Disclaimer: Nope, Final Fantasy X belongs to Squaresoft. *sobs* However,
original characters (my summoner and her party) belong to me.
This is my first FFX fanfic and reviews are greatly appreciated. I've always thought that Auron was a closet romantic (especially when he was younger), but to reveal it would take so much away from his bad ass demeanor.
Sorry about the LOOOONG time between updates. I've become caught up in a Highlander RPG and... yeah... But here's an update on the story I thought I was going to have to put on hiatus! *crowd cheers* There's a line in here that's from Evanescence's "My Immortal," you'll know it when you see it.
Also, this story will roughly follow the game up until Bevelle, but I won't be writing out each and every scene. The story will contain spoilers, so if you've beaten the game and/or don't care to be surprised, please read on.
Read and enjoy!
"Kiss From a Rose" Part Nine
Copyright 2003-2004 by Amie Martin
highlander_bellflower@hotmail.com
*****************************
~Katralina--Macalania Woods~
Soft moonlight filtered down through the trees, making the scenery around me sparkle. It had been far too long since I had taken in the beauty of Macalania Woods, revelling in the simplistic peace Spira could offer, Sin or no Sin. The stillness of the woods washed over me, calming my mind for the moment.
Bevelle had been intent on keeping us in its grasp, trying to ensure that word of Yevon's hypocrisy didn't spread any further. Yuna's battle with Isaaru was only the first of many challenges the Maesters threw at us; every step we took on the Highbridge was riddled with threats and danger. I had picked the perfect time to become a guardian, the one moment the party needed my help the most.
Our ultimate challenge came in the form of Seymour, the younger of the two undead Maesters of Spira. It was then that his true intentions became clear- -Seymour wanted to become the next Sin and destroy Spira in the process. "To end Spira's suffering," or so he claimed. Maester or not, undead or not, Seymour was undeniably insane. And we had no choice but to fight.
Yuna had to be afraid of fighting Seymour again, but I couldn't see a trace of it in her eyes. I had watched her grow from afar, and I knew her emotions would be her weakness. Seymour tried to play upon this, to shatter our defenses through Yuna, but she held her ground, and with her strength we found victory.
Still, victory in battle wasn't enough, not where Seymour was concerned. With more Bevelle guards on the way and the party already weary from the battle with Seymour, we couldn't risk fighting unprepared and being recaptured. We left Seymour's body bloodied and broken on the Highbridge, our own safety taking precedence.
Without Yuna performing the sending, I knew Seymour would be back. It was only a matter of time.
In the meantime, the party set up camp in Macalania Woods for some much- needed rest. Yuna excused herself quickly, asking for time to think. Not one of her guardians objected--after all, it was Yuna who would decide whether or not the pilgrimage would continue. She was Braska's daughter; I highly doubted she would turn back now. Still, she would have all the time she needed, and us guardians would not stand in her way.
I, too, craved solitude. I leaned against a large tree at the lake's edge, looking out over the sparkling waters. Across the lake, I watched Tidus and Yuna speaking intimately, as budding lovers would do. Watching them together brought a hint of a smile to my face; it was not my place to be watching them, but I couldn't tear my eyes away.
Once upon a time, Auron and I had looked just like Tidus and Yuna...
***Flashback***
"What are you thinking about, Katra?" Auron murmured into my hair.
We sat together beneath one of the massive trees, the crystalline woods sparkling around us. Auron was propped up against the tree trunk, and I leaned back against his chest, lounging in his arms. There was sense of comfort here, in Auron's presence, and at every opportunity we found ways to be together, no matter how brief our encounters might be. Tonight, I knew we would have until dawn until Braska continued on to Macalania, and I planned on making the best of our time together.
"I'm thinking about how I'm at peace, mind, body, and soul," I told him, lacing my fingers with his.
"These woods are known to do that." Auron gazed up at the brances above us. "When I lived in Bevelle, I would come here sometimes just to think. The city's not far from here."
I twisted in his arms so I could see his face. "Macalania is pretty," I agreed, "but it's being with you that makes me feel... complete, like nothing else in Spira matters."
The expression on Auron's face grew tender with emotion. "A summoner knows how to bring peace, not how to enjoy it," he said quietly, his voice low and soft.
