ReluctantDragon- I don't really know why I didn't like LOTR. I suppose that not everybody can like it. I haven't read them, but I'm guessing that the books are really great and I admire Peter Jackson for taking on such a huge task. Unfortunately, unlike Tolkein, Jackson had to squeeze in a massive plot in the space of three hours. I guess I just felt that the characters didn't develop enough for me during that time. To me, Aragorn's love triangle just seemed to be slapped into the movie. Also, the ending seemed too neat, and I didn't have anything to really ponder about towards the end, so some of the themes that were probably there in the books didn't come through. I guess I just prefer open endings…
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the turtles (except Mary Sue… Though, if I could claim the rights to her as a character and make it hold up in court, I'll be a billionaire by now… It'll give Mary Sue a whole new meaning!) or any of the characters featured in the Next Mutation series created by Saban. I also own the fangirls, though I'm owned by my parents :(
Chapter Seven: It's Awful.
Donatello shuddered with fear when he heard a low rumbling noise in the distance. Panicking, he grabbed Venus' arm and tugged her while he pushed his way through the crowds of fangirls; slowly heading back towards the train carriages. Knowing that a simple closed door wouldn't be strong enough to keep out the oncoming hordes unlike the previous times, Donatello and Venus hurriedly scrambled onto the roof of the subway cars.
Like rabid wolves, Don's fangirls dropped into the lair and howled in excitement when they spotted their prey. Don backed away as the fangirls tried their best to climb on top of the carriage as well. The turtle's eyes grew wide in fear when he realised that he had left his bo in his room. Grabbing a nearby metal pole as a substitute, Don whacked it around wildly as protection. "Stay back! Stay back I say!" Don warned the brats while he tried to hold them at bay.
It didn't take long till the fangirls gave up on trying to climb to the roof, and for the time being they instead simply prowled around the lair, waiting for Donatello to come down; he couldn't stay up there forever. Don let out a little sigh, knowing that for the moment he was safe from their squeals and continuous clawing. Venus looked around the lair and gasped at the crawling masses of girls. By now Leo's fanbase had lost to Raph's. Don and Venus watched in horror as Leo's fangirls were tied up to whatever pieces of furniture the Raphael fans could find.
"LeO Is St1LL Da Bestest!" Leo's fanbase screamed with defiance even though they were the losers of the battle. With cruel smiles on their lips, the opposing fangirls sadistically grabbed some duct tape and covered their mouths so that they could no longer praise Leonardo. Having nothing better to do, Raphael's fangirls then tried to corner Leo in the busy lair.
"Leo! Climb up here! It's safe!" Venus hurriedly advised him from the safety of the train's roof. Leonardo tried to do what he was told, but Raph's fanbase was relentless and dangerously started to circle him like hungry sharks. Fortunately for Leonardo, yet unfortunately for Venus, Mary Sue suddenly came to the rescue by creating a beautiful rainbow tinted spherical force field that protected both of them from the oncoming fanbrats.
"Wow!" one Raph fan admired.
"That's lyke, so pReTtY!" a Mike fan uttered.
"U R Soooooo K00L!" one of Donatello's fans yelled out. Don groaned upon hearing their version of the English language.
"Wait a minute. I thought that the reason Mary Sues were so bad was because other fangirls didn't like to see perfect female characters hogging their favourite man," Don pondered.
"Yeah, the fangirls should be on my side," Venus grumped, still extremely jealous of Mary.
"They should hate her, not love her," Don pointed out with a raised eye-ridge. The room fell silent as another plot hole was created. Ninjalara groaned and finally left her spot in front of the television in order to write another Author's Note. Unfortunately she didn't write fast enough, as the plot hole managed to suck a few more fangirls. The Leo fans were lucky this time around, mainly because they were still strapped down to the various pieces of furniture located throughout the lair.
"Don't do that!" Lara yelled at Don once the rift in time had been fixed. "You shouldn't point them out like that!"
"I thought that only Reviewers could create plot holes?" Don said, quite confused.
"Well if you make my mistakes so blatantly obvious, then of course a plot hole will form!" Lara replied. Don simply shrugged.
"At least we got rid of some fangirls," Don tried to look on the bright side. Curious, Michelangelo read the Author's Note that was now strung across the wall, covering the spot where the plot hole had once been. 'Mary Sue is extraordinarily talented and can force ignorant fangirls from all walks of life to like her'.
"You know, that really is a pathetic excuse," Mike commented.
"It worked, didn't it? What more do you want?" Lara replied with a hint of laziness in her voice. Once the fangirls had melodramatically mourned the death of their fellow followers, they immediately returned to their previous annoying tasks. Master Splinter finally emerged from his room, only to disappear again once the sheer number of fangirls overwhelmed him. Donatello frowned at Mike's fanbase that had managed to clear out the fridge, and yelled at his own fans who were currently going through his room.
