuragi was very much motivated by the cheers that he declared that he will sing any song that appears on the monitor. He pressed random numbers and boastfully said that he could sing it all.
That do'ahou.
He landed on a song by Kansas, "Dust in the Wind." It was a pretty old song and they all concluded that Sakuragi cannot sing it. But, heaven knows how he did it, he sang it perfectly, his voice exactly in rhythm, and his tone just right.
I raised my eyebrows. Sakuragi, no matter how much effort he applied, cannot really sing the song. The song was filled with emotion and message, and I dubiously think that Sakuragi even thought of the message of the song. Yawning, I took a quiet nap, faintly listening to Sakuragi's singing. I still thought he was made for songs by Linkin' Park or TM Revolution...
At last, they suggested (thank heavens for the person who suggested...) that we should go home. I was among the last persons to leave, as I waited for a cab. I forgot to bring my bike.
"Rukawa." I turned my body halfway around. A red-haired being came walking towards me. Apparently, it was Sakuragi, and his face was red. Probably he drank too much when we were in the middle of the singing session.
"Your friends have already left," I coldly told him. "What are you still doing here?"
He hiccuped a little and looked at me with a grin. "I was waiting for you..."
Waiting for me?
I raised my brows. "Nani?"
"Let's go talk." He half-carried, half-dragged me to a dark alley. Instinctively, I punched him again and again, but I couldn't help being curious about his motive and plan.
He then let go of me and threw me against the wall. I looked up and met his dark eyes. His eyes were so much different from before, maybe from the alcohol. His pupils were dilated, and his breaths came in short gasps.
"Rukawa," he said as he planted a hand on each side of my head. "Do you know that I am getting annoyed by you?"
Of course I knew that from the start, so I replied with my trademark answer. "Do'ahou."
The redhead punched the wall beside my head, causing me to widen my eyes in surprise. "Do'ahou! Do'ahou! Is that all you can tell me?"
I waited for him to talk once more, since I did not expect this. At first, I thought he was going to gloat, but now...
He shook my shoulders and met my glare. "Why can't you even notice me?"
I stood frozen. He kept blabbering, his head blurred by the alcohol.
"I try to get your attention every day, every hour, every minute and what do you tell me? That I am stupid!" He suddenly loosened his grip on me and covered his face with his hands. "Maybe I am stupid. Maybe you think of me as worthless. Maybe you think I am just Sakuragi, just Sakuragi..."
Unsure of what to do, I placed a hand on his shoulder. "Sakuragi," I called his name for the first time, hoping that it would calm him down. I still did not know what was going on, but I stayed put.
He looked up, his eyes pleading. "Don't you...Don't you know how I feel?"
"You feel that I am a nuisance..." I began my list of my impressions of him. I was still speaking when he stood up. He braced my arms and kissed me on my mouth...long...and hard...
I moved away instantly, shocked with what he has done. But he, he did not seem shocked. "Rukawa, that is what I feel."
I felt my lips with my fingers. "Omae wa..."
"Now you know how I feel, how will you answer? Answer me, Rukawa!" He fiercely embraced me and I cannot push myself away. Maybe because I am still stunned by his declaration. He half-sobbed on my shoulder. "Tell me you love me, tell me you love me, too, Rukawa!"
At last, I had the strength to push him away. "You're drunk," I managed to say. "You do not know what you are doing."
"Of course I know what I am doing. I am the tensai!" He shouted. "I tried everything to make myself known to you! I tried my best in any way I can. Why can't you see it?"
"Sakuragi..."
"Rukawa, please! Tell me that...tell me that you feel the same way for me."
I did not know what to do. I could not possibly tell him that I love him. He was probably drunk and thought he was talking to Haruko-san or anyone. I tried to have a grip on him but he cringed away.
"Answer me!" he pleaded.
Unfortunately, I cannot say anything. I...I have never been in this situation before. I turned my heels and ran away, leaving Sakuragi Hanamichi alone in the alley.
Since that incident, Sakuragi never spoke to me directly. He usually avoided me, and practiced with other people. I forced myself not to mind, he's just ashamed of what happened that night because he said the weirdest things. But somehow, I cannot keep quiet about it. I would catch him staring at me, and looking away when I looked back. Unable to escape this mystery anymore, I confronted him one hot afternoon.
"What do you want?" he asked me as he tossed his things in the locker. I could not bring myself to mention about the incident. Even if some people say I am cold, I would not want a person to go embarrassed in front of me. I kept silent, not really sure of what to say next.
Surprisingly, he spoke for me. "You were thinking about the other night?" I nodded, although I am not sure he saw it since his head was almost inside his locker. I waited for him to finish.