"Auron... are you all right?" Leaving the safe circle of his arms, I sat so we were facing one another. "Whatever it is, you know you can tell me."
Sighing, Auron took my hands in his. "I've been thinking about the pilgrimage, about your pilgrimage," he admitted slowly, his thumbs tracing small circles on the back of my hands. "Katra... if I asked you to stop right now and go back to Besaid, would you?"
Tears threatened to fill my eyes, but I pushed the emotion aside. I had to stay calm, for Auron's sake. "You know I can't do that."
"Why?" His rebuttal was sharp, unexpected. "Dying is not going to bring Sephi back, and you know it."
"Nothing can bring Sephi back. But I have the power to defeat Sin, Auron, the power to get my revenge."
"The battle will kill you, Katra." He laid a hand against my face, and I was surprised to note how he was shaking. "I can't sit here and watch you die. What good is revenge if you can't enjoy it? You and Braska seem to keep missing that point."
My hand joined his, and I squeezed it tightly. "So you tried to talk Braska out of his pilgrimage, too."
Auron grunted, looking away from me. "He claims he'll find a way to keep Sin from being reborn. That he'll be the last summoner to defeat Sin." He laughed cynically, a sound of near despair. "Braska's never considered what will happen if he fails."
"If anyone can stop Sin forever, it's Braska," I told him, my voice eerily confident. "If he believes he will succeed, then he will."
"You think it's easy watching my Lord--no, my best friend--run straight to his death? Or how I feel every time I remember what you are?"
What I was? A summoner, destined to die in the Final Summoning, so my Final Aeon would defeat Sin and bring the Calm. "It's not easy for me either," I admitted, turning his head so his russet eyes met mine. "I'm scared to die, Auron. I'm scared to death to find out what will happen to me once I get to Zanarkand. But just because I'm scared doesn't I'm not determined. Fear and determination--they're the emotions that keep me going, knowing that my death, my *life* will not be in vain."
"Katra." Auron's voice was just above a whisper. "You, especially, I won't let go without a fight. You mean too much to me..."
Now the tears were becoming overwhelming, and I rested my forehead against his. "Promise me something, Auron."
His arms slid around my waist and pulled me closer to him. "Anything," he said, his breath warm against my face.
"Stay with me." Swallowing my fear, I repeated, "Stay with me... until..."
"Until forever," Auron finished for me, bringing his lips to mine. The kiss was sweet, gentle, but there was a greater force behind it. It was Auron's promise to me, and mine to him, a vow I would never break.
We sat there for a long time, Auron and I, taking in the comfort the other offered. The pilgrimage threatened to tear us apart, but we held firm, drawing strength from each other. I knew he was going to have an objection to my journey, and even though I would continue on, he promised to stay with me. Auron's promise, his vow, would stay with me for the rest of my life.
Finally, Auron broke away from me and planted a kiss on my forehead. "I've got a question for you," he said, sounding playful and cheery.
Resting my head on his chest, I murmured, "What is it?"
"Why do you always keep your hair up like this?" He smoothed a hand over my ponytail, smiling. "I've never seen you otherwise."
"Just my way of being different, I guess." I shrugged against him. "And you have seen me with my hair down--I look just like Corone."
Laughter shook his entire body. "You don't look anything like your sister."
"And the fact that we're identical twins just slipped your mind?"
"I didn't forget, it's just that you're... different than she is." Studying me, he added, "Maybe it's your way with black magic, but there seems to be something dark about you, something lying beneath the surface.
Auron's fingertips tickled their way up my spine, and I couldn't help but giggle. "I'm not sure if I can take that as a compliment."
"Trust me, it is. It's what drew me to you, that day in Mushroom Rock." Shifting beneath me, Auron rose to his feet and stretched. "It's what keeps me coming back."
He took a few steps towards the lake, and I sat up straighter, confused by his actions. "Auron, where are you going?"
One of the crystals of Macalania seemed to have fallen into Auron's eyes, from the way they were sparkling. "Swimming," he said, grinning. "Care to join me?"
"I don't know... won't the water be cold?" I drew my knees up to my chest. "You forget that Besaid is one of the warmer parts of Spira."
"It won't be that bad."
