Authors note: Still looking for pre-reader(s). Until I get some the only person looking this over is me. That means there is a good chance for some kind of error.
Disclaimer: To my knowledge I still do not own either Evangelion or its characters. I'm still hacking I mean working on that. J
"Speaking out loud"
'Thinking internally'
Through the Mind of One
by: brindani
Chapter 3
(NERV hospital room #302)
Shinji's unfocused eyes rested on Rei as he mentally questioned the many events that had recently transpired.
'Why father? Why did I have to sit there unable to do anything while Rei cried out in pain? Why did you only decide to help her when she screamed that you had destroyed her world? Was that an angel crucified down there? So many questions but where are the answers? Something isn't right.'
Shinji was so engrossed in his inner turmoil that he didn't notice Rei's slight groan as she brought one hand to her head before opening her eyes. When she saw Shinji sitting beside her looking at her yet seemingly far away, she became intrigued. She quietly sat up on the hospital bed to face him.
"Ikari?"
Shinji practically jumped out of his chair at the unexpected noise. "Rei, I mean your alright…that's uh great."
Rei looked at him in confusion. "Alright? What am I doing here?"
"You mean…you don't remember?"
"Remember what? What has transpired?"
"You…you were attacked by an angel. It seemed to attack your mind. Maybe there were some lasting effects? I should go get Dr Akagi."
Rei barely managed to open her mouth to reply before Shinji had exited at a sprint. Quietly closing her mouth, she pondered Shinji's last statement.
'I was attacked by an angel? Why…why don't I remember?' A deep throbbing began to ripple through her mind as she tried to focus on her last memories. 'I was sent out to fight an angel. A bright …light then then…' Her mind couldn't take any more of the intense pounding that seemed to shake her skull. She raised both hands to clutch her head to ease the pain. As she stopped thinking about the last incident the headache miraculously receded leaving only a small residual pain. When she tried to think about it once more the pain rose in tandem. 'My head. Why does my head hurt when I try to recall anything about the last angel?' She didn't have too long to ponder as the door to her room opened. Both Dr. Akagi and a very worried looking Shinji entered.
"How are you doing today Rei?" Ritsuko asked in an off hand manner as she flipped through her ever present clipboard.
"I am doing well. I do, however, seem to develop a slight headache whenever I try to remember the details of the last angel incident."
'Did Dr. Akagi just flinch at my last statement?' Rei mentally shook her head shrugging it off as her imagination.
Ritsuko casually glanced over the top of her clipboard. "That is to be expected. The last angel attacked your mind which would likely cause headaches whenever thoughts relating to it arose. I wouldn't be too concerned if something similar happens with certain words or thoughts. If this occurs it would be advisable to not think about those subjects. If the pain becomes too intense simply take some more of your medication." Ritsuko briefly stopped, fishing through her pockets and eventually pulling out a small transparent orange bottle of pills to proffer to Rei. "Because of the trauma it will now be necessary for you to take two pills each day, one in the morning and one in the evening. Do you understand?"
Rei looked at the pills held in the doctor's outstretched hand. A sudden reckless urge to knock them as far away from herself as possible welled up. She squashed the feeling as she knew it to be an irrational impulse. 'I have been taking these pills for as long as I can remember. There is nothing about them that would harm me.' Even as she told herself this, her hand shook lightly as she reached for the bottle. With one last thrust she grabbed them retracting her hand.
Shinji looked curiously at Rei's odd behavior. Surly the pills couldn't be that bad?
Dr. Akagi didn't like the way the girl had reacted. There was no other alternative now, but to continue. "We've done all the tests necessary for the moment. You may go home."
(Misato residence that night)
Shinji sat on his bed, zoned out, his SDAT playing through several classical selections. He figured people thought he listened to music simply because he was bored. What they didn't know was that if he ever stopped concentrating on or doing something his mind would invariably turn to painful memories that lurked deep within its darkest recesses. Memories that just hurt too much to deal with. Such as the feeling he felt while the dummy plug system had control over Unit 01 and held Touji's entry plug. 'Pure malice, mindless hatred of anything and everything.' It made him shiver whenever he recalled that terrible loathing that had once enveloped him. No, these should be left buried in the past.
