Disclaimer, Warnings, Etc. - Please see the first chapter for those.

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-The Haunted-
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Chapter 8 - Emotions

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Sirius sat by Remus' hospital bed, gazing unblinkingly at his lover's face as Remus slept the sleep of heavy sedatives. Nothing had been seriously wrong with Remus, but the doctors had insisted he stay in the hospital for a few days to have his burns treated, and for tests to be run on him to try and determine what, if any, side effects the drugs Nigel had been giving him might cause. The nurse had sedated Remus shortly after he had been brought in, simply because he couldn't stop weeping, no matter how hard Sirius tried to comfort him. Sirius brushed his husband's bangs off his forehead, looking sorrowfully down at a face troubled even in sleep. He didn't completely know what torture Remus had been through, but he was willing to bet it would be haunting his lover for a very long time.

He glanced up at the clock. It was nearly nine PM; he remembered he had been expected at the Potters' for dinner. Heaving a sigh, he got up from his chair and headed for the pay telephone in the lobby. He dialed the Potters' number from memory, and waited.

Hello, Potter residence, lady of the house speaking.

I thought James told you to stop saying that, Sirius said, slightly amused.

Sirius! Where have you been? We thought you were coming for dinner!

Sorry. I was a little busy. He swallowed. It's Remus.

Oh, God. Lily suddenly sounded scared to death. He isn't - he's not -

He's alive, Sirius said heavily. But that bastard did a lot to him. He's going to be scarred mentally as well as physically, you know, and... well... I don't know what else to tell you.

Oh no, oh no, Lily whispered. What happened to him?

I can't tell you.... I mean, it's really his story to tell if he chooses. Listen, I've got to go. I don't have that much pence on me, and I still have others to ring. I just wanted you to know that Remmie's safe.

Thank you, Lily said. I hope he's okay... I really do.

Goodbye, Lily.

Goodbye, Sirius.

He hung up the phone, jingling the change in his pocket for a moment, then picked it up again. Hello, operator? I'd like to make a long distance call to Germany, if I may...

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Twenty minutes later, Sirius returned to Remus' room, after ringing his mother, Remus' parents, and Bill at the garage. All expressed enormous relief and joy that Remus was safe, and asked endless questions. Sirius fended them off by saying he didn't know anything, except he had found Remus being held hostage and was able to get him away after the person responsible committed suicide. He didn't elaborate much; he didn't want his story to conflict with whatever the police would tell the papers.

Remus was still sleeping. Sirius sat beside him, reaching out to touch the brunette's cheek. Last on his list had been Minerva McGonagall at the university. She had been just as relieved as the others; but just as Sirius had been about to hang up, she asked, rather hesitantly, when Remus would be returning to work. Sirius told her he hadn't the slightest idea; Remus had been through a terrible experience, and there was no telling how long it might take him to recover. Minerva had sounded quite disappointed as she said good-bye, but Sirius didn't care. Why should Remus be pressed into doing things he wasn't ready for? It was much too soon for him to return to teaching.

He sighed again, shifting in his chair and closing his eyes. He was exhausted, but couldn't think of sleeping; he also needed a cigarette badly, but wouldn't leave Remus' side to have one. Horrible pictures played behind his closed eyelids as if he was looking at a cinema screen - the photographs, waking up to find Remus missing, Nigel's tears and anguished face, all mixed with both good and bad memories of his father. He wearily opened his eyes.

It's not the time to rehash the past, he muttered to himself, rubbing his forehead.

The door opened behind him. The doctor, a tall blonde man, entered. He smiled at Sirius. You look tired, Mr. Black. Perhaps you should head home for a rest.

In a little while. What's going on?

The doctor ruffled through his charts. The tests we did on the drugs in your lover's system matched the samples taken from the scene by the police. It's an unusual drug, a kind of highly concentrated morphine/sedative mix. None of our drug experts have seen it before, and we don't have anything quite like it in this hospital. We're checking with other hospitals around Britain, as well as hospitals in New York, Tokyo, Berlin, and Paris. I don't think we'll find any matches. There's a strong possibility that this drug was home-made.

What about side effects?

Ah. As we don't know much about the drug, it's hard to say what may come about in the long run. But for now, he should be fine. The only problem we foresee are possible withdrawal symptoms. Morphine and sedatives are, as you know, addictive, and Mr. Lupin-Black may suffer minor headaches, body aches, etc., as his body grows used to not receiving the drug. It's difficult to predict how bad they might be, or how long they'll last, but you should know it might happen.

What about the other tests?

It takes awhile to run tests on sexually-transmitted diseases, but for the moment it looks as if he's clean. He got off lucky in that area. And you'll be pleased to know that his burns should heal up very well. He'll have scars, of course, but they shouldn't be too bad.

Sirius nodded as the doctor smiled pleasantly at him.

You're welcome. I really must insist you go home and get some sleep, Mr. Black. You've been through a lot, as well.

Yeah, I suppose, Sirius mumbled, as the doctor left the room. He got to his feet and kissed Remus lightly on the lips. I'll be back soon, love, he whispered.

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At first when Remus awoke, he had no idea where he was. He felt groggy, and his arm hurt - for one panicked moment, he thought he was back in Nigel's house. But as he gazed around, he realised he was in a hospital. The grogginess was fading and the pain in his arm was only an IV needle. He was safe. Nigel was dead. There was nothing to fear now.

The door opened and Sirius poked his head in. He smiled when he saw his lover was awake. Hi, Remmie.

Hello, Siri. Remus smiled himself as Sirius entered, bearing a beautiful vase of flowers. He had obviously gotten some rest; he looked better than he had the day before, and had remembered to shave. They kissed, and Sirius set the flowers on the nightstand.

How're you feeling?

Hard to tell. Remus watched as Sirius tweaked one of the roses, which was leaning crookedly. I just woke up. I think I'm okay...

The doctor says you should be fine. Every test on you he ran is good news. I talked to him again when I got here - you tested negative for most diseases, they're just waiting to see if you show any signs of the nasty ones that take a while to show up.

That's good to know. Remus glanced up as a nurse entered, bearing breakfast. The toast was practically charred beyond recognition and the eggs were rubbery, but he began to eat them anyway. Did they say when I can go home?

Definitely before the end of the week. But it's a good idea if you refrain from returning to work right away.

Don't be silly, Remus said briskly, sipping at his pulpy orange juice. I'll be fine.

Sirius frowned. Remmie... you've been through a lot. I think it's a good idea for you to stay home, too. Not forever, but just for a little while. You need rest.

I'm getting plenty of rest right here as it were, Remus said cheerfully. I'll be fine.

There was a long silence, in which Sirius gazed at Remus with worry on his face. He took his husband's hand. Who are you trying to convince, me or you?

I don't understand you.

You're not ready to go to work, Sirius said softly. You need to be at home for awhile, you understand? You've been raped. No one can possibly expect their lives to go completely back to normal after that.

Thanks very much, Sirius, but I think I know what happened to me, Remus said harshly.

Do you? You're trying to pretend everything is fine. It's not. You're going to have to learn to cope with it, you know. You have to get over it. There's no hiding from what's happened.

No. There isn't. But that doesn't mean I have to dwell on the situation every minute of every day.

But d'you think it'll really make it easier to ignore it when you've got your students asking questions and such? They're going to want to know what happened to you. Can you really concentrate on lessons like that?

I - I still think you're being s-silly. Remus finished his eggs. Really, S-Sirius, I - He set down his fork and burst into a fresh storm of weeping, lowering his face into his hands. Sirius pushed the breakfast tray away and reached out to put his arms around his lover. Remus continued to cry, clinging to Sirius tightly.

Why? Why me, Sirius? Why did he do this to me? he sobbed. I wish I never heard of Nigel Peasegood! I wish I'd never heard of Williams! Sometimes... sometimes I wish I'd never heard of any of them! I hate him, I hate him, I hate him! I wish you'd killed him, Siri! I wish you'd tortured him and made him feel the pain he put me through! I wish he'd killed me, just so I don't have to l-live with this all m-my l-life!

Oh, Remmie, no, Sirius whispered. No, no, no. I couldn't kill him, love. I promised you I wouldn't. There's nothing in the world that would make me break my promises to you. I wanted to kill him after seeing what he had done to you... but I promised I would never kill anyone ever again, no matter what. I wish to God that Peasegood hadn't died, that he was in jail right now, at the mercy of some big burly murderer or something. But two wrongs don't make a right. Shouldn't it just be enough that he's dead and facing whatever punishment awaits him in the afterlife?

I- suppose...

Promise me you'll stay home, Sirius murmured. Stay with me, please. I want you home with me. It's too much for you to go back to school. Minerva will just have to keep your substitute on for awhile longer, but I don't want you away from me for a second. Not for anything. Until I'm sure you can handle it.

Remus sniffled. It felt so good to be in Sirius' arms after such a long time apart. Deep inside, he knew his husband was right. He knew he couldn't face those staring eyes, those accusing glances. What would everyone think? That he had run off with another man without a word to his husband, that he had seduced Nigel on purpose and willingly had sex with him? In fact, how much did his students know? He didn't know what the papers had printed, so he couldn't be sure. All he knew for sure was that he wanted to stay safe by Sirius' side, forever.

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It wasn't until Friday that Remus was allowed to leave the hospital. His burns were well along on the road to recovery, and he had thankfully tested negative for any sexually transmitted diseases. He was silent on the drive home, preferring to keep his eyes on his clasped hands rather than look out at the people on the sidewalks. Even with his head lowered, he felt he could sense their eyes boring into him, accusing him. He even felt as if disapproval was radiating from Sirius, though when he glanced timidly up at his lover Sirius gave him a warm smile. He swallowed hard and managed a weak smile in return before looking back at his fingers. He wished, for the hundredth time, that he had never stopped at that antiques shop, or had never spoken to Nigel. If he hadn't, he would most likely never have gotten into the whole mess in the first place. He would be at school right now, giving a lecture on the legends of King Arthur or discussing the Canterbury Tales with his students, eagerly awaiting returning home to eat supper with Sirius and perhaps make love on the living room sofa afterwards.

He was quiet all day, only saying a few words and spending most of his time staring into space. Often, Sirius would be talking to him for several minutes before Remus realised he was doing so. He couldn't bring himself to watch the telly or read a book or do anything. He just wished he could close his eyes and sleep forever.

Remus climbed into bed that night with some trepidations. When Sirius made to turn off the light, Remus grabbed his wrist. No, please! I - I want it on...

Sirius looked perplexed, but merely turned the lamp to its lowest setting and slid under the sheets. He snuggled close to Remus and kissed his cheek. Goodnight, love.

Remus replied automatically, obediently shutting his eyes. But he couldn't sleep. Every small noise made him start in terror, and eventually he stopped trying to sleep, instead laying awake and staring round his dimly-lit bedroom. Suddenly he felt strange, almost feverish; he pulled out of Sirius' arms. For some reason, he didn't want to be touched anymore. Leaving his lover in bed, he curled up in the armchair in the corner and shut his eyes, silent tears coursing down his cheeks.

To Be Continued.

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(A/N: Not really an author's note, more of a shameless plug. If anyone out there likes slightly naughty Sirius/Remus comedy, I suggest reading Some Enchanted Evening', written by myself and my cousin. We're known as Talim and Mina, and you can find a link to our profile on my profile page. Just a suggestion...

Saw Prisoner of Azkaban for the third time the other day. It was even better than the first two times, though by now I was reciting lines along with the characters. I can't wait until it comes out on DVD. I'm going to ask for it for Christmas. I think I annoyed people by giggling and clapping and squealing, but somebody behind me had a stupid kid who kept crying for no good reason that I could see, so who cares. Felt like whacking the kid with my bag of jelly beans, but I would've had to take my eyes off the screen to do so. I'm really looking forward to the cut scenes on the DVD. Hopefully those will have Pigwidegeon in them, or at least explain who Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs were, or how Sirius and Remus knew how to work a map which (according to the movie) Harry, Fred, and George only knew how to work. And did anyone notice they spelled Moony as Mooney' on the Marauder's Map?)