Chapter Five: Haunting Dreams
Even though she had known the truth about Snape not actually wanting to kiss her, she was still a little nervous about going back. She wondered how Snape was going to act, and if he would be angry with Hermione, somehow blaming it on Hermione instead of Lorish. She was still so angry with Lorish, she had put her very own blood in that potion, in hopes of saving Snape's life, and it turned out it was all a scam. She was starting to cry again, but held her head up high and sniffled rather loudly trying to hold it in.
She reached her hand to open the door when she hard someone scream, "GRANGER!" I definitely sounded like Snape.
She opened the door and found Snape sitting up in his bed, reading a book on what looked like very complicated potions.
"Professor, how did you know I was here?" she asked timidly.
"You need to sniffle quieter next time you are standing right outside my door Granger. And, Dumbledore told me you would be returning." He said with a smirk, "What? No hello...nice to see you..sorry you're dying?" Snape said coldly.
"DON'T SAY THAT!" she screamed at him. "DON'T say...that..." she finished.
"Oh bloody hell Granger, I was just trying to...Oh nevermind. You better get started on that potion...It's been brewing without you here for quite some time." He added.
"Right..." she said with a confused look on her face, wondering if she ought to bring up what happened at all. "Professor, did Dumbledore tell you what happened? I mean...with Lorish and everything?" she asked politely, hoping for him not to snap at her.
"That's Professor Dumbledore to you Granger, and yes. I know everything. And if you don't mind, I think its best we not talk about it."he said. His pale, gray face was now starting to turn light shades of red.
"Right. Well I'm going down to the potions room..." Hermione said gratefully, for she didn't wish to talk about it either. But, Snape didn't respond, he merely tucked himself back into his book.
Hermione walked out back into the hall to make her way back downstairs to check on the potion. She noticed it was bubbling too much, so she turned down the flames and put a continual stirring spell on the cauldron.
She left the room and was about to call for Lorish and see when dinner was; when she remembered he wasn't there...she was glad he wasn't there, but she didn't want to have to bother Snape with every little problem of hers.
She decided to just go to the living are and read a book, which is what she usually resorts to.
She made her way to her bed with the book she had just picked out of one of the rather dusty bookshelves. She sat down and opened the book entitled 'Avada Kedavra – Knowing when to use it' She normally didn't read that kind of book, but it was the least darkest of all the books there, so she just decided to read it, on the off-chance she might gain some knowledge about it.
She was turning a page, when she noticed she was sitting on something. She got up and looked down and saw a letter addressed to 'Hermione'
She opened the letter and saw scribbled handwriting in midnight black ink...and she began to read.
Dear Hermione...I wanted to let you know that I very much enjoyed your company when I was sick. It looked like you were a bit uncomfortable when we spent the night playing Wizard's Chess, and I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. You have been helping me get along with everything and I cant thank you enough. I'm sorry if I was ever rude to you when you first arrived...I just had so much on my mind. Anyway Hermione...What I really wanted to say was that...well. I would rather tell you in person. Come up to my room when you get a chance.
Hope to see you soon.
Severus.
Hermione was full of shock. She didn't know what to say. She was paralyzed with fear. He sounded different, saying things like, Dear Hermione, and signing his name as Severus. It just creeped her out a little bit. She had just talked to Dumbledore and he said he had straightened it all out. Why was this letter here then...He didn't still...like her? Did he?
'Come up to my room when you get a chance' ....She decided to go up and see what it was all about. She pocketed the letter in her robes and went upstairs to see Professor Snape. Her stomach was growling with hunger, but she had to deal with Snape first and foremost.
She knocked on Snape's door and walked in. Usually he knew she was coming, but she didn't hear an answer. She saw why...Snape was asleep in his room, snoring loudly. She turned to leave the room, and was just over the threshold when she heard a grunt that sounded like... "Hermione"
She turned around and saw that Snape was awake. Hermione was scared...
"Granger...are you that completely annoying that you have to interrupt the little sleep that I get these days?" he said, not even trying to smile.
"Sorry...Im leaving...just checkin up on you." She lied.
"Im not buying it Granger. Now that you're already here...you might as well tell me why you actually came up here for." Snape said with a grin.
