OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
62 Reviews? Oh. My. God.
I think they really like us!
We do not own anything to do with Harry Potter or JK Rowling
Please read and review!!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
ISSUE FOURThis weeks motto:
"House elves shouldn't drink butterbeer" – Winky, we are talking about you.
Are you lonely? Depressed? Unable to find a date?
Then fear not! The Daily Prophet, Lonely Hearts is here to help!
Just place an ad in the most popular of Wizarding newspapers and wait for the replies to come flooding in!
Escaped prisoners, Giants, and kinky ex teachers welcome!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
CHO CHANG
Hello –sob- guys.
I need someone to replace –sob- Cedric Diggory –sob- because-
How could I say that –anguished wail- No-one –sob- in the whole –sob- world, could replace Cedric –sob- not even –sob- Harry Potter!
I can't go on!
–Collapses in over dramatic faint on the floor crying hysterically-
Editors Note – At this point, we did remove Miss Chang to a secure ward at St Mungo's.
I would like to take this moment to apologise for the amount of complete nutters advertising in the 'Daily Prophet' this week.
More than usual anyway.
If anyone would like to get in contact with Miss Chang – and I must advise against it – letters need to be addressed, not to our offices, but to the Psychiatric wing at 'St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries', where, I am assured by a licensed healer, Miss Chang will be spending the foreseeable future.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
HERMIONE GRANGER
I know, at 16 I am young to be looking for at partner, but its all about preparation and organisation. If I prepare a husband now, he should be satisfactorily ready for marriage when I am 21.
I must start by saying; I will be wearing the trousers –as they say- in our relationship. This means that applicants will not have to worry about the future at all, because I have everything worked out in a colour-coded timetable for the rest of our lives, including when we will have children, retire, die, e.t.c
Applicants must have aspirations for a career in the Ministry like me, because as everyone knows, that is where the 'serious' and 'respectable' jobs are.
Anyway, applicants must be very intelligent, enjoy going to library's, shopping for books, and long quiet nights in – reading. After this we can have intellectual discussions about the books we have just read.
My ideal man would have jet-black hair, and deep, ocean-blue eyes, a muscled exterior, but they must also be in touch with their feminine side – because I don't find jokes funny during 'Nancy Drew Night' – Thursdays.
But I suppose Ron will have to do.
-sigh-
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
JAMES POTTER
As many of you know, there is only one girl in the world for me; this is my last attempt (this week) to tell her how I feel.
In case she doesn't know who she is (doubtful) here is a description of the love of my life:
She has long, fiery red hair – and a temper to match, beautiful smiling, shiny, green eyes that light up my world whenever she glances my way.
I'd like to say a few things to her, starting with an apology:
'I'd like to apologise for every time I made you cry or stopped you smiling. I am incredibly ashamed for some of the things I did whilst we were at school and I know I don't deserve you; I only want you to give me one more chance. I would never leave you. I will love you till the end of time.'
I would die for you Lily Evans.
To show how much you mean to me I also wrote a little poem.
-ahem-
Your hair is long,
You and me belong.
Your eyes are green,
I used to think you were really mean.
I know you don't hate me,
And you really want to date me.
You know I love you,
And I don't think I'm above you.
Lets get wed,
So I can jump into your bed!
I just undid everything I just said with that poem, didn't I?
Thanks a bloody lot, Sirius.
S--t.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
LILY EVANS
Firstly, I would like to describe the kind of guy I would NEVER date.
One of my pet hates is when guys purposefully mess up their hair because they think it looks good – they may have a point, but it still bugs the hell out of me!
I can't stand arrogant men either, who hex and bully people because they think they're better than others are.
-And someone's 'existence', is not an excuse for bullying!
I do, however like handsome guys, who would love me for who I am and not try to change me.
I also like sporty men, so a guy talented at Quidditch would be great because I really want to learn, but I want someone capable to look after me and not let go – so if you've played on a team, that would be perfect.
I like a man who would write poetry for me, and always put me first. Someone who doesn't care if they embarrass themselves during their pursuit of me.
If this sounds like you, I look forward to hearing from you.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
PEEVES
I would firstly like to say, that just because I am technically dead, this does not mean I am not capable of a bit of late night lovin'.
There is only one person I want to reply to this add, someone I've had my eye on for a few hundred years now.
He is the only person in the world – well, Hogwarts at least – that I will listen to and will allow to tell me what to do. I respect his opinion, as when he tells me off, I know he is only doing it for my own good.
