Tony had chased after Michelle begging her to stay but she refused. She called a girlfriend Amy, and got her to come and pick her up. As soon as Amy arrived Michelle fell into her arms telling her everything. Amy took Michelle back to her place. Twice Tony tried calling Michelle but she wouldn't take his call. She was hurt and embarrassed, not ready to have to face him. After the way he had acted towards her for the last week after their kiss and then again this morning she doubted he had real feelings for her. She blamed herself for sleeping with him like that. She knew she had done it because she was utterly in love with him, she almost wished he could know that instead he was probably thinking she was just easy.
Tony couldn't believe Michelle had really left and not stayed to hear him out. On one hand he could completely understand why but on the other he wondered if he just cared a lot more than she did. Once Michelle had left him in the hallway he had returned inside and made everyone leave. His parents tried to talk to him but he wasn't interested, he just needed to be alone. He couldn't believe how much it hurt not to have her by his side after they had been that close all night. He wanted to be so angry with her for letting him think he had her when really he didn't at all. Couldn't she tell from how he had acted all night how much he cared for her? She was so willing to leave today, not willing to fight for him at all.
It was 11pm and Tony hadn't moved from his living room. He had sat staring out the window drinking all afternoon thinking about Michelle. Finally he hit a point where he decided to try calling her again. He blocked his phone number so she wouldn't see it was him and answer.
"Michelle Dessler."
"Please don't hang up. It's me...."
"Tony.....I....I." Michelle was at a loss for words.
"Why did you just leave today Michelle? Why wouldn't you even answer my calls?"
"What did you expect me to do Tony? Sit around while you got ready to go on a date with that woman?"
Tony's voice was full of hurt. "I had no idea about her. I made them go home straight away.....you didn't even give me a chance."
Michelle felt herself become defensive. "Well after hearing you tell your Dad I was nothing I didn't know how to stick around Tony..."
"I didn't mean that, I was just freaking out because of what was happening. God Michelle surely my actions last night show I didn't think it was 'nothing'."
"You were drunk..."
Tony's voice rose, "SO WERE YOU!"
"Tony, I might have been drunk but I was with you because I wanted to be that close to you. You know me Tony – I would never just sleep with someone unless they meant the world to me. I'd never seen you look so angry and embarrassed as you did when you woke and saw me in your bed this morning."
"I was angry at myself Michelle for sleeping in, for letting that situation happen. I was angry because all I wanted was to be alone with you. When they were all there, before they went to my room....all I could think was how much I wanted to just be holding you. I'm so sorry that all happened. Do you regret being with me Michelle?"
There was silence for a moment. "No."
"You don't?"
"No I don't......I could never regret being that close to you Tony. I knew I would get hurt though and you are the one person who was never supposed to hurt me."
"Why did you know you would get hurt?"
"Because of the way you acted after we kissed last week...."
Tony cut Michelle off. "You hurt me too you know. You were supposed to be different, but I was wrong."
"How?"
"I wasn't ever going to let you hurt me Michelle. It didn't matter how much I wanted you, I knew I'd be an idiot to put myself on the line like that again. You let me believe I might actually be important to you.....special...that I could be happy. Then you just leave, just like that. It was so easy for you to just walk away from me today and not even try to make it work. I should have learnt more from Nina – how could I have been so stupid as to...."
Tony didn't have a chance to finish as Michelle jumped in. "You are comparing me to Nina? I've never hurt you Tony, you can't hold today against me considering everything else that has happened. You know what?.....If you are going to compare me to Nina, I can't have this conversation with you."
Michelle hung up her phone and turned it off. She didn't know how to make sense of what had just happened. She was suppose to be Tony's best friend.....how could he even breathe Nina's name while talking about her relationship with him. Michelle didn't feel angry, she felt hurt.
