I cannot jump rope anymore.
Docteur Luka and Docteur John had to cut my foot off. It was hurt bad when the shell fell down. It hurt so much, and they couldn't help me. Mama was so sad, I know she wanted to make it hurt less. Mama cries a lot now. When I was little she didn't cry much. She smiled. I don't remember the last time she smiled.
I used to be the best in school at jump rope. I just went for a year and a half before we had to leave but I was the champion. The ugly Marie from the French class tried to be better then me but she just fell down and scraped her knee and cried. I never cried when I fell. I wouldn't have cried when they cut my foot off but it just hurt too much. Now I will always have only one foot. It looks so strange – and sometimes I wake up and feel my toes hurt and they are not there.
I lost my green jump rope last month when they shelled the village where Maman and me were staying. I cried a lot then. Mama said she would buy me a new one when she got some money. We have not had money since last year. Now I can't jump rope anymore unless I get a special prosthesis, Docteur Luka says. He is nice. He spends most of the day with me, and plays with me. I have never seen a big man like him play with a girl. Most big men I see carry guns and try to kill Mama and me. But there are still nice men. Doctors are nice. I want to be a doctor too, so I can fix people who got hurt like me.
Docteur John was nice too. He left a couple of days ago. His French was very bad. I taught him some bad words Mama says little girls like me are not supposed to know. He laughed a lot when Gillian explained him what they meant. He asked me if I wanted anything from America. I asked him for a jump rope and an English book so I can learn some because his French was terrible. He laughed a little, and then patted me on the head. He and Docteur Luka spoke for a long time, I think about my foot.
Now he and Gillian left. It's just Docteur Luka now. He seems sad sometimes. He sits around by himself and smokes. He looks like he wants to cry sometimes when he thinks he is alone, but he never does. He told me one night that he used to have a little girl about my age, and a little boy, but they were gone, he didn't say how. He told me that there was a war like here at the place where he used to live. I don't understand why he came to our war if he was in a war. Our war is really bad and I imagine other wars are also bad too, if they make people like Luka so sad.
The army helicopter came yesterday. They were supposed to take everyone away to Kisangani, but there was not enough room, so Mama and Luka had to stay behind until the next time. I could have gotten on, but I did not want to leave Mama. I was afraid I would never see her again. Mama and Luka wanted me to go, but I refused. Mama cried a lot and said that I was silly, but I was happy that I stayed with her. Luka was also angry at me, but I said that I didn't want to leave him and Mama, and he just looked at me, his eyes really sad, like Mama's, but did not cry.
I wonder what will happen. Maybe the helicopter will come back soon and we can go live in Kinshasa. Papa's cousin lives there, and he would not mind if we came. He is nice. I met him when I was little, when it was Maurice's birthday. I miss Maurice. I don't remember what he looks like anymore, just like Papa. I think he is dead. Mama hasn't told me that but I think that dead boy we saw last winter was him, because Mama told me to run to the tent we lived in and only come back late at night, her face all puffy. Maurice was stolen by the Mai-Mai when we were running away from our town, and I never saw him again.
Luka comes to the place where I am sitting with a bundle of clothes and asks me if I want to go help him wash them. I get really excited and jump up, because I want to run to the stream. But I fall down because I forget that I can't run anymore. I stare at the place where my foot was and tears come to my eyes, because I want it back, I want to paint all ten of my toes with nail polish but I have only five left. Luka helps me to get up and holds me up so I can stand on my healthy leg. I feel ashamed for my tears and wipe at my eyes with my hands. Luka continues to hold me up and kneels, so his face is almost on the level with mine.
We look at each other, and I see that he has tears in his eyes too. Before I realize what I am doing I wipe a tear from his cheek with my hand, and put my arms around his neck and hug him like I used to hug Papa, and maybe like his daughter used to hug him. He hugs me too, and before I let go of him he lifts me up and spins me around in the air. He laughs, and I laugh too, as the sky and the forest become a twirl of colors...
A/N: I just wanted to thank all of the reviewers for their great feedback and say that I am unfortunately not able to list my comments to their reviews here because I don't have Internet on my home computer and only have it at the comp lab at the university I am currently studying at, which is usually VERY full. My grandma is also staying with me – and she doesn't like it when I'm on the comp and thinks that I should go to sleep at midnight despite me being twenty… And did I mention my Dad just came to visit? Also, since season ten is starting up soon, I wanted to say that I will not see it until January and thus this fic will become totally AU.
A/N #2: For those awaiting the Luka chapter – don't despair, it's halfway done, but it's a bit delayed because I am starting my fall classes in a week, and since I am a college junior who will be taking graduate-level classes, fanfic has to take the second place for a while. For Carbies who don't want Carter and Abby to break up in this fic– tough luck. My fic – my rules. If you want Carby, go read it somewhere else, because I don't write it. Anyways, sorry for the harshness.