A/N: Alright. I tried to figure out some way to work a length of nylon
rope, a small hairless dog and a vat of green jello into this chapter,
but just couldn't really make it work. Maybe next time. (For those of
you who are now confused, enjoy the moment. I know, however, there are
two people laughing!).
A/N 2: Well what do you know? I did find a way to work jello into this chapter!
A Man Called Ghost
Chapter 22
With a gasp Harm threw himself from his bed. Slowly he rose to his knees and drew a shuddering breath. Something had caused him to wake up in a hurry. A nightmare he thought as he wearily ran a hand through his sweat dampened hair. He knew they would come, and he knew when he made his promise to Mac, he could do nothing to fight them off. When she finally left, after making him promise one more time not to drink that night, he'd fought with himself and his desire to crawl into the bottle. He'd looked at the bottle of scotch for a long time as it sat on the counter where Mac had left it, fighting down the urge to drink as much as he could. He knew he shouldn't have agreed with her.
With a sigh Harm finished standing up and wandered down into the living room to look out at the street below in thought. There was no way he'd get back to sleep for now, even though he didn't remember anything about the nightmare. He could feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins, driving his racing heart. Putting an arm up against the cool glass he gazed down into the lamp lit street and let his thoughts wander, trying to calm himself. As his eyes drifted over the street his attention kept going back to a single car parked across the street from his building. A silver, newer model Jaguar; not something you would expect to see in his neighborhood. No matter how many times he looked at it and looked away, his eyes kept coming back to it. Something about that car was demanding his attention. Who would park such an expensive car this close to Union Station? Harm was somewhat shocked that the more undesirable elements of this part of town hadn't stripped down that kind of car yet.
Another sigh escaped from Harm's lips as he moved to the couch and put his head in his hands. Something about this nightmare seemed different, not like the others that had been plaguing him. How novel he thought, a new nightmare, and he hadn't killed anyone lately. If only he could figure out what it was that caused him to think this one was different. Ah hell, why even bother? It wasn't like he actually wanted to remember his nightmares, but all too often he did. He should be grateful this one eluded him.
With a muttered curse he slowly stood up and looked at the clock. Three am. Well it was a good thing he didn't have anything planned for the next day; the appointment to see the CIA quacks had been pushed back three days to give his ribs time to heal, and allow him to get cleared by the head docs at GW.
Three days later he was considering not answering his door anymore. For the past two nights Mac had shown up and extracted a promise from him not to drink. He knew he shouldn't make the promise, he knew he wanted to break it, but he also knew he couldn't. He'd broken too many promises to himself over the last year; he couldn't break any to Mac. And each night he'd been plagued by this new nightmare. Last night he'd finally managed to remember snippets from the dream, parts where he was being chased through the jungles of Paraguay. Chased by some kind of silver wild hunting cat. He could remember the fear, the sense of hopelessness that pervaded the dream, but he couldn't remember it all.
The nightmares had kept him awake most of the nights, as a result he wasn't in that great of shape when he had gone in to see the doctor the day before at GW, and he hadn't been in any better shape when he went to see the docs at Langley earlier in the day. They'd been a little concerned, but they still cleared him to return from medical leave on Monday. Chances are he'd be tied to a desk for a little while at first, so his health and lack of sleep shouldn't be a large problem. But damn it he needed a drink, he needed to be able to sleep. Right then and there Harm made a decision. He wouldn't be home tonight when he knew Mac would come by to make her inevitable demands upon him.
Getting up Harm grabbed his keys off the bookcase and strode out of his apartment without even grabbing a jacket. In short order he was in his car driving away from Union Station thinking about where he could go so no one would find him.
After about half an hour later he spotted a dilapidated neon sign proclaiming, "The Pigeon Hole". Not a place he'd been to before a year ago, but since then he'd come here a few times when he wanted to be alone. Pulling up to the curb outside the bar, Harm got out of his car and walked up to the door just as it was flung open from the other side. He had to step lightly to avoid being hit by the drunk that was being ejected by the burly bouncer, but he didn't give the man laying on the sidewalk another look as he passed into the smoky interior.
Grabbing a seat in the back Harm signaled to a passing waitress to get her attention. When the bored looking woman came over he saw a number of small plastic cups filled with what looked like jello on her tray.
