A/N: Alright, this one took a bit longer than I thought to get out, but here it is.
A/N 2: For those curious, Ed's Embarcadero is a real restaurant, just not in Washington. Ed's is located in Calgary, Alberta. If you find yourself in that neck of the woods I highly recommend it. The food is incredible.
A Man Called Ghost
Chapter 18
Harm sat staring at his menu without really seeing it. He, Beth and Allison had been at the restaurant for about half an hour and he still hadn't decided what he wanted to eat. Both the women were starting to look at him a little strangely. As much as he didn't want to admit it, his mind was on his rehab, and how much it hurt Mac had not come to see him. With a snort he forced himself to focus on the menu and picked the first thing his eyes came across. "Linguini with shrimp and oyster sauce." He grunted at the waiter who was patiently waiting for him to make up his mind. "And another beer." He added looking at his almost empty glass.
"Harm, that's your third one. I think you need to slow down." Beth said cautiously. She knew better than to wake the sleeping dragon that Harm was, in regards to his drinking. Harm just chose to ignore her and drained the remainder of his beer staring glumly at the table. He hadn't said a whole lot since he finished rehab earlier in the day.
He was so focused on the table that he didn't notice how annoyed Beth seemed to be getting. Finally she tossed her napkin on the table and said "Would you please excuse us Allison." and poked Harm in the arm.
"What?" he said irritably.
"Come with me. There's something you need to do."
"I've got another beer coming." He said absently.
"It'll keep. Come on partner, you need to do this."
"Do what?"
"You can keep asking questions, or you can come with me." Beth said airily as she walked towards the front door. Harm just shrugged and looked at Allison, not getting anything in response, he followed Beth.
Outside was a spacious wrap around veranda that encircled the house turned restaurant. Beth had stepped out onto the veranda and had moved to a corner where she could look over the river. Harm slowly made his way towards her. He never would have said anything to her, but his leg was killing him and it was all he could do to keep from limping. He didn't need Beth or Allison or anyone else worrying about him, damn it. "What's this all about?" he growled when he got close enough.
"You. I would like to register a complaint about my dinner companion. He's grumpy, snide and downright rude. I was wondering if I could exchange him for someone else. I used to know this guy, Harmon Rabb. Nice guy, sweet, charming, always had a funny thing to say when the occasion demanded. Now, I bet that man was a hell of a dinner date." Beth said without looking at him.
"Can't help you." Harm leaned against the rail and looked out over the river.
"What happened to you Harm?" Beth asked quietly. "You've changed so much since you first showed up at the Company."
"No offense Beth, I'm not going to discuss this with you." Harm said coldly. He'd be damned if he talked about it with anyone.
"I know, I know. The Company's "don't ask, don't tell" policy. But damn it Harm, it hurts me to watch you try to kill yourself." Beth said honestly.
"I'm not suicidal." Harm replied with indignation.
"Could have fooled me, Harm. Between the risky missions, and the heavy drinking, I'm surprised you haven't taken up smoking and playing Russian Roulette for fun."
"Beth...don't start." Harm sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. This was a mistake, I shouldn't be here. Apologize to Allison for me."
"Harm..." Beth started but Harm held up his hand and turned to walk away only to stop short. Beth finally turned around from the river to see Mac standing a little further back watching them. "Finally." She muttered under her breath. "Colonel MacKenzie. Nice to see you again." She added with more cheer in her voice.
"And you Beth." Mac said in a neutral tone of voice.
"What the fuck are you doing here MacKenzie?" Harm growled. "Beth? Am I going to have to kill you?"
Beth should have known that Harm would see through her right from the start, but it was for his own good. Mac simply held her tongue for a moment, waiting until she was alone with Harm. "Excuse me, I need to get back to Allison. Beth said gently. She wanted to help her friend, and she hoped he would forgive her for caring for him.
After Beth left, Mac stepped up to the rail to look out over the river. She stood a short distance away from Harm; close enough to have a conversation, but not too close to appear intimate. "It's good to see you too, Harm."
"Well now you can see me leave." Harm muttered and tried to spin around. His leg chose that exact moment to give way with a twinge and he had to grab onto the rail to keep upright.
"Hey...take it easy there sailor." Mac said automatically.
"Go fuck yourself." Harm spat angrily.
Mac was shocked. She knew Harm was bitter and angry, but to know it and confront it when he was fully conscious was another thing. She could also smell the beer on him, and was not surprised at that from what Beth had said. "Look, your leg is bound to be bothering you still, even with rehab. Just sit down for a moment." Mac tried to be reasonable.
Harm grudgingly sat down on a nearby bench and watched warily as Mac stepped closer. "Don't bother wasting your time MacKenzie. We'll both be happier if you just leave."
