You don't have to read the whole story; here's a synopsis…

HELLO AND GOODBYE is a previous story: Sara asks Grissom to please forget that she's been pursuing him. She wants to start over as friends. Grissom thinks this is ironic; he had been thinking of asking her out.

OLD SONGS is the sequel.

Synopsis per chapter:

UNDER PRESSURE: A kid commits suicide and Grissom's reaction to it includes beating up the dead kid's father. He takes a leave of absence after that. Everybody thinks he's going on vacation, but he's actually planning to leave for good.

NOWHERE TO GO: Sara gives Grissom an envelope and asks him to open it when he's away. He goes home.

OVER YOU: Sara and Hank talk. Grissom realizes he's not over Sara.

NUMB: Remembers his parents, and a suicide attempt. He also gets a call from an old friend from college who talks about the past.

SARA: Grissom is leaving but first he opens Sara's envelope.

LOVE SONGS: Grissom and Sara finally meet. Grissom explains why he feels guilty over the kid's death.

HOLDING ON: Grissom and Sara talk about Hank. Grissom finally admits he loves Sara.

INSATIABLE: Just a romantic moment.

WHO ARE YOU?

11:00 THE NEXT DAY

Grissom fell asleep this time.

The boy was reading in bed when he heard the first heated words. He flinched. He knew what was going to happen: First, the words and the slamming of drawers and doors; then a sudden silence, and then the slaps…

His first reaction was to cover his ears, but even then he could hear the screams.

He got up then. He would do something tonight. He moved as if in slow motion, as if each step took him hours instead of seconds, but he was determined. He walked down the hallway, opening door after door, but finding each room empty.

When he opened the door at the end of the hallway, he saw someone's reflection on the glass doors of a cabinet. He recognized his own curly hair and his brown pajamas, but he didn't recognize the face above the collar. Grim and determined, it was the face of someone older. There was something else he didn't recognize; something shiny in his hand. He didn't know what it was but before he could see, he heard a slap and a whimper. He shivered. He walked into the room and screamed 'Stop -'

'…STOP-' Grissom mumbled and woke up with a start. He blinked and immediately froze. He was in a room he had never been in before, and instead of the comforting silence and darkness of his own bedroom, there were traffic sounds and a big window with open curtains that let the sunlight in. More terrifyingly, someone was lying on top of him; an unfamiliar weight that kept him from moving, even from breathing-

Terrified, he pushed away and got off the bed. For a few seconds he couldn't move; he'd stood by the bed, shivering, with the pounding of his heart nearly deafened him. He frantically looked at his hand, but it was empty. He was relieved. It had been a nightmare-

"Hey."

Sara's lazy greeting stopped his musings. She was smiling.

"Sara." He said hoarsely.

"Gil?" She frowned, "You ok?"

"Yeah." He nodded briefly. "Need a shower." He muttered and stumbled out of the room.

Grissom welcomed the cold water; the icy drops needling his back, distracting him and almost drowning the memory of the screams, the wordless screams…

He almost jumped when Sara suddenly opened the shower curtain.

"Good morning; want some company?" she smiled until she realized the water was cold "Gris, that water's freezing! How can you stand it?"

Grissom glanced at her. She was naked, completely at ease.

"Want me to wash your back?" she smiled

"No." he mumbled, turning off the water and reaching for a towel that he quickly wrapped around his waist. "I'm finished."

"Mmmmh, I like your hair. It's so curly." She said, touching it. "Here." She added, taking another towel, "Let me dry it for you."

Grissom stared at her for a moment.

"Sara, do you know how old I am?"

She winced but recovered quickly.

"Old, as in dirty old man?" she teased.

"I'm serious, Sara." he insisted, "You don't know what you're getting into-"

"Well," She whispered, pressing her body against his, "I know what YOU could be getting into if we went back to bed-"

A phone rang, interrupting her. Sara gave him a light kiss on the lips, put the towel around his shoulders and went to answer the call.

Grissom watched her go.

He sighed. This felt like a dream: Sara naked and beautiful, kissing him and drying his hair… He wasn't fooled, though. Soon he would have to answer her questions. She'd want to know why he had been crying his eyes out on a lonely street of Las Vegas.

Of course, she would be concerned for him and willing to help… She loved him after all.

