A/N It's a quick one, but someone (I'm not naming names) said they'd
like to see a confrontation between Harm and Jen. That got the wheels
turning and I churned this out with the always appreciated help of my
mystery beta reader.
A Man Called Ghost
Chapter 12
Harm poured himself another glassful of scotch. Looking at the bottle, he was shocked to see that it was almost gone, he could have sworn it was full ten minutes ago. In truth he'd been sitting at his table drinking for more than an hour since returning from AJ's birthday party. Normally he wouldn't be drinking this heavily in the afternoon; he usually warmed up to it so that he was drinking pretty hard to kill the nightmares just before he went to bed. But now he was locked in a nightmare; one he'd created by going to a place where he knew the people who thought they still cared for him were all gathered. Now the pain was back, like an infected wound, and he couldn't kill it; couldn't ignore it. With a bitter laugh at himself, Harm tossed back the glass of scotch and grabbed the bottle for more.
Before Harm could pour another drink he was stopped by a knock at the door. Great, just what he needed, company. Well he was pretty sure it wouldn't be Webb; he and Webb weren't exactly on friendly terms anymore. It was probably Mac wanting to continue the 'discussion' from earlier. Well he'd just ignore it and if it was Mac, she'd use her key to come in, and if it wasn't her, they'd go away. Raising his glass in a mock toast towards the door, Harm tossed down another shot of scotch. Finally the pounding went away and he shrugged silently. Obviously not Mac then. As he was pouring his next drink Harm heard a slight scratching from the door and turned towards it in confusion. It didn't sound like a key in the lock, sounded more like...what? He knew that sound but his alcohol shrouded mind couldn't place it.
Suddenly his door opened and Jennifer Coates stepped through putting two slender picks back into a leather pouch. "Sorry about that, but I think we needed to talk."
"How'd you do that?" Harm managed to contain the slurring of his speech.
"Skills acquired in a misspent youth, remember?"
"Ah." Harm nodded. Looking at the bottle he was shocked to see less than a finger left. "I'd offer you something to drink, but I don't think you're staying."
"See, that's where you'd be wrong." Jen said airily, as she flopped down on the couch. "Like I said, we need to talk."
"Can't really see what we have to talk about." Harm shrugged pouring the rest of the scotch into his glass.
Before he could down his drink Jen was up and standing at the table. Reaching out, she took the glass from his hand and sniffed at it. "Well at least you have good taste. Still doesn't make it any better though." She shook her head as she poured the scotch out on his floor.
"HEY! What the fuck do you think you're doing Coates?" Harm thundered, lurching out of his chair.
"I think I'm trying to have a conversation with someone who did me a favor once." Jen pulled out a chair and sat down across from where Harm had been sitting. "So, sit your ass down and talk to me."
"You better watch your tone with me missie." Harm growled.
"Or what? You'll court martial me? You can't do that Harm, you're not in the navy anymore."
"What the hell do you want Coates?" Harm muttered as he dropped back down into his chair. As much as he wanted to be angry at the young woman, he just couldn't bring himself to fire the rage. It seemed that depression was today's emotion of the day.
"Well sir, I was just curious to know if you realized what an ass you've become." Jen looked around at the apartment littered with the remains of past meals and empty bottles. "But apparently you've been a little busy to pick up on something that unimportant."
"Look Coates, you don't know me anymore. You don't know what I have to live with."
"No, I don't suppose I do. But I think the biggest reason for that is because you won't tell anyone. You won't talk to anyone, share with anyone. Hell you won't even say hi to anyone. I heard you were at AJ's birthday party; funny, I didn't see you there. And you know I asked the Admiral about that, and he said he didn't see you either, but that Colonel MacKenzie did. Problem was, she was too busy crying on the porch to tell me about that."
"Just leave it alone Coates. You don't know what you're talking about."