"You know, I told you already that I was more than capable of deciding what makes me happy." Mac said with a quiet determination.
"Whatever." Harm ran his hands along his calf trying to ease the pain in his leg.
Mac was silent for a few minutes trying to decide how to best go about this. She'd managed to convince herself that she needed to talk to him the day before. She'd even convinced herself to go see him at the rehab clinic. She'd let Beth talk her into coming to the restaurant tonight to talk to him, and now here he was, and here she was, and she still didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry I didn't come to see you while you were in the clinic." She said softly. Might as well start it off on the right note.
"Nothing said you had to come." Harm muttered. He'd be damned if he let her see how much she'd hurt him one more time.
"But I wanted to come Harm, why is that so hard for you to see?"
Harm stood up quickly and limped a few paces before he turned around and glared at Mac. "You just don't get it, do you?"
"You haven't given me anything to 'get' Harm."
"No. I'm not going to do this with you. Not this time." Harm said as he shook his head viciously. "Not anymore."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not going to let you draw me into a fight. God damn it! It's been a year and I still let you put me in these positions." Harm shouted as he slammed his open hand against the wall. Immediately the front door opened and a concerned Maitre D' looked out at them. Harm turned and glared at him until he scooted back inside.
"Well you've certainly perfected your scowl." Mac said angrily.
"Look MacKenzie, I'm going to ask you one more time. Why are you here?"
"Because I thought it was time we talked."
"I told you before, we did all our talking."
"Fine, I'll talk, you listen. Sit down Harm, you're going to do more damage to that leg of yours."
Harm looked at Mac for a moment before shrugging. He really wasn't in the mood for this, ever, but right now his leg was killing him. And the last thing he wanted was to fall on his face in front of anyone, least of all Sarah 'Dangle Him on a String' MacKenzie.
"First off, I am sorry I didn't get in to see you while you were in rehab. I really wanted to be there with you, but I was called out to the Wake Island for an investigation."
"Must have been a hell of a long investigation. I don't remember seeing you at the hospital after that one visit either." Harm snapped and then bit his tongue. Cool it Rabb, the last thing you need is for her to see how much she's hurting you.
"You can thank your good buddy Webb for that one. He had me barred from the floor. Actually he had everyone from JAG barred from the floor." Mac said snidely.
"Spider ain't no buddy of mine. Probably just wanted to keep you to himself."
"Damn it Harm!" Mac snapped. "When are you going to get it through that rock thick skull of yours I'm NOT with Webb."
"Right. Just had a whole bunch of dinners and dates with him. No that's fine, that's alright. As you've pointed out in the past I have no say over who you see." Harm rolled his eyes and then banged his hand on the wall again. When the Maitre D' came storming out of the restaurant Harm just glared at him again. "Bring me a beer." He ordered curtly.
"Belay that." Mac nearly shouted at the poor man. She sighed at his confused expression. "Water would be better, thank you."
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Harm shouted as he shot up from his seat. He really wasn't prepared for Mac to shove him back down solidly. And he really wasn't in a position to do anything about it with his leg acting up.
"Keep your seat, cowboy. And you will not be drinking in front of me."
"I'll drink wherever the hell I damn well feel like drinking!" Harm was still shouting. People passing by on the street were stopping to look at him as he ranted.
"No Harm, you won't. I've heard all about your drinking and that is something else you and I are going to have to talk about."
"Who the fuck gave you the right?" Harm groused.
"I did. Now you can rant and rave all you want Rabb, but I came here to be heard, and by God I will be heard." Mac the Marine snapped.
Harm stood back up and took a step closer to her with storms brewing in his eyes. "Now you listen to me good MacKenzie, and you hear me clear. You made a choice to be out of my life, and I fucking listened to you. So don't think because I'm all wounded and vulnerable you can waltz back in. You wanted to move on, move on."
"Why you arrogant, self serving bastard. I can't move on, you won't let me!" Mac shouted back. "Don't think I haven't tried. But every time it just keeps coming back to you. The men I am interested in aren't good enough because they aren't the great and mighty Harmon Rabb." Mac bit her tongue as soon as the words were out. It was her last intention to let Harm know that she still pined over him.
For the first time Mac saw something other than anger or bitterness in Harm's eyes. She saw uncertainty. He quickly masked it again and stepped back from where he had been standing just inches away from her. Mac struggled to get her heartbeat, her breathing, under control. She doubted very much that Harm was feeling the same things she was.
Suddenly Harm reached out and firmly guided her head towards his and pressed a hard, angry kiss on her lips. "Well, if it's my permission you need, fine. You have it. Be with whoever you want." Harm muttered as he pulled away and then spun and limped back towards the door, pushing past the poor Maitre D' who had come out just then with two waters.
As Harm walked away once more Mac slowly sunk down to the bench he had so recently vacated. "But I want to be with you." She whispered.