"Don't touch my computer!" Don warned them, quite disturbed that he couldn't see what they were doing from his position on the roof.
"I hope my fanbase doesn't come," Venus said, knowing how stressed out Donatello was getting. Don gritted his teeth, but didn't respond by telling her the horrible truth. "Oh no!" Venus suddenly gasped.
"What!?" Don asked, still quite jittery.
"Raphael! He's out of character!" Venus answered in fear. Don scanned his eyes across the lair until he found his usually hothead brother on the floor. His limbs were spread out and his face was fixed in a permanent grin while the fangirls gathered round and admired his 'kawaii'ness.
"He's twitterpated!" Don exclaimed. "We're doomed!" Don shuddered. "We need to get rid of these fangirls as soon as possible if we're ever going to have a chance at reviving back to his normal moody state," he analysed the problem quickly.
"But what about Mary Sue?" Venus asked.
"We'll deal with her later. Right now getting rid of these fans is our first priority," Don said firmly. Venus watched as Donatello paced around the roof in an attempt to try and think of an idea on how to save his brother. "Dammit! Lara! This is all your fault!" Don accused the teenager on the ground when nothing came to his mind.
"What did I do now?" Lara whined.
"You're to blame for all of this mess!" Don said while he madly pointed at the various fanbases.
"But I only invited the Leo fans… Then the Leo fans invited the Mike fans, who in turn invited the Raph fans, who invited the Don fans, who then invited the Splinter fans…" Lara rambled on while pointing out the small group of adults that had just entered the lair, forming Splinter's fanbase. Don groaned and rolled his eyes at her never-ending list of excuses. Suddenly, as though a light bulb had just lit up inside of his gloomy brain, Don came up with an idea on how to fix the problem with the multiplying fangirls.
"Venus! I need you to do something for me," Don said with a hint of hope in his voice.
"What is it?" Venus wondered, partly unsure.
"I need you to get down and phone someone for me."
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Half an hour later…
"Someone called for help?" Casey bellowed out his arrival while he swung his baseball bat around like a show off. Everyone in the lair stopped and looked at him. Silence quickly followed. A sly smile swept across Casey's face as he observed all the human girls in the room. "Hey! Where'd you find all of these gorgeous girls!?" Casey asked the turtles with a wink. The fangirls all held horrified expressions on their faces.
"Eew!" one girl uttered.
"That hairy, smelly man likes us!" a Don fan spoke up in disgust.
"Eew!" the fangirls said as a group.
"Aw, c'mon! I'm not that bad!" Casey tried to defend himself against their accusations. Curious, he sniffed his underarms just for the sake of it. "Hmm…" Casey hummed as he wrinkled his nose; wondering when he had a shower last. The girls let out a frightened shriek in response to his pondering reaction. Casey then took a step forward, causing the fangirls to take a couple of steps back. Then, like a crash of rhinos, the fangirls evacuated the lair. Only the more hard-core Raph fans stayed behind; a friend of Raph's was a friend of theirs… no matter how stinky.
Relieved to see his fanbase run out the door, Donatello jumped off the train carriage and waddled to the bathroom; finally able to make it to the toilet without being hounded by rabid female humans. Venus bit her lip with worry when she observed that she still couldn't help Raphael; the highly overprotective fans would rip her to pieces if she even touched the red-wearing turtle. A couple of Leo fans were still tied up, but Leonardo and Mary were setting them free; allowing them to run out the door with the rest of their species.
"I'm not that bad, am I?" Casey wondered out loud, his feelings hurt. The sound of a toilet flushing was his only answer.
"They're all gone…" Mike uttered in shock, saddened by the absence of his fanbase. Casey trudged over to the refrigerator in the hopes that he could drink his sorrows away. He let out a wail of despair when he found it empty; the Michelangelo fans had taken everything, including the Brussels sprouts. Like two lost souls, Mike and Casey then moved over to the couch to watch television.
"Thanks babe," Casey said absentmindedly as he grabbed the remote control off Lara. Like a zombie, he instantly flicked the channel to a hockey match and started watching. Ninjalara pouted at her loss of control over the television.
Venus sighed with frustration when Donatello finally returned from his epic quest to the bathroom. "Your plan didn't work. Casey wasn't able to scare away the more dedicated Raph fans," Venus said. "I think we need to bring in someone stronger. Someone more annoying," Venus stated her opinion. She thoughtfully turned to face Donatello. "Who is the most hated character in all of the Ninja Turtle series?" Venus asked, wondering who could be so powerfully irritating. Donatello stared directly at Venus. The female turtle held a thoughtful pose, trying to think of someone. Donatello continued to stare at Venus, wondering if she'd ever get the hint. "I know! Wick!" Venus finally came to a conclusion.
