NOWHERE TO GO

YESTERDAY EVENING:

Grissom was finishing with the packing. Occasionally someone from the day shift had peered into his office and mumbled some awkward words of goodbye; Grissom mused that nobody as really surprised that he had taken this leave of absence. Even the Sheriff had reacted favorably, which told Grissom just how unbearable his position had become in the lab.

And just when he thought he was ready to leave, Sara knocked on his open door.

"Hey" She smiled. Grissom noticed it was her 'I-m-so-nervous-I-could-throw-up' smile

"Hey, Sara." He smiled "Come in."

She entered and looked around, nervously rubbing her arms.

"Your office feels so cold without the clutter"

"No more specimens and spiders," he smiled. Then he lowered his voice conspiratorially "But I've left a very realistic plastic cockroach somewhere…"

"You're so bad!" she laughed "Poor Catherine!"

"Well, it'll make her laugh."

They remained silent for a moment.

Sara mused how once upon a time, they had not needed words to communicate. How a look was enough to know what to do at a crime scene, or what to ask a witness. Or simply what the other was thinking. Those had been innocent times…

She had brought those changes herself and she regretted it. Now Grissom was leaving on vacation for a long time and she feared that their relationship would never be mended.

"So" he broke the silence "Got your DNA results at last?"

"Yeah," she nodded, "It matches the suspect, so-"

"Good. It'll make things easier" he smiled faintly.

"Yes. But, you know. " she shrugged, "Lawyers…"

"Yeah." He nodded warily, "I know."

And again the silence. She looked at him in the eye for the first time, and for the first time in a long time, he knew exactly what she was thinking.

"Don't worry, Sara. I'll be fine." He said gently, "Really"

"I know, Grissom. It's just- I know you feel uncomfortable about what happened, but I really think that what you did was very brave"

"You mean breaking someone's nose?" he said good-humoredly.

"No. Helping someone. If the school authorities had followed your recommendation-"

"Yes. Well, it's over now- " he said evasively.

"Still, they will keep an eye on the father, and the kid's brothers will get some counseling, so…" She looked at him again. "I just think that you've taken this too hard, and-"

"Sara, don't worry about me." He interrupted "Please."

"Ok. I won't." she said softly, "It's just that seeing you leave like this-"

"It's just a few weeks." He said quickly.

"Yeah, but…" She was afraid that he wasn't coming back but she couldn't say that. She forced herself to take a deep breath and after a moment she looked up again, smiling brightly for his sake "Never mind. So, are you really going fishing,?"

"Yes "

"Good" she nodded. "I hope you enjoy yourself."

They remained in front of each other, separated by the desk. It reminded Sara that they weren't friends anymore, but boss and subordinate.

"Grissom. I wanted to tell you…" she hesitated.

Grissom held his breath 'She's going to break my heart again' he thought, bracing himself. 'She's going to say that she regrets what she said in the past, or that she didn't mean it-'

Bur she didn't speak right away. She placed her shoulder bag on his desk and rummaged through it until she found a manila envelope. She offered it to Grissom

"This is for you." When she noticed Grissom's frown she hurried to explain, "It's a surprise, so please don't open it here. Please. Open it in the plane, or when you're in the middle of the ocean" she smiled.

"What is it?"

"It's a surprise" she insisted, and then she added teasingly, "You like surprises, don't you?"

"Thank you," he said slowly, accepting the envelope.

Sara smiled and went to the door. She turned to look at him.

"So. " she said, "This is it, huh? You go on a long vacation and we remain behind, full of envy."

Grissom smiled at that.

"I guess" he nodded

"Remember," she said, "'Catch and release', ok?"

"Yes."

"Send us a postcard" she said quietly and, before she did what she really wanted to, which was to run and throw her arms around him, she waved her hand and left.

Grissom looked for the longest time, until he heard the noises that announced that the day shift was leaving. He had to hurry.

Grissom was trying to decide which box to take down first, when Greg entered his office.

"Hey, Grissom, glad to see you're still here!" he was breathless "I've got something for you!"

He bounced happily into the office and placed a paper bag on the desk. With great care, he took something out and presented it to Grissom.

"It's The Wall!" he smiled "I know you like Pink Floyd! I saw it and I thought you'd like to listen to it while on vacation!"

"Oh" he already had this album but didn't say so "Thank you, Greg."

"And…" he said, pausing a little before launching into an explanation, "because I'm sure you don't have the necessary equipment to listen to this while away from the comforts of civilization… I mean, you can't haul your stereo out in the ocean… unless you're going to rent a big boat? Nah, I'm guessing you're planning to do your own version of the 'Old man and the sea', right?… Not that you're that old, ok? But I think that if…"

"Greg? I'm a little late here-"

"Oh. Yeah, sorry. What I mean is, I brought you a CD player!" he smiled broadly, taking his prize from the bag "It isn't new but I've taken good care of it. See? It's easy to handle and you can listen to good stuff while catching rubber boots out there-"

"Greg…"

"Yeah, I know. You have a plane to catch, right?"

Actually, what Grissom was going to say was 'thank you' again. Not just for getting him the CD and the player, but for behaving as always. Greg was the only one who hadn't treated him as if he were going to break.

"Just give me a minute" muttered Greg. "Let me put on one disc so you listen to the great sound…Disc two. There. This button lets you play songs at random, see? … Now, do you need help with these boxes?"

Greg enthusiasm was contagious and Grissom merely followed him outside, each carrying a heavy box.

Grissom barely acknowledged the greetings and waves from some of his coworkers, suddenly feeling as if he were just dreaming this.

Greg helped him put the boxes in the trunk and then slapped him on the back

"So, boss, take it easy, ok? And come back soon, man!" he added, and ran back to the building.

Grissom got into his car and leant back on the seat.

This wasn't a dream. It was a nightmare.

What was he going to do now?

Everybody believed he had made plans for a vacation. They had really believed him when he said he'd go fishing.

In fact, he had packed a bag, and he had accepted some fishing lures from Doctor Robbins, but he hadn't made any real plans beyond.

Maybe he should just take a plane. Fly away, don't think so much about it. Leave Las Vegas, watch it grow smaller from above. And go… where?

Grissom didn't want to think anymore. He pushed the button and let a song play at random.

NOBODY HOME

I've got a little black book with my poems in
I've got a bag with a toothbrush and a comb in
I've got electric light
and I've got second sight
I've got amazing powers of observation Grissom smiled at that. Yeah, he had those. And a little black book with notes that he had made long ago. And a bag, ready for a vacation he didn't want.

and that is how I know
when I try to get through
on the telephone to you
there'll be nobody home

I've got wild staring eyes
I've got a strong urge to fly
But I've got nowhere to fly to

"…a strong urge to fly" he sang along "But I've got nowhere to fly to, fly to…"

The song is NOBODY HOME by Pink Floyd, from the album The Wall.

TBC