It took Tony a couple hours to really understand how much he must have hurt Michelle with his poor choice of words. He realised he had spent the last year so concerned that after Nina he could never trust a girl with his heart again. All the while Michelle had proved over and over how different she was to Nina. Michelle had walked out today because HE had hurt her feelings, because she was embarrassed and because HE had allowed her to believe their night together was unimportant. That didn't mean she was Nina, it meant she was human. Jack was right, Tony was consumed of fear. He was letting Nina's actions continue to make him miserable. By not putting himself on the line he was going to miss out on all the things that were the most important to him in life. A wife, a family. He had known from day 1 that Michelle was the one he wanted it with but he didn't realise by not letting go of the emotions Nina had laid on his shoulders he was sabotaging any chance he had with the one girl he really loved.
Tony spent the night trying to put things into perspective. Trying to rid himself of the poison Nina had left in his body and mind. Trying to let himself believe he deserved to finally be happy and that he shouldn't let her take away his future as well. He would take Michelle away from the office tomorrow and beg for her forgiveness and understanding.
Chappelle called Michelle into a meeting first thing in the morning. He offered her an assignment at the New York office for the next 2 weeks. They needed Michelle to train up some new staff. Michelle didn't need any convincing – this was a chance to get away and try and deal with her pain. In New York she wouldn't have to see Tony everyday and constantly be reminded of everything. Constantly be reminded that no matter what, at the end of the day Tony had seen Nina in Michelle. She took the job and left the office straight away to pack. She was on a plane by early afternoon – an hour before Tony had gotten out of his morning meetings and realised she was even gone.
When Tony learned Michelle had left for 2 weeks he hid himself in his office so his tears could run freely down his cheeks. He knew she had taken it to get away from him. Just 30 hours ago he held Michelle in his arms, he had been inside her....as close to her as it was possible to be. Now just this short time later she was on her way to the other side of the country to get away from him.
It had been the longest, hardest 10 days for Michelle.. Working at the NY office felt so dull and boring compared to LA. She didn't know anybody here and she missed the social side of work she had at home. Being in a new office and without Tony it felt like she had moved into a completely new job. She had hoped being this far away would help her recover from everything that had happened, but if anything with each day that passed she became more and more miserable. The pain she felt from missing Tony was unbearable. If possible she thought she had loved him even more than she realised. Without him in her day to day life, nothing felt right anymore.
Michelle was 3 days late getting her period. She put it down to stress. Often when things were out of control at work her body seemed to just stop. Doctors had told her many times that she needed to learn how to leave work at work – carrying so much extra burden everyday and night was very unhealthy. It was easy for them to say that – she would love to see them try and put work like CTU out of their mind when they slipped into bed alone in a dark, quiet room. To be on the safe side she decided if it hadn't come in the next 3 days she would see a doctor. Her and Tony had used protection so that just wasn't possible to have anything to do with it.
She was sitting in her hotel bed with her laptop on her lap, it was 2 in the morning. Once again she couldn't sleep and she couldn't bare to just lay there thinking about Tony so she had decided to make use of the time and answer emails. Her computer made the familiar sound of a new message arriving. The last person she expected it to be from was Tony. She couldn't believe he was awake as well. She took a sip of her drink and rubbed her eyes to make sure she was completely awake. She opened it up....
Dear Michelle,
Once again it is the middle of the night and I'm awake. I haven't been able to sleep a night through since you left. I understand why you took the post, if I was in your position I would have too. I wish I had been able to see you before you left though – I was ready to open up and explain myself.....basically beg for your forgiveness.
I miss you so much Michelle. I've never felt actual physical pain from missing someone before. I've spent the last year trying to protect myself from getting hurt again......I didn't realise how much I was hurting myself in the process. I had myself convinced that you would never return my feelings for you. You see Michelle, you were the biggest risk I've ever faced – because I've never loved anyone the way I love you. That's right, I love you – more to the point, I am IN love with you. You have the ability to hurt me more than anything in the world simply because of how much I care for you. I know deep down you would never do anything to hurt me, that you are the last person I need protecting from. What is so scary is that you don't need to do anything wrong Michelle, it is as simple as you not returning my feelings.
When you kissed me.....I'll never be able to explain how amazing that was for me. God you felt so good. I spent the week after that convincing myself that it would never have meant to you what it did to me. All I could imagine was declaring my love for you and being shot down.
