Chaotica's Legacy
Kathryn Janeway stood in her quarters in front of a large mirror looking at herself one last time in that ridiculous costume. She had just played the "role of her life time" as Tom Paris had called it – and she still didn't know why she had agreed in the first place. But then again Tom could make her do things she normally wouldn't even think about.
And today he had given her that very tight and very sexy costume to play Arachnia, queen of the spider people, in the latest chapter of his Captain Proton program. It was ... she couldn't quite describe it herself. Somehow it had been fun to overact in this role.
But now, she was quite happy to get rid off that costume. It was really tight ... her rational side probably wouldn't even consider it decent. And that look on Tom's face – even the memory of that look made her blush now. It was true that she had had a crush on Tom Paris since the moment she saw him for the first time in the penalty colony in New Zealand. These bright steel blue eyes ... Even when there was still that arrogance in his behaviour she could sense the clever and sensitive young man beneath.
Today, she was his captain. Her ship was lost in the delta quadrant, thousands of light years away from what most of the crew considered home. Tom was out of reach for her even if he felt the same for her. The crew probably wouldn't appreciate their captain having a relationship with Tom who was considered her protégé. And Chakotay ... Kathryn knew that he was still in love with her but if she was true to herself she had to admit that she didn't feel more than friendship for him. She just hoped he was able to move on and be happy with another woman.
While she was still thinking about the whole situation Kathryn slowly undressed and put the dress in her wardrobe. She wouldn't recycle it right away. Perhaps there would be another possibility to wear it, and even if the dress wasn't exactly comfortable she had enjoyed the expression on Tom's face when he first saw her in it.
Tom sat in the rocket ship of his Captain Proton program. He was amazed that he had been able to convince the captain to play queen Arachnia. He had never imagined that he would ever be able to see her in that awful costume. During the last couple of minutes he had been watching the holodeck's recording over and over again. Captain Janeway had given an amazing performance in the role of the queen and he was sure she had enjoyed it. The look in her eyes gave her true feelings away, at least to him.
Finally he stood and quit the program. He could as well leave and think about that whole evening in the privacy of his quarters. And there he could as well daydream about his captain.
When he was still a boy he had heard his father talk about his favourite lieutenant all the time he was at home. Owen Paris talked about this Kathryn Janeway and her achievements in a way he never seemed to talk about his son. So, Tom grew up beginning to hate Kathryn Janeway who seemed to be larger than life and capable to achieve anything she wanted.
When she approached him in Auckland he was still angry at her. Then she offered him the job, and he was tempted to let her down just to make things a little more difficult for her. But then he had looked into her eyes. That was the moment his anger melted away. He fell for her instantly, and so he accepted. Not in his wildest dreams he had imagined he would be able to be a trusted officer let alone her friend.
And today was definitely a highlight in his life. At first he wasn't sure whether he could dare to approach her for the role of Arachnia but on the other hand the role suited her perfectly. And she didn't take herself too seriously so she wouldn't be offended. The dress was another problem. He knew the queen had to be daringly sexy but he wasn't sure the captain would agree. Luckily she did. And so she had ended up in that very tight dress.
Tom had finally arrived in his quarters. With a sigh he took off his own costume and put it into the wardrobe. He took a long shower, still smiling at the thought of the captain and her performance. It was obvious she had the time of her life playing the queen. And she had looked just gorgeous.
The next morning Kathryn entered the bridge with a huge smile on her face. All in all she had had a very pleasant evening the day before, thanks to Tom. Coming to think about it she had to admit that she hadn't had much time off lately, and it was high time that she had some spare time again. She knew her most of the time tense muscles would be grateful for a relaxing massage and a visit to the hot springs in one of her holo programs.
"Good morning, gentlemen," Kathryn said and sat down in the captain's chair. She took a quick look on the display to her left and then smiled at Chakotay who had watched her with an amused look in his eyes.
"Good morning captain," Chakotay said, still smiling.
"What's up?" Kathryn asked leaning towards him in order to grant them a little privacy.