"What's your poison?" the waitress asked when she got closer.
"What on earth are those?" Harm asked motioning towards her tray.
"Jello shooters."
"Come again?"
"We make some jello and let it set with alcohol mixed in. Makes for an interesting experience."
"Give me some of those then. I could use interesting."
"How many do you want?"
"However many this will buy me." Harm said tossing a twenty onto the woman's tray.
After the woman had deposited ten of the little cups on Harm's table he picked one up and looked at it curiously. Someone had to be seriously bored to come up with the idea of mixing booze in with jello to create a new type of shot. With a shrug he tipped the plastic shot glass back and ran his tongue around the inside of the cup to dig the jello out. Swallowing he thought he could taste a bit of vodka mixed into the gelatin. Well it certainly went down easier than liquid shots.
It wasn't until the sixth shot had been ingested that Harm felt himself begin to loosen up a little. He leaned back in his chair a bit to look at the four remaining shots before him. It was definitely a different way of taking in the drinks, he thought with a wry chuckle. As he reached for the seventh shot he saw a shadow cross the table and stop. Looking up he couldn't suppress a groan at the sight of Mac.
"Harm." Mac greeted him in a neutral tone of voice.
"What a coincidence." Harm said without any feeling.
"What are you doing?" Mac asked in a deceptively calm tone.
"Eating jello." Harm said as he fought the urge to smile.
"That's an interesting way of eating jello. Anything else in it?"
"Sugar and water I guess."
"Oh Harm." Mac sighed as she sat down across from him. "What are you doing here?"
Slamming the cup back down on the table Harm stared at Mac incredulously. "I thought that would have been obvious."
Mac calmly looked at the empty plastic cups on the table and looked back up at Harm. "How long have you been here?"
"How did you find me?" Harm shot right back.
"I hear things."
"That doesn't answer my question."
"You didn't answer mine."
Harm stared at her for a minute before shrugging his shoulders. "Half an hour, forty five minutes. I'm not sure."
"Is it something the doctors said?" Mac asked quietly.
Shaking his head Harm let out a sharp bark of laughter. "No, they're sending me back to work on Monday. Now how did you find me? You put a tracking signal in my car?"
"Nothing so fancy. A concerned friend gave me some ideas where you'd be when I couldn't find you at your apartment."
"A concerned friend?"
"I can't reveal the identity of my source." Mac said with a hint of a smile.
"I have a few ideas." Harm grunted.
"Why are you doing this Harm? I thought we were getting somewhere." Mac asked seriously. "I thought I was helping you."
"I don't need your help Colonel." Harm snapped.
"Yes, you do Harm. You have a problem, and you need my help to beat it. You can't go it alone Harm, not this time." Mac said reaching out to put her hand over his.
"I fail to see the problem Colonel. So I have a few drinks before I go to bed." Harm said as he snatched his hand out from under hers.
"The way I hear it you get dead drunk and pass out instead of going to bed Harm."
"You don't know anything about me."
"I used to Harm. Remember me, Mac? Your best friend?"
"Past tense Colonel."
"I don't see it that way Harm. The way I see it is that I still want to be your best friend, and that counts for something."
"Whatever you want Colonel." Harm said flippantly as he reached for another shot only to have Mac knock the plastic cup out of his hand and onto the floor. "What the fuck are you doing?" he shouted as he jumped to his feet.
"Helping a friend." Mac said as she stood up with a growing anger in her eyes. "Get up Harm. I'm taking you home."
"Promises, promises. Or would you rather I tossed out a red light?"
"You're drunk." Mac said with a sigh.
"No, actually I'm not, but I wish I was." Harm replied bitterly.
"Why?" Mac asked intently.
"None of your damn business."
"Why do you wish you were drunk Harm?" Mac asked stepping closer to him.
"I said, it's none of your damn business." Harm said with fire flashing in his eyes.
"I want to know Harm. What is it you're hiding from? What is it you can't face, so you feel the need to crawl into a bottle?" Mac pushed on. "Is it your job? Your life? Is it me?"
"Yeah, that's it Mac. It's you, I can't face you so I'll just crawl into a bottle and wait until you leave. It's all you. Just like every other man in your life." Harm spat out.
"You bastard." Mac gasped. As her hand was swinging up to slap him, Harm reached out and caught her wrist in a tight grip.