He glanced at his alarm clock which shined 6:28 PM. He took the ear buds out and laid them gently aside with Beethoven's 5th symphony still playing. He rubbed his eyes with one hand before deciding to get a drink.
Misato barely took note of Shinji passing towards the refrigerator. She sat with her NERV uniform still on at the table browsing the most recent physiological observations for the children. 'I hate these things. They always get me so depressed.' She proceeded to scan through the details only focusing on things that caught her attention. She made it a point, however, to pay close attention to the brief recommendations at the end.
First Child: Ayanami, Rei
…Subject has a tendency to respond only when directly questioned indicating predisposition to covering what she considers her true self…
'No joke.'
Recommendations: Subject needs to feel cared for to allow her proverbial walls to lower which will help further positive emotional growth.
'Can't see that happening.'
Second Child: Langly, Asuka
…has a low frustration tolerance which may lead to brash behavior during combat…
'They only figured this out now?'
…has a mind set that everything menial, everything except piloting, should be performed by other...
'Yup, that sounds about right.'
Recommendations: Placement of bulletproof glass in examination room would help prevent further injury to psychiatric staff.
'I have a feeling they are still a little riled when she got angry at them these past few sessions.'
Having the subject take more responsibility for day to day maintenance could help develop her understanding of others and how they interact with her.
'Another thing I just can't see happening.'
Third child: Ikari, Shinji
Subject exhibits continuing signs of deepening depression…
Misato stopped reading as she envisioned Shinji's sad face day after day. She didn't want to be further reminded so she skipped directly to the recommendations to try and find a solution rather then focus on the problems.
Recommendations: An enhancement of positive reinforcement in tandem with a reduction in its negative counterpart so that the subject may establish self confidence. If depressive state continues to degrade the chances of an attempted suicide are highly likely.
"You pervert! How dare you try and sneak a peek at me." Asuka's infuriated voice brought Misato's head up to see what the latest incident entailed.
She didn't have long to wait as Asuka stormed through the hall, clad only in a bright red towel, holding a very confused and flustered Shinji in tow.
Asuka shoved Shinji ahead of her so that he hit the table before falling to the floor. Asuka then stomped the rest of the way into the kitchen giving her guardian an angry look. "This stupid idiot was trying to sneak a peek at me again! It's the last straw, Misato. I can't stand his perverted ways any more. He has got to go."
Misato calmly looked down at Shinji as he fumbled in his attempt to regain his feet.
To his credit he managed to reply to Asuka's accusations "I was only trying to get a soda when she walked out of the bathroom. I wasn't trying to peek I swear."
Misato Slowly leaned back in her chair, with a small pout, looking towards the ceiling for several seconds. Her response held a low thoughtful tone.
"Auska, I think you are right." Misato nodding her head once. "That would probably be the best thing for Shinji as well." Shinji's face shot up to look incredulously at what he was hearing. "I'll get everything taken care of by tomorrow."
Asuka's superior smirk grew wider as she spun around on her heels heading towards her room.
"It's about time someone listened to me around here."
Shinji looked timidly at his guardian, his mouth slightly ajar as if he wanted to say something yet nothing seemed to come out.
Misato glancing up at him "You better get to bed Shinji. You are going to have a long day tomorrow."
"Ok, ah… goodnight Misato." His dejectedly murmured as he headed to his room.
(Next day at school)
Shinji did not like this day. Asuka seemed incapable of doing anything except hounding him about his emanate departure and how very happy she would be once he was finally gone.
It truly wasn't Asuka's babbling that upset him. He was well accustomed to tuning her out by now. What made him sad was the thought that he would be moving soon. Misato and yes even Asuka had been the only family he had known for so long. He lay his head down on his desk and gazed at the clock on the far wall. The second hand seemed to mock him as it took an eternity to pass from one tic mark to the next.
