She Thinks...
By: Violettachan
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and its related characters.
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She Thinks...
It's funny and pathetic to think that, for the first fifteen years of my life, I had convinced myself that I would never be worthy of acknowledgement. And now, I see that I just had to open my eyes to see that there had always been people who cared. My teacher cared. She had treated me almost like her daughter. My team-mates cared. They had always been there to pull me through. Even to this day my team-mates are protective of me. They both think I don't notice the various dogs and bugs that watch over me. They would be embarrassed if they knew that I knew...men and their macho images...
When I first realized that I had been blind, I laughed and then cried and sobbed out laughter for hours afterwards. I was sure he thought that I had finally cracked under all the pressures but he held me nonetheless. At the time, I had been surprised that I didn't scare him off with my emotional whirlwinds in only the first week of dating him. But the emotional scars that I've had to kiss away as he curled up on my lap in the months following made me realize that he understood pain too well to be bothered by my small-scale meltdown. It angered me that my love had been hurt so deeply...it shamed me that I hadn't offered the comfort of love earlier...it bothered me that some thought we were only together to lick each other's wounds. But all that melted away when I looked into his ocean eyes...deep and full of life. When I saw the love reflected in them, I realized that as long as I had him, I didn't care about the others. I was able to let go of my years of repressed anger, shame, and self-doubt.
And with that, my thorny emotions towards my family slowly dulled. I still haven't come to terms with their ways but I know that they care. If not love, at least there is a bond that ties us together. However, I am no longer a pawn for them to use to further their clan goals. And it's funny but I seemed to have gained the respect I yearned for by being the good little obedient daughter, by finally growing a backbone and telling them to fuck off. Funny and pathetic...seems like the theme of my life.
I've gained confidence, I've lost the stutter, but I still can't seem to get over these bouts of depression. It's okay though. I have someone now. He'll hold me again. Even though I keep going down the same rut of misery all the time, he's never been impatient. And I know he cares each time. He'll always be there. Always. And I'll be there for him. In all my imperfections and shortcomings, I'll be there. And that's all he asks of me.
And now that I've opened my eyes, I see people who care; who have always cared; who will continue to care and I love each of them with all of my heart.
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A/N
Um yeah, this turned out with more angst than I had originally planned. But I like it. It seems that I keep adding to this fic. It was supposed to be a one-shot. Then I had the irresistible urge to write Shino. And now this... I hope this portrayal of Hinata doesn't bother too many people. I just can't see a girl who's been emotionally abused all her life turning out fluffy and completely stable. Yet, I think that she is happier than a lot of people because she has a solid foundation of trust with her love. Yes, I'm a sap.
Leave a review and let me know what you think.
Cheers,
Violettachan