"Auron, I really don't think--"
My words were swallowed by a startled cry as Auron lifted me into his arms and carried me towards the water. I tried to protest, but Auron's laughter was soon joined by my own, and we hit the water together, side by side, hand in hand. I knew he'd never let me go.
Life was too short to be worried over the little things. Auron and I were together, and that was all I needed to be content.
***End Flashback***
I smiled wistfully at the happy memory. Seeing Tidus and Yuna together now, the love hidden just beneath the surface... my siblings as well as Braska and Jecht must have seen the same thing in Auron and I, all those years ago. Suddenly I understood why Othello and Jecht had teased us, why Corone and Braska had chuckled. Our love brought levity to the pilgrimage, and I could only hope that Tidus and Yuna could do the same now.
But now... for me, everything was different, and no amount of pretending could change what I knew was true. I was ecstatic, overjoyed, at being with Auron again, but I had been doing a lot of thinking since our reunion in Bevelle. The conclusions I drew only made me even more uneasy.
Auron was unsent, and I was the only member of the party who knew it. I wasn't so naïve to believe that he was somehow alive again, good as new, as if that day on Mount Gagazet had never happened. My heart ached at the mere thought of the reality of the situation.
At some point or another, he would have to be sent, just like Seymour. And as much as I loved and adored him, I didn't know if my heart could stand the pain of losing him again. It was the only thing keeping me from being with Auron now, enjoying every second we might have together. There had to come a time when I looked at this love from a logical standpoint, a time when I refused to hurt anymore. If protecting my heart meant I had to stay away from Auron... it was a move I might have to take.
"Forgive me for intruding upon your thoughts, my Lady."
I whirled around, the hem of my coat brushing against the still surface of the water. Auron stood behind me, patiently staring at me behind his sunglasses. His presence startled me, but the shock was momentary. "Auron," I began, smiling a little, "my time as a Lady is long past us, now."
"You'll always be a Lady to me." He stepped forward to stand beside me at the lake's edge. "I had hoped we could talk."
"We're far from strangers, Auron. Of course we can talk." I was slightly unnerved by the fact that he felt he needed to ask permission for a simple conversation, but I wasn't sure what to make of it, yet. "We have... much to catch up on."
He chuckled. "It's been... ten years."
Searching his face, I looked for signs that showed that the last ten years had indeed past for him, that he had not suddenly appeared on Spira from the Farplane or beyond. With the high collar and sunglasses, my efforts were unsuccessful. Finally, I reached up and tugged the collar down. "No one would know that better than you and me."
"Indeed." Auron's hand covered my own, holding his collar. "I take it this bothers you?"
"I'll not have you hiding from me, Auron."
With one quick movement, Auron pulled the collar from his neck. "As you wish, Katra."
His face was lined with tiny wrinkles buried in his stubble; Auron looked far older than his 35 years. The years had weighed on him, just as they had weighed on me. "Thank you," I whispered.
Nodding, Auron slipped off his sunglasses and tucked them away in a pocket. "Of course. I would never hide from you."
"But you are hiding from the others, even Tidus." It was a statement, not a question; I knew Auron too well.
"It is... easier without the questions." Auron grunted, his gaze sweeping out over the lake. "Tell me, how goes life in Besaid?" he asked, changing the subject.
A small smile drifted across my lips as I thought about my hometown. "It... goes, I suppose. Besaid doesn't change much over the years, only the faces do. And even then, that's not much."
"What about your family?" He looked over at me, his one good eye filled with genuine curiosity.
"Well, Othello still hasn't settled down, and at this point I highly doubt he's ever going to." Laughing, I added, "I've lost track of all his girlfriends; he has four in Besaid alone. And Ziletto's almost the exact opposite--he joined the Yevon priesthood and now lives in the temple."
"The priesthood?" The shock was evident in Auron's voice, as was his disdain for his former lifestyle. "What would possess him to do that?"
Shrugging, I answered, "He wanted to live a life free of violence, and to that end I can't blame him. And he knows how I feel about Yevon, and deep down, I think Ziletto feels the same way."
"Some priest."
"It's Yevon. Anything is possible."
Auron laughed, leaning closer to me. "And what of Corone?"
Here I faltered slightly; my twin sister had a life I envied. "She married, of course," I said slowly, watching the stars' reflection in the water. "She and Jacan are so cute together. They have two little boys--Joram, who's 6, and Rylan, who's 2. I spend most of my time watching them, giving Corone some time to herself."
