Hi! I'm animedeprived! I got the idea for this fic after I got a stange image in my head of Yugi in a Sherlock Holmes-style trench coat and hat. So, here it is! Please r&r!
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, though I wish I did because then I'd be so rich I could pay someone to go to school for me.
A thunderstorm is blowing full force outside the Kaiba mansion. Inside, Kaiba, Marik, Yami Bakura, Pegasus, Odion, Joey, Tristan, Tea, Yugi's grandpa, and Yugi have gathered in the drawing room. Yugi is the only one standing, and is pacing, wearing a Sherlock Holmes-type outfit. He has a pipe hanging from one corner of his mouth.
"Yooch knohw whi ah challecked yooch ahl herch toneech." Yugi says.
"What?" Kaiba asks.
Yugi pulls the pipe from his mouth and repeats angrily, "You know why I called you all here tonight!"
"Actually, no we don't."
Yugi blinks. "Oh. Well. Somebody killed Yami." He collects himself and yells, "And I'm going to find out who did it! It was SOMEONE in this room!"
"How do you know that?" Yami Bakura sneers. "You have no proof!"
"Are you kidding?" Yugi exclaims. He coughs slightly. "I mean, seriously. Everyone in this room had something against Yami. We all know that."
"WHAT!?"
"Oh, come on!" Yugi yells. "Marik and Yami Bakura are after his Millenium Puzzle and his power as Pharoh. Yami keeps defeating Kaiba in duels. Odion hates Yami because Marik hates Yami. Pegasus was defeated by Yami, lost his Millenium Eye, his three souls, three million dollars, and the title 'King of Games.'"
"Well, those guys are obvious, but what about the rest of us?" Tristan asks.
"Yami always called you stupid and made fun of your hairstyle."
"What about me?" Joey asks.
"You remember that time Yami put that spider in your hair?"
"Oh, yeah..."
"AND when he put a snake in your bed?"
"Yeah..."
"AND that time he locked you in a closet with Tea for and hour and a half?"
Joey shudders. "I'm still having nightmares from that one."
"AND when..."
"OKAY, I GET THE PICTURE! WILL YOU PLEASE MOVE ON NOW!"
"Why would I possibly want to hurt Yami?" Tea asks. "He was my friend."
"Yami said friendship was stupid and wrong and he tried to kill you every time you made one of your friendship speeches." Yugi says, adding to himself, And I don't blame him in the least.
"And me? Surely you aren't suggesting that your own grandfather would-"
"You had as much reason as anyone else in this room, Grandpa!" Yugi shouts. "You were jealous because I always spent time with Yami and talked to him about my problems instead of you! Even if he was the spirit of a 5,000 year old Pharoh, he was still more with the times than you ever were!"
"So, who did it?" Tea asks.
Yugi blushes. "Umm, well... I'm still working on that..."
"WHAT!?" Tristan shouts "You mean you drag us all here and make all these accusations and you don't even know who did it!?"
"Keep your pants on, Spike!" Yugi yells. "Let me think for a second and I'll tell you who the murderer is!!"
Yugi sticks his pipe back in his mouth and puffs on it.
Nothing comes out.
Yugi tries again, blowing harder.
Still nothing.
Yugi grabs his pipe with both hands and blows as hard as he can.
...and he blew...
...and he blew...
...and he started turning blue...
...and he blew...
...now he's purple...
...and he blew...
...now he's passed out on the floor...
...still blowing...
When Yugi regains conciousness, he yanks the pipe from his mouth and gasps for breath.
"Must be empty."
Yugi pulls a bottle of bubble mix from his pocket and pours some into the pipe. He puts the pipe back in his mouth and blows again.
Nothing happens.
"You stupid, cheap, piece of crap pipe!!" Yugi yells. "I should have known not to go to that stupid, second-rate discount store!"
"Um, Yug, didn't you get that from your grandpa's store?"
"Yeah. Remind me never to shop there again. That place sucks!" Yugi turns the pipe upside down and looks into the bowl.
Kaiba's house begins to shake and a deep rumbling is heard. The sudden quake stops as a miniature Niagra Falls worth of bubble mix gushes out of the pipe and lands in Yugi's eyes.