"Not this time Mac. You only get one shot, and you've already used yours up." Harm said. In a flash his other hand shot out and gripped Mac's left hand as she sought to connect with that one. "Didn't like my answer Colonel? Maybe you shouldn't have pushed so hard for an answer." Harm continued as he pulled her close.
"Let me go Harm." Mac said in a deceptively quiet tone. He knew deep down that he was messing with fire. It was only a matter of time until Mac threw him on his six and stomped all over him for being an ass.
"Oh come on Mac." Harm said with a bitter laugh. "You keep pushing to get close to me, and now here we are." He couldn't help but notice how good she smelled, even over the stale cigarette smoke and beer that permeated the dive bar. Savagely he tried to shove that thought back down where he'd been trying to keep it bottled up.
"Harm, please?" Mac asked in a voice barely above a whisper. Looking into her eyes Harm noticed that they'd grown wider as he pulled her closer. He couldn't ignore the electricity he felt holding Mac's hands, her flesh touching his flesh.
With a snarl he released her wrists and threw his hands up over his head. Slumping down in his chair again Harm sighed.
"Harm? What is it?" Mac asked quietly as she carefully crouched down in front of him to bring her eyes to his level. She hoped he wouldn't notice the flush to her skin in the dingy lighting of the bar; he wasn't the only one who'd felt something as he touched her. She was also wary of his sudden mood swings.
"You have no idea what I'm trying to hide from Mac."
"I want to help you Harm, please tell me?" Mac practically begged.
"I can't Mac. I can't do that to you; no one deserves that. Least of all you." Harm said quietly, closing his eyes as his mind was drawn back to his nightmares. "You should just leave me; get up and walk away Mac. Don't look back."
"It's too late for that Harm. I'm here to stay; I let you out of my sight once, and I'm never doing it again. Look at what you've done to yourself when I left you alone?" Mac said in an attempt to lighten the mood.
"You don't know what you're saying Mac." Harm pushed, trying to get her to see that it was safer to get away from him.
"I do Harm, and we're done talking about this. You know I'm not going to go anywhere, and I know you need me."
"Excuse me?" Harm gasped at the double meaning of her last statement.
"You need my help Harm." Mac clarified. "I know what you're going through. I can help you get through it. I want to help you get through it. Please let me help Harm?"
"You don't know what you're getting yourself into Mac." Harm tried one last time.
"If you're there Harm, I need to be there. Trust me on this?" Mac's eyes pleaded with him to trust her once more.
"Well apparently you're not going to take no for an answer." Harm finally conceded with a ghost of a smile.
"Good." Mac said standing up straight and smiling at him. God, he'd missed that smile. "Let's get you home then."
With a sigh Harm stood up and moved towards the door without looking back at her. As they stepped through the door he reached into his pocket to get his keys only to feel Mac's hand on his arm. Looking over his shoulder he raised an eyebrow in a silent question.
"I'll drive. I know you're not drunk, but you're down to one vehicle Harm. Can't really afford to let you wreck your SUV now too."
"Don't remind me." Harm muttered sadly. He'd been trying to forget the total write off his treasured Corvette was. As he turned towards Mac's car he stopped short when he saw a car parked down the street behind her.
"What is it Harm?" Mac asked when she felt him stop behind her.
"Nothing." Harm muttered as he stepped up to follow behind her.
"Harm." Mac said quietly. "What is it?"
"Really. It's nothing. Just that car there, it looks familiar." Harm said gesturing towards the car parked down the block.
"A Jaguar? Who would bring a Jaguar to this part of town?" Mac asked in shock.
"Good question." Harm said with sudden steel in his voice, he was sure it was the same car he'd seen outside his apartment for the past three nights. Quickly he stepped away from Mac, moving towards the Jaguar with the intent of seeing if he could find anything out about it. As he started moving the car suddenly sprang to life and the driver sped off. Vainly Harm tried to peer through the tinted windows to get a glimpse of the driver, but failed. Cursing he moved back towards Mac who was by now standing next to her car.
Settling into the bucket seats of her 'vette Harm looked at Mac thoughtfully. Finally he came to a decision. "Nightmares." He said quietly.
"What?" Mac said in a puzzled tone of voice.