"You're jealous."
"No, not really. Just... wistful." I glanced sideways at him; it was my turn to change the subject. "Did you really see Jecht's Zanarkand?"
He reached out, lacing his fingers with mine. "It was... so different than Spira, Katra. The city was always lit, even at night, and there were always so many people in the streets... Zanarkand never sleeps. I... I wish I could have shown you."
Silence hung between us, silence that before would have been filled with soft kisses and gentle touches. That was gone now; I was uncertain if it would ever come back again. Sadness threatened to overwhelm me; already I could feel the pressure welling in my chest. The only way Auron could travel to Zanarkand was as an unsent... I had to know, I couldn't let myself believe in foolish hopes and fallen dreams. Tugging on his hand, I whispered, "Auron..."
"What is it, Katra?" Auron stepped closer to me, closing the gap between us. We were less than a foot apart, he was close enough to hold me, kiss me, catch me...
My voice alongside my heart. "Auron... I have to know... if you are still..."
"Unsent?" The word was rough to my ears. "Yes."
That one word shattered what was left of my splintered world. My head dropped as the tears swelled behind my eyes, and I couldn't bring myself to look at him, not even while his hands slid up to my shoulders to comfort me. "So that was why you didn't come back to Besaid," I managed to whisper, my breath coming out in gasps.
"I didn't want my presence to hurt you." Auron's voice was as broken as mine, the words spoken into my ear. "With all that had happened... I couldn't go back."
"Like it or not, you *have* hurt me." Almost angrily I looked up at him, part of me wanting to push him away, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. "Do you know how hard it was just to get up every morning, in that lonely little hut, knowing that you wouldn't be there to greet me? Or seeing your sister--your identical twin--live out the dream that had once been yours?"
"Katra--"
Ignoring Auron's protest, I barreled on. "And now you're here, smiling at me as if the last ten years had been nothing but a bad dream, but it all happened, Auron, I know it did. There's no turning back, for either of us." I paused for a moment to catch my breath. "What were you going to do? Ask Yuna to send you before she defeats Sin?"
"When she no longer needs me, and my promise to Braska is fulfilled, yes," Auron admitted quietly.
Braska... damn him for having a kind soul, and damn him for having Auron's loyalty! "But what about your promise to me?" I asked, almost begging. "You promised me right here, in Macalania, that you'd stay with me forever. You weren't the only one who died that day on Mount Gagazet... my spirit went with you, and your memory has done nothing but haunt me ever since!"
I turned away from him then, watching the lake's waters gently lap against the edge of the woods, hoping to calm down and not quite succeeding. Auron said nothing, but I could feel him hovering behind me, his presence both helping and hindering my efforts.
Finally, I said, the control in my voice amazing even myself, "I can't lose you again, Auron. I've just found you, and if I have to watch you go a second time--" I gulped for air, the sobs barely contained in my chest. "I won't survive, Auron, I just know it."
"I never left you, Katra, not really." I could feel Auron's breath on my neck as he leaned down to whisper in my ear. "Since the day I met you, you've had all of me, heart and soul. There's nothing in the world that can change that. I've always loved you, Katra, and I always will."
I could barely whisper the words. "Then even though you're still with me, I've been alone all along..."
My knees could no longer hold me, and I collapsed to the ground as the sobs racked my body. Auron still loved me, and I still loved him, but he was unsent--the mere thought of his sending was too much to bear. The depression was starting to take hold of me again, when I should, in theory, be happy for the first time in ten years. I couldn't face the idea of losing Auron again...
Slowly I felt a pair of arms wind about me, pulling back towards something hard, something stable. It took a moment for me to realize that Auron was kneeling behind me, holding me, that it was him who kissed my neck gently, him who pressed a face wet with tears into my shoulder. He knew his inevitable fate, and it killed him as much as it killed me. Together we cried, holding on for dear life on the shore of Lake Macalania, our future uncertain except for Auron's end.
Somewhere in the middle of my tears, I remembered being grateful that Tidus and Yuna were unable to see us cry.
*****************************
A/N: So, good update? Please read and review, it's really appreciated!
