The Guilty

Harper landed. He sometimes felt this was truly where he belonged, that he should, perhaps, stay one day. It seemed unlikely- but he still got that feeling.

Looking around in familiarity, he stepped off the Eureka Maru and onto his home planet. It may not be Infinity Atoll, but Earth was where he needed to be right now. He immediately went underground to safer places.

Hearing a fusillade of clicks, Harper looked up and found himself at the centre of a circle of guns. Perhaps it wasn't so much safer after all. He recognised these people, and he recognised their anger and why it was directed at him, but he had still come for a reason.

"Where's Brendan?"

The crowd stared at him silently, with ever increasing hatred and anger. Finally the one facing him spoke. It was Jay, an old friend, with scruffy sandy coloured hair and green eyes that never seemed to change.

"You want to know where Brendan is?"

The amount of bitterness, which dripped from these words, hurt Harper, and for a moment he lost his courage and determination.

Without giving him time to answer, Jay shoved Harper along the corridor. As they walked, Jay began to cry softly. Feeling more than a little uncomfortable, Harper had no idea what to do.

"Jay-"

"Shut Up."

Hatred burned passionately within Jay, and Harper hung his head in shame.

"You have no idea what you've done Seamus. My-"

Jay took a deep breath and tried to calm himself enough to say the words.

"My brother died yesterday because of you. You and your broken promises!"

His shouts echoed around the tunnels until Jay became self-conscious and they walked in silence. The words felt like a knife to Harper, slicing into his very core, into his very being, and he couldn't bring himself to say anything. He remembered Jay's brother. He'd been a good kid.

"Robert..." he whispered with painful regret.

"Don't you dare say his name! You gave us false hope, broke your promise and because of that hundreds of people are dying- so what did you do? You ran away. Again."

Jay went on emotionally.

"Why are you back- why did you come back here? I mean really? And don't say it was because of a cousin you never deserved either; if you cared about him at all you would have stayed- fought alongside him, watched his back! If you'd been here..."

Jay stopped walking. His whole presence seemed drowned in sadness. He opened a door Harper hadn't even realised they'd reached. Metal plaques covered the floor, which was otherwise dirt.

"If you'd been here Brendan might still be alive."

Harper's vision blurred as this new information turned from words into meaning. His eye caught the cheap metallic plaque which read 'Brendan Lahey. A brave light in the face of darkness, burned out too soon."

He fell to his knees beside and traced the engraved words with his fingers. Forgetting anyone else was in the room, his shell-shocked and confused mind spun without any definitive thought for a moment. The first clear thought was I knew he might be dead why am I still so unprepared?

He got up quickly and took a step back, still in shock. He had seen enough death in his lifetime to understand so many different aspects of it – a fact he tried not to think about. Brendan was the last of his family- that was new to him. But Brendan wasn't the first to die because of him. Seamus Zelazny Harper kept a running total; Catrin and Jaimz Harper, mom and dad; Isaac; Hohne; Woody; and now Brendan. The only one of his family left was the only one that didn't deserve to be left.

His heart and mind in passionate turmoil all he could think was, this isn't fair! He can't be dead, how can he be dead? Brendan was a survivor, he was all I had left, why did he have to die- WHY?!

In tears he ran out of the room shoving past the crowd who had watched him. Jay's anger dissipated instead to pity and empathy. He had forgotten how close the two cousins had been, and now he felt guilty for his lack of sympathy in telling Harper.

"Let him go." He said quietly.

Harper ran blindly through the familiar tunnels until they became unfamiliar and he found himself lost. He used to know these tunnels like the back of his hand, but things had changed. He slid down the side corridor into a slightly concave part of the wall. He didn't know what to do. Fighting his bereavement, he forced himself to get up. When he stood up shakily, he noticed Jay, a little way off, watching him. He looked as confused as Harper felt. He just stared at him helplessly.

"I'm sorry Shay, I really am. I forgot how close the two of you were. But it's still your fault you know that don't you?"

Harper continued to stare at him, desperately, distraughtly. After a while he said, more to himself that to Jay.

"He's dead"

His voice was hoarse and wavered in an attempt not to cry.

"But Shay-"

"I know!! It's always my fault it's MY fault, not the Uber who killed him MINE just like my freakin parents"

Harper yelled at the top of his voice. The echo only added more emphasis to his words, and the lonely anger they implied. He shoved past Jay angrily, but Jay didn't let him go this time. He jumped on him from behind and together they slammed to the ground. Struggling to breathe under the weight Harper fought against Jay, but he couldn't and Jay brought out a knife from his belt. Harper wasn't so naïve as to go to Earth unarmed, so he grabbed for his gauss gun, but before he could register the move, Jay had knocked it out of his hand.

"Seamus you killed my brother! You will not leave this time I won't let you run away again!"

Harper grabbed for the knife in his belt and they tumbled in the dirt, a ball of fists, knife wounds and blood. Both screaming in pain, finally Jay grabbed hold of Harper's shirt and pulled him down, but Harper fought hard enough so that the shirt ripped. Jay was left, too weak to follow Harper, a strip of ripped cloth in his hand.

Harper was too weak to run himself, but he kept going on adrenaline until he reached the Maru and locked the door panel with bloodied hands. He felt drained, physically now as well as emotionally, but he knew he had to take care of his worst wounds or he would simply bleed to death with no body to save him. First he took care of his hand; he'd instinctively tried to protect himself from Jay going at his face by putting his hand up in defence. He cleaned and bandaged his right arm next; Jay had given him a long and deep gash down the top part of his arm, which was already coming out of numbness into intense pain. When he was done he had a total of seven bandages. He'd sprained his wrist and had several smaller cuts, some of which were still bleeding slightly, but he was simply too tired to deal with them. Slouching down in the pilot's seat, he managed to get away from Earth before he fell asleep and was left to float.

For three days he drifted aimlessly, barely eating or sleeping, trying to gather his thoughts. His family was gone. His home was gone. He could never return to Earth and that hurt him more deeply inside than he ever imagined it would. He couldn't go back to the Andromeda yet, it had been five days. His decisions flowed in and out like a tide. Sometimes he felt stronger and was determined to go back to the Andromeda and act like everything was fine; other times he felt like everything around him was collapsing and all he wanted was the support of a friend. He'd lied to them in the first place because he didn't want anyone to go with him. He knew Dylan would make him take someone. Besides, if he knew the truth, Dylan might feel guilty. Harper felt a surge of anger. Maybe Dylan should feel guilty- it was his fault! He wasn't there when Earth needed him and now Brendan was dead....but deep down Harper knew Dylan did the best he could.

Really, it had been because he didn't want them to see him like this; so weak and pathetic. He didn't want their pity. He'd known it was likely Brendan was dead. He would have been on the front line, he always went in all for nothing, but he was a good fighter and somehow Harper had hoped...

It was all too late now anyway. With his infinite experience in losing somebody, Harper figured he would be ok to return to Andromeda so long as he kept busy, and it would become easier as the months wore on, gradually but noticeably. He hoped they understood when he told them the truth. First he had to get himself together a bit better, and give the nanobots more time to do their job.

TBC