Not that love would solve any of his problems, unless he remained in this little apartment, as in a cocoon. He smiled. Well, why not? Why not put his life in her hands?

He had the answer: Because he couldn't let others control his life.

He'd always faced life under his own terms; he had never feared the present since it brought challenges, and the future held no surprises. Gil Grissom the investigator, was his present and his future.

But Gil Grissom the child, was the wide eyed ghost that had always haunted his sleep, and now it was slowly demanding to be heard and dealt with.

He would deal with him, in order to become Gil Grissom the man. Would Sara understand?

He had to find a way to tell her that he had to leave.

When she returned, she found Grissom buttoning his shirt.

"That was Brass!" She said enthusiastically, "He had some good news! He says that Mrs. Martin is pressing charges against her husband!" she paused expectantly, but he just stared at her. She continued, "You were right, Gil; according to her, he'd been abusing the kids, emotionally and physically for years. Brass says that the DA has a strong case now, thanks to her."

"Really?" he asked neutrally.

"Yeah!" she nodded. She looked at him curiously, "Aren't you glad that she finally talked?" Grissom avoided answering by picking up his socks. Feeling a little self-conscious, Sara now looked around for her robe and put it on. It was an old flannel one. "So, anyway, Mrs. Martin says that she had been too scared to go to the authorities-"

"She could have gone." he interrupted. "She chose not to do it."

"He had terrorized her for years, Grissom"

Grissom looked incredulously at her.

"Do you think she's the victim here?"

"Well, no…" she hesitated, "But her husband's pretty violent-"

Grissom rolled his eyes disgustedly,

"Come on, Sara; she's just as bad as him." He scoffed. Then he added, "She knew all along that her son was in trouble and she didn't do anything to help. She lied when she talked to me, she lied to the School Therapists, and she lied to Social Services." he angrily put on his socks, "I mean, why is she collaborating with the authorities now? Do you think she's doing it out of consideration for her sons?"

"I guess -"

"She's not," he interrupted, getting up and looking around for his shoes. "She's just scared shitless, Sara, and do you know why?" he asked, but instead of waiting for an answer, he went on, "Because her sons have started talking to their therapists, and they're telling them that mommy didn't lift a finger to protect them. She's in trouble, Sara; she's just realized that she might be facing charges as an accessory to her husband's abuse! Hell, of course she has to press charges now, she isn't stupid; she's just a coward, a gutless bitch-" He hissed the last word with such venom that Sara involuntarily stepped back. He had never talked like this about anybody, least of all a victim of a crime. Sara gaped at him.

Grissom instantly regretted his words and tried to apologize, but he was out of breath from his tirade and frankly, he didn't know what to say.

Sara herself wished she had never mentioned Mrs. Martin.

"Grissom," She said softly and he looked up. She smiled at him; a smile that seemed too wide to be true. "I'm sure you are right; you know Mrs. Martin better that I do. I mean, after all, you talked to her, and I've never even met her." she waited for some sign that he wasn't mad anymore. None came, so she tried again. "Listen," she said cheerfully, "Are you hungry? I could cook that oatmeal I mentioned earlier. Or eggs if you prefer; I can go down the street to get some. Or" she paused, trying to draw his interest, "Why don't we go somewhere and have a real breakfast?" Again, no reply, "We could go down the street; they make these great Belgian Waffles with whipped cream and walnuts; you'll just love them…" she hesitated; he was staring at her as if she had grown an extra head, and it was unnerving. "Or you can order eggs, if you want, 'cause they cook just about anything and…and if they don't, we'll just… just-"

Grissom was frowning at her; he had never heard her babble like this and something about her demeanor bothered him too. The implied apology in her words, the insecure smile, the pleading in her eyes-

Suddenly he knew what it was: She was acting like a scared wife trying to placate her abusive husband. He couldn't believe it. Any minute now, she'd start singing that awful song:

Beware of the look in his eyes; they'll tell you the mood he's in…

There'll be times when he won't say a word,

And you'll wonder if it's something you've said…

"Are you scared of me, Sara?" he asked.

"What-?" she frowned, "No."