And... if the next section is from Rikku's POV, would you guys be really mad? Let me know what you think, and then I'll decide what to do from there.
This is my first FFX fanfic and reviews are greatly appreciated. I've always thought that Auron was a closet romantic (especially when he was younger), but to reveal it would take so much away from his bad ass demeanor.
Sorry about the LOOOONG time between updates. I've become caught up in a Highlander RPG and... yeah... But here's an update on the story I thought I was going to have to put on hiatus! *crowd cheers* There's a line in here that's from Evanescence's "My Immortal," you'll know it when you see it.
Also, this story will roughly follow the game up until Bevelle, but I won't be writing out each and every scene. The story will contain spoilers, so if you've beaten the game and/or don't care to be surprised, please read on.
Read and enjoy!
"Kiss From a Rose" Part Nine
Copyright 2003-2004 by Amie Martin
highlander_bellflower@hotmail.com
*****************************
~Katralina--Macalania Woods~
Soft moonlight filtered down through the trees, making the scenery around me sparkle. It had been far too long since I had taken in the beauty of Macalania Woods, revelling in the simplistic peace Spira could offer, Sin or no Sin. The stillness of the woods washed over me, calming my mind for the moment.
Bevelle had been intent on keeping us in its grasp, trying to ensure that word of Yevon's hypocrisy didn't spread any further. Yuna's battle with Isaaru was only the first of many challenges the Maesters threw at us; every step we took on the Highbridge was riddled with threats and danger. I had picked the perfect time to become a guardian, the one moment the party needed my help the most.
Our ultimate challenge came in the form of Seymour, the younger of the two undead Maesters of Spira. It was then that his true intentions became clear- -Seymour wanted to become the next Sin and destroy Spira in the process. "To end Spira's suffering," or so he claimed. Maester or not, undead or not, Seymour was undeniably insane. And we had no choice but to fight.
Yuna had to be afraid of fighting Seymour again, but I couldn't see a trace of it in her eyes. I had watched her grow from afar, and I knew her emotions would be her weakness. Seymour tried to play upon this, to shatter our defenses through Yuna, but she held her ground, and with her strength we found victory.
Still, victory in battle wasn't enough, not where Seymour was concerned. With more Bevelle guards on the way and the party already weary from the battle with Seymour, we couldn't risk fighting unprepared and being recaptured. We left Seymour's body bloodied and broken on the Highbridge, our own safety taking precedence.
Without Yuna performing the sending, I knew Seymour would be back. It was only a matter of time.
In the meantime, the party set up camp in Macalania Woods for some much- needed rest. Yuna excused herself quickly, asking for time to think. Not one of her guardians objected--after all, it was Yuna who would decide whether or not the pilgrimage would continue. She was Braska's daughter; I highly doubted she would turn back now. Still, she would have all the time she needed, and us guardians would not stand in her way.
I, too, craved solitude. I leaned against a large tree at the lake's edge, looking out over the sparkling waters. Across the lake, I watched Tidus and Yuna speaking intimately, as budding lovers would do. Watching them together brought a hint of a smile to my face; it was not my place to be watching them, but I couldn't tear my eyes away.
Once upon a time, Auron and I had looked just like Tidus and Yuna...
***Flashback***
"What are you thinking about, Katra?" Auron murmured into my hair.
We sat together beneath one of the massive trees, the crystalline woods sparkling around us. Auron was propped up against the tree trunk, and I leaned back against his chest, lounging in his arms. There was sense of comfort here, in Auron's presence, and at every opportunity we found ways to be together, no matter how brief our encounters might be. Tonight, I knew we would have until dawn until Braska continued on to Macalania, and I planned on making the best of our time together.
"I'm thinking about how I'm at peace, mind, body, and soul," I told him, lacing my fingers with his.
"These woods are known to do that." Auron gazed up at the brances above us. "When I lived in Bevelle, I would come here sometimes just to think. The city's not far from here."
I twisted in his arms so I could see his face. "Macalania is pretty," I agreed, "but it's being with you that makes me feel... complete, like nothing else in Spira matters."
The expression on Auron's face grew tender with emotion. "A summoner knows how to bring peace, not how to enjoy it," he said quietly, his voice low and soft.
"Auron... are you all right?" Leaving the safe circle of his arms, I sat so we were facing one another. "Whatever it is, you know you can tell me."
