Chapter Thirteen: Shattered (Wyvern)
I was flowing along rivers... seeping into the sea and drifting across the ocean to an unknown destination... I had no body, no sensory feelings... just a knowledge I was heading somewhere important. Important got stressed in my mind and made me uneasy. I didn't like the sound of it at all...
Nearing land, familiar ground... Galbadia Garden loomed and I mentally recoiled from the sight.
No, not here!
I couldn't escape – some force was compelling me to the school I had grown to resent and truly hate, regardless of my cried of anguish.
I said I would never set foot in this place again, unless it was to burn it to the ground!
Useless. No-one is listening, or something isn't listening to me. I was pulled into the centre where the eerie yellow light glowed in the centre. I never liked that beam of light, or any of the extreme formality this place possessed. Even Esthar hadn't been that uptight. Really.
I began to wonder if this was the present, or a memory and worried whether I was alive or dead when I saw myself cross the expanse to go to another class.
I bitterly noticed that my back was unscarred and watched my face. I never realised how unhappy I looked here – my expression is so... morbid, I look as if I'm going to collapse from sheer sadness. The past version of me looked fearfully around as she walked with a quick gait, almost as if I was running away, no, trying to avoid someone. And I knew who it was right away.
Kaira.
I wasn't sure at first if the so called Gaia was Kaira – she did look and behave very differently. She changed her clothing to plain colours, from her old bright, vivid clothing and her hair had been cut – it used to be so long it would reach her waist, as well as being an unnatural blonde. Kaira was a bold girl, fearless in every respect. She also liked to exercise her belief that she was better than everyone without pity. Her target was me, being Estharian and not having many friends. She plagued me... and I let her get away with it after a while. No instructors were willing to put a stop to it, which broke my spirit pretty quick once I'd realised that there was no chance of getting help to prevent Kaira's attacks on me. Very rarely physical abuse, girls are much better at mental torture, destroying your self-confidence is far more rewarding in their eyes – there was a whole little gang Kaira had.
My mental self stirred – I didn't like this at all. I felt a disjointed part of me moan and shift and I began to realise that it must be my body, though I felt very disconnected from it – to me I was across the ocean from it, memory or not.
"Wyvern, you need to wake up now," the voice sounded so distorted and far away... I didn't recognise it. A thought started to form, an important one, more important than the memory that was fading before my sight and giving way to a light shining through my body's eyelids.
Seifer. Where are you?
The roar of blood in my ears made me aware I was in my body and my eyes fluttered, then finally opened to see a total stranger stare at me with a relieved expression on his face.
"Who are you?" I croaked, my voice a little raspy from disuse. How the hell long had I been out for? In fact, what was I doing before I went back to Galbadia Garden?...
My eyes trailed to the guy's brown ones. They looked kind of hurt, like I should remember him, or something.
"Ryden Fords, med student. I helped Doctor Kadowaki patch you up. You've been out for a few days," he explained and my eyes widened in disbelief.
"Days?" I repeated and the guy nodded.
"Yeah, that was a pretty nasty battle you were in," he told me and his eyes darkened slightly, as if he was remembering something.
"Where's Seifer?" I asked, my voice smoothing out to my usual tones and this Ryden guy became a little defensive, arms crossed and face stern.
"He's gone," he simply said and my brow creased with worry and confusion.
"Gone?" I must sound like a parrot, but I had to know the details, "Where's he gone? Why?" I added forcefully and pulled myself into a sitting position, battering Ryden away from helping me up, to which he looked upset about.
"He's gone, nothing more to say about it. Took off yesterday, he didn't tell anyone why – just left. Last I saw of him, he was out of control. A total hot wire, ready to pound anyone in his way," he said unemotionally and I frowned deeply.
"If he was going to pound anyone in his way, then why did he leave?" I reasoned, then I began to think, "... Unless... he must have realised what he was doing and left... oh, Hyne, why did he leave me?" I said mostly to myself. Ryden didn't seem to like what I was saying.
