Wherefore Art thou, Romeo?
By Nori with a small part by Ebby
Pairing: Hints at IbuKam , General An ebilness
Rating: PG
Originally posted in Boismex4Prez

Notes: This plotbunny has been eating my brain for about a week, and I got hit with about half of the dialogue when I went outside to smoke. So I started writing. x3 Ended up going into a BLAH mood in the middle of this and was totally unable to concentrate, so I forced Ebby to write part of it for me until I could think again. 3 Unbeta'd :D!

Ibu Shinji suddenly had the urge to run. Very. very far away.

"Why do I have to wear the dress? Isn't this a girl's part? One of you girls should do it.. not me, I'm a guy, I don't think I'll make a good Juliet. I'm not pretty.. you all are better looking than me, you'd make much better Juliets than I would.. This is crazy. Who's idea was this anyway?" He mumbled, a frown crossing over pale features. Seriously now, who's idea had this been?

A fundraiser for the Fudoumine tennis clubs. Between the two clubs, they'd chosen to put on a production of Romeo and Juliet, to which nearly the entire girls team had voted Shinji as Juliet. Between the googoo eyes from the girls and the snickers from the boys, the longhaired player shifted back and forth on his feet uneasily.

"But in Shakespeare's time, all parts were played by men, Ibu-kun." An chirped a little too sweetly.

"This isn't Shakespeare's time, An-chan, he's been dead for hundreds of years or something."

"Quit complaining and try on the dress or I'm going to put it on for you."

Shinji never wanted to run from something in his entire life as much as he did now.

On the other side of the room, one Kamio Akira wasn't fairing too well, either.

"No way. Not happening. I am not wearing tights." The redhead eyed the costume that had been chosen for him. Hmph. Why had he agreed to do this stupid play to begin with? Oh. Right. He hadn't planned on getting stuck with the main role. Sure, he got to play with a sword, but.. god this was lame. And the evil gleam in the older girls eyes was scaring him.

"They're not tights, they're leggings. And you'll only have to wear them for one performance. Be a man, Kamio-kun." the older girl in charge of costume designs replied, fussing over his costume. Kamio groaned inwardly, shooting a glance towards his captain (who had for some reason been put in charge of sets) that clearly said 'Save me!'.

Not that Tachibana didn't notice it.. he just couldn't do anything about it. Even as he was, most of the girls team seriously scared him. So.. scary. With creepy ideas. Probably best to just stay out of this.

Kamio whimpered. Ohgawdsavemenow.

"I thought being a man entailed NOT wearing girlish tights," snapped out Kamio, finally, before pulling at the fabric that encased his legs within their tight, revealing- okay let's not get any further then that. SNAP The redhead glared at the fabric as it sprung back into place and, already he could hear the giggling of several girls, admiring how handsome he looked and how well he fit the part.

Grrr... and what the hell was with -

"Kamio-kun, why did they give you see through tights to wear?" asked Shinji quietly, as he came up from behind Kamio, "And why are you wearing my underwear? I could've sworn that I hadn't left any, the last time I was at your house... or maybe I did? Man, they look better on you than me, not fair, you always did have a better as-"

"SHINJI!" shouted Kamio, face turning red at Shinji's observations.

"Eeeeehhh?" asked An, as she sidled up to Kamio and nudged him with a sly look on her face, "Did I hear right? Mouuu, Kamio-kun, such a meanie to keep secrets from me but at least now I know that you to are even MORE perfect for your parts."

Kamio stared at An... then looked back at Shinji and finally noticed what the other wore.

A dress. They put Shinji in a dress. Does. Not. Compute. What the hell were they thinking? The guy had too much muscle to pull it off.

"...I don't know what you're talking about, An-chan. Now get outta here, I'm changin'." he grumbled, giving her a gentle shove away from his person. Sighing, he yanked the rest of his costume off of a nearby chair and stalked off towards the so-called 'dressing room', which was really just an open door with a sheet over it. Che.

Shinji sighed and relented to the tugging on his arm, allowing himself to be dragged back across the room to finish his tortu-- I mean, his costume fitting.

"You people are nuts. I don't even know how to act like a girl. My voice is too deep and my arms are too big and I just look like a normal guy and--" He was cut off from his rant as An slapped her hand over his mouth, effectively silencing him.

"You're making too big of a deal out of this, Ibu-kun." The older junior said sweetly. "Now hold still. Need to put on your makeup."

..... "WHAT!? No way nuh uh not happening ever-- " Arguing was of no use, as the small pack of girls who'd been assigned to help him with his costume closed in around him.

Somewhere off to the side, the rest of the men's tennis club were attempting to hide away, but their snickers at poor Shinji's situtation gave them away. Drat. You could almost hear the screams of agony as one by one, they were dragged off to be dressed in who knows what.

Disgruntled was one word that could be used to describe Kamio as he stalked out from his little hole, now fully dressed. A glare was shot at a group of snickering tennis players as he spat out "Yeah, laugh while you can." Bastards.

Much too soon for his comfort, he was once again pounced by his costumers and directed into a chair. What was this? Oh god.. no way. NOT HAPPENING! He all but threw a hissy fit, hissing and spitting and looking much like a pissed off wet cat as he was put through much the same torture as Shinji. Makeup and hair departments, I hate you.

"I still don't understand why I'm supposed to be Juliet.. Couldn't you have made me one of the guards, or her dad or brother or cousin or uncle's pet cat or something? This dress is bothering me, it feels funny and I don't think it fits right, I don't have woman's chest so it doesn't hang right and --"

"Ibu-kun" An singsonged with a sigh. "Think of it this way. If you play Juliet, Kamio-kun has to kiss you at the end." A small, feral grin spread across her lips, eyes twinkling with glee.

"Really now.." An eyebrow shot up in semi-confusion.. but there was no more resistance from Ibu Shinji.

That seemed to be pretty effective, An thought to herself, making a mental note to say much the same to Kamio when she was finished applying Shinji's makeup.

Fin