"You asked what I was hiding from. Nightmares. They don't come if I'm drunk." Harm added quietly.
"Oh Harm." Mac whispered, the compassion thick in her voice.
A/N 2: Well what do you know? I did find a way to work jello into this chapter!
A Man Called Ghost
Chapter 22
With a gasp Harm threw himself from his bed. Slowly he rose to his knees and drew a shuddering breath. Something had caused him to wake up in a hurry. A nightmare he thought as he wearily ran a hand through his sweat dampened hair. He knew they would come, and he knew when he made his promise to Mac, he could do nothing to fight them off. When she finally left, after making him promise one more time not to drink that night, he'd fought with himself and his desire to crawl into the bottle. He'd looked at the bottle of scotch for a long time as it sat on the counter where Mac had left it, fighting down the urge to drink as much as he could. He knew he shouldn't have agreed with her.
With a sigh Harm finished standing up and wandered down into the living room to look out at the street below in thought. There was no way he'd get back to sleep for now, even though he didn't remember anything about the nightmare. He could feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins, driving his racing heart. Putting an arm up against the cool glass he gazed down into the lamp lit street and let his thoughts wander, trying to calm himself. As his eyes drifted over the street his attention kept going back to a single car parked across the street from his building. A silver, newer model Jaguar; not something you would expect to see in his neighborhood. No matter how many times he looked at it and looked away, his eyes kept coming back to it. Something about that car was demanding his attention. Who would park such an expensive car this close to Union Station? Harm was somewhat shocked that the more undesirable elements of this part of town hadn't stripped down that kind of car yet.
Another sigh escaped from Harm's lips as he moved to the couch and put his head in his hands. Something about this nightmare seemed different, not like the others that had been plaguing him. How novel he thought, a new nightmare, and he hadn't killed anyone lately. If only he could figure out what it was that caused him to think this one was different. Ah hell, why even bother? It wasn't like he actually wanted to remember his nightmares, but all too often he did. He should be grateful this one eluded him.
With a muttered curse he slowly stood up and looked at the clock. Three am. Well it was a good thing he didn't have anything planned for the next day; the appointment to see the CIA quacks had been pushed back three days to give his ribs time to heal, and allow him to get cleared by the head docs at GW.
Three days later he was considering not answering his door anymore. For the past two nights Mac had shown up and extracted a promise from him not to drink. He knew he shouldn't make the promise, he knew he wanted to break it, but he also knew he couldn't. He'd broken too many promises to himself over the last year; he couldn't break any to Mac. And each night he'd been plagued by this new nightmare. Last night he'd finally managed to remember snippets from the dream, parts where he was being chased through the jungles of Paraguay. Chased by some kind of silver wild hunting cat. He could remember the fear, the sense of hopelessness that pervaded the dream, but he couldn't remember it all.
The nightmares had kept him awake most of the nights, as a result he wasn't in that great of shape when he had gone in to see the doctor the day before at GW, and he hadn't been in any better shape when he went to see the docs at Langley earlier in the day. They'd been a little concerned, but they still cleared him to return from medical leave on Monday. Chances are he'd be tied to a desk for a little while at first, so his health and lack of sleep shouldn't be a large problem. But damn it he needed a drink, he needed to be able to sleep. Right then and there Harm made a decision. He wouldn't be home tonight when he knew Mac would come by to make her inevitable demands upon him.
Getting up Harm grabbed his keys off the bookcase and strode out of his apartment without even grabbing a jacket. In short order he was in his car driving away from Union Station thinking about where he could go so no one would find him.
After about half an hour later he spotted a dilapidated neon sign proclaiming, "The Pigeon Hole". Not a place he'd been to before a year ago, but since then he'd come here a few times when he wanted to be alone. Pulling up to the curb outside the bar, Harm got out of his car and walked up to the door just as it was flung open from the other side. He had to step lightly to avoid being hit by the drunk that was being ejected by the burly bouncer, but he didn't give the man laying on the sidewalk another look as he passed into the smoky interior.
Grabbing a seat in the back Harm signaled to a passing waitress to get her attention. When the bored looking woman came over he saw a number of small plastic cups filled with what looked like jello on her tray.
"What's your poison?" the waitress asked when she got closer.
"What on earth are those?" Harm asked motioning towards her tray.
"Jello shooters."