That night.....wow. I was a miserable drunken mess until you showed up. Being completely honest – I am glad I was drunk because the alcohol gave me the confidence to do what I really wanted to do. Had I been sober I would have been a nervous wreck like I had been all week. Instead once you had sat on my lap, I was able to let myself go for everything I have always wanted. Wrapping my arms around you gave me shivers all over my body. When we kissed I was so weak in my legs I didn't know how I was going to walk. I took you home with me Michelle because I wanted AND NEEDED to be as close to you as possible. I know we didn't speak much, I wasn't sure what you were thinking – I wasn't ready to tell you how I felt because I didn't know what you would do and by then my feelings had deepened so much more for you. Each touch, each kiss made me love you even more. So I tried to show you in my actions. It felt like we fit perfectly together, like we were made for one another. I know had things been different we might not have slept together the very first night but I couldn't stop myself. I felt like I had waited more than a year and there was no chance I could any longer.
Being so close to you Michelle was magical. You are the most beautiful person, I find myself mesmerized by you. Your skin was so smooth and perfect to the touch. Never has anyone made me feel as good as you did. I didn't know it was possible to feel that good. I went to sleep dreaming about waking up in your arms and having the day with you. I just completely forgot that I had plans with my parents.
I swear on my life I had no clue they were bring their friends or that other woman. I couldn't even tell you what she looks like – my interest in her was non-existent and even being introduced to her all I could think about was you.
I freaked out with my parents, I'm sure you can appreciate it's not a situation I've ever been in before and I had no idea how to handle it. I didn't mean what I said to my Dad – I was just trying to get him to leave my room.
Basically Michelle, that night meant more to me than you could ever imagine.
Nina broke all my trust. You taught me how to trust again. Unfortunately the fear of feeling pain like that again was more than I could handle. With you on the picture I knew I cared for you a million times more than I ever did her so I just translated that into how much extra pain that would mean if we didn't work out. I have been miserable, I just didn't think I could be happy. I don't compare you to Nina, I never have and I never will. Yes, when you left that day and wouldn't take my calls I immediately chalked it up to you hurting me. I assumed it was because it hadn't meant anything to you. I was so angry at you for letting me be with you and fall even deeper in love with you and then you left. I was clouded because I was consumed with the thought that no matter how much I wanted it, I wasn't going to be happy or get what I wanted. It wasn't until after we got off the phone that I finally woke up and realised how stupid I was being. You left because I had been an arsehole and embarrassed you. You hadn't done a thing wrong.
I've had time to think. I've really been able to put those thoughts out of my mind and not let them hold me back anymore. I need you Michelle. I want to be with you. I want to be the person that you turn to, I want to be the one that gets to look after you, I want to be the one whose shoulder you cry on, I want to be the person you feel the safest and secure with. I want a future with you Michelle. I want it all. I know you are everything I'll ever need.
I'm going to send this now before I freak out and delete it. Regardless of how you feel, I am glad that I've been honest with you and that you now know how I feel. No matter what happens, I'll always be here for you – for anything you need. I'll always care for you as my best friend.
Please come home.
Love Tony.
Tears streamed down her face. She couldn't believe the email from Tony. He had never been so open and honest about his emotions before. He loved her, he wanted to be with her – Michelle's stomach did flips. All this time she had dreamed about having everything with Tony and now to find he feels the same way was incredibly exciting. She wanted to call him and tell him how much she loved him, how much she wanted to be his. It was nearly 3am though and Michelle also needed time to sort through her own feelings. She had spent so long feeling ashamed of her actions and angry with Tony that she wanted to be able to deal with all that first. She switched the computer off and went back to bed, sleep came a lot easier this time.
Tony spent the next 2 days burying himself in work. He stayed at the office until midnight both nights so he would just go home exhausted and straight to sleep. He didn't allow himself anytime to think. He'd never been so open with anyone about his feelings before and it scared the hell out of him. Every hour that passed without a response from Michelle the worse he felt about his decision to send the email. His future and his happiness felt so unstable – it was all in Michelle's hands. He was not use to having someone else have so much control over his feelings and emotions.
His wait was over when his computer beeped at him just seconds shy of him tuning it off to try and sleep. He held his breath as he read.
Dear Tony,
Thank you for being so open and honest with me – I know how hard that must have been for you. I couldn't possibly appreciate it more though.