"Look, no-one knows where he is or where they can find him. Cid says once you two give an account of what happened, he'll be allowed to attend the exams, but if he isn't back for his exams, then that's it, he's out for good, no return ticket," Ryden tried to put me at ease, as if Seifer was some bogey monster I didn't need to be afraid of. Instead I began to panic and climbed out of bed, ignoring my stiff aching limbs.
"What?! No! I have to find him – the idiot! I have to bring him back, before he misses them! Oh, Hyne, the fool!" I worried my voice rising to a scream.
I left the Infirmary and Ryden ran after me, grabbed my arms and spun me around to face him in front of everyone in the Garden corridor. People eyes stared into my back, I could feel them.
"You are not in a fit state to leave, and even if you were, Cid had strictly forbidden anyone to leave the grounds without permission. I can assure you he isn't going to give you permission to find his least favourite student," he hissed and I yanked my arms out of his grip with a disgusted look on my face.
"Get away from me! I don't even know who you are!" I spat and stormed off to my quarters, feeling churned up inside.
Why did he go? Just to calm down? Where is he?!
I paced around frantically and decided I was going to follow him. I pulled out a Garden issue bag and shoved all my worldly possessions into it, which frankly wasn't a lot, unless you count SeeD clothes I was provided with and even then it was still pretty pathetic.
I felt stiff all over and sat down for a minute to rest up and think over what had happened... I had been in a battle... against Kaira. I faced up to her and paid the price. Wow, I even remember using my Fell Angel limit break to try and defeat her to no avail and I don't like using Fell Angel unless I have to – it reminds me of the past, but I was so consumed with getting revenge on Kaira, it still feels surreal. But Seifer had helped me at the last minute... he had protected me, cast the reflect spell on me. I would have been toast without him... I supposed he chose Kaira to be made toast over me, which strangely comforted me, knowing Seifer felt that way.
I didn't like Ryden at all – he seemed too insistent, like he was stalking me – it was freaking me out, handsome or not. There was a knock on the door and I paused, unsure whether to pretend I was out.
"I know you're in there, Wyvern. Please, I'm sorry, let me talk to you," I heard Ryden's voice from behind the door and I made a grinding noise in my throat before giving in.
"Fine," I said lamely and put on my best displeased expression as the door slid open to reveal Ryden with an apologetic expression.
"Wyvern, I'm sorry how forceful I behaved but... Seifer isn't the nicest guy to deal with from my experience. And you... seem like such a nice person," he said in a helpless tone, making me drop the displeased look and replace it with narrowed eyes.
"You don't know me," I retorted and Ryden set his jaw and shrugged as he stood in the middle of the room looking awkward, eyeing my packed bag with concern.
"Well, I saw you around Garden with him... and something about you just appeared to be like you are a lovely person," he slowly told me with a hurt expression.
I curled my lip slightly and frowned, a little disturbed that he had watched me without my knowledge.
"Well, I wasn't a very nice person, Ryden. Once, like Seifer, I was a bad person. But we changed – though apparently you can only see my change," I said offhandedly. I can't believe I'm even bothering myself with this guy – I don't know him, but something in the way he keeps going on about how great I am and how terrible Seifer is, is getting to me.
Ryden appeared to notice he was on the wrong tact and became a bit more understanding, slowly walking up to me with his hands spread as if he was imploring me to stop what I was doing. I guess he worked out that I was planning to leave.
"Wyvern, please don't leave – Cid would kick you out for subordination. He gave you a chance, he trusted you to turn out alright here and you're just going to go and show him that you don't give a damn bit of respect!" he heated up, getting impassioned by my plan.
I backed off and absorbed his words. What am I doing? Cid would be devastated that he trusted me and I just walked off into the sunset with no word, no nothing. For all he would know, I was a liar and I took Garden for a ride before pushing off. He probably thinks that about Seifer now, dammit.