Sighing, Auron took my hands in his. "I've been thinking about the pilgrimage, about your pilgrimage," he admitted slowly, his thumbs tracing small circles on the back of my hands. "Katra... if I asked you to stop right now and go back to Besaid, would you?"
Tears threatened to fill my eyes, but I pushed the emotion aside. I had to stay calm, for Auron's sake. "You know I can't do that."
"Why?" His rebuttal was sharp, unexpected. "Dying is not going to bring Sephi back, and you know it."
"Nothing can bring Sephi back. But I have the power to defeat Sin, Auron, the power to get my revenge."
"The battle will kill you, Katra." He laid a hand against my face, and I was surprised to note how he was shaking. "I can't sit here and watch you die. What good is revenge if you can't enjoy it? You and Braska seem to keep missing that point."
My hand joined his, and I squeezed it tightly. "So you tried to talk Braska out of his pilgrimage, too."
Auron grunted, looking away from me. "He claims he'll find a way to keep Sin from being reborn. That he'll be the last summoner to defeat Sin." He laughed cynically, a sound of near despair. "Braska's never considered what will happen if he fails."
"If anyone can stop Sin forever, it's Braska," I told him, my voice eerily confident. "If he believes he will succeed, then he will."
"You think it's easy watching my Lord--no, my best friend--run straight to his death? Or how I feel every time I remember what you are?"
What I was? A summoner, destined to die in the Final Summoning, so my Final Aeon would defeat Sin and bring the Calm. "It's not easy for me either," I admitted, turning his head so his russet eyes met mine. "I'm scared to die, Auron. I'm scared to death to find out what will happen to me once I get to Zanarkand. But just because I'm scared doesn't I'm not determined. Fear and determination--they're the emotions that keep me going, knowing that my death, my *life* will not be in vain."
"Katra." Auron's voice was just above a whisper. "You, especially, I won't let go without a fight. You mean too much to me..."
Now the tears were becoming overwhelming, and I rested my forehead against his. "Promise me something, Auron."
His arms slid around my waist and pulled me closer to him. "Anything," he said, his breath warm against my face.
"Stay with me." Swallowing my fear, I repeated, "Stay with me... until..."
"Until forever," Auron finished for me, bringing his lips to mine. The kiss was sweet, gentle, but there was a greater force behind it. It was Auron's promise to me, and mine to him, a vow I would never break.
We sat there for a long time, Auron and I, taking in the comfort the other offered. The pilgrimage threatened to tear us apart, but we held firm, drawing strength from each other. I knew he was going to have an objection to my journey, and even though I would continue on, he promised to stay with me. Auron's promise, his vow, would stay with me for the rest of my life.
Finally, Auron broke away from me and planted a kiss on my forehead. "I've got a question for you," he said, sounding playful and cheery.
Resting my head on his chest, I murmured, "What is it?"
"Why do you always keep your hair up like this?" He smoothed a hand over my ponytail, smiling. "I've never seen you otherwise."
"Just my way of being different, I guess." I shrugged against him. "And you have seen me with my hair down--I look just like Corone."
Laughter shook his entire body. "You don't look anything like your sister."
"And the fact that we're identical twins just slipped your mind?"
"I didn't forget, it's just that you're... different than she is." Studying me, he added, "Maybe it's your way with black magic, but there seems to be something dark about you, something lying beneath the surface.
Auron's fingertips tickled their way up my spine, and I couldn't help but giggle. "I'm not sure if I can take that as a compliment."
"Trust me, it is. It's what drew me to you, that day in Mushroom Rock." Shifting beneath me, Auron rose to his feet and stretched. "It's what keeps me coming back."
He took a few steps towards the lake, and I sat up straighter, confused by his actions. "Auron, where are you going?"
One of the crystals of Macalania seemed to have fallen into Auron's eyes, from the way they were sparkling. "Swimming," he said, grinning. "Care to join me?"
"I don't know... won't the water be cold?" I drew my knees up to my chest. "You forget that Besaid is one of the warmer parts of Spira."
"It won't be that bad."
"Auron, I really don't think--"
My words were swallowed by a startled cry as Auron lifted me into his arms and carried me towards the water. I tried to protest, but Auron's laughter was soon joined by my own, and we hit the water together, side by side, hand in hand. I knew he'd never let me go.