"Just enjoying the view." Chakotay answered. Obviously he had also seen the images of queen Arachnia as he touched one of the controls on the display and her picture appeared. There was a mischievous grin in his face.
"You looked terrific!"
Kathryn blushed at this statement. Only now she was aware that Chakotay probably wasn't the only one who had gotten his hands on a copy of this image. But then again it was nothing to be ashamed of even if the crew didn't get to see her too often as a woman.
A little later in the morning Kathryn sat in her ready room going over some reports when the door chime rang.
"Come in," she said, looking up from the padd she was holding.
"Chakotay, what can I do for you?" Kathryn stood and moved towards the sofa in front of the large window. She motioned for him to sit down next to her.
"I just wanted to ask whether we are still up for dinner tonight," Chakotay asked.
Kathryn just raised an eye brow and looked at him curiously.
"Well, I wasn't aware that we had an appointment for tonight," she said. Usually, they had dinner together about every fortnight. The last one had been only a couple of days ago.
"Actually, we don't have an appointment. I just thought I could convince you to spend the evening with me." Chakotay smiled at her. The sight of Kathryn as Arachnia had reawakened his feelings for her, and this time he thought he had to try. He wanted to convince her that they were meant to be together, no matter what protocol said. What they had had on New Earth was so special, and he was sure had they been only one week longer on that planet everything would have been different now. Anyway, Kathryn needed someone. Lately, there had been a look in her eyes that spoke volumes. She was lonely. And even though it was her own choice Chakotay wanted to show her that there still was another way.
"I'm sorry Chakotay. Thanks to Tom's little adventure on the holodeck there is still a lot of work to be done so I think I'll spend the evening with these reports." Kathryn shrugged apologetically and smiled. She sensed what Chakotay was up to and it made her uneasy. She wasn't sure how to tell him about her feelings but she knew she couldn't tell him this evening. She just wasn't prepared.
Chakotay's smile faded when he saw that she had made up her mind. He knew he wouldn't convince her now.
"Oh, well, then I guess we'll have to postpone our dinner." He nodded and then turned around to leave the ready room.
Kathryn sighed and started over the report again. She would have to do something about this whole situation soon.
Tom knew that something was wrong with the captain the instant she returned from her ready room to the bridge. Something was different with her. And he was sure it had something to do with Chakotay. The XO had been tense since he had left the ready room, so something had to have happened there.
When Tom's shift was over he headed straight for his quarters. He still wasn't sure about his feelings for the captain and what he could do about it. He knew he was in love with her but would she return his feelings? Something told him that if Chakotay wasn't successful in convincing her to pursue a relationship why should he? But on the other hand Tom Paris had never been the guy to give up too easily on a woman he loved.
So, after thinking about it for a while he decided to go to the captain and ... well he would decide what to do next when he would be there. For now, he looked through his clothes, not sure what to wear. A uniform just seemed too formal. Jeans and a light blue t-shirt would be okay.
When Tom finally stood in front of Kathryn's quarters he took a deep breath and tried to calm down. His heart was beating so madly that he thought Kathryn could hear it right through the closed door. He rang the door chime and entered after he heard Kathryn answer.
"Hello Tom. Now that's a surprise. What can I do for you?" Kathryn wore casual clothes, wide trousers in light brown with a matching shirt. She smiled then pointed to her couch.
"Please, take a seat. Can I get you anything from the replicator?"
Tom just shook his head and seated himself in the far corner of the sofa. He was nervous as hell.
Kathryn seated herself as well and looked at him expectantly. She was curious what this was all about since she wasn't used to Tom visiting her in her quarters. But it was a nice surprise even though she was a little nervous as well.
"Captain ... I ... I just thought you might like to have a drink with me at Sandrine's. To celebrate our victory." Tom smiled lightly having finally regained his composure. He just hoped his true feelings wouldn't show too obviously in his eyes. And he definitely hoped Kathryn would agree to accompany him.
"Oh, Tom, it's really nice of you to ask but ... you see I've still got a lot of work to do." Kathryn smiled apologetically, pointing at the pile of padds lying on her desk.
