Magnetism

Author's Note: First, and one of my favorite, Shepford slash fics. Read and review!

Disclaimer: Usual: not mine, no profit, yadda yadda yadda.

"A soldier's first battlefield is always his own mind." Admiral Constanza Stark, CY 9762

"Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda" Season 2, Episode 20, "The Knight, Death And The Devil"

I have no idea how or even when it happened, but it did. I fell in love with a man. Absolutely, head-over-heels in love, with a man. Oh, it gets better. That man happens to be my second-in-command, Lieutenant Aiden Ford.

I realized it yesterday. We went through the Stargate to a planet that looked pretty much like all the others. The trip was uneventful until we reached a certain part of an overgrown path. A rumble, a scream, then silence. I turned, and he was gone. Rodney and Teyla were staring, open-mouthed, into a pit that had opened up behind us. Ford had fallen in and gotten his legs pinned beneath a large pile of rubble. He said he couldn't feel anything below his waist, and his head hurt. I sent Teyla and Rodney to the Gate to get help while I climbed down to Ford. I laid his head in my lap...I know what you're thinking, but he was laying on rocks! I kept talking to him. He had a concussion, a bad one, so I had to fight to keep him awake. He scared me real bad at one point. I turned away from him for a second when Teyla radioed that they were coming back from the Gate, and when I turned back his eyes were closed.

My heart stopped beating, and I couldn't breathe.

I screamed his name for ten minutes. Not "Lieutenant", not "Ford", "Aiden" for ten minutes. I don't even know where I found the breath to scream. Finally, he groaned and opened his eyes. I've never been so relieved in my entire life. We got him out of there, and he's healing thanks to the Ancients' advanced technology. If not for that, Dr. Beckett said he likely would've never walked again.

I can't seem to let it go, the image of him laying in my arms, so still. I didn't even check to see if he was breathing or not. When I saw his eyes closed, I saw him as dead.

Last night, I had a dream. I'm not going to tell you all the details, but lets just say it involved a certain young man and my incessant libido. It was a dream that I had no damn right having, but I did have it. Can't exactly control that, now can I?...Okay, maybe I didn't really mind it, and I keep finding myself wondering...things...like...never mind.

Goddamn, I have it bad.

"Hey, doc, how's he doing?" I ask as I walk up beside Dr. Beckett.

"He's almost done,"

We stand over a stasis pod that holds Aiden, slowly healing his severe wounds. "So, he's gonna be okay?" I ask slowly. I don't want to get my hopes up...wait, too late.

"Oh, yes, he's going to be just fine. It's amazing. If we were back on Earth, he would have to undergo years of therapy..."

I block him out and focus on Aiden's peaceful face beneath the glass. I get a brief flash: me at a funeral. Aiden's funeral. I push the image from my mind and just concentrate on his face. If I focus on his face, I can wait this out.

"..all better!"

I blink, coming out of my stupor. The cover of the pod retracts with a hiss. Aiden's eyes slowly open and focus on me. I am riveted to the floor.

"How do you feel, Lt. Ford?" Beckett asks cheerfully as he moves around him.

"Better," Aiden replies, still staring at me.

"Dr. Beckett, can we have a minute, please?" I hear myself ask. I don't see Beckett's reaction, but I hear the surprise in his voice when he says "sure", then leaves.

We stare at each other silently for a long time. I didn't really think about what I was going to say when I asked Beckett to leave, I just knew that I wanted a moment alone with Aiden.

"John-" "Aiden-" We both start at the same time, then stop. Our gazes break apart briefly, then meet again. I reach out and gently touch his cheek...then I simply lose it. I kiss him fiercely, and he kisses me back. I sit on the edge of the stasis pod and wrap my arms around him, pulling his body to my own. I cling to him, and he clings to me as well.

There is no need for words. He knows how I feel, I know how he feels. We had exchanged those words long before I even knew that was the phrase to describe my feelings toward him. When he risked his life to save my own from the Wraith, when he was shocked by the entity in Atlantis and ended up in the infirmary, when he stopped my heart to save me from that damn bug, when he dared space to save me and the others, whenever he awoke with me at his side and our eyes met, I told him that I loved him, because I have always loved him. It just took me nearly losing him to see it. Well, never again. I'm holding him now, holding him and kissing him, both of us silently crying, and I am going to hold him for the rest of my life. I love him way too much to let him slip through my fingers.

"I love you, Aiden,"

"I love you, John,"

But sometimes it's nice to hear out loud.