I've taken so long to get back to you because I needed to get myself into the right frame of mind first. I've spent the last week thinking you felt completely differently.
We are more alike than we have ever realised. I share your same fears and insecurities Tony. They may have stemmed from different things but the over-all result has been the same. I've never had a one night stand but I am very use to being hurt by different guys. It has scared me so much that I'd never find someone that would treat me right. That made me feel happy, special and wanted.
When you asked me to go home with you, I could think of a million reasons not to go yet everything was over ruled by my desire to be so close to you. Seeing as nothing had happened since the kiss I already thought you must not be interested in me like that. You are my boss and I was drunk. I knew how much I was risking in both my professional and personal life by going home with you. Before I got your email, I felt ashamed with myself for how I thought you must have been thinking of me.
Going home with you - I didn't know if it was going to be 'just sex' to you because we were both drunk and riled up by each other. It wasn't 'just sex' to me. Having you close to me Tony was what I had dreamed of for so long. Not just physically but also it felt good that for that time our minds were bonded and on the same wave length. When you made love to me Tony – that is exactly what it felt like. Being with you like that was so exciting and amazing, I wished the night had gone on forever.
Seeing as I hadn't had any intimate contact with you before that night and then all of a sudden we had slept with each other, I felt like I needed your arms around me to assure me that you cared for me more than for just a night of sex. It's not your fault what happened with your parents, but I guess because that's how we woke and I didn't get that from you I felt down about the situation from then on.
I left that day because I was embarrassed, hurt and upset. I took the offer to New York because I thought I had to learn how to move on with my life without you in it the way I want you.
I haven't learned anything though, other than how much I really do love you. The pain of missing you is weighing me down. Our bad communication almost cost us each other Tony – I would have never have forgiven myself. You make me the happiest and luckiest woman in the world. I want to be yours.
I don't know where we go from here. I am scared, nervous and excited. It's hard being here alone when all of this is happening. I hate that I still can't be held by you.
Love Michelle
His entire body smiled and his mind replayed over and over her words, "I want to be yours." He couldn't have gotten a better response – she had explained how she felt and why but she had also returned his love. Michelle still had 3 days before she was coming home. He wanted to go over and be with her. He wanted to hold her the way he should have when they woke that morning – he would never let her feel that way again. He had to speak to her so he called her cell phone...
"Dessler."
His voice was soft, sweet but yet full of excitement. "Michelle, it's me."
Michelle sounded not only surprised but like he had called in the middle of something. "Tony.....it's you."
"Where are you Michelle?"
"I'm actually sitting in the waiting room at the doctors."
His voice now was a tone of concern. "How come? What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm ok. Seriously Tony don't worry."
"I am worried. What's going on Michelle?"
There was silence as Michelle tried to figure out what to say. She would never lie to Tony but she didn't want him stressing when he didn't need to be. He broke the silence....
"You can tell me anything, I promise. I'm here for you. Just tell me what's up."
Her voice was quiet so people in the waiting room couldn't hear what she was saying. "Ok. I'm nearly 6 days late getting my......umm period. I've had like a stomach ache for the last week. I just saw the doctor and he wants me to book in for an ultrasound when I get home. I'm just waiting for the referral."
"What could it be Michelle? Have you ever had this happen before?"
"Yeah I have. Sometimes I skip a period if I have been stressing too much. Don't know why but lots of woman are late or miss periods from anxiety, stress, and stuff like that. That's why I'll have the ultra sound though because it has happened lot's before. I more want to know if the doctor will give me something for the stomach ache. They did ask me if there was any chance I could be pregnant...."
Tony felt shivers run down his body. "What did you say?"
"I said 'no'. We were protected and I sure as hell haven't been with anyone else."
"Michelle, do you think it is because of our fighting and everything that has gone on between us that has made you stress so much? I had no idea that could happen, I am so sorry. If it is because you have been too stressed or up tight it is totally because of me."
"Tony don't worry. It's not just you, it's been being here in New York as well. Being late isn't really a big deal – it's not like I am sick or something. I just need to learn to not let everything get to me. Which is why I was going to buy a pregnancy test on my way back to the hotel – even though I know it's not that, it's something I can clear from my mind and not worry about as well. Know what I mean?"