He sat next to me on the bench, eyes never leaving his shoes. "It was true, all right. All that I said was true." I stared at him unbelievingly. "I never intended to confront you with my feelings, but now that I have told you, it's up to you to decide how to look at me." He met my stare. "You could think of me as a jackass or a weirdo or whatever, but it won't change anything, especially my feelings for you." He stood up and walked towards the door. "I'll be waiting for your answer though, if you have. Sorry about the kiss. It just came spontaneously."
He left.
All that time he told me those things, I remained silent, not able to utter a single syllable. Heck, I wasn't even able to mutter my trademark word. I remained seated on the bench for a long time as I digested his speech.
He was in love with me.
I hit my head against a locker as I tried to wake up. This was a dream, I kept repeating inside me.
But it was not a dream after all.
Many weeks passed, and Sakuragi would always look at me as if he expected me to answer him. I couldn't. I cannot think of any answer. I want to tell him to go away and leave me alone but somehow I can't. I was unable to explain my feelings myself and I would lie awake for hours thinking about Sakuragi's feelings.
What do I feel about him?
One day, after practice, he approached me. "Oi."
I nodded a greeting. He frowned.
"I have been waiting for an answer."
Since I could not answer him, I evaded his eyes.
"Kitsune-otoko, you could just tell me that you hate me if you want to. I am not forcing you! Punch me if you're angry."
I kept quiet.
"Kuso! Why don't you just talk!"
I faintly shook my head and sat down weakly on the bleachers. He stood on front of me his muscular frame towering above me.
"You know that song I sang in the karaoke bar? It was for you. Maybe you should think about things a bit harder, since opportunity will not pass you twice." With that, he left.
I stayed firm with my emotion. I cannot love an annoying do'ahou. Yet, I cannot tell him. Days went on and on and on until the time I did not expect to arrive came.
"Rukawa-kun? This is Haruko. Please come to the Kanagawa General Hospital. You see, Sakuragi was badly injured when he..."
I did not let Haruko finished as I rushed off to the hospital. Why am I so concerned, I did not think about that. Unconsciously, all I desired was to see that do'ahou fine and energetic. My heart thumping and my sweat profusely dripping, I cycle to the hospital.
I was there just in time. He was to have an operation. Akagi-sempai told me that he was passing by a store when two armed men came out. Apparently, they held up the store and were making for their getaway. They gave firing shots randomly, frightening the people. Sakuragi was about to cross the street when three stray bullets shot him. Good thing he made it to the hospital. However, his shots were mostly on the chest, which is why an operation was necessary.
I almost sighed in relief. I do not know why, but I felt a bit peaceful now that I reached the hospital in time. I was about to leave when Kogure-sempai tapped my arm. "Sakuragi wants to see you." Feeling nervous and glad at the same time, I entered his room.
"Oi, kitsune!" he greeted with vigor. "I'll make myself recover fast so that I could battle you again!"
"Are you sure you can get well that fast?" I asked.
"Of course! I am the tensai!" Kogure laughed and left us alone. This time, the expression on Sakuragi's face changed significantly. "Rukawa," he called me.
"Hai."
"Wait for me," he said. "I haven't heard your answer yet."
I kept quiet but he did not seem to mind. After a while, the nurses came to wheel him out. "Remember, baby, I'll always love you," I heard him say. I found myself clasping my hands.
I was ready to tell him.
I have found out my true feelings for him. All I have to do is to wait for his return.
But he did not return.
The operation did not conclude successfully. His heartbeat slowed down at the middle of the operation until it stopped altogether. He was never revived.
Now, I am standing over him as I offer his grave a bunch of flowers.
"Oi, do'ahou, do you remember...what you sang at the karaoke bar? The one...you said was for me?"
He did not answer. I closed my eyes as the song tumbled back to me.
I close my eyes
Only for a moment and the moment's gone.
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes a curiosity.
Dust in the wind...
All they are is dust in the wind.
I bit my lower lip and glanced down. How hurting it was to see his name engraved on that tablet. It was not supposed to be there...No...
Same old song
Just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do
Crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind...
All we are is dust in the wind.
Something wet trickled down my cheeks. I called myself a do'ahou. I am the do'ahou. If only I thought about it sooner, if only I told him sooner...he wouldn't have...he shouldn't have...I choked as I swallowed my sobs, fearful that Sakuragi will laugh at me for crying now.
Now don't hang on
Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away
And all your money won't another minute buy
Dust in the wind...
All we are is dust in the wind
True, nothing last forever. But why didn't Sakuragi wait for my answer. Just one minute will be enough...Just a while...
Dust in the wind...
Everything is dust in the wind.
I knelt down to face his engraved name on the tablet. "Sakuragi," I whispered. "You are not...and will never be just dust in the wind....for I love you."
I prayed that wherever he was, he will be glad to hear my answer at last.
Sakuragi...