You've been waiting (and waiting...and waiting...and waiting) and it's finally here! It's taken us so long because we've been caught up with schoolwork. Sorry this chapter is so short, we promise the next one will be much longer. Now, enjoy...
The Dobby Files Chapter 5: T.A.I.C.H.E.S.
Harry finally awoke, but he still had his eyes closed. "Ok, It was all a dream...Now, I will open my eyes and things will be back to normal...Uncle Vernon will still hate me...Dudley will still be fat...and Dobby will NOT be here...
He opened his eyes and saw...nothing. He was still in his bed, in his house, and Dobby was nowhere to be seen. "Dobby?" Harry called. "Dobby...are you there?" Harry opened his closet, but this time no oxygen starved house elf came stumbling out. "Dobby?" Harry called down the hallway, just to be sure. Silence. "YES!" Harry yelled, "IT WAS ONLY A DREAM!!!!! WOOOHOOOOOO!!!"
Ok, now come on. What kind of a fan fiction writer would I be if I let the story end like THIS, without Dobby dying a slow and terrible death, huh? I'll answer that question- NOT A VERY GOOD ONE! Muahahahaha...keep reading...
Then Harry realized he really had to use the bathroom-as most of us have to first thing in the morning- so he rapidly walked down the hallway to the bathroom. As he stood outside the bathroom door, he thought he heard a faint murmur coming from inside the bathroom, but he figured he had just imagined it. He slowly turned the doorknob...eased the door open...and...
Poor Harry. He had actually gotten his hopes up.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Harry rubbed his eyes with disbelief as he looked out at what was-or at least what used to be-his bathroom. He saw a sea at least 250 green house elves, each looking up at him with those atrocious, repulsive, revolting eyes. Every house elf looked like it was somehow formally dressed, and Harry could see a punch bowl set up in the back of the bathroom.
Suddenly the lights turned off, and a hush fell over the crowd. Some spotlights turned on and Harry noticed that the bathtub had been converted into an orchestra pit. A percussionist house elf started a drum roll on the tympani drum, which cued an unseen announcer. "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the insert echo here 32nd 32nd Tri-Annual Tri-Annual International International Conference of Conference of The House Elf Species The House Elf Species!!!" There was a cymbal crash from the orchestra, followed by a cheery medley (which didn't sound very good because the brass section was WAY out of tune, and half of the whole orchestra was oboes). The audience clapped and cheered, Harry just stood there.
The orchestra fell silent again. "And now, introducing your host for the evening, the one, the only, DOBBY!" The announcer bellowed. This was followed by yet another drum roll, cymbal crash, and medley (Harry was beginning to think that this was all the orchestra knew how to do). The spotlight shone on to the medicine cabinet, and Dobby stepped out, wearing a purple suit. He made his way to a miniature podium, which was set up on the counter in front of the sink. "Fellow friends and house elves, Dobby is honored to be the host for this year's T.A.I.C.H.E.S. gathering! You see..."
And then, Harry had had enough.
"DOBBY!" Harry yelled from the doorway. "WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL ME WHAT THE FLIP IS GOING ON?" Everyone turned and looked at Harry. "Oh yes, how silly of Dobby, Dobby almost forgot to introduce Harry Potter! Friends, this is Harry Potter! Harry Potter is letting us use this bathroom as our gathering place!" Everyone started clapping and cheering for Harry, and the orchestra began to play a rather deranged version of what Harry guessed was supposed to be "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow".
Harry slammed the door and stomped back into his room. He checked the clock; it was only 3:40 am. "I've got to find a way to get rid of all those house elves before Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley wake up...but how?" Harry figured his best bet was to search the supply closet once again.
Harry opened the door to the supply closet. All of the sudden, Harry got another one of his sinister ideas. He remembered the punchbowl he had seen set up at the back of the room. "I know...I could somehow spike the punch to KILL all-or at least most of-the house elves and maybe even DOBBY!" Harry grinned in delight at the thought of his diabolical plan. "Now, what can I poison it with? I can't use rat poison, obviously. Let's see...A-HAH!" Harry held up the container of Lime-A-Way. Then, he walked to the bathroom and opened the door.
The house elves were too busy watching Dobby giving the treasurer's report that they barely noticed Harry slyly sneaking in. He made his way to the punch bowl, opened the Lime-A-Way, and...
"Why HARRY POTTER, Dobby sees you have decided to join us after all! But, what is Harry Potter doing by the punch bowl?" Dobby said. "Uhh..." Harry quickly said the very first thing that popped into his mind "...I was washing my hands!" Harry quickly poured all of the contents of the Lime-A-Way bottle into the punch and put on a fake smile. And wouldn't you know it...ALL of the 250 house elves were stupid enough to believe him. "Let's give Harry Potter a big round of applause for being so CLEAN! Even though Harry Potter was washing his hands with the punch we are going to drink." Dobby announced. Then, all the house elves turned to face Harry and started clapping. Harry couldn't believe this. "Man, they're stupid!" Harry thought while condensing yet another fake smile.
"Let's see, Dobby just gave the treasurer's report, and according to the schedule next we have to...DRINK ALL THE PUNCH!" Dobby exclaimed. Harry moved away from the punch bowl when he saw the massive crowd of house elves running towards it. Harry gladly watched as house elf after house elf after house elf poured themselves punch. "Excellent" Harry said, sounding much like Mr. Burns.