Strange Occurrences:
A Side Story
The Heir of the Trickster
By: Master Yume & BlindManX
Loki sat down and watched as his new apprentice began on his rather short journey to Japan. But something about the whole situation just irked him. One relatively normal mortal having the chance to inherit to powerful mantels it just didn't work in his favor, after all the boy seemed to favor Death just a bit.
'But what can I do about it the Almighty already agreed to it and he said that if I couldn't come up with a new heir in two days then the ruling stuck.'
Loki sighed what was the likelihood of something like that happening? Nearly impossible, it would take an act of the Almighty himself to…
"Uh, excuse me. Uh sorry to bother you but where in Jamaica is this?"
Loki looked up and saw a stocky black kid holding a map and scratching his head, all the while looking utterly confused. Loki blinked confusedly for a moment and stared at the intruder before looking to the heavens…. Well up, and mouthed the words 'Thank you'.
Michael watched as the slightly taller man stood up from his chair and approached him with an evil grin. Slowly Michael began to look around for an exit after finding none he sighed.
"I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque.
"How would you like a job?"
Loki smiled slyly as he watched the boy. However Michael merely raised an eyebrow and waved his hands defensively in front of him.
"Hey man I don't walk that way."
At that moment Michael sincerely wished he had something to smack this weird guy in the face with. However Loki just shook his head.
"No, no, not like that. I'm serious, do you want a job?"
Loki again eyed the boy critically.
'Hmm he needs a bit of work but he'll do for now.'
Michael put up his hand forestalling any further comments from Loki.
"Hold on, before we get into that I want to know where we are. The last thing I remember is getting this map from some guy who called himself the Alrighty. The next thing I know I'm here. Who are you anyways?"
Loki bowed a bit and smiled oddly making Michael look around hoping to see a new exit.
"I'm Loki Norse god of mischief. I want you to work for me. If you do I'll let you have all kinds of perks."
Loki watched the boy think about this as he pondered whether the Alrighty had his eye on this one. Well it didn't matter he was just going to snag him first.
"Ok, I'll bite, what kind of benefits does the job offer?"
Michael wasn't really worried about Loki's response he was more concerned with getting the baseball bat he had in his hand ready. (Though he really hadn't thought about where he had gotten it.) Humoring the nut was just a way to keep him talking.
"Well you'll get a rune sword and a few other things like magical skills and stuff like that."
Loki raised an eyebrow as this Michael kid tightened his grip on the bat that had materialized out of thin air.
"What's a rune sword?"
Michael again half listened to the response as he slowly made his way to the door he saw in the far corner of the room.
"I really have no idea, I know they are powerful and I'm getting tired of no one wanting the one I have. Look I'll let you have other abilities just name them, I'll see if I can bring us to an agreement."
Loki watched disinterestedly as the boy edged towards the door, he knew where it led. Suddenly Michael made a mad dash, and in his mind, to the freedom of said door, causing Loki to merely raise and eyebrow. Michael slammed the door shut and leaned heavily against it hoping to keep the nut job out. Then he heard a rather familiar voice speak.
"What took you so long?"
Michael looked up and stared for a bit as his mind tried to register the fact that he had just left through a door only to end up at the same door still facing Loki. Finally his brain re-booted Michael's response was quick. He fumbled with the knob and hurriedly threw the door open and bolted back through only to find Loki in the same spot that Michael had left him in..
"Ah crap."
Loki smirked at the rather shell-shocked looking lad.
"Now then, are you ready to negotiate, or will we play ring around the roses a bit more?"
Michael sighed and he held the bat at ready and slowly approached the desk.
"Alright fine but no funny business bud."
Loki replied by making the 'scout's honor' sign. Michael just thought out loud to himself as he sat at the desk.
"I knew I hated the Twilight Zone this just proves it."
Loki slowly took a seat across from Michael and sighed.
"Look kid, long story short; I need an heir. When you just waltzed right on in here you moved yourself to the top of my list of candidates. So I'll give you a rune sword, a basic chaos magic package, and some other minor prank related magic. So what do you say?"
