Disclaimer: Final Fantasy X, Final Fantasy X-2, Spira, blitzball, and all related characters and locations are owned by Squaresoft, with the exception of a few original characters who will be noted as such. This is a work of fanfiction, meaning that it is both created by a fan for no purpose other than entertainment, and it is fiction, meaning that all characters and events are purely fictonal and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

Yeah, yeah, I know. --;; Ummm...I could make it up to you with some Rikku/Gippal fluff (or at least a parody thereof--check out "Blatant Fanservice"), but I think this fic will start moving a little more quickly now. Bear with me and don't sue me. It's worth it, right? ;;

Author's Note: The narrator of this story is Al Bhed, and some dialogue and idiomatic phrases have not been translated into English. Translations of all Al Bhed phrases can be found at the end of the chapter in which they appear.

Green Eyes Plays Dress-Up

by flame mage

spherechange 11: Tricks of the Trade

The answer to all my questions came two days later in the form of the Gullwings--i.e. Yuna, Rikku, and Badass, who I assume had a name but I didn't know it because she never said anything and thus no one ever bothered to talk to her. As they were walking up, it occurred to me that Badass was carrying a very large sword, Rikku had a pair of wicked-looking blades gripped in her hands, and two guns were sitting comfortably in holsters at Yuna's side. The Syndicate was armed for bear, huh? These three were armed for Hrithmus. The plan started forming in my mind--get them to do the dirty work, and I'd have a pink-fan-free Oasis. And I wouldn't even have to change into a miniskirt and start singing to do it.

"Oh, before you start digging..." I called to them as they made a beeline toward Jock, "I'd really like you to go check out the Oasis for me. Some strange stuff's been washing up there lately. I'd appreciate it," I said in a tone of voice that meant 'go do it now before I grow claws and gut you,' "if you looked into it."

"Why us?" Rikku whined.

I rolled my eyes, but luckily I had my goggles on. "You're armed. We're not. You want spheres that might be there. We don't. You're goody-goodies. We're not."

"Hey, who's a goody-goody?!" the former high summoner demanded.

I expected a catfight to break out, but instead Rikku turned to Badass. "Can you believe her?"

"She'll get it eventually," Badass replied in a low, dangerous voice. It sounded like a threat until I realized that that was probably the way she always talked. She was like what I'd end up as someday if the chip on my shoulder got any larger and someone let me loose with a little black leather. "But why are you asking us to do this?" she asked, turning to me.

I sighed and rubbed my temples, something that was becoming a major habit for me these days. Great. Just what I needed, opposition.

"What's wrong?" Yuna actually sounded concerned. Goody-goody.

"Nothing. I'm just tired." Okay, fine, I'd just play on Yuna and Rikku's sympathy and have them talk Badass into it for me. "We've been so shorthanded lately. I've been trying to send out the people we have, but we just can't get anything done without real diggers. So these same people are always around screwing things up--the other day Dnac came back with some chest he found and lost the key to! You're so lucky that the three of you are all alone on that airship and don't have to deal with problems like that." I was having a hunch here. Gippal had mentioned that Shinra, the tech whiz, was with these people. And he'd have commspheres. A plan was forming in my mind.

"Oh, we're not alone!" Yuna burst out. "We have Brother with us, and Barkeep, and Shinra and Buddy too."

Shinra.

Yesssss.

"Oh, wow. So I guess the high summoner has to deal with crap like this too," I laughed. The rapport-building was an essential part of the act. "But anyway, I really need you to help me out, just this once. I've gotta get this part out today, and there's no one else who can do it."

"Then this is a job for the Gullwings!" the summoner cried. Yep, she was in. She looked like the ringleader; the others would have to listen to her.

"Thank you so much," I gushed. Then, as an afterthought just in case they needed further prompting, I added, "Just so you know, there've been some unseemly characters showing up in the desert lately." I couldn't actually prove this, but Nedus's report seemed like it was good enough to go on, and I didn't want to be the one to handle it if he was right. "I'm thinking it might be that LeBlanc Syndicate I've been hearing about."

Their ears definitely perked up. They were trying to be cool about it, but it hit me that there was something they wanted out of the Syndicate.

"Well, I doubt that you'd have any problem handling them," I finished with the uppercut. If you want something done, the best way is to do it yourself. Failing that, the best way is to make someone else do it by exercising authority. Failing that, the best way is to con someone else into doing it. And the best way to do that is by stroking their ego 'til it hurts. "Just keep your eyes open."

"We're on it!" Rikku cried, and the three of them charged off toward Jock without even waiting for Yuna to bow and say something goody-goody, kicking up a major dust storm that didn't settle until several minutes after they left.

As soon as the hover was out of sight, I darted outside the ring of barbed wire and snuck onto their airship.

The Celsius was much higher-tech than the big hulking cargo craft we'd ridden on two years ago. It'd been built for speed, all red and chrome and slashing curves, and I couldn't see any weapons on it but I assumed they were probably there somewhere. The walls around me were humming, and I realized I'd entered in the engine room. From what I knew about salvaged Al Bhed aircraft, that put me at the bottom of the ship. I found the stairs and started climbing.

I knew what I was looking for as I scanned the elevator panel. There must be a cargo hold somewhere, and inside said hold there must be something I could steal--preferably a commsphere, but maybe that whiz kid Shinra that Gippal had mentioned had some dress spheres lying around or something equally useful. Maybe some good food; I coulda killed for potato chips.