A/N 2: For those curious, Ed's Embarcadero is a real restaurant, just not in Washington. Ed's is located in Calgary, Alberta. If you find yourself in that neck of the woods I highly recommend it. The food is incredible.
A Man Called Ghost
Chapter 18
Harm sat staring at his menu without really seeing it. He, Beth and Allison had been at the restaurant for about half an hour and he still hadn't decided what he wanted to eat. Both the women were starting to look at him a little strangely. As much as he didn't want to admit it, his mind was on his rehab, and how much it hurt Mac had not come to see him. With a snort he forced himself to focus on the menu and picked the first thing his eyes came across. "Linguini with shrimp and oyster sauce." He grunted at the waiter who was patiently waiting for him to make up his mind. "And another beer." He added looking at his almost empty glass.
"Harm, that's your third one. I think you need to slow down." Beth said cautiously. She knew better than to wake the sleeping dragon that Harm was, in regards to his drinking. Harm just chose to ignore her and drained the remainder of his beer staring glumly at the table. He hadn't said a whole lot since he finished rehab earlier in the day.
He was so focused on the table that he didn't notice how annoyed Beth seemed to be getting. Finally she tossed her napkin on the table and said "Would you please excuse us Allison." and poked Harm in the arm.
"What?" he said irritably.
"Come with me. There's something you need to do."
"I've got another beer coming." He said absently.
"It'll keep. Come on partner, you need to do this."
"Do what?"
"You can keep asking questions, or you can come with me." Beth said airily as she walked towards the front door. Harm just shrugged and looked at Allison, not getting anything in response, he followed Beth.
Outside was a spacious wrap around veranda that encircled the house turned restaurant. Beth had stepped out onto the veranda and had moved to a corner where she could look over the river. Harm slowly made his way towards her. He never would have said anything to her, but his leg was killing him and it was all he could do to keep from limping. He didn't need Beth or Allison or anyone else worrying about him, damn it. "What's this all about?" he growled when he got close enough.
"You. I would like to register a complaint about my dinner companion. He's grumpy, snide and downright rude. I was wondering if I could exchange him for someone else. I used to know this guy, Harmon Rabb. Nice guy, sweet, charming, always had a funny thing to say when the occasion demanded. Now, I bet that man was a hell of a dinner date." Beth said without looking at him.
"Can't help you." Harm leaned against the rail and looked out over the river.
"What happened to you Harm?" Beth asked quietly. "You've changed so much since you first showed up at the Company."
"No offense Beth, I'm not going to discuss this with you." Harm said coldly. He'd be damned if he talked about it with anyone.
"I know, I know. The Company's "don't ask, don't tell" policy. But damn it Harm, it hurts me to watch you try to kill yourself." Beth said honestly.
"I'm not suicidal." Harm replied with indignation.
"Could have fooled me, Harm. Between the risky missions, and the heavy drinking, I'm surprised you haven't taken up smoking and playing Russian Roulette for fun."
"Beth...don't start." Harm sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. This was a mistake, I shouldn't be here. Apologize to Allison for me."
"Harm..." Beth started but Harm held up his hand and turned to walk away only to stop short. Beth finally turned around from the river to see Mac standing a little further back watching them. "Finally." She muttered under her breath. "Colonel MacKenzie. Nice to see you again." She added with more cheer in her voice.
"And you Beth." Mac said in a neutral tone of voice.
"What the fuck are you doing here MacKenzie?" Harm growled. "Beth? Am I going to have to kill you?"
Beth should have known that Harm would see through her right from the start, but it was for his own good. Mac simply held her tongue for a moment, waiting until she was alone with Harm. "Excuse me, I need to get back to Allison. Beth said gently. She wanted to help her friend, and she hoped he would forgive her for caring for him.
After Beth left, Mac stepped up to the rail to look out over the river. She stood a short distance away from Harm; close enough to have a conversation, but not too close to appear intimate. "It's good to see you too, Harm."
"Well now you can see me leave." Harm muttered and tried to spin around. His leg chose that exact moment to give way with a twinge and he had to grab onto the rail to keep upright.
"Hey...take it easy there sailor." Mac said automatically.
"Go fuck yourself." Harm spat angrily.
Mac was shocked. She knew Harm was bitter and angry, but to know it and confront it when he was fully conscious was another thing. She could also smell the beer on him, and was not surprised at that from what Beth had said. "Look, your leg is bound to be bothering you still, even with rehab. Just sit down for a moment." Mac tried to be reasonable.
Harm grudgingly sat down on a nearby bench and watched warily as Mac stepped closer. "Don't bother wasting your time MacKenzie. We'll both be happier if you just leave."
"You know, I told you already that I was more than capable of deciding what makes me happy." Mac said with a quiet determination.