"No, I don't think I will leave it alone. You're the one who doesn't know what he's talking about." Coates stood up in a rage. "You don't see how much everyone worries about you, how scared we can all be. You didn't see the Colonel crying today."
"I said leave it alone Coates." Harm shook his head savagely. "Just, leave it alone."
"You know it's funny. When Lieutenant Commander Roberts lost his leg he was a little like this; well without all the empty bottles and the mess. Stubborn though, pig headed even, when he was wallowing in his self pity. He just didn't see how much he was hurting those around him until it was almost too late. Are you going to wait until it's too late?"
"Well Bud always...wait, Bud got promoted?"
"Oh you didn't know that? Of course, how could you? You don't care about what goes on at JAG anymore." Jen shrugged.
"Now wait just a minute Coates! What the hell do you know about me?" Harm said in indignation. The nerve of this girl, to come in here and make accusations at him. "You think my life is all roses now? That I've found a happy place where I can sing and dance and forget everything that happened?"
"Judging by how much I think you've been drinking from all these bottles, no, I'm guessing things aren't all rosy for you. But do you have any idea how much you're hurting those of us who care for you?" Jen looked at Harm pointedly.
"Why do you think I tried to keep you all out of my life? Why do you think I've cut a hole in my heart?" Harm asked with emotion thick in his voice.
"What makes you think that you haven't cut a hole out of all our hearts? You think we didn't notice when you just up and walked away from us all? That every day without you doesn't make the wound hurt that much worse?"
"Wait a minute Coates. I didn't walk away; I looked up one day and you were all leaving me!"
"That's bullshit and you know it Harm."
"Really? What about Singer's death? You all thought that I did that. Every last one of you believed in your hearts that I killed her; that or you just didn't think I was worth visiting." Harm spat bitterly.
"Oh that's rich Harm. We don't disobey orders and you think that means we didn't want to? Do you have any idea how much it tore us up not to be there for you? How much it tore up the Colonel? You want to take that up with anyone, take it up with the Admiral. His orders, not the Colonel's, not Lieutenant Commander Roberts, not Commander Turner's. The Admiral's."
"Oh and I suppose that when I threw everything away to go after Mac and she didn't even bother saying thank you, I shouldn't have let that get to me. I FINALLY admit to her that I value her more than anything and what does she do? She turned to Webb. Webb of all fucking people!" Harm waved his arms in the air wildly.
"I can't speak for the Colonel, Harm. That's something you'd need to take up with her, all I know is that there are a lot of people who still care for you who are hurting that you keep them out of your life. I should know sir, I'm one of them." Jen reached out to put her hand over his.
Yanking his hand away from her, Harm fell out of his chair. Picking himself up unsteadily he glared at her. "I kill people Jen, lots of people. I couldn't tell you how many people I've killed; I lost count." Harm sneered trying to change tactics. If he couldn't chase her off, maybe he could scare her off.
"We want to help, sir." Jen pressed, her determination unfeigned.
"The best thing any of you can do to help me Coates is forget you ever knew me."
"I don't think we can do that Harm; I know I can't. Look, a couple of years ago I would have walked away, no questions asked. But then something happened, something I wasn't looking for. Some guy believed in me; and in his believing in me, he forced me to believe in myself. He gave me a second chance at life, and at my career. And now you want me to walk away from my guardian angel? You want me to forget he ever lived? That's an insult Harm, not just to me, but to everyone you ever helped. I can't just forget Harm; you thawed out my heart and made a place for yourself there. I wouldn't want to forget you if I could Harm. I don't think anyone would."
"I've done things you can't imagine Coates. The Harm you knew, you're guardian angel, he's not here anymore. Just a ghost who looks like him."
"You know what? We're not getting anywhere with this. I'm not the one you need to be talking to, and we both know that." Coates said as she moved towards the door shaking her head.
"Good. Go. Leave me." Harm said bitterly. At first he didn't want her there, but now that she was leaving he was hurt that she would go.
