A Man Called Ghost
Chapter 7
Harm glanced outside at the sheeting rain that was falling hard and fast. He'd just made it to Blacksburg when the clouds had broken putting an end to his plans of flying. When he'd left his apartment, he didn't know where he was going or what he was going to do, he just knew he needed to get away from Mac. Even though it had been hours since he'd said those spiteful things to her, he could still feel where her palm had made contact with his cheek. The old saying was true after all...you only hurt the ones you love. He knew even though she feared him that she would try and save him. Probably another one of her misplaced loyalties, she probably felt she owed him for Paraguay. He couldn't let her do that though...there was no saving him, she'd only hurt herself if she tried. He'd gone too far, there was no coming back for him now. The sooner she gave up any idea of saving him, the less it would hurt her. It was funny really...he could kill a man, at 3000 yards or 3 inches and he no longer cringed at the idea. But hurting Mac like he had...it made him feel dirty. Tossing back the last of his beer, he signaled for another and looked around the bar at the other pilots gathered there. Crop dusters, charter pilots; small time fish really, but they were men he could still relate to on one level or another.
His fresh beer arrived just as the door to the smoky bar opened to let in some of the downpour. Looking idly over his shoulder to see who would be stupid enough to walk around in this rain, Harm almost choked on his beer. A tall, broad shouldered man in a Navy Admiral's uniform stood shaking the rain from his coat. Of all the dives, in all the world, he had to walk into this one. Turning back to face the back of the bar Harm just shrugged at the bartender and took a pull from his beer.
"I'm looking for a man named Rabb...Harmon Rabb. Anyone here know where I might find him?" Chegwidden's unmistakable voice boomed out through the bar.
"Short guy? Kinda squinty eyed?" One of the bar's patrons wheezed.
"No...you're thinking of Harry Ren, Joe." Another patron answered.
"Ah." Joe said with a shrug, then he returned to his drink.
"He's tall...about six four. Word is he is supposed to keep his plane out these ways. It's a yellow Steerman, he calls her Sarah."
"Old yellow bi-plane?"
AJ nodded at the question.
"I've seen it...hasn't been flown in months. Its out at Grace Aviation I think." A voice spoke up from the shadows.
"I was told he kept it with Pops." AJ said.
"Pops sold out to that Grace woman. Haven't seen her in awhile though...think her daughter is running things now. She's too damn young to be running a business if you ask me." The same voice responded.
From the mirror hanging on the wall, Harm could see AJ step up to the bar. It was only a matter of time before the Admiral saw him; hell Harm was shocked the old SEAL hadn't seen him already. What the hell, maybe he'd see how far he could ? the old man one more time.
"I know where you can find him." Harm said lowly.
AJ just turned at the sound of Rabb's voice and looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Rabb."
"AJ...fancy meeting you here." Harm said raising his glass towards his former CO.
"We need to talk." AJ said simply.
Shrugging, Harm took another drink of his beer. "No...actually I don't think we do. Everything that needed to be said has been said."
"I don't think so, Rabb." AJ said coming to stand next to Harm at the bar.
"Really? I thought your 'go wrestle alligators or drive a cab' statement summed everything up nicely." Harm said without bothering to disguise the bitterness in his voice. "Tell you what AJ. Why don't you drag your ass back to JAG and forget we even saw each other. I can tell you quite assuredly that I won't waste a moment thinking about it myself."
"What happened to you Harm?" AJ asked, peering at Harm looking for the man he knew.
"Sorry AJ. Need to know. You know how it is." Harm said, finishing his beer. Holding up the empty glass he signaled for yet another beer. At this rate he'd have to sit around here for awhile before he took off, but if the rain didn't let up that wouldn't be a problem. Besides, dealing with Chegwidden wasn't something he'd planned on when he came to that morning.
Slamming his hand down on the bar, AJ grabbed Harm's shoulder with his free hand "No Rabb. I don't know how it is."
"Take your hand off me." Harm said quietly. Everyone around the two men studiously looked everywhere but at them.
"Harm...Mac's worried about you...we're all worried about you." AJ tried appealing to Harm's loyalty to his friends.
"You all looked real worried when I was in the brig for Singer's murder. And you, Admiral, were just so worried when Mac and Webb were in Paraguay."
"That's different Harm. I didn't force you to leave..." AJ started before Harm interrupted him.
"Damn it AJ." Harm said bitterly. "You just don't get it do you? I didn't leave JAG. You all left me."
"Damn it Rabb..."
"No...don't apologize AJ." Harm cut him off. "It just crystallized things for me...a year in hell helps you see things real clear. Except that wasn't hell, was it AJ. Not the hell people talk about when they fear 'going to hell', or when they talk about the place where the devil lives. I've been to that hell AJ. What you all did to me, that wasn't really hell. It was more like the gates of hell."
"Damn it son, what's happened to you?"
"Don't call me son!" Harm shouted stepping away from AJ and throwing his arms up. "You're not my fucking father AJ."
Holding his own hands up AJ stepped clear of Harm. "Fine...I won't call you son, but what about Mac? What about Bud and Harriet and the boys? What about Sturgis? I can understand how you hate me after all that I did to you Harm, but what about them?"
"Oh? You mean all my friends who came to visit me when I was wrongly accused of murdering a woman? How could I forget them."
"That was my doing Rabb." AJ said harshly.
"No it wasn't, sir. See...when Mac was accused of murdering her husband you didn't order us to stay away form her...hell when Mic was set to prove her guilt, I threw everything I had into proving she was innocent, because I knew she didn't do it. But you all questioned me. Every last one of you thought deep down inside that I was capable of murdering Singer. Every one of you."
"Harm..."
"Don't patronize me AJ. If there was even a shred of doubt, then you wouldn't have ordered them to stay away...Mac wouldn't have stayed away." Harm said ruthlessly. "You know...I waited for you to come see me AJ. I waited for Mac. I guess I just got tired of waiting."
"Harm...just come back. For a day...for an hour. Just to let everyone know you're alright. Little AJ's birthday is coming up...he misses you."
Looking at the Admiral incredulously Harm slowly shook his head. Pushing himself away from the bar he grabbed his jacket from where he'd hung it on a stool. "You don't get it, do you AJ? There's nothing left of that Harm. They don't want to know how I am...trust me. My good days are the stuff of their nightmares...so just do everyone a favor. Tell them I died, or that you couldn't find me, or something."
With those last words, Harm turned from the Admiral. Shoving the door open, he walked into the unrelenting downpour.
Chapter 7
Harm glanced outside at the sheeting rain that was falling hard and fast. He'd just made it to Blacksburg when the clouds had broken putting an end to his plans of flying. When he'd left his apartment, he didn't know where he was going or what he was going to do, he just knew he needed to get away from Mac. Even though it had been hours since he'd said those spiteful things to her, he could still feel where her palm had made contact with his cheek. The old saying was true after all...you only hurt the ones you love. He knew even though she feared him that she would try and save him. Probably another one of her misplaced loyalties, she probably felt she owed him for Paraguay. He couldn't let her do that though...there was no saving him, she'd only hurt herself if she tried. He'd gone too far, there was no coming back for him now. The sooner she gave up any idea of saving him, the less it would hurt her. It was funny really...he could kill a man, at 3000 yards or 3 inches and he no longer cringed at the idea. But hurting Mac like he had...it made him feel dirty. Tossing back the last of his beer, he signaled for another and looked around the bar at the other pilots gathered there. Crop dusters, charter pilots; small time fish really, but they were men he could still relate to on one level or another.
His fresh beer arrived just as the door to the smoky bar opened to let in some of the downpour. Looking idly over his shoulder to see who would be stupid enough to walk around in this rain, Harm almost choked on his beer. A tall, broad shouldered man in a Navy Admiral's uniform stood shaking the rain from his coat. Of all the dives, in all the world, he had to walk into this one. Turning back to face the back of the bar Harm just shrugged at the bartender and took a pull from his beer.
"I'm looking for a man named Rabb...Harmon Rabb. Anyone here know where I might find him?" Chegwidden's unmistakable voice boomed out through the bar.
"Short guy? Kinda squinty eyed?" One of the bar's patrons wheezed.
"No...you're thinking of Harry Ren, Joe." Another patron answered.
"Ah." Joe said with a shrug, then he returned to his drink.
"He's tall...about six four. Word is he is supposed to keep his plane out these ways. It's a yellow Steerman, he calls her Sarah."
"Old yellow bi-plane?"
AJ nodded at the question.
"I've seen it...hasn't been flown in months. Its out at Grace Aviation I think." A voice spoke up from the shadows.
"I was told he kept it with Pops." AJ said.
"Pops sold out to that Grace woman. Haven't seen her in awhile though...think her daughter is running things now. She's too damn young to be running a business if you ask me." The same voice responded.
From the mirror hanging on the wall, Harm could see AJ step up to the bar. It was only a matter of time before the Admiral saw him; hell Harm was shocked the old SEAL hadn't seen him already. What the hell, maybe he'd see how far he could ? the old man one more time.
"I know where you can find him." Harm said lowly.
AJ just turned at the sound of Rabb's voice and looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Rabb."
"AJ...fancy meeting you here." Harm said raising his glass towards his former CO.
"We need to talk." AJ said simply.
Shrugging, Harm took another drink of his beer. "No...actually I don't think we do. Everything that needed to be said has been said."
"I don't think so, Rabb." AJ said coming to stand next to Harm at the bar.
"Really? I thought your 'go wrestle alligators or drive a cab' statement summed everything up nicely." Harm said without bothering to disguise the bitterness in his voice. "Tell you what AJ. Why don't you drag your ass back to JAG and forget we even saw each other. I can tell you quite assuredly that I won't waste a moment thinking about it myself."
"What happened to you Harm?" AJ asked, peering at Harm looking for the man he knew.
"Sorry AJ. Need to know. You know how it is." Harm said, finishing his beer. Holding up the empty glass he signaled for yet another beer. At this rate he'd have to sit around here for awhile before he took off, but if the rain didn't let up that wouldn't be a problem. Besides, dealing with Chegwidden wasn't something he'd planned on when he came to that morning.
Slamming his hand down on the bar, AJ grabbed Harm's shoulder with his free hand "No Rabb. I don't know how it is."
"Take your hand off me." Harm said quietly. Everyone around the two men studiously looked everywhere but at them.
"Harm...Mac's worried about you...we're all worried about you." AJ tried appealing to Harm's loyalty to his friends.
"You all looked real worried when I was in the brig for Singer's murder. And you, Admiral, were just so worried when Mac and Webb were in Paraguay."
"That's different Harm. I didn't force you to leave..." AJ started before Harm interrupted him.
"Damn it AJ." Harm said bitterly. "You just don't get it do you? I didn't leave JAG. You all left me."
"Damn it Rabb..."
"No...don't apologize AJ." Harm cut him off. "It just crystallized things for me...a year in hell helps you see things real clear. Except that wasn't hell, was it AJ. Not the hell people talk about when they fear 'going to hell', or when they talk about the place where the devil lives. I've been to that hell AJ. What you all did to me, that wasn't really hell. It was more like the gates of hell."
"Damn it son, what's happened to you?"
"Don't call me son!" Harm shouted stepping away from AJ and throwing his arms up. "You're not my fucking father AJ."
Holding his own hands up AJ stepped clear of Harm. "Fine...I won't call you son, but what about Mac? What about Bud and Harriet and the boys? What about Sturgis? I can understand how you hate me after all that I did to you Harm, but what about them?"
"Oh? You mean all my friends who came to visit me when I was wrongly accused of murdering a woman? How could I forget them."
"That was my doing Rabb." AJ said harshly.
"No it wasn't, sir. See...when Mac was accused of murdering her husband you didn't order us to stay away form her...hell when Mic was set to prove her guilt, I threw everything I had into proving she was innocent, because I knew she didn't do it. But you all questioned me. Every last one of you thought deep down inside that I was capable of murdering Singer. Every one of you."
"Harm..."
"Don't patronize me AJ. If there was even a shred of doubt, then you wouldn't have ordered them to stay away...Mac wouldn't have stayed away." Harm said ruthlessly. "You know...I waited for you to come see me AJ. I waited for Mac. I guess I just got tired of waiting."
"Harm...just come back. For a day...for an hour. Just to let everyone know you're alright. Little AJ's birthday is coming up...he misses you."
Looking at the Admiral incredulously Harm slowly shook his head. Pushing himself away from the bar he grabbed his jacket from where he'd hung it on a stool. "You don't get it, do you AJ? There's nothing left of that Harm. They don't want to know how I am...trust me. My good days are the stuff of their nightmares...so just do everyone a favor. Tell them I died, or that you couldn't find me, or something."
With those last words, Harm turned from the Admiral. Shoving the door open, he walked into the unrelenting downpour.