But I wasn't finding a storage room listed on that elevator menu. There might be a closet or something in the cabin, but there would almost certainly also be at least one person there. If I got caught, that'd just force me into going to the bridge and talking to the captain anyway. So I decided to cut out the middle step and go with plan B: barge the hell in and deal with Aniki himself until I got my way.

This may sound ruthless, but you gotta understand my state of mind at the time. I'd been living in a glorified crabshack for a week, with no contact with the outside world other than Sanna and Gippal, who didn't count on the grounds that they were both just as cracked as I was. I'd singlehandedly eaten more canned beans than I knew existed. I'd been hounded by sandstorms, incompetent nimrods, fiends, and dry skin. Getting a new commsphere wasn't just about irritating myself by watching what Beclem was doing to my teammates; not having one was a huge safety concern. And because Naaga and I had grown up on our own, sometimes a little petty thievery was the only way to survive when there was no way of knowing where our next meal was coming from. This kind of thing didn't really hurt anyone, and it was practically in my blood.

Yeah, just keep telling yourself that.

Because the main thing was that I really, really just wanted some normal food.

The bridge bunnies consisted of Aniki, his old friend Buddy--who I was pretty sure neither Naaga nor I had ever dated, making him rare among the guys who had lived at Home, and who I was also pretty sure actually had a real name--and some kid in a Benzo-esque isolation suit. That must be Shinra, I reasoned. None of them, amazingly, noticed me. I swear this is true. Shinra was futzing around with a computer, Buddy had his face planted about half an inch from a handheld video game, and Aniki was cackling to himself a la Nav Guado about something. I kept hearing the word 'Yuna.'

Aniki was facing directly away from me, which made it pretty easy to sneak up behind him and drape myself over his chair. "Been a while, babe. Miss me?" I hissed into his ear.

He squawked and struggled, but I shook my head with a feral grin and slipped my arms around his neck--hard. Blitzers learn headlocks like this for rear tackles, but they come in handy outside the sphere too. "Unh-unh-unh," I cooed. "I think you can give me everything I need from right there."

"Aniki, what's going on?" Buddy asked, finally noticing that there was someone else in the room.

In the movies I would have been in Gunner form and casually whipped one arm over my head to aim at his, but as it was I couldn't free my arms and had to settle for looking menacing. "Buddy. Great. You look like a guy who knows his way around. Why don't you get me a spare commsphere and maybe some coffee if you got it?"

"Why don't you tell me what you're doing here, and then we'll see," he suggested calmly. "Aren't you supposed to be missing, anyway? Or did you just pull another one of your disappearing acts?"

"Actually, I'm supposed to be down there." I jerked my head at the front of the ship, indicating the camp. "Nice to meet you, by the way; I'm Nhadala. And no matter who you tell anything different to, they're not gonna believe you. I've got the papers to prove it."

"Oh, are we getting held up?" Shinra asked, waddling over. "Cool. I wonder if she likes computers."

"Shinra!" Aniki yelped.

"Ooh, you're even better," I said, sizing the kid up. "Just the guy I was looking for. You must know where I can get a commsphere around here."

He hesitated. "Actually, I hope to have a Spirawide network of them up and running soon. How many do you need?"

"One should be great, unless you're handing out freebies."

"I guess I could hook yours up a little early. You can be the beta tester. I'll go down and install one." And with that, he simply waddled out of the room like a warped Tonberry intent on its mission, totally unconcerned that in thirty seconds I could potentially turn his captain's face bluer than an Ice Flan.

"That was anticlimactic," Buddy commented when the kid was gone.

"About my food?" I gave Aniki's neck a friendly squeeze.

"You smell good. Are you still wearing same perfume?" my darling ex asked in English.

"Yc y syddan uv vyld, E'ja hajan funh banvisa. Yna oui cdemm cgesbehk uh dra crufanc?" I retorted.

"That's all you want? A sphere and food? You're not going to try to get us to take you anyplace?" Buddy asked incredulously.

I shrugged. "They'd just haul me back here anyway." Wouldn't surprise me if Gippal had had Sanna install homing devices in my spare chokers while she was at it. "Besides, I'm really not here to hurt you. I believe we can have a healthy exchange here. It'll be...our little secret. And in return, I won't tell anyone that Aniki has a crush on Yuna. And that he still watches chick flicks. My kid sister saw you sobbing in the front row at 'Windswept Kisses,' man."

"Haha, seriously?" Buddy laughed.

"Would I lie to you?"

"YES!" Aniki screamed.

"Okay, of course I would. Right now I'm not, though. She's got the spheres to prove it." This was definitely a lie. We hadn't even owned a sphere camera when that movie had come out in Luca, and if we had I doubted she would've wasted her film on Aniki acting girly (although she probably woulda called it 'sensitive' and 'sweet' and gone to put her arm around his shoulder and cry with him). But they didn't know that, and if they decided to call her and check I was sure she could bluff her way around it. She was related to me, after all.

Aniki howled. "Buddy, get her whatever she wants!"

Buddy was still snickering to himself. "You got it, captain." In five minutes flat I had a brand new commsphere, a spare medical kit, and all the potato chips I could carry. Sometimes crime really does pay.

Translations:

"Yc y syddan uv vyld, E'ja hajan funh banvisa. Yna oui cdemm cgesbehk uh dra crufanc?" - "As a matter of fact, I've never worn perfume. Are you still skimping on the showers?"