Part 4.

i am so so so sorry i havent posted this in awhile...i hope you all forgive me...anyway here is the last and final part.

I hate him...I hate my mom and i hate everybody all around me. Why does my life have to suck so bad? Why does everybody have to talk bad about me behind my back..why does my boyfriend have to cheat on me? I mean ok maybe i have stolen something before and maybe i have lied to my parents but hey im a kid and i cant help it. My mom says that im the screw up of the family...im the one who needs to leave, well heres another little saying...she is the real screw up. I hate her. I hope she dies. I could care less that she is my mom but hey my dad died and she just re married this stupid pathetic jackass. So i guess thats why im the one who will end their life tonight. IF everybody hates me...thinks im a freak,thinks im a srew up..thinks im a terrible friend or girlfriend. I will just end my missery for me and everybody around me.

At school today i cried in the bathroom for hours...i had found pictures of me in ash when we were in grade 9. We were best friends. I wonder why people say God works in mysterious ways? Because there is no other way for him to work in my life. I hope that when i end my life that everybody is happy. Because i know i will be. I have my dad in heaven and soon i will be there.

When i got home from school i saw john ( aka the jackass) passed out in my favorite chair and my stupid pathetic mother passed out on the couch. My face had started to hurt when i thought about last night...he hit me. As i walked by i heard someone say something to me.

"go cook me something to eat." john said.

" gag me." i said.

" elenore do what i say." i heard him say.

" hmm no. your not my dad so SCREW YOU!!" i said and with that went upstairs.

When i got to my room i cried. I never wanted to end my lfie like this. never. But maybe this is what God wants..maybe he wants me up their with him and daddy. Now only a few hours till i end my life...im so scared. I have to write a note to everybody tell them why i did this, but first a poem to show how i feel.

This is my tunnel of black despair

Trying to be what they want

Not that they even care

I'm hating every minute of it

They know it too

Nothing can get me out of this hole

There's nothing I can do

I know I have to do something

I know very well that I should

But it's so hard when they're around

Killing all that's good

The light of my life has gone away

Now that's the thing I lack

Now I know what I must do

I'll go and never come back...

There it was.....maybe it was alittle to dramatic...hmm no. i thought.

well here is my final note.

Dear all,

Im writing this so when you read this you will know that i am dead. I have had the worst life a girl could have. My best friend Ashley ditched me for the preps and witches...my boyfriend ditched me for Alex. My other best friend Marco was way to busy with his new boyfriend Dylan to even notcie my pain.......now or my mother i hope you rot in hell mom. i loved you. noticed i said loved. You made my lfie a living hell and because of you i ended my life. John Ryne, burn in hell too. I hate you all. There was a time in my life when my father was around and it was all good then...i hope that you all can understand that this is it. That im leavung and never coming back...and maybe one day form now when we all go to the place were we belong then i will see some of you.I just wanted to say that even though

none you of really cared about me..i hd feelings for you...but i guess i was just some freak .But for now im leaving and never coming back.

yours truely,

ellie nash.

Ellie ended her life that night. John came up and found her body on her bed clanging to her dads picture...something werid though...in the picture it had ellie,her mom,and dad and this little kid...The funerl was on a friday night. Everybody from school was there and her family including her mom. The preacher had wanted somebody or a few people to come and say a few words...well he mom went first.

" Elenor was my daughter...as you all may know." she began. " I had no idea that she would ever think of doing this. She had always seemed so happy. I thought of how a wonderful daughter she was. i love her so much..." he mother began to cry. "my husband had to go and now my daughter...my son joesph left when he found out that elenor's dad wasnt his dad...so i have no family except so john. my new husband." she said that and then walked down. Ashley then got up with marco and sean and together they walked up to the microphone to say some words.

" Ellie was my best friend.." marco said. " we loved her...but i guess we never saw what she was going through.." he said..."i will miss her because if it wasnt for her then i never would have found out that im gay. and i will miss her like a little sister. " he said and tears rolled down his face.

" Ellie was like a sister to me...when my other friends ditched me in grade 9..she was there for me...i cant belive that her of all people would do something like this." ashley began to cry...jimmy had to come up and take her hand to lead her down back to where she was standing.

"well uhh...she was my girlfriend...i loved her and ever since our saturday detention i always have and will. She never cared what anyone thought of her. it was like she understood me, you know. it was like we were each other...i love you ellie.." he said while blowing a kiss to the coffen.

The funeral soon ended, everybody left except for her mother.

" come one honny...you need to go on home." john had said.

"no. im not going back there. im not going back to get passed out to get high to get drunk to go back with you. John yes i want a divorce. Im a jackass. I should have stopped drinking when ellie told me to...i was a terrible mother to my children and to my husband. So bye. its time for me to get my life on and start over form here. because one day i want ot be able to see my husband and my 2 children."