"Yes you are. You're acting as if-" he stopped. Then he added, "I acted like a jerk when you mentioned Mrs. Martin and you just-"

"Oh, Grissom," she interrupted, "Look, I'm sorry I mentioned her. It was stupid of me; I should have known that it was still a sensitive issue for you-"

"Are you blaming yourself for my own anger?" he glared.

"I'm not," she protested, "You're twisting my words. Listen-" she approached him and touched his arm. "…I don't want to fight over her, all right?"

"Sara." He interrupted, "I fell in love with you because you don't take bullshit from anybody. Don't start taking it from me just because you love me."

He picked up his car keys, and looked at her.

"I have to go." He mumbled, barely glancing at her.

"What?" She asked, and watched in confusion as Grissom left the room. "Where are you going?" she followed him to the living room. "Grissom!" She frantically grabbed his arm.

"I have to go, Sara." He mumbled, pulling his arm away. "I have a leave of absence-"

He looked for his travel bag. Last night Sara had convinced him to bring it up, saying something about taking a vacation in her apartment. They both had laughed. And then Sara had taken his hand. And even though there were things he should have told her before getting this far, he'd simply followed her to her bedroom. But, hell, how could he not? Making love to her was the stuff of fantasies, something he'd only dreamed about.

And now Sara was in front of him, pale, her arms crossed against herself as if she were cold.

"You're just going to pretend that nothing happened, aren't you." She wasn't asking.

"I'm not going to pretend anything-"

"Yes, you are," she accused, "That's what you always do." He didn't say anything and she searched for something to say, "I can't believe you're doing this, Grissom. Not after what happened last night."

He looked down. He knew what she meant. They were two shy people who had slowly but surely found their way into intimacy in just a few hours. He suddenly remembered her moans and her caresses, and the way she had looked up at him as he took her for the first time. He remembered how later she had said dreamily, 'Oh, we're so good together' as she rolled him on his back and made love to him. And it was true, surprisingly so. They were great together; they communicated well in bed, they had been so loving and tender, and playful- He had even joked, "You'll have to burn these sheets," because he knew how anal she was about stains, and they had stained them, all right… And she had only smiled drowsily…

And now she looked as if he had betrayed her.

"You're running away, Grissom."

He wished he knew how to reassure her, but right now he couldn't even touch her. He picked up his bag but he hadn't closed it and all his CD boxes spilled and fell open on the floor.

Sara watched as he kneeled on the floor, impatiently putting discs in boxes at random.

"You just don't want to be happy, do you." She said bitterly.

"Maybe." He admitted, trying to make everything fit in his bag. "Maybe I can't be happy knowing that you're afraid of me."

"I'm not!"

Grissom angrily closed his bag. "You should have seen your face." he could barely keep the disgust from his voice. "You looked as if you thought I was going to hit you -" he stopped, looking as if he'd suddenly realized something. His lips trembled briefly, but he got himself under control. "I'd never do that." He said, "I don't want to." he said, looking at his own clenched hands, "…I don't want to, Sara."

"You… you're afraid you're going to hit me?" she asked incredulously. He nodded reluctantly, and she was stunned. "But… you'd never do that!" Sara kneeled beside him. "You're the gentlest man I know." He didn't look up and she tried to reassure him, "You are, baby. You'd never raise a hand to hurt me or anybody else."

"Except for John Martin" he replied tiredly and she faltered momentarily.

"He had it coming," she evasively. Then she smiled tentatively, "And I assure you, Grissom; I'd never let you get away with anything. I can crush your windpipe with my bare hands."

He smiled a little, just to humor her. He knew very well that physical strength could be defeated by a single, well aimed insult. She could crush his windpipe, but he could crush her spirit. He had almost done that, simply by not taking the love she'd offered.

She gently caressed his cheek, and after a moment Grissom nuzzled his face into her palm.

"Gil, let's just forget all about Mrs. Martin-"

"Oh, Sara," he sighed tiredly, backing away from her, "This isn't about her-"

"Then what is it?"

Grissom leant on the wall.

"Please, trust me." she pleaded. "I love you."

"You don't know me."

"Then tell me who you are."

Grissom looked at Sara for a long time. He hesitated, but to her surprise, he answered.

"I'm…I'm someone who… for years, has tried to… to understand the rage inside him."

TBC

Thanks for your reviews!

Coming up: the last two chapters!