"Oh come on, Captain. Even you need a break once in a while. Just one drink, okay?" Tom gave her one of his famous smiles. And he could see how her reluctance melted away.
Kathryn knew he was right. She definitely needed a break. And one drink couldn't hurt, could it? And she was sure an hour or so with Tom would give her enough energy to work through the remaining padds. Lately it had become quite unnerving to read all these reports each day. She needed some time away from work.
"Okay, one drink." Kathryn smiled at the prospect of getting away from everything and just talking to a friend. Okay, Tom meant perhaps a little more than a friend to her but that didn't mean she had to avoid him. Anyway she was sure he wouldn't return her feelings. But next to Chakotay and Tuvok he was the only one who dared to approach her in private.
Tom stood and offered Kathryn his arm. She laughed but accepted gracefully. Together they left her quarters and went to the holodecks while talking and bantering around.
They didn't recognize that they were being observed. Chakotay stood in the doorway of his quarters looking after them with an unidentifiable look in his eyes.
Chakotay was like mad. So Kathryn wouldn't accept his invitation for dinner because of work but she had time enough to stroll around with that womanizer Tom Paris. Tom Paris, of all people. And how close they had walked together. That was now over two hours ago.
"Computer, what's the location of Tom Paris and Captain Janeway?"
"Lieutenant Tom Paris and Captain Janeway are on holodeck two." So they were still there. What the hell was she thinking? Chakotay decided that he would ask her in the morning about this little incident. For now, it was enough, and even though he was still angry he had to get some sleep.
About another hour later, Tom and Kathryn finally arrived in front of her quarters. They had had a wonderful evening, and so time had passed fast. They had talked about nearly everything in the last three hours, and Kathryn felt that she had needed something like that. It was a long time ago she had had someone she could talk to like to Tom. Amazingly, not even Chakotay could give her the feeling of being completely understood. But perhaps it made a difference that she and Tom shared a common background. Both being children of admirals they grew up understanding what life in Starfleet was like.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Cap ... Kathryn. It's late and it was definitely more than one drink." Tom smiled, and his eyes showed her that he wasn't sorry at all. He had enjoyed her company and was more than happy that she had allowed him to call her by her first name. Only Chakotay had had that privilege until now.
"I'm not sorry. I've enjoyed the evening and I was definitely in need of a break. Thanks for coming and asking." Gently, Kathryn placed her hand on Tom's arm. She knew she played a dangerous game. The look in Tom's eyes told her that he cared for her, more than for a friend.
"Any time. And if you need someone to talk just come along, okay?" Tom squeezed her hand lightly.
They had grown close during these three hours. Kathryn had told him about all the things laying heavy on her. She had all the responsibility for the ship and its crew. No one to share it with. She had to make decisions for all of them. Without any backup from Starfleet. These conditions had taken their toll on Kathryn. She felt tense all the time so it was a welcomed chance to talk to someone other than Chakotay. Tom knew how important it was to talk about everything. His father had tried to deal with everything himself, and finally it had eaten him up. And Tom didn't want this to happen to Kathryn. So he was glad that she accepted him as her confident.
Kathryn nodded. "Good night, Tom." She smiled and entered her quarters.
"Good night. Sweet dreams." Tom smiled as well, then turned around and went to his own quarters.
The next morning Chakotay waited impatiently for Kathryn to retreat to her ready room since he wanted to ask her about the events of last evening. He had thought about it the whole night, and he came to the conclusion that he deserved an answer to this question. He had waited too long for Kathryn to get ready for a relationship out here in the delta quadrant just to let Paris interfere. And that was exactly what it looked like. Chakotay was aware that he could hardly force Kathryn into a relationship with himself but he swore to himself not to allow her to throw away everything they had had on New Earth. And he would certainly not allow Tom Paris to become involved with Kathryn.
Finally, Kathryn stood up from her captain's chair.
"Commander, you have the bridge. I'll be in my ready room," she announced and left the bridge. Chakotay just nodded in acknowledgement. He would have to wait a little bit longer to make it less obvious. But his time was near.