"Come again?"
"We make some jello and let it set with alcohol mixed in. Makes for an interesting experience."
"Give me some of those then. I could use interesting."
"How many do you want?"
"However many this will buy me." Harm said tossing a twenty onto the woman's tray.
After the woman had deposited ten of the little cups on Harm's table he picked one up and looked at it curiously. Someone had to be seriously bored to come up with the idea of mixing booze in with jello to create a new type of shot. With a shrug he tipped the plastic shot glass back and ran his tongue around the inside of the cup to dig the jello out. Swallowing he thought he could taste a bit of vodka mixed into the gelatin. Well it certainly went down easier than liquid shots.
It wasn't until the sixth shot had been ingested that Harm felt himself begin to loosen up a little. He leaned back in his chair a bit to look at the four remaining shots before him. It was definitely a different way of taking in the drinks, he thought with a wry chuckle. As he reached for the seventh shot he saw a shadow cross the table and stop. Looking up he couldn't suppress a groan at the sight of Mac.
"Harm." Mac greeted him in a neutral tone of voice.
"What a coincidence." Harm said without any feeling.
"What are you doing?" Mac asked in a deceptively calm tone.
"Eating jello." Harm said as he fought the urge to smile.
"That's an interesting way of eating jello. Anything else in it?"
"Sugar and water I guess."
"Oh Harm." Mac sighed as she sat down across from him. "What are you doing here?"
Slamming the cup back down on the table Harm stared at Mac incredulously. "I thought that would have been obvious."
Mac calmly looked at the empty plastic cups on the table and looked back up at Harm. "How long have you been here?"
"How did you find me?" Harm shot right back.
"I hear things."
"That doesn't answer my question."
"You didn't answer mine."
Harm stared at her for a minute before shrugging his shoulders. "Half an hour, forty five minutes. I'm not sure."
"Is it something the doctors said?" Mac asked quietly.
Shaking his head Harm let out a sharp bark of laughter. "No, they're sending me back to work on Monday. Now how did you find me? You put a tracking signal in my car?"
"Nothing so fancy. A concerned friend gave me some ideas where you'd be when I couldn't find you at your apartment."
"A concerned friend?"
"I can't reveal the identity of my source." Mac said with a hint of a smile.
"I have a few ideas." Harm grunted.
"Why are you doing this Harm? I thought we were getting somewhere." Mac asked seriously. "I thought I was helping you."
"I don't need your help Colonel." Harm snapped.
"Yes, you do Harm. You have a problem, and you need my help to beat it. You can't go it alone Harm, not this time." Mac said reaching out to put her hand over his.
"I fail to see the problem Colonel. So I have a few drinks before I go to bed." Harm said as he snatched his hand out from under hers.
"The way I hear it you get dead drunk and pass out instead of going to bed Harm."
"You don't know anything about me."
"I used to Harm. Remember me, Mac? Your best friend?"
"Past tense Colonel."
"I don't see it that way Harm. The way I see it is that I still want to be your best friend, and that counts for something."
"Whatever you want Colonel." Harm said flippantly as he reached for another shot only to have Mac knock the plastic cup out of his hand and onto the floor. "What the fuck are you doing?" he shouted as he jumped to his feet.
"Helping a friend." Mac said as she stood up with a growing anger in her eyes. "Get up Harm. I'm taking you home."
"Promises, promises. Or would you rather I tossed out a red light?"
"You're drunk." Mac said with a sigh.
"No, actually I'm not, but I wish I was." Harm replied bitterly.
"Why?" Mac asked intently.
"None of your damn business."
"Why do you wish you were drunk Harm?" Mac asked stepping closer to him.
"I said, it's none of your damn business." Harm said with fire flashing in his eyes.
"I want to know Harm. What is it you're hiding from? What is it you can't face, so you feel the need to crawl into a bottle?" Mac pushed on. "Is it your job? Your life? Is it me?"
"Yeah, that's it Mac. It's you, I can't face you so I'll just crawl into a bottle and wait until you leave. It's all you. Just like every other man in your life." Harm spat out.
"You bastard." Mac gasped. As her hand was swinging up to slap him, Harm reached out and caught her wrist in a tight grip.
