The Ballad of Riddle

To the tune of "Ballad of Booth" from Assassins.

The Scene is dark. As lights come up, they reveal DUMBLEDORE sitting in his office, reminiscing about the past.

DUMBLEDORE
Sad how some are evil
Sad how some go bad
Every now and then this school is
Home to one who's mad.
Every now and then a villain is a Hogwarts grad.
Doesn't stop the story
Story's pretty sad.
How our best went mad...

Tom Riddle was a handsome child
Poorer than the poorest of church mice.
His mind was brilliant, his manners mild.
Everybody thought him nice.

What were you thinking, Tommy

Guess we'll never know...
Dark folks thought you were scum
Why'd you become

The Light side's greatest foe?

Great things were in your very palm
You left them all misused
You gave it up and for what, Tom

Revenge for being abused.

Tom threw himself into his studies
Smarter than the rest with muggle roots
He had more books than he had buddies
Got straight O's on all his NEWTs!

What made you lose it, Tommy?
Knowing what you knew?

Purebloods all scorned your skill
That is until
They learned your will
To rape and kill
And become You-know-who!

Your housemates couldn't shake your calm
Their baiting you refused
Are you a light forsaker, Tom
Because of their abuse?

(Flashback to a scene in the halls. Young TOM RIDDLE is lying there, bruised, with a crowd of Gryffindors surrounding him. One of them spits on him and they leave.)

TOM (spoken)
I'll make them pay, the lousy lot of them. What have those filthy little muggle prodigy ever done for me? Nothing! What have they done to me? Hmm...Firstly..

DUMBLEDORE

Your patience was exhausted, Tom.

TOM (spoken)
My father left me...because my mother...my MOTHER was a witch! Secondly...

DUMBLEDORE
I should have seen the clues...

TOM (spoken)
Secondly, those muggles who ran the orphanage, they beat me! Beat me like an animal! For being who I am! Thirdly...

DUMBLEDORE
I should've known you'd lost it, Tom...

TOM (spoken)
Thirdly...

DUMBLEDORE
Because you'd been so ruthlessly abused...

TOM (shouted)
THEY'LL PAY! I'll open that chamber and kill them all! I'll live forever! But how? (suddenly pulls a small black diary out of his book bag and begins writing in it) Dear Diary...

DUMBLEDORE
He said "Damn you, Muggles
You caused me pain!"

TOM (sung)
Tell it all!

DUMBLEDORE
You left all feelings but hatred drained!

TOM
Tell 'em, tell 'em, tell 'em what they've done!

DUMBLEDORE

He said "Damn you, Muggles,
My robes I'll stain
With blood from your bodies when you're slain!
He said..."

TOM
Hate my life
Fear my name!
Throw at me your grief and blame!
What I'll do is kill the scum who made me suffer!
They will learn their mistake
When their hearts and souls I break
I will open up the chamber
Yes, my great ancestor's chamber.

DUMBLEDORE
He said...

BOTH
Damn you, Muggles, you brainless twats!

TOM
Sing it, sing it! Let 'em hear it, sing!

BOTH
I'll have you quaking, sad and distraught!

TOM
Tell 'em, tell 'em, tell 'em till they listen!

BOTH
Now rot!

TOM
Tell 'em, tell 'em ,tell 'em how it happened
How they treated me like I was cattle
How they laughed when I screamed for aid
Tell them how our race is now black and impure

How us being the same's prattle
How the wizards are far, far more great!
But they're black and impure.

How the Slytherins all live like dirt
How in our pain they revel
How we're all mean and curt
'Cause we always are hurt!

How mere students are treated like devils
By those filthy

(voice starts to go high and cold)

Mudblood loving
Other houses,

(Voice now fully high and cold)
ALWAYS!
Always...

Always...

Always...

No, our race is now black and impure...

(Reverting to normal voice)

Curse my name
I don't care
Not one of you
Will be spared.
You shall burn in hell's own circle for usurpers!
Let them call me the worst
They might have spared themselves this curse
Had they not
Been averse
To a frightened male halfblood.

They will moan "If we knew then,
We'd have treated him as human!"

They'll see how they're black and impure!

(The Diary glows with an unearthly light and we return to DUMBLEDORE's study.)

DUMBLEDORE
Tom Riddle was a vengeful person
Wouldn't let his need for vengeance end.

He was ill-treated and it worsened...
What he needed was a friend.

Everyone knows his new name
Riddle, they forget.
He killed so horribly

That we all see
His cruelty.
To think that he
Thought there would be regrets!
The ones who hurt him hate him more

His critics know they're right
Because he caused this second war
His bullies now are fighting the good fight!

Damn you, Riddle
You think import
Is given to bullies of your sort?
Lots of bullies are in your court
They follow Voldemort!

That's the awful story
Why the Dark Lord rose...

He thinks he did what he did
Because life dealt him blows.
Now he causes horrid pain as
His support base grows.
Peace is gone.
And for that...

Damn you, Tom!