After about 15 minutes, Chakotay stood up as well and turned towards Tuvok who stood as usual at tactical.
"Tuvok, you have the bridge. I have to see the captain."
With that, Chakotay rang the door chime of the ready room and waited for Kathryn to bid him enter. Tuvok was left on the bridge, merely arching an eyebrow since he had registered an interesting physical reaction with the commander. His breathing had definitely increased. And there was another very interesting observation: As commander Chakotay announced that he would go to see the captain Tom Paris had turned around from his station with a rather worried look on his face. For now, Tuvok hadn't enough information to come to a logical conclusion but he decided to monitor the situation.
Entering the ready room Chakotay saw that Kathryn was still busy reading the reports she had actually planned to read the day before.
"Hello Chakotay. Any problems?" Kathryn asked smiling.
"Actually, yes ... no... I don't know." Chakotay didn't know how he should begin. He knew it wouldn't be wise to confront Kathryn so directly with his observations.
Kathryn came across the room and sat on her sofa. Gently, she padded on the place next to her for Chakotay.
"Well, Chakotay, you know you have to tell me what's wrong if you want me to help," Kathryn said smiling.
Chakotay took a seat and breathed deeply.
"I saw you with Paris yesterday evening," he stated bluntly. Probably it wasn't the best choice of words, it wasn't even a question, merely a statement.
Kathryn smiled again. "Yes, Tom came along my quarters and convinced me to have a drink with him at Sandrine's in order to celebrate our 'victory'." She didn't see anything wrong with it even though she sensed that he was angry at her because she had declined his invitation for dinner. But that had been different.
"So. That's it. You prefer Tom," Chakotay said bitterly. He was shaking with anger suddenly but he was also sad. He had still thought she would apologize for everything.
"Chakotay, please don't get me wrong. Tom just came along and I could need a break. That's why I went with him. But what's wrong with you?" Kathryn began to worry whether this was the right time and place to argue about her private matters.
"What's wrong with me? Are your kidding? You are fooling around with that jerk and expect me to just watch?" Chakotay was now pacing the room, quite agitated. He would just love to have Paris here right now to tell him what he was.
"And who are you to tell me what to do with my time and who to spend it with? Thanks, but I can decide that alone. And what do you mean by fooling around? First of all, that's none of your business. And if you really want to know: We just had a drink and talked. Nothing more." Kathryn was really angry now. So far, she had Chakotay always considered a calm and rational person who would talk about any occurring problems. But now he was like mad. Why the hell did he think he could dictate her with whom she could spend her spare time?
"Have you forgotten everything we had on New Earth? I thought you loved me!" Chakotay looked at her, daring her with his eyes. But she held his gaze.
"No, I will never forget our time on New Earth. But it's over. I moved on, and so should you. I told you I couldn't pursue a relationship with you aboard Voyager. I regard you as a close friend but nothing more. And even if I was still in love with you, you would be in no position to give me any orders concerning my friends. Dismissed." Kathryn didn't want to continue this conversation. It was just too outraging that this guy didn't seem to understand what no meant. She had told him often enough. And she was sick of it.
After Chakotay had left her ready room she went to the replicator. She definitely needed a coffee after that one.
Tom felt uneasy at his place on the bridge. He could feel Chakotay's gaze driving into his back. The big Indian seemed to be really furious about something after he came out of the captain's ready room. And Tom had the strong feeling that it had something to do with him. And the captain.
Chakotay must have found out about him spending the evening with the captain, Tom figured. And of course, the big Indian wasn't too amused. It was an open secret that he was deeply in love with the captain. And most of the crew thought that she was in love with him as well. But Kathryn had told Tom the evening before that it was over long before it had even begun. Chakotay was someone who was content to settle down on some planet. And he had thought he could convince Kathryn that she could be happy as well just living a peaceful life on some nice planet. But Kathryn Janeway was meant to be among the stars, just like him, Tom. That was part why they had such a great mutual understanding.