"Well...its just...this, Professor." She said while withdrawing the letter from her robes and handing it over to Snape.
He snatched the letter away from Hermione and didn't even bother to open it. He knew what it was, and didn't know what to say.
"Well Miss Granger, this is obviously from the duration of when I was under my idiotic House-Elf's potion." He said looking very upset, also turning red. "there is no need to talk about this or bring it up again, am I right Granger?" He said in a threatened tone.
"Um...Right." She said fearfully.
As Hermione left the room, Snape stayed in his room staring at the letter. How could he have forgotten that he left it there? Surely Hermione would have realized it too. He was so raged about Lorish slipping him illegal potions, and losing his servant, that he had completely forgotten the letter he wrote to her. He had been in a sort of 'trance' while he wrote that and if he would have been in his right mind, he would have never sent her a nice letter, but a howler. He grinned at the thought of this.
Downstairs Hermione made her way to the dining table and saw that nothing was prepared. Again, she realized that this would have been Lorish's job. She got up and went into the kitchen and decided to make something herself. She started looking around in the cupboards for food and pots and pans, when she realized she wasn't at home with her muggle parents. She could magic some dinner up.
When she was just about to whip up some extravagant food, she decided to make it homemade instead, since there was nothing to do, she needed to keep busy.
After scurrying around the kitchen for quite some time, she was done and she had made a lovely dinner of Shepard's Pie, Mashed Potatoes, roast turkey and the desert (which she conjured up because she was so exhausted from the main course) Cauldron Cakes, Pumpkin Pasties, and Treacle Fudge.
By the time she was done eating, she forgot about Snape, surely he needed to eat. She warmed up the leftover food with a swish of her wand and took a large plate of food up to Snape's room.
"Professor, I brought you some supper!" she said proudly. She had never been so please with herself.
"Finally. I thought you had forgotten I was up here!" Snape said sarcastically. "What do we have tonight?" he said curiously.
Hermione uncovered the platter and the smell wafted throughout the room. She had the biggest smile ever on her face.
"Looks much better than Lorish's usual Goulash," he said with a slight smile.
Hermione set up the tray on his bed and Snape dived in.
"Well...enjoy. Im going to check on the potions and then I'm off to bed." She said. Hermione had just spent more than one full minute with Snape and he hadn't insulted her! She was in utter and complete awe!
"Well Granger, don't feel you have to leave right away. Tell me how the potion is going." Snape said politely.
She was so happy about not being insulted by Snape yet, but this was just too far. He had never been this civil to Hermione in his life, and what was the reason for starting now.
"Um...professor? What's wrong?" Hermione asked suspiciously.
"Whatever do you mean....Hermione?" Snape said with what sounded like an unusual amount of struggle to say Hermione instead of Granger.
"Its just that you...well...you have been rather nice to me lately..." she said.
"Is it a crime to be civil?" Snape said, getting angrier and his face redder with rage.
"Well...no its just that I know you loathe me so it just doesn't seem right!" said Hermione.
"Well, Dumbledore had a little chat with me and suggested I try to act more...nicely...to you so this is my effort...if you don't like it then you may leave...again." He said evilly.
But Hermione didn't leave. In fact, she stayed while Snape ate dinner, and they were talking a lot about everything.
Hermione hadn't felt totally comfortable being so nonchalant around her Professor, but as time went on and as he finished his dinner, she found herself having a decent conversation with Snape, and he wasn't even under a spell! It was nice for a change to have someone to talk to about intellectual things. Even though she loved Harry and Ron dearly, it was nice to talk about something besides Quidditch sometimes.
After several hours of chatting, Hermione's eyelids seemed to be drooping.
"Granger, you look tired. Why don't you head down to bed?" he said.
"Right. Good Night, Sir." She said with an unusual smile.
Hermione leaned in to take the empty dinner tray away from Snape when something swept over him so quickly he didn't even know what it was.
After Hermione did the dishes, (magically of course, she was too tired!) she made up her bed again and went to lay down.
Just as she was closing her eyes she heard a 'pop.'
She opened her eyes and got up. She looked around a bit and didn't see anything,
Until...
