Alias: One last piece to upload today. A quiet drabble that bit me a few days ago. First time i've heard from Gojyo in about 4 months. A bit of inspiration was Maroon 5's She Will Be Loved. The wistful sound of the chorus somehow infected my brain and the result is this. Once again, thanks to Pervasive Threnody. My ever present partner in crime for this one.
Disc: All GS Saiyuki characters belong to Kazuya Minekura-sensei, or i'd not be in university, ne?
Desc: Set about 1 yr into the time Gojyo and Hakkai shared the house before the journey west. Gojyo introspection dealing with an expression that he's now familiar with compared to what the rest of the world sees. 1st POV Gojyo.
His Broken Smile
By AliasOfWestgate
I see his broken smile, everyday. He's there. Awake and moving, but somehow the smile never leaves his face. That strange piece of himself that isn't healed. The smile shines outward, and it's bright to the rest of the world. Except for me.
I see the pain in his eyes. I see the hatred of himself in it. So much like my own, some days. Yet his cuts deeper into himself, twisting so much like a dagger in the back. He shows the world that smile, but it's not a true one. It's not him. He never forgives himself for that day. Though I'm there, I always will be. He'll never lose that shadow. He still sees the blood on his hands, when he looks at my hair. His grief. His pain.
I see those at the beginning and the end of the day. When I wake up, and when I go to sleep. Only to hear him wake with nightmares that he says he doesn't have. A hushed gasp in the night, across the room. Sometimes he goes to sleep right after, other nights I've been awake to hear his sobs in the dark. I heard them in the first month, while he slept in my bed, and I on the couch. The tears still fall, and I don't stay too far away when they do. No matter how much he hides it during the day, he needs someone near. That smile is only there to mask his pain, and his anger at the world for taking his beloved. He's called my crimson hair, my crimson eyes "admonishment" because he still believes himself a sinner. Part of the catholic upbringing he was given, as he told me much later on over a game of poker one quiet evening. Guilt I've only touched briefly in my own past with my Mother's grief. It can't hold a candle to his.
But we still move on, day after day. His smile never healed, just like my scars. His broken smile
Owari ;-)
Alias: Ja Masta Ne, everyone. Back to work for me, and back to brainstorming a possible new challenge to set up at the Broken Compass! Among a few other things bouncing around in my head, as usual.