Life was too short to be worried over the little things. Auron and I were together, and that was all I needed to be content.
***End Flashback***
I smiled wistfully at the happy memory. Seeing Tidus and Yuna together now, the love hidden just beneath the surface... my siblings as well as Braska and Jecht must have seen the same thing in Auron and I, all those years ago. Suddenly I understood why Othello and Jecht had teased us, why Corone and Braska had chuckled. Our love brought levity to the pilgrimage, and I could only hope that Tidus and Yuna could do the same now.
But now... for me, everything was different, and no amount of pretending could change what I knew was true. I was ecstatic, overjoyed, at being with Auron again, but I had been doing a lot of thinking since our reunion in Bevelle. The conclusions I drew only made me even more uneasy.
Auron was unsent, and I was the only member of the party who knew it. I wasn't so naïve to believe that he was somehow alive again, good as new, as if that day on Mount Gagazet had never happened. My heart ached at the mere thought of the reality of the situation.
At some point or another, he would have to be sent, just like Seymour. And as much as I loved and adored him, I didn't know if my heart could stand the pain of losing him again. It was the only thing keeping me from being with Auron now, enjoying every second we might have together. There had to come a time when I looked at this love from a logical standpoint, a time when I refused to hurt anymore. If protecting my heart meant I had to stay away from Auron... it was a move I might have to take.
"Forgive me for intruding upon your thoughts, my Lady."
I whirled around, the hem of my coat brushing against the still surface of the water. Auron stood behind me, patiently staring at me behind his sunglasses. His presence startled me, but the shock was momentary. "Auron," I began, smiling a little, "my time as a Lady is long past us, now."
"You'll always be a Lady to me." He stepped forward to stand beside me at the lake's edge. "I had hoped we could talk."
"We're far from strangers, Auron. Of course we can talk." I was slightly unnerved by the fact that he felt he needed to ask permission for a simple conversation, but I wasn't sure what to make of it, yet. "We have... much to catch up on."
He chuckled. "It's been... ten years."
Searching his face, I looked for signs that showed that the last ten years had indeed past for him, that he had not suddenly appeared on Spira from the Farplane or beyond. With the high collar and sunglasses, my efforts were unsuccessful. Finally, I reached up and tugged the collar down. "No one would know that better than you and me."
"Indeed." Auron's hand covered my own, holding his collar. "I take it this bothers you?"
"I'll not have you hiding from me, Auron."
With one quick movement, Auron pulled the collar from his neck. "As you wish, Katra."
His face was lined with tiny wrinkles buried in his stubble; Auron looked far older than his 35 years. The years had weighed on him, just as they had weighed on me. "Thank you," I whispered.
Nodding, Auron slipped off his sunglasses and tucked them away in a pocket. "Of course. I would never hide from you."
"But you are hiding from the others, even Tidus." It was a statement, not a question; I knew Auron too well.
"It is... easier without the questions." Auron grunted, his gaze sweeping out over the lake. "Tell me, how goes life in Besaid?" he asked, changing the subject.
A small smile drifted across my lips as I thought about my hometown. "It... goes, I suppose. Besaid doesn't change much over the years, only the faces do. And even then, that's not much."
"What about your family?" He looked over at me, his one good eye filled with genuine curiosity.
"Well, Othello still hasn't settled down, and at this point I highly doubt he's ever going to." Laughing, I added, "I've lost track of all his girlfriends; he has four in Besaid alone. And Ziletto's almost the exact opposite--he joined the Yevon priesthood and now lives in the temple."
"The priesthood?" The shock was evident in Auron's voice, as was his disdain for his former lifestyle. "What would possess him to do that?"
Shrugging, I answered, "He wanted to live a life free of violence, and to that end I can't blame him. And he knows how I feel about Yevon, and deep down, I think Ziletto feels the same way."
"Some priest."
"It's Yevon. Anything is possible."
Auron laughed, leaning closer to me. "And what of Corone?"
Here I faltered slightly; my twin sister had a life I envied. "She married, of course," I said slowly, watching the stars' reflection in the water. "She and Jacan are so cute together. They have two little boys--Joram, who's 6, and Rylan, who's 2. I spend most of my time watching them, giving Corone some time to herself."