"Whatever." Harm ran his hands along his calf trying to ease the pain in his leg.
Mac was silent for a few minutes trying to decide how to best go about this. She'd managed to convince herself that she needed to talk to him the day before. She'd even convinced herself to go see him at the rehab clinic. She'd let Beth talk her into coming to the restaurant tonight to talk to him, and now here he was, and here she was, and she still didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry I didn't come to see you while you were in the clinic." She said softly. Might as well start it off on the right note.
"Nothing said you had to come." Harm muttered. He'd be damned if he let her see how much she'd hurt him one more time.
"But I wanted to come Harm, why is that so hard for you to see?"
Harm stood up quickly and limped a few paces before he turned around and glared at Mac. "You just don't get it, do you?"
"You haven't given me anything to 'get' Harm."
"No. I'm not going to do this with you. Not this time." Harm said as he shook his head viciously. "Not anymore."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not going to let you draw me into a fight. God damn it! It's been a year and I still let you put me in these positions." Harm shouted as he slammed his open hand against the wall. Immediately the front door opened and a concerned Maitre D' looked out at them. Harm turned and glared at him until he scooted back inside.
"Well you've certainly perfected your scowl." Mac said angrily.
"Look MacKenzie, I'm going to ask you one more time. Why are you here?"
"Because I thought it was time we talked."
"I told you before, we did all our talking."
"Fine, I'll talk, you listen. Sit down Harm, you're going to do more damage to that leg of yours."
Harm looked at Mac for a moment before shrugging. He really wasn't in the mood for this, ever, but right now his leg was killing him. And the last thing he wanted was to fall on his face in front of anyone, least of all Sarah 'Dangle Him on a String' MacKenzie.
"First off, I am sorry I didn't get in to see you while you were in rehab. I really wanted to be there with you, but I was called out to the Wake Island for an investigation."
"Must have been a hell of a long investigation. I don't remember seeing you at the hospital after that one visit either." Harm snapped and then bit his tongue. Cool it Rabb, the last thing you need is for her to see how much she's hurting you.
"You can thank your good buddy Webb for that one. He had me barred from the floor. Actually he had everyone from JAG barred from the floor." Mac said snidely.
"Spider ain't no buddy of mine. Probably just wanted to keep you to himself."
"Damn it Harm!" Mac snapped. "When are you going to get it through that rock thick skull of yours I'm NOT with Webb."
"Right. Just had a whole bunch of dinners and dates with him. No that's fine, that's alright. As you've pointed out in the past I have no say over who you see." Harm rolled his eyes and then banged his hand on the wall again. When the Maitre D' came storming out of the restaurant Harm just glared at him again. "Bring me a beer." He ordered curtly.
"Belay that." Mac nearly shouted at the poor man. She sighed at his confused expression. "Water would be better, thank you."
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Harm shouted as he shot up from his seat. He really wasn't prepared for Mac to shove him back down solidly. And he really wasn't in a position to do anything about it with his leg acting up.
"Keep your seat, cowboy. And you will not be drinking in front of me."
"I'll drink wherever the hell I damn well feel like drinking!" Harm was still shouting. People passing by on the street were stopping to look at him as he ranted.
"No Harm, you won't. I've heard all about your drinking and that is something else you and I are going to have to talk about."
"Who the fuck gave you the right?" Harm groused.
"I did. Now you can rant and rave all you want Rabb, but I came here to be heard, and by God I will be heard." Mac the Marine snapped.
Harm stood back up and took a step closer to her with storms brewing in his eyes. "Now you listen to me good MacKenzie, and you hear me clear. You made a choice to be out of my life, and I fucking listened to you. So don't think because I'm all wounded and vulnerable you can waltz back in. You wanted to move on, move on."
"Why you arrogant, self serving bastard. I can't move on, you won't let me!" Mac shouted back. "Don't think I haven't tried. But every time it just keeps coming back to you. The men I am interested in aren't good enough because they aren't the great and mighty Harmon Rabb." Mac bit her tongue as soon as the words were out. It was her last intention to let Harm know that she still pined over him.
For the first time Mac saw something other than anger or bitterness in Harm's eyes. She saw uncertainty. He quickly masked it again and stepped back from where he had been standing just inches away from her. Mac struggled to get her heartbeat, her breathing, under control. She doubted very much that Harm was feeling the same things she was.
Suddenly Harm reached out and firmly guided her head towards his and pressed a hard, angry kiss on her lips. "Well, if it's my permission you need, fine. You have it. Be with whoever you want." Harm muttered as he pulled away and then spun and limped back towards the door, pushing past the poor Maitre D' who had come out just then with two waters.
As Harm walked away once more Mac slowly sunk down to the bench he had so recently vacated. "But I want to be with you." She whispered.