'four hours twenty three minutes and forty two seconds until I'll have to move out.' He thought not even noticing the lunch bell ring. Touji was slightly worried as he watched someone he considered to be his best friend fall further into despair.
"Shinji? Shinji!?" Moving his hand back and forth in front of Shinji's eyes finally got the boys attention.
"Wha…what? Oh, Touji, what's up?"
"Lunch. What's wrong Shinji? You've been moping all day."
Shinji inhaled deeply before slowly releasing the air as he turned back to the clock. "I'm going to be moving today."
"Moving?"
"Yes, Misato decided last night that it would be better for me if I moved out."
"It doesn't look like its done wonders for you yet."
Touji knew Shinji was seriously depressed when his last comment didn't even receive a trace of a smile.
"Come on Shinji. Lighten up, no matter where they move you to you'll still have Kensuke and me around."
For the first time that day Shinji smiled lightly as he shifted his gaze back to his friend. "Thanks, Touji."
"No problem man. If you need any help moving just call me up, ok?"
"Sure thing."
Shinji still didn't feel like eating so he returned to his clock gazing.
Class eventually ended. When he glanced around, just before the last bell, he noticed Asuka watching him. He didn't like it when she got that look. It meant she had every intention of making his life miserable. Lucky for him there was one thing that Shinji did much better then Asuka, run. He knew she would eventually catch up at the apartment but at least he wouldn't have to listen to her on the way.
The exact second the bell rang Shinji was up, out of his seat, and racing towards the door.
Asuka seeing her prey escaping followed on his heels.
"Shinji! Get back here!"
Touji watch shaking his head slightly. "I wish Asuka wouldn't do that. Shinji already feels horrible about the whole situation."
Hikari walked over to him so they could walk home together. "Maybe but I know Asuka has feelings for him."
"True, but I don't think her feelings should justify crushing his confidence."
Hikari looked up to him with her brow creased. "Yes, but…"
She didn't get any further as he lightly put a finger against her lips. "Don't worry about it. I'll make sure Shinji is alright. I just hope this move doesn't hurt him too badly."
Hikari's face turned a dark shade of pink at his last action. 'He always did know what to say and do when he cared too.' Hikari thought.
Touji took her hand before they too walked out the door.
(Misato residence)
Shinji leaned against the wall outside their apartment gasping for air. Asuka had almost caught him just past the school gates so he had had to sprint much of the rest of the way. He thought she probably stopped but just to be on the safe side.
Shinji swiped his keycard and entered. Nothing seemed to be out of place. Taking a deep breath he approached his room with trepidation. He sighed in relief that nothing was gone yet. 'The movers must not have come. Maybe they were delayed until tomorrow?' Shinji thought getting his hopes up.
He lay on his bed taking in all that he would be leaving behind. Even the ceiling seemed comforting now. 'I wish I didn't have to go.'
Asuka's voice pierced his brief comfort with its sing song tone.
"Oh, Shinji. We didn't get a chance to finish our little chat." Shinji closed his eyes knowing he wouldn't hear the end of this until he was long gone.
He heard Asuka's door roll open. When she didn't immediately come back to his door he became slightly confused. 'She has never missed an opportunity to rag on me yet. What could have stopped her this time?'
Shinji's curiosity got the better of him as he decided to take a little peek. When he opened the door just a sliver so he could see out he saw something that rather surprised him. Opening the door a little further just to make sure he wasn't imagining things he looked again. Yes, Asuka was standing in the middle of her room with her backpack hanging forgotten in one hand. What was curious was that the only other things in her room were a small bed, that didn't look like Asuka's, and a medium sized box off to one side.
"What happened to my room? Where's all my stuff?" Asuka asked in a dazed voice.
Shinji forgetting his previous desire to be no where near the red headed girl for a century or two walked into the room as well. Yup, the room definitely lacked the utter chaos that typically decorated it.
The Asuka turned statue remained there for nearly a minute after she last spoke before her eyes narrowed into a menacing glare.