"Not this time Mac. You only get one shot, and you've already used yours up." Harm said. In a flash his other hand shot out and gripped Mac's left hand as she sought to connect with that one. "Didn't like my answer Colonel? Maybe you shouldn't have pushed so hard for an answer." Harm continued as he pulled her close.
"Let me go Harm." Mac said in a deceptively quiet tone. He knew deep down that he was messing with fire. It was only a matter of time until Mac threw him on his six and stomped all over him for being an ass.
"Oh come on Mac." Harm said with a bitter laugh. "You keep pushing to get close to me, and now here we are." He couldn't help but notice how good she smelled, even over the stale cigarette smoke and beer that permeated the dive bar. Savagely he tried to shove that thought back down where he'd been trying to keep it bottled up.
"Harm, please?" Mac asked in a voice barely above a whisper. Looking into her eyes Harm noticed that they'd grown wider as he pulled her closer. He couldn't ignore the electricity he felt holding Mac's hands, her flesh touching his flesh.
With a snarl he released her wrists and threw his hands up over his head. Slumping down in his chair again Harm sighed.
"Harm? What is it?" Mac asked quietly as she carefully crouched down in front of him to bring her eyes to his level. She hoped he wouldn't notice the flush to her skin in the dingy lighting of the bar; he wasn't the only one who'd felt something as he touched her. She was also wary of his sudden mood swings.
"You have no idea what I'm trying to hide from Mac."
"I want to help you Harm, please tell me?" Mac practically begged.
"I can't Mac. I can't do that to you; no one deserves that. Least of all you." Harm said quietly, closing his eyes as his mind was drawn back to his nightmares. "You should just leave me; get up and walk away Mac. Don't look back."
"It's too late for that Harm. I'm here to stay; I let you out of my sight once, and I'm never doing it again. Look at what you've done to yourself when I left you alone?" Mac said in an attempt to lighten the mood.
"You don't know what you're saying Mac." Harm pushed, trying to get her to see that it was safer to get away from him.
"I do Harm, and we're done talking about this. You know I'm not going to go anywhere, and I know you need me."
"Excuse me?" Harm gasped at the double meaning of her last statement.
"You need my help Harm." Mac clarified. "I know what you're going through. I can help you get through it. I want to help you get through it. Please let me help Harm?"
"You don't know what you're getting yourself into Mac." Harm tried one last time.
"If you're there Harm, I need to be there. Trust me on this?" Mac's eyes pleaded with him to trust her once more.
"Well apparently you're not going to take no for an answer." Harm finally conceded with a ghost of a smile.
"Good." Mac said standing up straight and smiling at him. God, he'd missed that smile. "Let's get you home then."
With a sigh Harm stood up and moved towards the door without looking back at her. As they stepped through the door he reached into his pocket to get his keys only to feel Mac's hand on his arm. Looking over his shoulder he raised an eyebrow in a silent question.
"I'll drive. I know you're not drunk, but you're down to one vehicle Harm. Can't really afford to let you wreck your SUV now too."
"Don't remind me." Harm muttered sadly. He'd been trying to forget the total write off his treasured Corvette was. As he turned towards Mac's car he stopped short when he saw a car parked down the street behind her.
"What is it Harm?" Mac asked when she felt him stop behind her.
"Nothing." Harm muttered as he stepped up to follow behind her.
"Harm." Mac said quietly. "What is it?"
"Really. It's nothing. Just that car there, it looks familiar." Harm said gesturing towards the car parked down the block.
"A Jaguar? Who would bring a Jaguar to this part of town?" Mac asked in shock.
"Good question." Harm said with sudden steel in his voice, he was sure it was the same car he'd seen outside his apartment for the past three nights. Quickly he stepped away from Mac, moving towards the Jaguar with the intent of seeing if he could find anything out about it. As he started moving the car suddenly sprang to life and the driver sped off. Vainly Harm tried to peer through the tinted windows to get a glimpse of the driver, but failed. Cursing he moved back towards Mac who was by now standing next to her car.
Settling into the bucket seats of her 'vette Harm looked at Mac thoughtfully. Finally he came to a decision. "Nightmares." He said quietly.
"What?" Mac said in a puzzled tone of voice.
"You asked what I was hiding from. Nightmares. They don't come if I'm drunk." Harm added quietly.
"Oh Harm." Mac whispered, the compassion thick in her voice.