Open Space

Chapter 2

(Alec point of view)

I know she's there. Watching. Always watching.

I used to hate it when she does that. I felt so inept. Like she doesn't trust me enough to handle anything, adding the fact that most of the scrapes I got into she's been the one saving my ass, I guess I can't blame her. I have been fucking up her life the moment we met, hell, even before we met. Thanks Ben, been pretty busy marring my name with your blue lady obsession.

But now it feels different. After busting me out the joint for Ben's crimes, after knowing the sacrifice she gave for Ben's sake, after knowing that she gave a piece of her soul so he won't be taken back to Manticore, after knowing she killed the one person who made her smile when she was behind the walls of Manticore...It has been different. She has become more human in my eyes. No longer my CO. no longer the X5 I an alpha male have allowed to rule me. No longer just another transgenic. No longer the delusional X5 who got warped up in Logan's Hero Complex in saving the world.

She is simply Max now. Kindred.

And it dawns on me why she always kicks my ass on every stupid scrape I get into. She cared. Simply cared about me.

Even protesting and kicking she would follow to save me, to protect me. From the world and from myself.

She gave up her one chance for the cure which I had a part of in the execution, so she could save me, even when I was killing my kind and betraying her minute of a fraction faith in me.

After all this time I ask myself how she could have the heart to have made that sacrifice for me.

And so I stayed by her side. Making her angry, irritated and furious.

You are more alive that way Maxie. I hated seeing you so crestfallen mooning over wonderboy.

And you're there, watching again. Always watching.

Her stare doesn't sting with accusation or mistrust anymore. Different. More humane. And I bask in her understanding and acceptance. I have never felt more at peace.

Could this feeling get any better...I think it can...

I feel the lilt in my walk, more proud now, no longer a bravado to get by. Not anymore. This world and their violations and predicaments no longer haunt me, no need for the pretenses. With her watching, the world fades, yet the world is more sharper, no longer a threat, knowing she's there and she understands.

She used to intrigue me, Hell even now. But it's different. Before she was just a curiosity...and now? An obsession is more like it.

I never knew the depth of my need for her would be like this.

I never thought I could willingly let someone walk all over me the way I let her. I did; just for her. If I cannot have her then let it be said that at least I was there for her, even if I was simply a punching bag.

I could take her out. I am far stronger, my training more extensive. That's Manticore for you. Thorough.

But I let her.

Her will and soul was more than I assumed it to be. I bow down to that kind of strength. I never had it, never had the motivation or the need...now I do.

Thanks to her.

I could take her, make her succumb to me. Submit herself to me. She is a transgenic, in her heat cycle I could have claimed her. Or I could have killed Logan. So easy.

But self-possession holds me back. I want more than her defeat. I want her in her own footing. I need her acceptance. And I wanted her to see...me. All that I am.

Logan Cale is merely a name. She may have worshipped him once, her knight in shining armor. She may have bled for him so many times, her damn anchor to normality. Adored him so much she was willing to lay her life for him, made him her weakness, not knowing it wasn't returned equally as she gave herself up. Even went low as to take all the pain so he might live. Gave a little piece of her soul each time.

I guess getting busted by Ben's crimes hasn't all been such a drag. Made her remember what she is, made her accept that we may not be human genetically but our soul made up for it. Made her open up to me. Made me see I mean something to her.

"Thank you Ben for the gift."

Maybe now there is a chance. I won't let her slip from me.

I'll fight for her. Logan can go to hell. I won't stand by while some idealistic boy uses her for his own agendas. I don't think I can stand to watch him treating her as some kind of pet or toy, sending her off to his missions. Stupid human.

I used to respect him, out of respect for Max. I needed her acceptance on a less deeper level then. I didn't understand my needs back then.

I almost felt pity whenever I could see the longing in his face when the craving to touch her was too great. Almost.

I realized I couldn't stand to watch or even imagine him touching her. What right has he?

She deserves better. I am better if not the best.

She should see that. I am Alec...and she gave me my name...my soul. And as gratitude for caring enough:

I'll set her free.

And you're there watching again. Always watching.

Take a step Maxie. Don't be afraid, I won't let you fall. I promise. Just take a step and let go.