She reached the wall directly behind her and saw something she did not expect, and she jumped with fright.
"Harry! You scared me!" She yelped.
For Hermione was staring straight into the face of Harry Potter, however, it wasn't there completely. His head was sitting squarely in the fireplace, completely engulfed in green flames. As Hermione was a witch, she was used to this kind of communication, but not when she was about to go to sleep.
"Sorry Hermione. Dumbledore gave me permission to use the Gryffindor Common Room to pop in and say Hi." Said Harry.
"That's very nice of you Harry!" she said surprised.
"Well actually, I wanted to check up on you, Hermione. Make sure Snape is treating you right." He said with a worried tone.
"It could be better, but he's not being completely awful to me. In fact, we had a rather nice chat tonight." She said proudly.
"Ok...I'm not buying it but I just wanted to say, Dumbledore told me what happened Hermione, and Snape did the right thing sacking that good-for-nothing house-elf." He said truthfully.
"Harry, Lorish deserves to be treated with respect, just like humans!" she said, putting up a fight.
"Hermione, don't start up with that spew stuff again! Lorish did something awful to you and you don't have to stick up for him!" said Harry.
"Right....You're right." She said sadly.
"Anyway Hermione, Christmas break will be over soon. Are you going to stay there, or will you be getting lessons at Snape's?" He asked, trying to get Hermione's mind of Lorish.
"I don't know..." she faded off. She actually hadn't thought about it. She was so rushed into coming to Snape's and making the potion, that her mind completely forgot that it was during her school year, and her holiday break was almost over. Surely they would let her go back to school?
"Well, Hermione. Let me know ok? Ron and I miss you, so send us letters everyday ok?" he said with a wide smile.
"Of course, Harry. Have fun with the rest of your holidays, and stay out of trouble! If you can manage it that is!" she said, her spirits lifting.
"Bye Hermione!" said Harry, and before she could say bye back, she heard a distinct 'pop' and his head disappeared from the fireplace.
Hermione went back to bed, significantly happier than before. She had a visit from her best friend and her normal life seemed to fade back into her head. After a while, the potion would be done and she could go back to Hogwart's.
Upstairs in Snape's bedroom, he was having a very hard time sleeping. He didn't know what think. When Hermione had leaned in to take his tray away, he could swear he saw something in her eyes....something he hadn't seen in a long time...He thought he had seen...his first love. A woman he had loved a long time ago, laying his heart on the line, only to lose her...tragically.
That night, Snape lay his head down on his pillow...thinking about Nadalia. The only woman he ever lost. As he lay in bed sleeping, he was dreaming about a night he wishes he could forget. The night he lost Nadalia...the words still echoed in his head.
"Your past is catching up with you Severus" said Nadalia.
She was tall, with brown wavy hair and stunning, and eyes that matched, eyes that you could look into forever.
"MY PAST! That is exactly what it is! My PAST! Dumbledore trusts me and has put his faith in me...if that means nothing to you...!" he said softly.
"Oh severus, I know, but what if...you-know-who does come back, you wouldn't go back...would you?" she began.
"NEVER! My loyalty lays with Dumbledore, and with you. I told you who I used to be because I trusted you to believe that I changed. Many people have faith in me, Nadalia. I am one of the most intelligent pureblood wizards working at Hogwart's I know more than you can imagine.." he shouted.
"So that's what it is, is it? All about blood, because you're pureblood, you're better than me?" she asked nervously.
"I never said that but mudbl-... half bloods like you...they just don't –" He said, quickly realizing what he had done.
"Severus, you have never called me that before! Just because you are a pureblood doesn't mean that you are better or that I don't deserve you. You know what? I don't care any more Severus, I just don't." she said with tears streaming down her cheeks.
"I didn't mean it Nadalia! I love you, you are the world to me...Please..." he said in a pleading voice. He was not going to lose her. But before he could stop her, she was out of the room and gone. "Nadalia, you are the light in my dark! Remember? Don't go!" he shouted, but he knew she had gone.
He stayed in his room all night long until there was a knock on the door. He opened it, only to hear bad news.
"It's Nadalia Severus, she's been...Nadalia is dead." Said the man.
"No! NO THAT'S NOT TRUE!" said Severus. "No..."