Michael considered the offer that Loki set before him. While he didn't like this whole situation, seeing as he was now in said situation the best thing for him to do was to milk the nut for anything he could get.
"Well that's all well and good for starters. But what about benefits? Do I get a health plan? Dental?"
"Ok FINE, how about this; near indestructibility and regeneration, does that work for you?"
Michael nodded finally having convinced himself that this was a dream. A really screwed up dream, but a dream nevertheless.
"Sounds good so far Loki, but what does the jobs involve?"
Loki stood and took a dramatic pose, as a light lit the background behind him adding to the effect of said pose.
"It will be your job to make sure that mischief is spread throughout the Multi-verse. Doing this will ensure that certain events occur and help dimensions move on. Tjis all hinges of course on you passing a test."
'Ooh real nice make it sound important.'
Loki silently congratulated himself still holding his pose, until the boy across from him spoke up.
"So basically after I pass a test, it will be my job to go around and give people wedgies."
Loki suddenly deflated as the light behind him shorted out.
"Well that too, all jokes and mischief fall under my domain."
Michael nodded having seen though Loki like a cheap piece of plastic.
"Well then if I'm going to agree to this I'll need Martial Arts skills and experience. It would do to have my ass beat every five minutes if something went wrong." (Read as: If I couldn't make my getaway.)
Loki pushed a contract towards him that seemed fairly self explanatory. After all it only said 'I agree.' Michael stopped himself and asked a question that seemed to be itching his brain for a while now.
"One question though, were you the guy that gave Genma that Cat-Fist manual?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact I did. Initially it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to, but in the end it all worked out. Heck I even get that Ranma kid and that Akane girl together to make up for it."
'That explains it, only an idiot would give something like that to Genma. As well as think that something like that could work out."
"So you helped come up with some of the joke from that anime huh? That must have taken a while to think up."
Michael was beginning to like this dream a bit more, after all if this guy had something to do with anime he couldn't be all bad. Loki just blinked for a little while till finally recognition flashed across his face.
"Oh your from one of those base earths huh? Look I'm getting of tired of all this and time is running out, do we have a deal or not?"
Loki shrugged as he pondered the origins of his new heir. People from the base earths when transferred to these other realms had a tendency to become real powerful real fast. Usually they didn't cause too much damage while they adjusted. Though there was that one time…. Never mind that now.
"Alright throw in a helpful mascot/assistant and you have got yourself a deal."
'At least till a promotion comes up.'
Michael looked over the contract before him again, even going so far as to examine it under a microscope that was on hand. (though it hadn't been a few minutes before.) With that Michael signed and watched as his name flashed then the paper disappeared. Before he could make a reaction to the disappearing paper the pen in his hand exploded with a loud 'Bang!' Loki however just smiled broadly.
'Excellent all goes according to plan. Soon the cheese will be….'
"Er… Fine whatever here's your gear and weapon… I mean weapons."
So saying Loki handed Michael a black shirt and pants that suddenly blurred and appeared on his body fitting rather snuggly. Then a trench coat was added to the ensemble with a lot of straps and buckles that locked into place. Loki the handed him a long sword in a red leather sheath that vanished mysteriously as soon as Michael took of it. Loki followed that with a set of matching glocks.
"Huh what's with the sword and the guns?"
He was mildly puzzled at why he was getting these things as well as how he came to be dressed in these new clothes. At the mention of the sword, it reappeared in his hand and glowed for a brief moment. It wasn't exactly a big sword. It was a bit odd and had a rather well crafted ornate handle. The blade however was really interesting. The very air around it seemed to bend and fold making the sword look smaller than it really was. Then he tried to will the sword away the willed it back. Finally he moved his attention onto the guns.
"All right, now I can shoot people. Laugh at me will they? Heh, heh, heh."
Loki looked absolutely appalled at the very idea of someone getting shot.