"I was thinking of someone else, but yeah, Wick should be enough to repel the fangirls," Don agreed.
"Let's kidnap him then!" Venus said, getting excited.
"You do realise that if we're caught, since there'll only be the two of us, then we'll be dead meat. Literally. I mean, we'll be eaten by Dragon Lord and his followers," Donatello reminded her of the consequences. Venus sighed and looked over once again at Raphael and his eternal uncharacteristic grin.
"But if we don't save Raphael soon, then our personalities are doomed anyway," Venus weighed up the pros and cons. Donatello sighed.
"Then I guess we have no choice…"
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At Dragon Lord's compound.
The two turtles silently tiptoed down Dragon Lord's red carpet. Thankfully for them, they came at the right time considering that most of the Rank was asleep. Venus' heart thumped harder when she spotted Dragon Lord himself sleeping soundlessly on his thrown. She pondered on whether she should finish him off right now and avenge her Master's death, yet she knew that it was too dangerous, especially since there was only the two of them to fight off the rest of the wrathful dragons when they'd finally wake up. So Venus continued to focus her attention to Dragon Lord's alchemist, Wick, in an attempt to forget her feud.
Nervous, Donatello held open the small brown bag he had been carrying when he finally reached the foot of the stumpy dragon's dog bed. With Venus standing by his side, Don quickly grabbed Wick by the neck and stuffed him inside the sack. Unfortunately they weren't quick enough, and Wick instantly called out for help, causing all the surrounding dragons to rouse from their sleep.
"What's the meaning of this!?" Dragon Lord's voice boomed and echoed around the stylised oriental room.
"Majesty!" Wick pathetically called out from the confines of Don's bag.
"Wick! What are you doing in there?" Dragon Lord stupidly asked.
"Majesty! I'm being kidnapped! Help me Majesty!" Wick begged mindlessly. Donatello and Venus stood frozen in their positions, as Dragon Lord looked them both over. The oversized dragon shook his head and rubbed his temple to calm his migraine as Wick continued to vocalise his annoying pleas for help. Donatello slowly took out his bo with his free hand, while Venus stood in a fighting stance, just in case Dragon Lord was about to order an attack.
"Get rid of him!" Dragon Lord commanded the two turtles. Donatello and Venus were stunned; Dragon Lord was letting them go.
"But… But Majesty!" Wick cried out as he wriggled around in the bag. The two turtles didn't need to be told twice. With a little smile, they both ran back down the red carpeted hallway, hurriedly wanting to get out of there before Dragon Lord changed his mind. "MAJESTY!" Wick screamed one last time before he disappeared out the door along with Don and Venus.
"Um… What just happened?" Don asked as he started up the Hummer's engine.
"Dragon Lord just let us go," Venus answered monotonously, still in a state of shock as well.
"Wow… Maybe he does have a heart after all," Don wondered while he turned and drove down the street. Wick squirmed and wriggled in the back seat, trying to get out of the brown sack.
"No… He just really hates Wick," Venus commented.
"Majesty!" Wick wept in the background.
"Poor little guy. Rejected by his own Master…" Don started to feel sympathetic.
"Yeah, he must be really annoying," Venus commented, her thoughts completely set on getting rid of the fangirls. "Do you think our plan will work?" Venus asked after a couple of minutes had passed.
"Should do. I like to compare the fangirls to Spyware - they infect the lair slowly at first, until there's so many of them that our life cannot function properly. We can try to delete a couple of them, but a few manage to cling on for their life. Wick, on the other hand, is like Ad-Aware. He can get rid of the Spyware for good, however he himself might cause a few problems along the way," Donatello analysed. Venus gave him a confused look.
"So Wick can fix your computer?" Venus asked, completely missing the point to his analogy.
"…Never mind Venus. Never mind," Don said bluntly.
Once Don had parked the car safely in the garage, he grabbed the sack, swung it over his shoulder before entering the lair with a large smile on his face. Everyone looked at him warily as he wildly shook the bag about, allowing Wick to fall out. Raphael's fangirls covered their noses with disgust. "It stinks!" a girl with fiery red hair admitted.
"It's a dragon!" another said in surprise.
"Eew! It's a Next Mutation character!" a girl dressed like a punk criticised.
"Ha! You turtles are so foolish! I know where you live. Dragon Lord will have to accept me back, now that I possess this information!" Wick blabbed and boasted.