He is my ideal type, strong, silent and a real bad boy. He doesn't say much, I'll admit, but he doesn't need to. His eyes say it all, and I know he feels the same way.
I am worried however, by the fact that he has a title and I am just a poltergeist.
So I will take this moment to request that he looks beyond the fact that I am a commoner in his eyes, and tell him how I long for the day, when he makes me, Peeves, the Bloody Baroness.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
New Chapter coming soon!
If you suggest other characters, we'd be happy to write an ad for them as well!
P, P, M
Thank you time is here again – there is so many, because: WE HAVE 62 REVIEWS!! WE LOVE ALL OF YOU!!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Little Tigger: We have an idea, which we may divulge in the next Chapter so you lot can reply. Patience!
Rosemary the Rubix Cube: Thank you 'Reviewer 21' – there, now you have a title!
Holly Clearwater: There IS something about Fred...
Dragon: We think everyone has a soft spot for that PARTICULAR insane mass murderer!
Grffgurl88: Thank you! Take some deep breaths!
Morgan le Fay: Thankyou for that idea! It never crossed our minds! (but then, not a lot does...)
Desipoplover13: Wow! We're 'magnificent marauders'! For that Chapter Four, is devoted to you! (your Dudley idea was a classic, we couldn't NOT use it!)
Bobby-Beebop: Deep breaths, in...out...in...out – you get the idea!
Angel9220042004: We'll keep going but that list may take a while!
Nevweniel: Dumbledore and McGonagall are madly in love!
Diana Negumi: I hope people just 'think' you're a mass murderer...he...he...
Emzizfabz: Em (Moony) is flattered you love her SO much!
XoSilverAndCold: Get in queue to take Sirius for a –ahem- walk...
Kendra is cheese: Hope its fast enough! But, we lost Prongs (he's in Spain) and Padfoot and Moony spent most of y'day lost in London!
Fruit cake: At a risk of repeating myself, deep breaths!
KLLRS: STOP PRESS! YES! WE ARE GOING TO HAVE CHARACTERS RESPONSES TO THE ADS, BUT ONLY WHEN WE'VE DONE ALL THE ADS!
Lady Zymergy: Blue guys? Explain.
Reina de la noche: You're so nice!
Charlotte: HEH! HEH!
Never satisfied with a kiwi: Oliver Wood warning – Chap FIVE!
Koichis girl: Thank you! The credit for Dudleys idea has to mostly go to desipoplover13 though!
Freds girl: We're trying our best to write loads, its summer now though and we're all going to Spain so they'll be a SLIGHT delay, but then loadsa chaps at once!
Angel Dumbledore: Thankyou Please!
Bamm: Neville is on his clumsy, but somewhat sexy, way.
Waffle Avenger: Yes, Lupins contact information is: 33 ITS ONLY A BOOK DRIVE, ITS NOT REAL TOWN, NEAR GET OVER IT CITY.
Emily/LMR: We only have ONE more of the Holy Trio to go, we're waiting for inspiration!
Kate M: Hermione and Cho DONE Harry on the way!
Minnie Lover: PRETTY funny?!?!
Sugarmouse: Tell your mum we're sorry for holding you up!
Zesuit: they're on their way!
Moonlight on the water: we've written that down...somewhere...
Jazz: We HATE Fleur Delacour, but we'll do her ad just for you, cos you're a nice reviewer!
Banana Princess: McGonagall IS a sex-bomb. Ask Dumbledore...
Icey crystal: thank you very much! We love the Weasleys!
Maurauder Angel: we'll give them our best (absurdly accurate) shot!
ButterbeerJelloShots: Thank you very much. You are a very nice person!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Just to recap: We WILL be doing replies to these ads but only AFTER we've done all the ACTUAL adverts!
Keep reviewing you lovely people!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
P.S Not wanting to make non-able to get to London people jealous, BUT Padfoot and Moony went to London yesterday (24th July), and we just happened to be near KINGS CROSS TRAIN STATION and got our photos taken by PLATFORM 9 AND ¾! There's a plaque between Platforms 9 and 10! IT'S SO COOL! GO THERE HARRY POTTER FANS! And no, we couldn't get through the bloody barrier!
We didn't find the Leaky Cauldron either though –sob- although we did check a few red phone boxes to see if we could get into the Ministry – we're NOT mad! YOU WOULD HAVE DONE IT TOO!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO