That night, while Adrian was finally falling asleep, about ten minutes away, another man with the surname "Monk" was still awake.

It was eleven fourty five, when Ambrose Monk was sitting up in his highly cluttered living room, when he flipped on the 11 o' clock news to catch the end, and got the shock of his life.

He had wondered why Trudy hadn't come over with his cough medicine, one month ago... His cold had gotten worse that day...it wasn't like her to forget a promise, or not to fall through with something she said she would do...he forgave her, as he got his medicine elsewhere, but he was concerned. He tried to call her, but got no answer...now he found out why.

First he saw Stottlemyer standing in front of the Police Station, with a microphone stuck in front of his face. He took out the piece of straw in his mouth he was chewing on, and replied to a question they had asked but Ambrose never caught, "No...we are working on it though, but the car was compleatly finger-print free." Ambrose was just about to turn the T.V. off when he heard; "How is her husband taking it?"

The camera had switched to a pretty, young black woman in a gold dress, holding the mike. Then the camera switched back to Stottlemyer's face.

"Adrian...he's...he's taking this very difficultly. He is a member of this Police Department, and a good cop. A damn good one..He hasn't come back yet, but we are prepared to give him the time he needs... Trudy was the love of his life..his whole world." Ambrose froze in his chair as the news program went on.

The camera switched back, and you saw the young woman again and she said almost sadly "For all those that don't know or just tuned in, this poor man we are talking about is Adrian Monk, of the San Fransisco Police Department.We have tried to get an interview with him for a month now, but no pervail. His wife recently died in a tragic car bombing last month, the car bomb was detonated in front of the local convience store. This man I'm talking to, is Captian Leland Stottlemyer, who is working on this case...who could have put a bomb in her car...? Did she have any enemies Captain?"

"No...no enemies. Adrian tells us, she was well loved by everyone..." Ambrose's television went black as he shut it off.

Dead? Trudy was dead? Ambrose could hardly beleive it. Car bomb? Oh...oh no...Adrian must be a mess! He thought. "Wait...what did he say? In front of the convience store?! The convience store?! One month ago?! The day she was getting him his cough medication!! Oh no...no...." He put his head in his hands. The tears came to him quickly..."No...Trudy...not Trudy..."

He got up and went to the window and looked outside. He wanted to drive over to Adrian's house...or run over...anything. He went to the door and had his hands on the knob...He wanted to run over, and tell Adrian that he was sorry...that it was his fault...that he was the reason for all this. "Oh..oh no...Adrian will never forgive me..." He was just about to open the door and then he got his all too familier flash of panicky fear.."No...maybe I will just call him tomorrow...I don't need to go over there...no he won't talk to me anyway...." He went into his room, and layed down in bed, after about three hours of laying there, he fell into a light doze.

The next morning he woke up to the normal sound of the letter slit in the door open and shut, and then the sound of paper hitting the floor. He stood up and streched. Went over to the door and got his mail and his newspaper that had been slipped into another hole in the door. He read through his mail and newspaper quickly. Nothing interesting. Ambrose then put all his mail into his filing cabinet for when his dad gets home, then he put his paper in a pile of papers in the living room. The clock read ten thirty in the morning. Then he remembered. Adrian. Trudy..it wasn't a dream. It was real..it really happend.

Almost on cue, the phone rang.

"RING" Once...Ambrose went to answer the phone, but didn't pick it up...

"RING" Twice...His hand hovered next to the phone...He knew it would be Adrian...

"RING" Three times...He knew it was Adrian...

"You have reached Ambrose...I'm not in right now, please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can..." The answering machine declared. Ambrose anxiously waited for someone to answer. He then heard the voice of someone he hadn't heard from in nearly a month.

"Hey Ambrose! I know you're there...you haven't left your house in nearly twenty years. This is Adrian...I'm sure you have heard....about Trudy....If you haven't, then...She's dead Ambrose...My...my Trudy....died..." Ambrose listend as his brother's voice became choked up. WHY couldn't he answer?! Why couldn't he comfort his brother?! Adrian continued "It was a car bomb Ambrose...please...call me back...I need you, if I needed anyone...You're my big brother..." Ambrose could tell...just by the sound of Adrian's voice that he was crying. "Please give me a call..." Then a "click" went by and Adrian was gone.

Ambrose was shocked to find the tears on his own cheeks. He knew that Adrian would never forgive him.

Adrian awoke the next morning with a start. The clock read six am. He couldn't remember what he was dreaming about, but judging from the moisture on his pillow, it was about Trudy. He was crying so much now a days. Even the merest thought of Trudy would set him off. He tried not to think about her. Tried not to think of the way she looked, smelled, the way her skin felt...the way her lips tasted. It was all so beautiful. He was sick of crying though. He didn't want to cry. He knew that Trudy only wanted his happiness, but he couldn't help it. It seemed like only yesterday, he was resting her head on her lap...going to bed with her..."Don't think about it..." he warned himself.

He got up out of bed with a slight groan. He streched out, and thought about the work he had to do that day. Cleaning. He went into the kitchen and looked around for food. The fridge was bare. Adrian then called up the supermarket and ordered some food for himself. Asked for it to be delivered. He couldn't go out there. He couldn't go outside. He couldn't face the world, when just facing the living room seemed like a daunting task.

Adrian went into the parlour and looked around at the mess he had made the night before. The pillows were everywhere..there was glass all over the floor...there were things knocked over from where the pillows have flown, there were dark marks on his wall from when he punched it...there were things from his kitchen table all over the floor. He had made a mess last night.

He picked up the pillows and put them back onto the couch. He spent about fifteen minutes arranging them just right. The blue one on the bottom, the yellow one on top. He then picked up the stereo speaker and put it back in excactly the right spot. Excactly one inch away from the actual stereo. He then picked up all the pieces of glass. Because it hit the carpet, it wasn't really broken. Just a few big pieces. He threw them away, and picked up all his things from the kitchen floor and put them just right back on the table. That took about another fifteen minutes.

The bell rang, and he opened the door. It was the grocery guy with a huge box of food. He paid him his fifty dollars and he left. Adrian closed the door and put all the food away. Exactly in the correct spots. Cans got arranged in alphabetical order and put into the cabinet. All labels facing out of course. All the cereal put into the other cabinet in ABC order. All his cold food was put into the fridge arranged according to size and in ABC order. This took about an hour.

He looked about the parlour and looked around. His eyes fell onto picture of him and his brother. He remembered...Ambrose. He probably didn't know about what had happend. The clock read eleven. He picked up the phone..he took a deep breath and dialed his number...

"RING!" No answer

"RING!" No answer still...

"RING!" Come on! Where is he??

"You have reached Ambrose...I'm not in right now, please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can..."

"What?!" Adrian thought..."He hasn't left his house in years! He has to be there!" He began to speak into the machine;

"Hey... Ambrose? I know you're there...you haven't left your house in nearly twenty years. This is Adrian...I'm sure you have heard....about Trudy....If you haven't, then...She's dead Ambrose...My...my Trudy....died..." He broke off, he didn't want to cry into the phone, but he couldn't help it. "It was a car bomb Ambrose...please...call me back...I need you, if I needed anyone...You're my big brother..." He lost his private battle. He began to weep once again on the phone. He hung up before he could embaress himself agian.

He walked out into the parlour again and looked at his wall. It was covered in marks. He ran into the closet and got all his cleaner...scrubbed and scrubbed, and scrubbed. That all took about another fourty minutes. When he was done, his wall looked cleaner than ever. He then proceded to clean the whole wall, which turned into the whole living room, then the kitchen, the bedroom, the bathroom...When he was finished the clock showed about five o' clock.

He then decided that he was a little hungry, after living on box cereal and sandwiches for the last month. He boiled himself an egg and ate it. It did feel good to eat something...he hated the feeling. How could he possibly feel good in his stomach when the rest of him felt so lousy? How could he eat, with his whole body so full of guilt. He felt sick. Adrian got up suddenly, and ran to the bathroom just before he vomited. He leaned back and sighed. No eating now...He got up and changed his shirt. He went into the kitchen and threw away his old shirt. There was NO WAY he would wear it now...no matter how clean they could get it, he never would wear that shirt again. He then got his cleaning agents and cleaned the toilet for about two hours. He then scrubbed the bathroom from top to bottom again.

When he was done, he went back into the parlour, and sat down in the chair facing the television. Before he could even turn it on, the doorbell rang. He got up and went to answer it. Adrian was very suprised to see a Joe Christie at the door.

"Hey buddy!" Joe yelled as he walked in giving Adrian a hug. "How's life?"

"Could be better." Adrian replied honestly. " Who the Hell am I kidding? It sucks Joe. Could I get you anything?"

"Got any Coke?" He asked.

"Yeah in." He led the way into the kitchen. Joe took a seat. "Man o' man Adrian. Stottlemyer wasn't kidding! You look terrible!"

"I do?" Adrian was genuinely shocked. He hasn't looked at himself in a month. "Really?"

"Yeah man. You're pale, you have must have lost about ten pounds...gosh Adrian...you're wasting away...I'm serious man...you need sleep...and food....you got circles under your eyes the size of freakin' garbage bags!" Adrian handed Joe a coke. "How are things at the Police Department?" He asked a little nervously.

"Ahh same ol' same ol'..nothing too major...except of course..." His voice trailed away and Joe looked down. "Anyway...it's not so bad....kinda slow actually."

"Well? Do you have anything new about what happend to Trudy?"

"No man...nothin...there really aren't any clues available...the car was put into the dump...there was nothing in there...and man, if you could SEE the number of cops searching the car...I do have some good news though..."

"What?" Adrian replied....

"I'm bein' promoted!!!" Joe announced happily.

"Really? That's awesome! To where?"

"Major narcotics...I start next monday..." Joe said proudly...

"Well I'm happy for you 't have happend to a nicer guy." Monk said sincerly. He really was happy for him. Joe worked hard and was deserving of a promotion.

"So buddy...what have you been doing with yourself?" Joe asked. This is the purpose of his visit...he needed to know what Adrian had been doing...he was worried about him...very worried. It's been almost a month, and there was no sign of Adrian at the station. He was practically married to the job.

"Cleaning." Adrian answered simply.."Surviving...I think. I miss her..."

"Adrian.." Joe started; "It's been a month now...starving yourself and hoarding yourself in your house, isn't going to bring her back. The only way you can survive this, is by getting out there man! Getting to work! Catching criminals was your passion...you're such a good cop!"

Adrian thought for just a moment, then started; "I know...I know Joe..I'm not ready yet...I'm not. I can't go out there, catching criminals, knowing that the one who killed Trudy is out there...walking free...Joe...I can barely get out of bed in the morning..it's so hard..."

He saw that Joe was swimming in his vision. He wiped his eyes and blinked hard. When it cleared, he saw Joe looking at him. Adrian immediatly reddend and turned away.

"Hey man..it's okay. I know how much you loved her." Joe said compassionatly.

"I still love her Joe..." He replied plainly. They sat in the silence for a few minutes, when Joe asked "When are you going to be back at work? Cuz what you're doin' ain't healthy...you barely eat, you aren't sleeping...and you reek of polish...I'm your best friend, and I care about you..."

"To tell you the truth man, I can't eat...I'm full." Adrian whispered, half to himself.

"What? Adrian...your pants are practically falling off! You have lost so much weight! You can't be eating much...how can you possibly be full?"

"I'm full of guilt." Adrian replied. He had to get it out. What better person to talk to than your partner and best friend? They had saved each other's lives countless times. He had to talk to someone...

"Guilt?" Joe asked incredulously. "What can you possibly feel guilty of?!"

"It was my fault." Adrian replied...

"Your fault? How?"

"We switched cars...me and Trudy...her's had muffler problems...I was going to drop it off near the shop on my way home, because the shop is near my house, and it's also near the station." He broke off looking at him..

"Go on.." Joe said gently..."Go on..."

"If I had taken my own car, I would have been the one inside it...I could have died, and she would be living...the bomb was planted in my car...Joe...she could still be living...it's my fault, as it was my suggestion..." He buried his face in his hands.

"No man...it's not your fault...You didn't know." Joe said clapping Adrian on the shoulder.

Adrian replied in a muffled voice; "It was my car...she had no enemies.." He looked up with a look of extreame anger and sadness..."Joe I could have saved her..."

"How? Did you know that the bomb was planted in your car?" Joe asked.

"Well no..but..."

"But nothing! There was NOTHING you could do! Don't blame yourself!" Joe practically screamed at him, jumping up to his feet, banging the table. "It's not your fault Adrian..you didn't know..."

Adrian put his head in his hands and gripped his hair. "Why was it my Trudy?" He asked, almost like a child.

"God works in mysterious ways I suppose...you know...all mysterious and that other shit like that. It's not as if that makes it any easier, but I guess it's true..."

Adrian stood up and said; "Thanks man..." He walked over to him, and He gave him a hug. Christie was very suprised by this. Adrian never contacts people himself, he does tolerate it when given to him, but he never seeks out contact. Joe was strangely touched by this. He hugged him back fiercly. When they broke it, he said again; "It's not your fault buddy...it really isn't...Trudy didn't deserve this, and neither do you..."

When Joe left about twenty minutes later, Adrian looked around his appartment. It looked and felt huge to him. There were supposed to be two people living there. Now there was only one. It's been a month, but it seemed like any moment Trudy would be walking through that door. The time read about eight o' clock. He didn't want to watch T.V. He didn't want to do anything. He went to bed.

As he lay in his room, staring at his picture of Trudy, he knew deep inside that she wasn't going to come back. He just wanted to pretend that she was. That she wasn't laying in a hole six feet deep on the other side of town. He took up her pillow, and held it in his arms as if he was holding her. He fell asleep that way that night...with the smell of her in his nose, and the sight of her in his heart.