"Oh I'm not leaving you sir. I'm just going to give you time to think. And by the way, I don't believe in ghosts."
A Man Called Ghost
Chapter 12
Harm poured himself another glassful of scotch. Looking at the bottle, he was shocked to see that it was almost gone, he could have sworn it was full ten minutes ago. In truth he'd been sitting at his table drinking for more than an hour since returning from AJ's birthday party. Normally he wouldn't be drinking this heavily in the afternoon; he usually warmed up to it so that he was drinking pretty hard to kill the nightmares just before he went to bed. But now he was locked in a nightmare; one he'd created by going to a place where he knew the people who thought they still cared for him were all gathered. Now the pain was back, like an infected wound, and he couldn't kill it; couldn't ignore it. With a bitter laugh at himself, Harm tossed back the glass of scotch and grabbed the bottle for more.
Before Harm could pour another drink he was stopped by a knock at the door. Great, just what he needed, company. Well he was pretty sure it wouldn't be Webb; he and Webb weren't exactly on friendly terms anymore. It was probably Mac wanting to continue the 'discussion' from earlier. Well he'd just ignore it and if it was Mac, she'd use her key to come in, and if it wasn't her, they'd go away. Raising his glass in a mock toast towards the door, Harm tossed down another shot of scotch. Finally the pounding went away and he shrugged silently. Obviously not Mac then. As he was pouring his next drink Harm heard a slight scratching from the door and turned towards it in confusion. It didn't sound like a key in the lock, sounded more like...what? He knew that sound but his alcohol shrouded mind couldn't place it.
Suddenly his door opened and Jennifer Coates stepped through putting two slender picks back into a leather pouch. "Sorry about that, but I think we needed to talk."
"How'd you do that?" Harm managed to contain the slurring of his speech.
"Skills acquired in a misspent youth, remember?"
"Ah." Harm nodded. Looking at the bottle he was shocked to see less than a finger left. "I'd offer you something to drink, but I don't think you're staying."
"See, that's where you'd be wrong." Jen said airily, as she flopped down on the couch. "Like I said, we need to talk."
"Can't really see what we have to talk about." Harm shrugged pouring the rest of the scotch into his glass.
Before he could down his drink Jen was up and standing at the table. Reaching out, she took the glass from his hand and sniffed at it. "Well at least you have good taste. Still doesn't make it any better though." She shook her head as she poured the scotch out on his floor.
"HEY! What the fuck do you think you're doing Coates?" Harm thundered, lurching out of his chair.
"I think I'm trying to have a conversation with someone who did me a favor once." Jen pulled out a chair and sat down across from where Harm had been sitting. "So, sit your ass down and talk to me."
"You better watch your tone with me missie." Harm growled.
"Or what? You'll court martial me? You can't do that Harm, you're not in the navy anymore."
"What the hell do you want Coates?" Harm muttered as he dropped back down into his chair. As much as he wanted to be angry at the young woman, he just couldn't bring himself to fire the rage. It seemed that depression was today's emotion of the day.
"Well sir, I was just curious to know if you realized what an ass you've become." Jen looked around at the apartment littered with the remains of past meals and empty bottles. "But apparently you've been a little busy to pick up on something that unimportant."
"Look Coates, you don't know me anymore. You don't know what I have to live with."
"No, I don't suppose I do. But I think the biggest reason for that is because you won't tell anyone. You won't talk to anyone, share with anyone. Hell you won't even say hi to anyone. I heard you were at AJ's birthday party; funny, I didn't see you there. And you know I asked the Admiral about that, and he said he didn't see you either, but that Colonel MacKenzie did. Problem was, she was too busy crying on the porch to tell me about that."
"Just leave it alone Coates. You don't know what you're talking about."
"No, I don't think I will leave it alone. You're the one who doesn't know what he's talking about." Coates stood up in a rage. "You don't see how much everyone worries about you, how scared we can all be. You didn't see the Colonel crying today."