"Easy there big fella, the only thing those guns shoot are blanks, shock, and plastic bullets. I can't have you going around killing people it would ruin my reputation it you shot someone on purpose."
Michael puzzled over that for a bit before raising an eyebrow at Loki.
"Just let me see if I have this straight. If someone slips on a banana peel cracks their neck and dies, you have no problem."
Loki nodded wondering where the kid was taking this.
"But if someone get shot and dies you have a problem with that?"
Again Loki nodded earning an incredulous look from Michael.
"Look the banana peel thing is a classic. I don't mind that because it's just a cause, the effect I have no control over."
Michael got an idea.
"So if I shot at someone with a funny intention and it happened to him them and they died it would be ok right?"
Loki vehemently shook his head.
"No, no that's completely different."
"How so?"
Loki's eyes bulged a bit as the gears in his head began to spin faster than ever before till one lug-nut and the whole works was shot to hell.
"Uh…. Er…. That is…. It just is so there."
Michael blinked at the logic of the answer and decided not to try and argue it.
"Mean so they end up dead so what, but guns are just mean. After all making someone laugh to death is an effect of the joke, but firing a bullet from a gun just isn't funny."
Suddenly Loki's face took on an evil gleam, and Michael felt decidedly nervous.
"Now then, if you want something funny, it's time for your training to begin. I'm going to make you laugh till you cry."
With that Loki began to laugh in a sickening manner never meant for mortal ears.
"BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA."
Michael watched the nut for a moment then began to back away trying to put a bit of distance between himself and the mental ward reject.
"Um How come you sound like the Joker when you do that?"
Loki stopped for a moment and regarded his heir.
"It's a gift."
Before Michael could put any significant distance between him and Loki the room went dark. Then in the total darkness, Loki's disembodied voice echoed from all around.
"And now it's time for your pain..... er..... training to begin."
Michael suddenly felt the urge to scream, but tried to resist it. He felt that if he did he would lose whatever it was that let this stay within the realm of being a dream, at least according to his mind. But then again, to hell with dignity.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh .......... mommy."
---------
(About one-hundred and fifty weeks later in Loki Time, or a week for the rest of us.)
In the basement of a mine in the lowest depths of one of the more disturbing places on earth..... or France whichever was closer. Michael, newly appointed heir to one of the more prominent tricksters in the history of man-kind, awoke in a daze of mirth and merriment. At last it came to him he had finally figured out one of the biggest mysteries life had to offer, and all it took was three years of torture to do so. Getting Zen in a bottle was never like this. The answer to it all was so simple. Life was just one big joke which you finally got when you died. It was so simple any moron could come up with it, then again maybe that's why no one did. It was just so simple, but at last he got it. The feeling he got from gaining said understanding was so liberating that he could almost burst out into laughter..... In fact. Why not?
"BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA. Just wait till the world gets a load of me. I think they just might die of laughter."
---------
(Meanwhile back in Loki's office.)
"Huh the boy's done. And it only took a week to re-make him into my image.... I must be slipping. Oh well old age catches up with everyone eventually I guess."
Loki leaned back in his chair and took a sip from a mysterious looking black bottle and began to ponder on his next problem, The kid's mascot thingy.
'Now the only thing is I have to give him that mascot thing. Maybe a skunk.... No I don't like the smell of that one.' (Somewhere in the distance a god of puns was struck by the Almighty.)
Loki looked at the screen that showed his apprentice's progression through the training. Right now Michael was chained to the tickling tree. Despite himself he had to begrudge the kid some respect for lasting this long. By now most people would have dropped dead with a sickening grin plastered on their faces. This kid was something else, the last time Loki had seen this kind of potential, the person had worn purple pants, and had a tendency to use laughing gas filled flowers.
'Hmm.... I wonder whatever happened to him.'
Somewhere on another plane of reality, a pale faced man sneezed.
"Harley could you hand me a hanky?"
Just then Loki had an idea, a terrible wonderful awful idea. Somewhere Skuld sneezed violently also having a terribly wonderful awful idea.