"Can't you come home early? Can I come to you? I want to be there for any tests – I don't like the idea of you going to the doctors and stuff without me being there with you."
"It's ok Tony, really. It feels weird to be discussing my period with you....especially after the last week."
"I got your email Michelle, that's why I was calling – I just finished reading it. I'm glad you told me, I want to know what's going on with you. I don't want you to feel strange with me Michelle."
"Thanks Tony."
"So....about the emails.....and 'us'.
The doctor took this moment to call Michelle back into his office. "Tony I've got to go, the doctor just called me. Then I have a stupid dinner meeting."
"Ok.....will you call me after?"
"Yes, I will."
The doctor gave Michelle a list of numbers for places to get an ultrasound when she got home. He explained the different things they would be looking for. The doctor then bought up the pregnancy issue again. "Are you sure there is no chance you could be pregnant?"
Michelle was starting to worry about this a little more the more the doctor made a fuss about it. "Well I was with someone a good couple weeks ago but we used a condom."
"I think it is worth doing a quick test Michelle. It will only take a couple minutes and then we know for sure."
"Ok."
He had Michelle go to the bathroom to pee in a cup. She sat there for a few minutes, she was so nervous she couldn't go. She had been in this situation before and obviously was not pregnant but as any girl would, no matter how sure you are just hearing the word makes you worry a little. She took her cup back into the doctor and he placed the small stick into her sample.
"It just takes a couple minutes for the results."
Michelle nodded her head. She began to wonder what would happen if she was pregnant. How would Tony react? She couldn't even imagine having to tell him something like that, especially considering it was their first time together and they still hadn't even sorted themselves out yet.
The doctor broke her thoughts, "Do you have a husband or boyfriend Michelle?"
"I'm not married. I guess you could say I am in the middle of maybe getting together with someone."
"Have you known him long? What sort of relationship do you have?"
"He has been my best friend for over a year now. We just admitted that we have loved one another since we met."
"Is he the one you were with a couple weeks ago?"
Michelle became concerned with his very personal questions. "Have you seen the results? How come you are asking all this?"
He took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes before putting them back on. He gave her eye contact. "Yes Michelle, I see the results. I am asking you because I want to know what sort of support system you have......you are pregnant."
"WHAT? I can't be....we used protection. That has to be wrong."
"It's not wrong Michelle. All contraceptives are never 100 - there is always a risk or a chance."
Michelle saw her shoe and decided to focus her eyes there. She had no idea how to take in what she had just been told. She tried to wipe tears as they rolled down her cheek but gave up quickly. She had no idea how she felt. She was carrying Tony Almeida's child. She felt the doctor rest his hand on her shoulder.
"Michelle is there someone here you can talk to?"
He had to repeat his question twice as Michelle had zoned out so much he needed to snap her back.
"I don't know anyone in New York. People at work but I certainly don't know any of them well enough to talk too."
"Can I ask you the name of the father?"
Michelle gasped at hearing Tony referred to as the father. "Tony.....his name is Tony Almeida."
"What are you feeling Michelle?"
Michelle stood and began to pace the office. "I don't know. I'm just so shocked. I don't know how to take it in. I mean that was the first time Tony and I slept together and I haven't seen him since because I've been here."
The doctor was trying to help Michelle digest the news, especially as he worried about her leaving and being on her own. "Had you ever thought about whether you would like a family before?"
Michelle nodded her head. "Yes, I want a family more than anything in the world. I always thought I would have had it by now. You know, Tony is the only man in the world I've ever wanted it with too."
"Ok, ok, that's good. This can be exciting for you if you have always wanted children."
"But Tony.....how is he going to react? I mean I can't expect him to stick around just because of that one night. Any guy would go nuts if this happened on the first date. Oh God, I am meant to call him when I leave – do I tell him over the phone? He is going to ask and I can't lie...."
"Michelle try to calm down. You said Tony was your best friend – I am sure you will be a good support for one another. He will be shocked, like you are – you need to prepare for that."
