Chapter 28: That's later, this is now
Varielle was asleep in bed, dreaming. Simarell watched over his little sister as he had when they were little and she was tucked into a corner of his room in the big house they shared. "S'alright," he said. She'd always had nightmares as a child.
She didn't hear him, whimpering, and then he realised her eyes were open, but she was still dreaming. He flinched in reflex, then reached out to wake her up. It didn't help.
Finally she shot upright in her bed, eyes wide open and staring at a point beside her bed.
"Varielle?" he asked nervously.
She held up a hand for silence while she appeared to listen before reaching out, then her hand fell limp and she looked bereft.
"What is it?"
She jumped. "Arell!"
"Varielle, what the hell just happened?"
She looked around, then started to fumble for her uniform while trying not to cry. "When did you come in?"
"About an hour ago. I wanted to make sure you were alright."
"Not really," she looked away. "I just got treated to a view of the future and got to see a lot of people dying. Then…" She took a deep breath. "You know how Jedi sometimes appear as ghosts?"
"Father…"
"Yeah. He told me to get moving - and stop mourning."
"Who was dying?"
"A lot of Daniel's friends."
"Where?"
"That's the problem. I don't know." She sat back on her bed. "But I know what to ask. Where's my other boot?"
"Under the bed." He fished it out. "Varielle, you've had how much sleep…"
She sat down abruptly. "I know. Believe me, I know. I can't keep up this pace much longer."
"You're seventeen, Varielle, you can't help everyone."
"I know, or our father would be alive now. I wasn't good enough to save him, Arell."
"Half a regiment might not have been good enough to save him."
"But it was my responsibility."
"No. Warning us was your responsibility."
"Maybe in writing, but not in any other way. No, I should have saved him. And my team, all of my team." She suddenly slumped. "Arell, why is it I can see hundreds of people I have never met being attacked in time to stop it, but I had only two seconds warning before things started going wrong for my father? Why can I save people I barely know, but not my friends? Is that really what it means to be a Jedi?" She started to cry softly into her hands.
"Hey," he sat awkwardly next to her and put an arm around her shoulders. "No, that's not what it means, or you wouldn't be doing it." "Yes, I would, and I'd hate it, but I'd do it anyway, and so would Father. Right now I wish I could become a doctor or a street sweeper or almost anything else but a Jedi…" He had no idea what to do except keep holding her until she stopped weeping; it took less than two minutes before she was taking deep breaths and reaching for the remaining boot. "I've got to work."
"Varielle, you can't do this to yourself and not pay."
She paused. "Yeah. But I'll pay later, and this is now." She ran her hands over her hair. "I've just remembered why I'm usually glad I don't get premonitions often."
Varielle was asleep in bed, dreaming. Simarell watched over his little sister as he had when they were little and she was tucked into a corner of his room in the big house they shared. "S'alright," he said. She'd always had nightmares as a child.
She didn't hear him, whimpering, and then he realised her eyes were open, but she was still dreaming. He flinched in reflex, then reached out to wake her up. It didn't help.
Finally she shot upright in her bed, eyes wide open and staring at a point beside her bed.
"Varielle?" he asked nervously.
She held up a hand for silence while she appeared to listen before reaching out, then her hand fell limp and she looked bereft.
"What is it?"
She jumped. "Arell!"
"Varielle, what the hell just happened?"
She looked around, then started to fumble for her uniform while trying not to cry. "When did you come in?"
"About an hour ago. I wanted to make sure you were alright."
"Not really," she looked away. "I just got treated to a view of the future and got to see a lot of people dying. Then…" She took a deep breath. "You know how Jedi sometimes appear as ghosts?"
"Father…"
"Yeah. He told me to get moving - and stop mourning."
"Who was dying?"
"A lot of Daniel's friends."
"Where?"
"That's the problem. I don't know." She sat back on her bed. "But I know what to ask. Where's my other boot?"
"Under the bed." He fished it out. "Varielle, you've had how much sleep…"
She sat down abruptly. "I know. Believe me, I know. I can't keep up this pace much longer."
"You're seventeen, Varielle, you can't help everyone."
"I know, or our father would be alive now. I wasn't good enough to save him, Arell."
"Half a regiment might not have been good enough to save him."
"But it was my responsibility."
"No. Warning us was your responsibility."
"Maybe in writing, but not in any other way. No, I should have saved him. And my team, all of my team." She suddenly slumped. "Arell, why is it I can see hundreds of people I have never met being attacked in time to stop it, but I had only two seconds warning before things started going wrong for my father? Why can I save people I barely know, but not my friends? Is that really what it means to be a Jedi?" She started to cry softly into her hands.
"Hey," he sat awkwardly next to her and put an arm around her shoulders. "No, that's not what it means, or you wouldn't be doing it." "Yes, I would, and I'd hate it, but I'd do it anyway, and so would Father. Right now I wish I could become a doctor or a street sweeper or almost anything else but a Jedi…" He had no idea what to do except keep holding her until she stopped weeping; it took less than two minutes before she was taking deep breaths and reaching for the remaining boot. "I've got to work."
"Varielle, you can't do this to yourself and not pay."
She paused. "Yeah. But I'll pay later, and this is now." She ran her hands over her hair. "I've just remembered why I'm usually glad I don't get premonitions often."