"A nine-tailed fox.... yes that would be absolutely perfect for him"
Loki's grin merely spread even further across his face. He watched as his heir walked into his office. The boy wasn't as big as he was before and if he was seeing correctly the boy looked like a slim tan version of the Ryu guy from that Street Fighter game. With his now spiky and stiff hair the kid looked like the perfect clown. By the end of Michael's training Loki had invested a lot of his time (about a week mortal time) and effort just to get the boy to finally see the boys potential coming to fruition. Now standing before Loki was a person he could relate to a person whose mind was well on its way to becoming like his own. It made him feel kind of proud, like a dad…. Almost. Michael still seemed to retain a moral code of sorts so he would only go for the low jokes.
'But just give the boy time that will be fixed soon enough.'
Coming out of his mental reflection Loki looked to the boy only to see that he wasn't in front of him any more. Suddenly he realized that Michael was behind him, but it was too late. Then Michael grabbed the waistband of Loki's briefs and pulled on them hard pulling the elastic almost over his head.
"Super-wedgie!"
As Loki reached behind him and tried to alleviate the new pain Michael struck him in the face with a pie.
"Pie to the face!"
The force of the pie pushed Loki back a bit as he moved his leg to attempt to regain his balance only to have him slip on some of the cream from the pie making him fall to the ground. As he looked up at Michael he realized one thing…. The student…. Had become the master. Loki's proud smile only increased a he watched Michael begin to chuckle that soon progressed into full blown wild laughter at a pitch so high that it could shatter glass.
"Heh heh HEH HEH HAHAHAHAHA BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Slowly Loki got to his feet, and brushed the dust from his person
"Well Michael it seems that you are ready fro your test to begin. Go now and make poppa proud."
Having said that Michael suddenly found himself plummeting threw the air towards some mist shrouded springs. Frantically he tried to shift his body to veer away from the springs below. But the spring grew closer and he wasn't moving away so he did the only thing that his racing mind could grasp at that point. Shoving his hands forward he did something that only someone who had spent enough time with Loki could/would do.
"DisSPELL!"
Suddenly with the direction of his fall interrupted he managed to change his course away from the cursed springs below….. And into a small wooden hut that was slowly being rebuilt.
"Oh Shi-"
The guide of the Cursed Training Grounds of Jusenkyo was knocked back by a shockwave the was caused by something falling from the sky and into his home. As he looked down into the hole in the ground that had been his home he suddenly heard a sickening laugh that chilled his bones to their very core. Then a figure rose from the rubble and set the guide skittering away from what he saw and felt. The man seemed to be of mixed descent dressed in black. He stood from the rubble and raised a defying fist to the heavens.
"Is that all you got you clown? I've gotten worse hits from you when you've sneezed."
At that a duffel bag fell from the heavens and smacked him in the face. Michael lied there a bit dazed and the stood back up and climbed out of the hole for the second time in less than a minute. Before he could come up with a witty retort for the Trickster god he heard the whip off wind that indicated something falling. Then there was a thunderous splash from one of the nearby pools. He looked over at the now frothing pool and slowly approached the water's edge beside the guide.
"Who spring is that?"
The guide looked at the newcomer strangely the began into his normal explanation.
"Ah sir that spring of drowned-"
Before the guide could finish the answer arose from the spring. It was a bouncy, beautiful, bedazzling, breathtaking, blonde, bronzed bombshell of a babe that stood before the two men. The only reason Michael could tell she was blonde was not due to her head. In fact the hair on her head was a mix of color streaks, seven of them in all, from white to black, with red and green put into the mix. It was what the girl said next that changed every bad thought he had about Loki into something warm, pink, light and fluffy. She girl looked at the two men before her and in a low voice that was barely audible she asked.
"Which one of you is Michael?"
Michael blinked a few times then turned his eyes up towards the heavens, as his brain began to exhibit signs of severe brain freeze.
"Loki, this is SO not funny."