A/N: Hey you guys. Thank you for the wonderful feedback. I really appreciate all the rooms. It makes me feel all pink and fuzzy inside. LOL.
HOTTERTHNU- I put in lines, just for you. Happy? JK. I know I thought it was pretty confusing too. . . I had these marks, but I guess they don't work. Oh well. . .
Littleputz114- Sorry about the Author's Note, I know, I get excited about things like that too! Sorry. . .
Newportbabe44- Don't worry there will be Ryan and Marissa in this. What is a fan fiction story with out the brooding bad boy and troubled alcoholic? If you didn't get a chance to read my author's note before I replaced it with this, they are 18, so I don't want them to make them married. . .
Okay, I'm making all of this on the top of my head. I didn't really think about this chapter, I was too busy trying to get it out to you guys. LOL.
Losing Grip
Seth lay across Ryan's head, totally exhausted. Ryan had just finished doing laundry and was putting his clothes back into his small, white bureau. It was tucked in the corner of his very tiny Berkeley campus apartment.
After he put the last folded shirt in a drawer, he plopped on his bed next to Seth causing Seth's body to rise and fall off the bed. He landed rather crudely on the carpeted floor.
"Jesus!" Seth muttered rubbing his unruly hair. "What the hell?"
Ryan sheepishly grinned. He sat up and patted the spot beside of him, inviting Seth to come up and sit next to him.
Seth awkwardly got up and sat down on the bed. They sat in silence for a short period of time because Seth could never shut up.
"This is just like old times." Seth mused. He looked around the small, immaculately kept room. "You know you can come back, home."
Ryan turned and looked at him. "Well, then why aren't you at home? School's out for the year, you should be home chilling out with that Samantha girl."
Seth turned and laughed lightly. "If you were in my position, I don't think you would want to go home to a screaming baby. She does have half of her genes from Summer you know. . ." Seth abruptly stopped at his mention of Summer.
Ryan had a worried mixed with sympathy expression on his face. "Still haven't heard from her?"
Seth shook his head.
Ryan sighed. "You know she's fine. Marissa's taking care of her."
Fuck. Ryan thought. He always had such a tight mouth in Chino. He guessed years of pampering forced some of his old ways off.
Seth's eyes widened with shock. He stood off, causing the mattress springs to slightly squeak. "You kept that from me for that long?!?" Seth angrily shouted.
Ryan stood up quickly in suit too. "Summer obviously doesn't want you in her life."
Seth glared at his remark.
Ryan continued. "I don't know where she is. Marissa does."
Seth, pissed, settled into the desk chair. "Marissa told me she was going to Europe." Seth angrily said to himself as he tore a paper in frustration.
Ryan went to stop him and grabbed the paper out of Seth's hands. "Hey! That was an important letter."
Seth looked apologetic. "Anyways, Maris told me she was going to Spain with her freaky mom. I mean what's up with Julie Cooper's vibrant fire-red hair?"
Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "Wait you talk to Marissa? I barely ever talk to her with Marissa being at Stanford."
This time, Seth shrugged his shoulders. "I talk to her on the phone every night."
Ryan shot him a somewhat jealous look.
"You dumped her, you know." Seth told him as he munched on an apple he picked up from a basket that was on Ryan's computer desk.
Marissa and Ryan had broken up right before they left to go to college. Ryan said he couldn't take the long distance relation-ship. Even though the two colleges were in the same distance, they were just as far as Newport and Chino. With school, Ryan didn't think he could take on the stress of having a girlfriend that far away.
"We mutually broke up." Ryan clarified.
"That's not what she told me." Seth replied.
"Whose side are you on anyways?" Ryan demanded.
Seth threw his hands up in defense. "Hey, chill out. I'm just saying that maybe you should give another try with Marissa."
Ryan eyed him suspiciously. "Did she tell you to say that and try to convince me?"
Seth put his hand over his heart. "No, of course not." He said a bit over dramatically. "But, I think you should too." Seth seriously said.
"Well, I'll give it to you, I'll call her." Ryan said, caving in. "But what about that Samantha girl. I mean she's been taking care of a kid that's not hers."
Seth nodded. "I'll see."
Seth walked along the dock. The water was murky black. The sky was black, starless. He had remembered the times he spent with Summer. He passed the dock that held the Summer Breeze. Instead, he wandered off further. At 3 AM, the whole dock was deserted. Today was their designated anniversary. They didn't have an actual one with the Anna, Summer, Seth love triangle, so they just decided it to be this day. He walked really far along the beach, reaching a small cove. Seth chuckled as he entered. Nobody ever knew about it and it had been awhile since he had been in there. It was decorated with Summer and Seth's favorite things, photos, pictures, letters, documents. . .
He laughed as he saw pictures that Summer and him had made funny faces in. There were so many and Seth sat on the floor and leafed through them. His heart ached for her. Seth felt a tear come to his eye and quickly wiped it away. But the torrent of tears kept coming and Seth didn't even bother to wipe them away. One of his tears landed on a photo of Seth and Summer on his boat.
That was the last night he had been on his boat.
Ryan couldn't understand how Seth could stay away from the Summer Breeze. To Seth, it was simple. It was too painful. But he was at the cave for a reason, even though it hurt like hell, he already sort of proposed to Samantha. He was trying to get over Summer. Deep inside him, he knew it would be impossible. He loved Samantha, but not as much, and it would never be as much as his love for Summer. Seth's tears still stung his eyes as he walked around the little cove, observing and taking in the memories from all the mementos. Seth had considered Ryan's comments yesterday afternoon. He analyzed what Ryan had said Summer obviously doesn't want you in her life. He had gone back to his house and seen how Samantha had been taking care of Savannah. It wasn't fair to her. It wasn't fair to Savannah.
So he left a diamond ring on his pillow, beside Samantha, after she was asleep. Then he had walked out. Seth knew it would be a one-sided marriage. Where there was only love from one side. But he needed to get over his high school sweetheart. Seth knew he was weak, a coward, but he couldn't control it.
He continued until he reached Savannah's baby quilt. Summer had sewn it while she was pregnant. And Seth's sorrow turned into pure anger. He threw a vase at the wall, started tearing papers, photos, anything up.
"Fuck you, Summer! Fuck you!" Seth screamed.
Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say I was left to cry there,
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided
Why should I care
'Cause you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip,
I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone
Am I just some chick you place beside you to take somebody's place
when you turn around can you recognize my face you used to love me,
you used to hug me
But that wasn't the case
Everything wasn't ok I was left to cry there
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided
Crying out loud
I'm crying out loud
Crying out loud
I'm crying out loud
Open your eyes
Open up wide
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there
when I was scared I was so alone Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care
If you don't care then I don't care were not going anywhere
Why should I care cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care If you don't care then I don't care were not going anywhere
Ryan hesitantly dialed the numbers.
"Hello?"
Ryan took a deep breath. "Hey Marissa."
"Ryan?"
A/N: Yay! I'm done, REVIEW WITH YOUR COMMENTS!!!