"I said leave it alone Coates." Harm shook his head savagely. "Just, leave it alone."
"You know it's funny. When Lieutenant Commander Roberts lost his leg he was a little like this; well without all the empty bottles and the mess. Stubborn though, pig headed even, when he was wallowing in his self pity. He just didn't see how much he was hurting those around him until it was almost too late. Are you going to wait until it's too late?"
"Well Bud always...wait, Bud got promoted?"
"Oh you didn't know that? Of course, how could you? You don't care about what goes on at JAG anymore." Jen shrugged.
"Now wait just a minute Coates! What the hell do you know about me?" Harm said in indignation. The nerve of this girl, to come in here and make accusations at him. "You think my life is all roses now? That I've found a happy place where I can sing and dance and forget everything that happened?"
"Judging by how much I think you've been drinking from all these bottles, no, I'm guessing things aren't all rosy for you. But do you have any idea how much you're hurting those of us who care for you?" Jen looked at Harm pointedly.
"Why do you think I tried to keep you all out of my life? Why do you think I've cut a hole in my heart?" Harm asked with emotion thick in his voice.
"What makes you think that you haven't cut a hole out of all our hearts? You think we didn't notice when you just up and walked away from us all? That every day without you doesn't make the wound hurt that much worse?"
"Wait a minute Coates. I didn't walk away; I looked up one day and you were all leaving me!"
"That's bullshit and you know it Harm."
"Really? What about Singer's death? You all thought that I did that. Every last one of you believed in your hearts that I killed her; that or you just didn't think I was worth visiting." Harm spat bitterly.
"Oh that's rich Harm. We don't disobey orders and you think that means we didn't want to? Do you have any idea how much it tore us up not to be there for you? How much it tore up the Colonel? You want to take that up with anyone, take it up with the Admiral. His orders, not the Colonel's, not Lieutenant Commander Roberts, not Commander Turner's. The Admiral's."
"Oh and I suppose that when I threw everything away to go after Mac and she didn't even bother saying thank you, I shouldn't have let that get to me. I FINALLY admit to her that I value her more than anything and what does she do? She turned to Webb. Webb of all fucking people!" Harm waved his arms in the air wildly.
"I can't speak for the Colonel, Harm. That's something you'd need to take up with her, all I know is that there are a lot of people who still care for you who are hurting that you keep them out of your life. I should know sir, I'm one of them." Jen reached out to put her hand over his.
Yanking his hand away from her, Harm fell out of his chair. Picking himself up unsteadily he glared at her. "I kill people Jen, lots of people. I couldn't tell you how many people I've killed; I lost count." Harm sneered trying to change tactics. If he couldn't chase her off, maybe he could scare her off.
"We want to help, sir." Jen pressed, her determination unfeigned.
"The best thing any of you can do to help me Coates is forget you ever knew me."
"I don't think we can do that Harm; I know I can't. Look, a couple of years ago I would have walked away, no questions asked. But then something happened, something I wasn't looking for. Some guy believed in me; and in his believing in me, he forced me to believe in myself. He gave me a second chance at life, and at my career. And now you want me to walk away from my guardian angel? You want me to forget he ever lived? That's an insult Harm, not just to me, but to everyone you ever helped. I can't just forget Harm; you thawed out my heart and made a place for yourself there. I wouldn't want to forget you if I could Harm. I don't think anyone would."
"I've done things you can't imagine Coates. The Harm you knew, you're guardian angel, he's not here anymore. Just a ghost who looks like him."
"You know what? We're not getting anywhere with this. I'm not the one you need to be talking to, and we both know that." Coates said as she moved towards the door shaking her head.
"Good. Go. Leave me." Harm said bitterly. At first he didn't want her there, but now that she was leaving he was hurt that she would go.
"Oh I'm not leaving you sir. I'm just going to give you time to think. And by the way, I don't believe in ghosts."