"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY EYES!!!!!!!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!!!!! GET IT OUT GET IT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Everyone else is laughing so hard they're crying. Most of them can't stand up, much less help Yugi (not like they want to anyway). Even Kaiba is cracking up. Marik is rolling around on the floor, laughing; Odion following his example. Pegasus laughs so hard his chair falls over.
Yugi runs to the nearest sink, puts his head underneath the faucet and turns the water on. The steaming water pours into Yugi's open eyes.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! HOT HOT HOT!!!!!!!! MY EYES ARE ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yugi turns the handle in the other direction. The steam vanishes.
"Ahhhhhh..... That's better.... OW! OW!"
The water from the faucet gets so cold that ice cubes starts pouring out.
Yugi sits up, trying to blink, but he can't because of the two huge ice cubes lodged in his eyes (yes, I am trying to blind him but it's not working).
Yugi sighs and smacks himself in the back of the head. The ice pops out.
Back in the drawing room, everyone is still laughing, except Tea, who rushes over immediately to make sure Yugi's ok.
"All right, you can stop laughing any time now... get away from me, evil friendship demon! I'll tell you who did it whenever you all calm down."
Finally, an hour later, the laughter has subsided to a few sudden outbursts of individual giggling.
Yugi continues. "I have deduced the identity of the murderer. It was in fact" (pause for dramatic effect) "TEA!"
Everyone looks at Tea, who is facing the wall.
"Heh. Heh. Heh... Heh. Heh." Tea laughs evilly. She turns toward everyone. Her eyes are huge and bloodshot. A dark shadow crosses her face. Her voice is cold and gravelly.
"Yes, it was I. I did it! I murdered Yami. He kept making fun of my friendship speeches!"
Yugi turns around. "All right, Odion. You can stop controlling Tea now."
A drop of sweat appears on the back of Odion's head as he stares at the Millenium Rod in his hands.
"Umm...ahhhh...HE told me to!" Odion says quickly, pointing at Marik.
"Y-yeah, w-well...HE paid me to do it!" Marik yells, pointing at Pegasus. "And I was really, really drunk. And high."
"I? I did nothing. The old man gave ME the money."
"Well, I got it from Joey."
"Tristan beat me up and made me take it."
"Yami Bakura threatened to lock my soul in the Shadow Realm for all eternity."
"I got the money from Kaiba, which wasn't really necessary. I got to kill my nemesis. What more could I ask for?"
"So why didn't YOU do it?"
"Because if I kill Yami, the Puzzle will grow dormant and stay that way until a new Host appears. Its magic would become useless. I have to win it in a Duel. Sucks."
"Kaiba?"
"Yugi told me to have Yami killed or he would tell everyone how he made me dance in the streets in my underwear after he beat me in a Duel."
For a minute, the only sounds are some soft thunder from the passing storm and some crickets. Then:
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..... "
Three hours later....
"HAHAHA!...HAHA!...HA!"
"Ok, if we're all-"
"HA!"
"DONE! Yugi?"
"Ok, I admit it! I hated Yami! He was ALWAYS there! He never left me alone! He read my mind so much I couldn't tell which were his thoughts and which were mine! He always took over my body right before a Duel! Do you know how long it's been since I Dueled!? I'M GLAD HE'S DEAD!!!!"
"Who's dead?" Yami asks, entering the drawing room. "What are you guys doing here? I've been looking all over for you."
"Y-you're alive!!" Yugi stutters. "H-how!!! I saw you earlier! You were lying on the floor in my room, eyes closed, not breathing! You were dead!!"
"Newsflash, kid, I DON'T NEED TO BREATHE! I'M ALREADY DEAD!!!!! I was just sleeping. I mean, I'm a freaking 5,000 year old spirit locked in a stupid impossible to solve jigsaw Puzzle!! What makes you think there's any fresh air in that thing?"
"B-but....but.....B-but....but...." Yugi stammers, unable to finish.
"Yeah, whatever, kid. Hey, anybody wanna Duel me?"