Right now, Tom would just try to survive his current shift and then ... He was eager to get back to his quarters. The day before, after he had returned from the holodeck he had thought about Kathryn. She had looked quite relaxed and even happy when they were at Sandrine's. And Tom wanted to bring that look back on her face.
Suddenly, the ready room door swished open and Kathryn returned to the bridge. Her shift was over and she prepared to go off duty. When Tom turned around he could see she was distressed. Then, she was gone, and Tom had another hour before his own shift ended.
Back in her quarters, Kathryn stood in front of the mirror and looked at herself. At the moment she was quite unhappy with the whole situation. It was a mess to be honest. And it was her fault. But was it really? She hadn't told Chakotay directly to move on but she hadn't reacted to any of his overtures either. So he should know, shouldn't he? And Tom? What about him? The day before, she had sensed that he felt the same for her as she felt for him but was it right to have a relationship with one of her officers? Chakotay was one thing but Tom Paris was something completely different. And the crew? More than once Kathryn had wished to be back in the alpha quadrant, to get rid off all these problems. Here she wasn't sure if any of those Starfleet regulations still applied. They weren't meant for such a situation. On the other hand she had hidden behind those regulations so long. And she wasn't sure she could do that any longer. Tom Paris was definitely the kind of man who could tease her out of her shell. And she would enjoy it.
Kathryn sighed and undressed. A long bath would be great right now. It always helped her clear her mind and relax her tense muscles.
Finally returning home from his shift, Tom quickly changed.
"Computer, where's Captain Janeway?" Impatiently, he waited for the computer's reply.
"Captain Janeway is in her quarters."
Contently, Tom nodded and went to his replicator. He entered the instructions and waited until everything was replicated. Then he made his way to Kathryn's quarters. He hadn't liked the look on her face before she left the bridge about an hour earlier and he sensed that she would like to talk about what happened.
When Tom left the turbo lift and entered the corridor where the captain's quarters were situated Tom slowed down. In front of him was Chakotay. Obviously he had been waiting for him, and Tom was sure this wasn't going to be nice.
"Paris, I'll tell you that only once: Get away from Kathryn Janeway or I'll throw you out the nearest airlock! She deserves something better than you!" Chakotay held up his clenched fist, the anger clearly visible on his face. And Tom could tell that he was serious about the part with the airlock.
"I think Kathryn is old enough to decide for herself whether or not she wants to spend any time with me," Tom stated calmly. He didn't want to have any trouble but he wouldn't accept any orders concerning his contact with Kathryn either.
Suddenly, Chakotay's fist connected with Tom's nose and one could hear the ugly sound of breaking bones. Blood rushed out of Tom's nose and he stumbled. But he regained his stand fast enough to evade another of Chakotay's blows and took the chance to attack the other man himself. Another sound of cracking bones, and suddenly they were both separated by security officers. Some crewmember must have observed their little fight and called for them. Both were bleeding so they were brought to sickbay. After they had left only a single apricot rose and a shattered bottle of wine remained on the floor in front of Chakotay's quarters.
"Doctor to Captain Janeway." The Doctor was quite angry. As if he hadn't enough work to do even the senior officers now had to fight each other for some stupid reason.
"Janeway here," Kathryn's voice could be heard via the com system.
"Please report to sickbay. Doctor out." He turned around to Chakotay and Tom who sat on the bio beds looking quite miserable. He had tried to find out why they had been fighting but neither of them would say a word.
When Kathryn entered sickbay and saw both Tom and Chakotay there while the Doctor was treating Tom's nose with a bone regenerator she could figure out what had happened. That plus the remains of Tom's wine and the rose which were still in front of Chakotay's quarters.
"Doctor, when you've finished leave us alone please." Kathryn nodded towards the hologram. The doctor put down his instruments and murmuring something about being a doctor, not a nanny he retreated into his office.
"What did the two of you think you were doing?" Kathryn asked, hands on her hips.
"I told him to leave you alone." Chakotay growled. "But he wouldn't listen."