"Sure he will," Venus said sarcastically.
"What's the runt doing here?" Mike asked from his spot on the couch.
"I'm not a runt! I'm Dragon Lord's most loyal servant," Wick defended himself, his voice fluctuating uncontrollably as he did so.
"Sure you are," Venus said sarcastically.
"Don't be smart with me! You'll be defeated soon Shinobi. Mark my words!" Wick pathetically threatened.
"Sure I will be," Venus said, once again with a sarcastic tone. Wick frowned in response. Using his beady eyes, he bewilderedly looked around the lair and licked his snout when he spotted the small group of Raph fans.
"Yummy! Humans!" Wick called out. With surprising speed, he crawled over to the girls and bit one of their legs.
"Ow! Get away you freak!" the redhead yelled out as she kicked the shrimp of a dragon in the shoulder.
"Mmm! Tasty! I want more! Needs ketchup though," Wick continued to babble to himself.
"Eew!!" the fanbrats cringed at the idea of putting sauce on their slender legs.
"Does he ever shut up?" Casey asked while he flicked to another sports channel.
"…No," all the turtles except Mary answered.
"Dragon Lord doesn't know what he's missing out on!" Wick said his thoughts out loud while he licked his snout again; not having any inner monologue. All of a sudden, Wick stopped in his tracks. Everyone watched as the little dragon raised his tail. A rippling squeak was heard, which was quickly followed by a horrendous smell. "Yummy!" Wick said, once he returned to normal.
"It, it farted!" the fangirl with the fiery red hair announced fearfully. The other girls immediately covered their noses. The smell was so bad that it made some of their hairs stand on end.
"I'm gonna barf!" the girl dressed like a punk blurted out. Having a similar reaction to their teammate, the rest of Raph's fanbase evacuated the lair. Wick pouted, knowing he had just lost his late night snack. With an evil grin, he started to approach Ninjalara who was still sitting on the couch in front of the television. Before Wick had the chance to bite into her ankle, Lara stamped her foot and slammed his head into the concrete floor as though he was a rampaging wombat. The dragon growled while Lara kept her foot in place, pinning him to the ground. The turtles and Casey looked at her in mild surprise.
"…I do karate," Lara finally explained when the turtles didn't stop staring. Finding the right moment, she grabbed the remote off Casey and began to flick through the channels once again.
"Wait. So let me guess this straight. You do Martial Arts, like eating pizza on a regular basis, and you're a movie buff?" Mike asked with high hopes.
"Yep," Lara answered briefly while stopping to watch the documentary channel. With a large smile on his face, Mike wriggled in closer and put an arm around her shoulders. "I'm also a Leo fan," Lara reminded him as she removed his arm. Michelangelo pouted and started to whine about the loss of his fanbase once again.
Seeing that the lair was now completely fangirl free, Venus and Donatello rushed to Raphael's aid. Bending down beside him, Don checked his pulse while Venus tried to turn his continuous smile into a scowl by pushing and pulling on his facial muscles. "He doesn't look too good," Don said after giving his fellow turtle a quick check up. With an understanding nod to each other, the two reptiles slid Raphael into Donatello's room. "Place him on the table," Donatello instructed. With one last heave, Raphael was laid down on a metallic bench with various unknown electronic gadgets situated around the edge of it.
"What is all this stuff?" Venus asked, impressed with all the high-tech looking equipment.
"We're going to need to do reconstructive surgery," Donatello sincerely announced before looking directly at Venus with bright eyes. "This," he started, gesturing to the table that Raphael was on. "This is one of my proudest inventions! …Well, it was my concept. Mary Sue kinda made it for me…" Donatello mumbled the last part before continuing his explanation. "It has always been a dream of mine to become one with machines. If I was ever injured badly, I can picture myself becoming part cyborg. Now, with the use of this machine, my dream can come true!" Donatello declared, raising both arms in success like a mad scientist.
Venus simply raised an eye-ridge at what he had just revealed to her. "You? Half cyborg? That'll never work," Venus criticised. Donatello simply frowned at her reaction.
"Well, we'll see about that!" Don said, still firm in his beliefs. Becoming excited, Donatello hooked Raphael up to the machine and covered his body from head to toe with a large, white sheet. "Once this process is complete, then Raphael should be his regular madman self," Don proclaimed. Worried, Venus stepped back while Don pulled a large lever located on one of the table's legs. A loud hum could be heard, which later progressed into a buzzing sound. Blue bolts of electricity jumped from one end of the table to the other, while the body under the sheet started to jerk and jolt as a reaction. "It's alive! IT'S ALIVE!" Don screamed with success as Raphael was finally cured.
To be continued…