I calmed down and sighed heavily, "Okay, okay I won't go running off right now, but I swear that if he doesn't come back a few days before his exams, I'll go out for him to kick his butt back here with no-one standing in my way," I said forcefully and crossed my arms dramatically, making Ryden look at me for moment before bursting out into laughter. I frowned for an instant before breaking into a giggle of my own – I could see the funny side and I think the two of us had built up so much tension in such a short amount of time that something had to give.
We laughed for a few minutes before I settled down and realised I was feeling a little light-headed. I sat down suddenly and Ryden became concerned and approached me.
"Are you alright?" he asked and I put a hand to my head and shook my head gently.
"Feel a little woozy," I said quietly and Ryden helped me stand and said decisively, "You're coming back to the Infirmary with me. Nobody gets out without Doctor Kadowaki taking a good look at you anyway. Come on." He led me out of my room and back to the Infirmary in silence – the world was kind of going a little rose-tinted dreamy anyway, my sight was a little out of focus. I slowly made it and climbed back into my bed next to Kaira, who looked in a bad way, her face burnt, but healing.
"Is she going to be okay?" I asked softly, my burst of strength finally giving out. Ryden looked over at Kaira sympathetically and nodded.
"We think she's making a slow, but steady progress and that hopefully she'll wake up soon. I'm afraid once the two of you are in good health, Cid will be after you to find out what happened," he carefully explained and I groaned and shook my head, then curled up into a ball while pulling the covers up to my chin.
"Oh, I don't want to deal with that – we were being idiots," I said in a whiny voice and fell silent, hoping Ryden would just leave me alone to think all this over.
If Kaira dies or something, it'll be all my fault. I... I remember feeling sorry for what I'd done before I passed out... I remember trying to help stem her bleeding back and she retaliated, but that was my fault as well – she thought I was attacking her.
Can't I do anything right?!
I lay on my side with my eyes closed and either Ryden thought I was asleep or got the message because he walked out of the room without another word.
When I was sure he was gone, I sat up and got out of bed then walked over to Kaira's bed with a sombre expression. She looked in a serious condition, but some would say she brought it upon herself... I mean, I didn't tell her to try and hit me with a Firaga spell, yet somehow in my head the blame and guilt is falling onto my shoulders – I can feel it sitting there, laughing and kicking me.
She's so prone and unprotected lying there in bed with such a blank expression instead of the cruel carved expressions of a psycho bullying bitch who tormented me for years. I still can't believe they're the same person.
I stood there watching her like some kind of protector standing over a charge, though I'm not fit in any way to guard her from anything - I don't think she'd particularly appreciate either if she found out, but I still watched over her, pulling up a chair and sitting in silence, thinking about all the times she'd hurt me. It got me thinking to when I became like her, my Fell Angel inside who liked to hurt others in any way she could. Huh, she – it was me, not some 'she'.
Kaira looks so peaceful – she did no harm here like she did at Galbadia Garden and Seifer never mentioned she was a bullying psycho... maybe she really had changed after all and I was too blind with rage to see it. How pathetic. Now the two of us paid for it with a visit to the Infirmary and it's me, all me.
She's like us – like me and Seifer; she did the crimes and now she's reformed and doing the time and I didn't see it.
With a deep sigh, I remained in my seat, but looked away from Kaira, not wanting to deal with her and my own tied up issues with one another and instead settled my thoughts uncomfortably on the issue of Seifer and his disappearing act.
He's gone and I don't know where.
And I want him back.
How sad, I said to myself I wouldn't start pining for some man or another, but here I am wondering where he is and wanting to go after him like some washerwoman. I'm not his keeper – I bet he'd be the first to spit that out at me.
I began to feel tired and slipped into a kind of restless slumber in the chair, still feeling the need to protect Kaira from any possible harm.
Seifer, where are you?