Tom didn't say anything. He just saw the hurt and the anger in Kathryn's eyes, and that was worse than anything she could have said. He didn't know what to tell her.
"Tom just defended himself. Uncle Chakotay hit him on the nose." Suddenly, Naomi's voice chimed in from somewhere near the farthest bio bed. Then, her head came into view. She looked a little frightened. She loved her uncle Chakotay dearly but she also liked Tom, and since it was definitely Chakotay who had started the fight she felt obliged to tell so. In fact, she had been the one to call security. She had been on her way to Auntie Kathryn when she had seen the two men start fighting.
"You did what?" Kathryn looked from Naomi to Chakotay and then to Tom. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. But she was sure the girl was telling the truth.
"I told him to leave you lone but he wouldn't listen. So he had to face the consequences." Chakotay looked like an offended kid. And he certainly behaved like one.
"I'm sorry Kathryn." Kathryn could see that Tom meant it. He looked really defeated. And suddenly Kathryn felt sorry for him. Obviously he had planned to surprise her with the rose and wine when he met Chakotay.
"No, Tom, it's not your fault. It's mine. I should have told Chakotay a lot earlier that I don't love him anymore." Kathryn smiled at him. Then she turned to Chakotay.
"I've told you in my ready room, and I'll tell you now: I respect you as a friend but I'm not in love with you. And it's not up to you to decide whom I'm going to spend any time with. Have I made myself clear?" Kathryn's voice was stern and her look serious. She was really disappointed of Chakotay and his behaviour. She had regarded him as more sensible.
"Is now everything alright?" Naomi asked looking at them. She didn't like any trouble around especially when Auntie Kathryn and uncle Chakotay were involved. And obviously uncle Chakotay had made a mistake.
"Yes honey. Don't worry. Everything is fine. And thank you for telling me." Kathryn smiled fondly at the little girl.
"Okay, then I'll go back to Neelix." Naomi beamed brightly and left sickbay.
Some time later, Tom, Kathryn and Chakotay had left sickbay. Chakotay had half heartedly apologized for his behaviour, and Kathryn and Tom were heading for Kathryn's quarters.
"I'm sorry for everything." Tom looked sad. Someone had picked up the remains of his rose and wine in the meantime.
"Please, don't be. I appreciate the gesture. And I'm sorry. I didn't expect Chakotay to react so irrationally." Kathryn smiled sadly. She knew Tom had planned this evening to be as special as the evening before but Chakotay had ruined everything. Together, they entered Kathryn's quarters.
"Hey, don't be sad. Just give me a minute, I'll be right back." Tom motioned for Kathryn to sit down and wait. Then he left her quarters. About 3 minutes later, he was back, in his hands another rose and another bottle of wine.
Kathryn smiled. "You didn't have to do this, you know."
"I know but I wanted to make up for the trouble." Tom gave her the rose and opened the wine bottle while Kathryn placed the rose in a vase and picked up two glasses.
"Thank you," she said quietly and sat down. She was grateful that Tom had come with her. Tom had helped her to regain her composure in front of Chakotay. Without knowing Chakotay had helped her to make a decision.
"My pleasure. Chakotay behaved like ... well you know what I mean. I'm sorry you had to see that." Tom sat down next to Kathryn and gave her a glass of wine. "I don't want you to be upset because of him. He will learn to live with it. And I'm not willing to let this chance just be taken away by some jealous first officer." He smiled at her.
"Tom, I don't know whether this will work out. But I know that I care about you, that I want you by my side." Kathryn looked down in her glass, fearing Tom's reaction. What if she had been wrong? If she had misinterpreted his reactions?
"Thank you. I know what this has cost you. And I assure you I'll make things work out." Carefully, Tom lifted Kathryn's chin and looked into her eyes. He smiled reassuringly. Then he placed a feather light kiss first on her cheeks, then on her lips. Kathryn closed her eyes and kissed him back. She was glad. And she knew that Tom would do anything to make this work. And for the first time since they had been brought to the delta quadrant Kathryn was truly happy.
The End