Author's Note: This chapter was kind of late because of school starting, sorry!
Chapter 4: Well, in the House Elf World...
Harry happily watched as Dobby slowly chewed the rat poison in his mouth. "So Dobby, how do you like it?" Harry asked. Just then, Dobby started hyperventilating uncontrollably while clutching his throat. His eyes-now bloodshot-turned from tennis ball sized, to basket ball sized, to football sized and shaped, and quickly to marble sized. Blood leaked from his ears, and his mouth started foaming, and quickly the foam turned into vomit. His skin turned from a greenish-brown to an albino paper white. A muffled explosion sounded in Dobby's lower stomach, and the bottom of his pillowcase turned yellow. Dobby made a gurgling sound, and then dropped, motionless, among the vomit and blood.
Harry stood in front of Dobby's motionless carcass, staring down on it, speechless at his own work. He stared at Dobby's motionless little body the way people in movies stare at their hands right after they've killed someone. "I...can't...believe..." Harry started in a solemn voice. "I can't believe...DOBBY'S FINALLY DEAD!" Harry yelled triumphantly. "I thought it would NEVER happen! This is the HAPPIEST moment of my LIFE! I have won! I Have Won! I HAVE WON! I HAVE WON!" Harry was very excited about his great accomplishment, as you could probably tell.
Harry was so busy with yelling "I HAVE WON!" that he didn't notice Dobby suddenly spring up from his final resting place on the ground. "Ooh Ooh! What did Harry Potter win? Dobby and Harry Potter are both winners! Yay! Dobby started yelling. As soon as Harry heard the sound of Dobby's voice, he spun around to face the little monstrosity, only to find that Dobby was alive and kicking. "DOBBY!" Harry exclaimed "I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!!!" "Dead?! No!!! Dobby was just faking a seizure! It is polite in the house elf tradition to perform a fake seizure after someone has fed you a very delicious food. And if you thought the food was very very delicious, you pretend to die at the end for a few minutes. It's only polite, Harry Potter sir." Dobby finished in an as-a-matter-of-fact voice. Harry just stood there, slack jawed, and speechless. "But...but...I fed you rat poison! That was supposed to kill you!" Harry said, more to himself than to Dobby. "Rat poison is considered a delicacy in the house elf world. Dobby thinks it is the BEST, Harry Potter sir." Dobby informed Harry. Harry still just could not believe it. "So the eye size changing, the blood coming from your ears, the vomiting, that was all voluntary?" Harry asked. "Yes, Harry Potter sir. Does Harry Potter want to see Dobby do it again? "No, no Dobby. Excuse me for a moment while I use the restroom..." Harry walked to the bathroom and shut the door.
"WHAT THE !#$!!!!" Harry was shouting. "I'M GONNA !#% HIS $'n %&&%!!!! THAT LITTLE #$%#!!!! #%&(&)(&#%!$#&&&)$$#!!#$#&&(#$%##$&%&%&$%$&%$#%$$%$#? :"{{}&$%##$% ?: &&%&%&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(It goes on like this for another 15 minutes).
Harry finally ended his cursing streak, and went back into his room, only to find that Dobby was missing, and there was twice the amount of vomit, foam, and blood on the ground than when he had left the room. He started searching his room, but Dobby was no where in sight. "Dobby, if you're playing with my invisibility cloak, it's not funny!!!" Harry yelled to an empty room, his only reply was an eerie silence. He may not have found Dobby, but he did find a very sharp knife on the ground that was covered in a red liquid (Harry suspected it was blood). Harry was then interrupted by the sound of the door swinging open. "HARRY? WHERE ARE YOU?" Uncle Vernon roared. "I'm up here, Uncle Vernon." Harry yelled back. "They've only been home for a few seconds and he's already mad at me!" Harry thought. Uncle Vernon stormed upstairs to Harry's doorway. "HARRY!!! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU I'D...better...see..." Uncle Vernon's eyes widened when he saw all the vomit, foam, and blood on the ground of Harry's room. But then they widened even more when he saw the knife in Harry's hand, covered in what highly resembled blood. Harry just stood there, with a look on his face that just screamed "Uh-Oh". "Harry...you actually killed a door-to-door salesman?" Uncle Vernon asked, his tone full of disbelief. "Uh...yeah." Harry said. There was an akward silence. "You know, it's a lot easier than they make it look in movies." Harry said to break the silence. Uncle Vernon still just stood there, his mouth wide open.
"Father, can you take me to McDonald's?" whined a very skinny Dudley who came up behind Uncle Vernon, but stopped in is tracks once he saw Harry's room. "Harry..." Dudley started, but couldn't finish because Uncle Vernon was pulling him away.
As soon as Uncle Vernon and Dudley were gone, and as soon as Harry closed the door to his bedroom, Harry's closet door shot open and Dobby stepped out. Harry noticed Dobby had changed out of his old pillow case, which had vomit stains and was yellow all over the front, and was now wearing a sweater that was meant for dogs(but was still a little big for Dobby) and a pair of briefs(those fit-thank goodness!). "Uh, Dobby, where did you get those clothes?" Harry asked, confused. "At House Elves 'R' Us!" Dobby exclaimed. "How did you get there?" Harry was still confused. "Through your closet. Dobby travels through closet in the House Elf world." Dobby explained. "You're weird, Dobby." Harry said. "Weird is considered a compliment in the House Elf World." Dobby replied. "Well, in this world it's bad." Harry said. "Bad is good in the House Elf world!" Dobby replied. "Dobby, shut up!" Harry was getting annoyed. "Shut up means 'keep talking' in the House Elf world!" Dobby exclaimed. "DOBBY! QUIT TALKING ABOUT 'THE HOUSE ELF WORLD'! I'M SICK OF HEARING ABOUT IT!!!" Harry lost his cool for a moment.
"Oh. And how do you explain this?" Harry asked as he held up the knife he had found on the ground earlier. "Dobby was using them to cut up tomatoes for the invitations! Tomatoes are considered a delicacy in the House Elf world. Not as much as rat poison, though..." "Then why didn't you just use rat poison?" Harry interrupted. "Dobby ate the rest of it, Harry Potter sir." Dobby said. "So that would explain how there was twice the amount of vomit, foam, and blood on the ground..." Harry realized. "Wait a minute...INVITATIONS? FOR WHAT?" Harry wanted to know. "For the 32nd Tri-Annual International Conference of the House Elf Species. T.A.I.C.H.E.S., for short. It is Dobby's turn to host it this year, and I chose HARRY POTTER'S house for the gathering place! This year, we are expecting AT LEAST 200 house elves to show up! Dobby was going to tell Harry Potter, but Dobby wanted to keep it a surprise!" Dobby announced, with a grin. "200 house elves...in MY house?!" This was almost too much for Harry. "I hate you, Dobby!" Harry said. "Hate is GOOD in the House Elf world!" Dobby said happily. And then Harry passed out.