"It was...you-know-who Severus...he got her..." the man said.
He fell to floor...she was really gone. His light in the dark was extinguished. He was alone in the dark again.
He was awoke the next morning only to feel miserable. He hadn't dreamed about her in at least two years, and he had awoken only to feel like he had lost her all over again. And whenever Hermione got close to him, he could see Nadalia in her eyes. He didn't know why...but he could not bear to look Hermione in the eyes again.
Downstairs, Hermione was waking up to the little sunshine that was flowing in through the one window in the living room. She made her shabby day bed, and made her way to the kitchen to conjure up some breakfast. She had fun making dinner last night but she didn't have the energy to cook up a full meal again. She had tapped her wand and a huge tray appeared with eggs, bacon, pancakes, kippers and a large flask of Orange juice. She took it all upstairs so she could have breakfast with Snape, and see if he was feeling better.
When she arrived in his room, she found him awake and looking much better than usual.
"I brought you breakfast Professor." She said with a wide smile.
"Yes, thank you." Snape said, avoiding her eyes carefully. Snape couldn't bear to look in her eyes and see Nadalia.
"Sir, is everything all right?" she asked, looking concerned. She could tell something was wrong.
"No Granger. I'm fine. Just leave the breakfast and you may leave." He said coldly.
"Well..." she said while setting the breakfast down in front of Snape. "You are looking much better!"
"Don't be stupid Granger. I'm a dying man, and no one could care less if I died." Snape said with a white face.
"That's not true!" she screamed. She didn't know why she was saying this. Hogwart's might be so much easier without Snape, but she couldn't let him say these things. Sure, he wasn't the nicest man, and sure he had no manners, he was insufferably annoying, a bias jerk...where was she going with this again?
"Oh is it Granger? I know that all of my students loathe me and Dumbledore hardly trusts me anymore. Who cares if I die?" he added bitterly
Hermione didn't know what to say at all. This was getting to deep for her and it made her feel very uncomfortable to be talking to her Professor about this. But she had to make him feel like someone cared about him...
"Er...I do..." she lied. She might not give her own life for him, but she wanted to make him feel better.
"No you don't Granger. Don't lie." Said Snape.
"I do too! I made that potion Lorish tainted, with my own blood!" she said. She never wanted to let Snape know this, but she had to play that card now.
"You...what?" he said coolly.
"Yeah! That's right! I gave my own blood to save your skin! So don't be so ungrateful! There are plenty of people who care if you died so just...just...STOP IT!" she yelled.
"You're LYING Granger, I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS!" he screamed.
"I am not! That potion had a little bit of me in it, the one that was supposed to save your life. When I thought you were dead, I was ready to do anything to save you!" Hermione said angrily.
"I cant believe...and you....and your own blood....you wanted to save me?" Snape couldn't seem to spit the words out, but he certainly got the message. Someone cared about him after all. This put a smile on his face. When Hermione saw him crack a smile, it changed his whole face. He looked happier, and younger and like he was a good person you could just stop and chat with on the streets. She had never seen him like that before.
Hermione didn't think she needed to say anything else. She had simply had too much for one evening, and couldn't bare to see him so out of place again. She left Professor Snape to eat his breakfast, and headed downstairs to eat hers and think about the million things that were running through her throbbing head. As she sat down at the dining room, she was about to take in a forkful of eggs, she couldn't stand it anymore. She burst out in tears, which were dripping on her steaming breakfast plate.
Why is this happening to me? I'm supposed to be enjoying my break at Hogwart's with Ron and Harry! This isn't something I should have to deal with! She thought to herself.And she had a point, she was much too young to be bearing so much weight on her shoulders. She had the life of dying man in the palm of her hands, a man whom she didn't particularly care for. If Snape had been someone cheery, or easier to live with, it would have been a much more pleasant experience for her.
After barely finishing her breakfast, and wiping her tears from her cheeks, she decided she needed to go for a walk and cool down. She had no idea where anything was around Snape's house, but she didn't necessarily care. All Hermione wanted to do was get away from the house. She opened the front door and looked to the left and right to see what was around her. She saw woods all around her and to the right, a path weaving through the towering trees.