"MISATO!" Asuka yelled giving Shinji no warning as she violently shoved him to the ground as she flew by him.
The person in question stepped out of her own room miserably attempting to stop a large yawn from escaping.
"Those dumb movers got the wrong room. I want my stuff back here NOW!"
Misato leaned slightly onto the wall as she stretched out her arms and blinked sleepily at Asuka in mild confusion.
"No, they got the right room."
"What?" Her whispered voice felt very dangerous to Shinji. He decided getting dinner started may be in his best health interest. He couldn't help a little smile as hope began to grow at what he had just heard.
"Ya, just like you said last night this situation had to be rectified."
Enthusiasm suddenly lit the second's face.
"You mean… I finally get to get out of this rat hole? This new place had better have good room service, spacious, definitely a big pool."
Misato abruptly cut her off
"Actually you'll be exchanging with one of the other NERVE employees."
Asuka frowned slightly "Which one?"
Before Misato could answer the doorbell rang.
"Could you get that Asuka?" Misato asked as she stretched once more trying to wake up from the sound nap she had been disturbed from."Have Shinji do it. That's about all he's good for."
"Sorry, Asuka I'm getting dinner ready." Shinji called from the kitchen
"What a pathetic excuse." Asuka mumbled to herself as she turned towards the door as it sporadically rang every couple of seconds. She was a little startled when she opened the door to find Rei Ayanami, with her school uniform still on, standing with a piece of paper held loosely in her right hand.
"What do you want Wondergirl?"
Misato, slightly more awake, joined Asuka by the door.
"Oh, Rei, please come in."
Asuka gave Rei the evil eye as she walked past which Rei gave no indications of noticing.
As the three came into the front living room Shinji walked in with his nose stuck in one of his various cook books working in autopilot mode.
"Asuka, I thought you might like steak for dinner with…Rei?" Shinji stumbled mid-sentence as he took note of the pilot of Unit 00 when he lowered his book for a second.
Asuka didn't even glance in Shinji's direction before swiping the paper Rei held. "What's this thing?" Asuka mumbled before looking down to read the message. It was rather short and simple. "Effective immediately: Report to Katsurage residence for new living quarters."
Asuka looked confused for a second before a look of horror bloomed on her face.
"I'm changing with…her?"
"Oh, ya didn't I mention that? Your stuff has already been moved up to her old apartment."
"You…you can't do this. You have no right to move me around at your will."
Misato looked Asuka in the eye with one brow raised. "Actually I have every right. You never showed for that last angel attack two days ago. Rei nearly got killed.
"But I couldn't hear the alarm I was…"
"It doesn't matter where or what you were doing. All that matters is that we make sure you get to headquarters when there is an emergency. To this end you will be restricted to your new residence or school with an escort. This arrangement will continue until I'm sure that I can trust you again."
"But...but It wasn't my fault. This idiot's friend got me mad and..."
"That's another issue that you will work. If you become provoked in the heat of battle you may make a hasty decision that would cost you and countless others their lives." Misato saw the full impact of all her statements really getting to the young girl so she decided to ease up just a bit.
"Don't worry too much Asuka. In a month I'll reevaluate the situation and if you show improvement you may even get a chance at that condo you were just dreaming about. Maids included." Misato added with a grin.
Asuka's lips continually shifted up and down as she digested all this. She was being punished which she despised as she felt it wasn't her fault but if she lived through it she would be in the lap of luxury. Finally she settled for somewhere in between. "Fine, I'm out of here." That said she walked straight through the apartment door.
Shinji, who hadn't moved since entering, watched Asuka's retreating form for a second before turning back towards the kitchen.
"Where are you going Shinji?" Misato asked curiously
"Ah, I think the menu just changed."
End Chapter 3
Post-authors note: No, I'm not knocking Asuka around to take some kind of revenge. It will probably seem like it for the next chapter or two so please bear with me. Reviews are essential at the moment as I have no other feed back. Constructive criticism will help me make this a better fic. Positive reviews will help me stay motivated to continue writing this