Michelle and the doctor chatted for another 25 minutes before he really had to get back to his patients. He offered her his home number if she needed to talk at anytime while she was in New York by herself. Michelle left the surgery in a complete daze. She skipped her dinner meeting and instead went for a long walk through Central Park. She was surprised to find herself instinctively touching her stomach every once and a while. She allowed her mind to roam free and just think about what ever it needed too. She kept coming back to an image in her mind of herself holding a baby. The image made her smile.
It didn't take long for Michelle to begin to feel excited about being pregnant. Telling Tony and the thought she might lose him over this scared her a lot more than thinking about being pregnant. Tony had told her many times before how much he wanted a family but Michelle was sure this wasn't the way he saw it happening. She kept putting off calling him – she just didn't know what to say. Before she knew it, it was nearly 11pm – she had spent hours just walking around aimlessly, she hadn't even eaten dinner. She started to head back to her hotel.
It was 11:30pm and Michelle still hadn't called Tony back. He felt worried about her. CTU dinner meetings never went this long, especially when she didn't really know anyone. He decided he had to call her...
"Hello."
Tony knew something was up straight away – never had he heard Michelle answer a phone with a simple 'hello'. "Michelle, its Tony. How are you going?"
"Umm....yep....ok. How are you?"
"Michelle I can tell something is going on, what is it?"
His question was met with silence. He could hear her breathing loudly. "Talk to me Michelle. Whatever it is we will get through it together."
"That's just it Tony. I don't know if you will want to."
Tony was so confused. "What an earth would make you think that?"
"Tony.......I'm....I'm.....I.....I'm pregnant."
Tony felt a warm good feeling in his stomach. His absolute first physical reaction was to smile. "I used a condom."
"Tony I don't know what happened, maybe it ripped or something. I'm sorry. I want you to know I'm not going to expect anything from you. There is no pressure on you...."
Tony jumped in over the top. "Hey...you don't apologise. I'm going to be by your side 150 of the way – you'll never need to worry about that. What are you thinking Michelle?"
Michelle felt her hand cross her stomach again. "I'm still in shock. I've always wanted children – I mean obviously this wasn't the plan but.....Oh Tony I don't want to scare you but.....I am excited. I know I want it."
Tony was shocked but her certainly wasn't scared. The idea of Michelle carrying his baby made him feel like the luckiest man on the planet. He was surprised at how calm he was. "Michelle, you're carrying my child?" It was like he needed to hear it again.
Michelle nodded and then realised he couldn't see her. "Yes Tony, I am carrying your baby."
"Michelle......Oh my God, I feel so happy."
Michelle's whole body flinched. She couldn't believe it. He sounded so genuinely happy. There was something about his voice that was a little different to normal....it was obvious he was smiling. "Really? I didn't know what you were going to say...."
"I feel shocked and it is still sinking in, but Michelle the thought of having a child with you makes me feel like the luckiest man in the world. I can't stop smiling."
Michelle burst into tears. Happy tears. The relief of Tony's reaction was totally overwhelming.
"Are you crying Michelle?"
"I'm so happy Tony, you have no idea how much your reaction has just blown me away. God, most guys would freak."
"I'd never be freaked sweetie. I've always wanted a family, I thought I would have had one by now actually.......Michelle, 'us'? I've got you don't I Michelle?"
Michelle blurted her words out through her tears. "I'm yours Tony. Are you mine?"
Tears had been welling in his eyes for awhile now but hearing her say that pushed them out. He didn't fight them, he had never cried a happy tear before and he liked the feeling. "Of course I am. I am so in love with you – you are my princess. I'm getting on the next flight Michelle. I'm bringing you home."
"I love you, more than you will ever know. I can just see if they will let me leave tomorrow night or something. I'll come home to you as soon as they let me. It physically hurts not to be with you at the moment Tony."
"Michelle I want to come and get you. I'll be on the first morning flight. That way we are together and it doesn't matter if they let you leave a day or 2 early or not. I need to be there with you."
"What about work Tony? Would you really come out here for me?"
"Sweetie I'd do anything for you. Screw work – You are my priority and nothing even comes close right now. I mean I've got to look after you and our child now!"
Michelle had tears on over load. "I love you. I am so excited to see you."