"You're jealous."
"No, not really. Just... wistful." I glanced sideways at him; it was my turn to change the subject. "Did you really see Jecht's Zanarkand?"
He reached out, lacing his fingers with mine. "It was... so different than Spira, Katra. The city was always lit, even at night, and there were always so many people in the streets... Zanarkand never sleeps. I... I wish I could have shown you."
Silence hung between us, silence that before would have been filled with soft kisses and gentle touches. That was gone now; I was uncertain if it would ever come back again. Sadness threatened to overwhelm me; already I could feel the pressure welling in my chest. The only way Auron could travel to Zanarkand was as an unsent... I had to know, I couldn't let myself believe in foolish hopes and fallen dreams. Tugging on his hand, I whispered, "Auron..."
"What is it, Katra?" Auron stepped closer to me, closing the gap between us. We were less than a foot apart, he was close enough to hold me, kiss me, catch me...
My voice alongside my heart. "Auron... I have to know... if you are still..."
"Unsent?" The word was rough to my ears. "Yes."
That one word shattered what was left of my splintered world. My head dropped as the tears swelled behind my eyes, and I couldn't bring myself to look at him, not even while his hands slid up to my shoulders to comfort me. "So that was why you didn't come back to Besaid," I managed to whisper, my breath coming out in gasps.
"I didn't want my presence to hurt you." Auron's voice was as broken as mine, the words spoken into my ear. "With all that had happened... I couldn't go back."
"Like it or not, you *have* hurt me." Almost angrily I looked up at him, part of me wanting to push him away, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. "Do you know how hard it was just to get up every morning, in that lonely little hut, knowing that you wouldn't be there to greet me? Or seeing your sister--your identical twin--live out the dream that had once been yours?"
"Katra--"
Ignoring Auron's protest, I barreled on. "And now you're here, smiling at me as if the last ten years had been nothing but a bad dream, but it all happened, Auron, I know it did. There's no turning back, for either of us." I paused for a moment to catch my breath. "What were you going to do? Ask Yuna to send you before she defeats Sin?"
"When she no longer needs me, and my promise to Braska is fulfilled, yes," Auron admitted quietly.
Braska... damn him for having a kind soul, and damn him for having Auron's loyalty! "But what about your promise to me?" I asked, almost begging. "You promised me right here, in Macalania, that you'd stay with me forever. You weren't the only one who died that day on Mount Gagazet... my spirit went with you, and your memory has done nothing but haunt me ever since!"
I turned away from him then, watching the lake's waters gently lap against the edge of the woods, hoping to calm down and not quite succeeding. Auron said nothing, but I could feel him hovering behind me, his presence both helping and hindering my efforts.
Finally, I said, the control in my voice amazing even myself, "I can't lose you again, Auron. I've just found you, and if I have to watch you go a second time--" I gulped for air, the sobs barely contained in my chest. "I won't survive, Auron, I just know it."
"I never left you, Katra, not really." I could feel Auron's breath on my neck as he leaned down to whisper in my ear. "Since the day I met you, you've had all of me, heart and soul. There's nothing in the world that can change that. I've always loved you, Katra, and I always will."
I could barely whisper the words. "Then even though you're still with me, I've been alone all along..."
My knees could no longer hold me, and I collapsed to the ground as the sobs racked my body. Auron still loved me, and I still loved him, but he was unsent--the mere thought of his sending was too much to bear. The depression was starting to take hold of me again, when I should, in theory, be happy for the first time in ten years. I couldn't face the idea of losing Auron again...
Slowly I felt a pair of arms wind about me, pulling back towards something hard, something stable. It took a moment for me to realize that Auron was kneeling behind me, holding me, that it was him who kissed my neck gently, him who pressed a face wet with tears into my shoulder. He knew his inevitable fate, and it killed him as much as it killed me. Together we cried, holding on for dear life on the shore of Lake Macalania, our future uncertain except for Auron's end.
Somewhere in the middle of my tears, I remembered being grateful that Tidus and Yuna were unable to see us cry.
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A/N: So, good update? Please read and review, it's really appreciated!
And... if the next section is from Rikku's POV, would you guys be really mad? Let me know what you think, and then I'll decide what to do from there.