Peyton was more than disappointed in herself. In fact, if it was physically possible to beat the crap out of herself she would have done it. Instead, she did what she normally did - took the keys to her car and went driving. She had no destination in mind, she just needed to get away. She couldn't believe she had forgotten the day. She had spent the last nine years honoring that day, and this year, she was laughing and joking with Jake, when she should have been thinking of her mom. Forgetting the anniversary of her mother's death was the worst thing she had ever done. Peyton had never felt so selfish and evil in all her life – and that included fooling around with her best friend's boyfriend. She was a bad person – a bad daughter, a bad friend, just all around bad. She didn't even have the courage to go to the gravesite to apologize to her mom for forgetting. She felt too awful. After driving around for most of the day Peyton found herself outside a bar. She went inside to have a drink. She didn't care that alcohol was the last thing she needed, it was the only place she was sure she wouldn't run into anyone she knew. It seemed like a great place to hide.

She drank herself silly. A few guys tried some lame pick up lines on her, but she didn't need to use any of her sarcastic retorts to get them to buzz off, one glare seemed to do the trick. Peyton did shot after shot, hoping that each one would erase the guilt and pain she felt. She was moderately successful, the searing pain deteriorated into a dull ache. At two am, she got in a cab and went home to her empty house. She passed a picture of her mom in the hallway on the way to her room, and the pounding pain came right back. Luckily she had drank enough to put her to sleep almost immediately.

Peyton didn't get out of bed the next day until almost three in the afternoon. Her head hurt as much as her heart. There was a message from her dad that he wouldn't be home until the next day, something about a storm delay. Peyton couldn't decide if she was relieved or sad. She didn't want to have to tell him that she had forgotten about the anniversary, but on the other hand, she could really use a hug from him right now. She was only up for a few hours before she went back to bed. Her head and her stomach were on strike. The only thing she managed to do was go back to the bar to pick up her car. She was acutely aware that she needed to have her best cheerleader face on the next morning at school.

She managed to avoid Lucas and Brooke most of the morning. Both of them knew her too well, and her fake happy face was tenuous at best. Chances are they'd see right through it and she wasn't ready to explain or share. Jake found her at lunch time behind the school with her sketch pad.

"Missed you yesterday," Jake said as he took a seat beside her on the ground.

"What?" she looked up distractedly.

"I thought we had plans for yesterday afternoon," Jake explained.

"Ya, I was busy. Sorry," she said offhandedly, concentrating on her strip.

"I thought that was due today?" he asked.

"It is. Which is why I came out here to finish it...alone." She finally looked at him.

"Is everything OK Peyton?"

"It's fine." She immediately replied. "Look, I really need to finish this and I can't miss any classes today so if you don't mind..."

"Sure. I'll call you later."

"Whatever." She went back to her drawing.

Jake left her alone as she asked. He was more than confused by her actions. As far as he knew, when she left his place on Friday she was fine. He had been a little hurt she didn't call on Sunday but he hadn't worried. Seeing her today made him wish he had called her. He ran into Lucas in the hallway before class.

"Luke, have you talked to Peyton today?" Jake asked.

"Haven't seen her since Thursday, why?"

"Well, I just saw her outside a minute ago, and she was "

"Peyton is normally standoffish. What makes today any different?" Luke joked.

"Today was different, trust me. I was just wondering if you knew anything?"

Luke thought about it for a minute and then he realized what it was. "Her mom died around this time of year. Maybe it's the anniversary?" Lucas suggested.

"How do you know that?"

"Long story. Just give her some space and she'll come around. Peyton has to deal with things in her own way." Luke said.

Jake knew that. In fact, he probably knew it better than Lucas did. She liked to avoid things and she hated to talk about herself, but he was pretty sure that deep down she was dying for someone to ask "how are you" and mean it. He loved the fact that she was a mystery, not because it made her a challenge but because it made her interesting. And he loved the smile that played across her face when she was with his daughter. He so badly wanted one of those smiles to be for him someday. Jake had figured out early on that Peyton didn't trust easily. Some days he thought that the only person she really trusted was Jenny, and that was probably because Jenny couldn't talk. No chance of her secrets being spilled or uncomfortable questions being asked. He also knew that he wanted her...all of her. Jake was a patient man. Even water would wear down a stone given enough time.

By some miracle, Peyton managed to get her strip submitted on time. It wasn't her best work, but it would do. When she got home, her dad was there. He gave her a big hug and apologized profusely for not being there on Friday. He asked how she was doing, and before she even realized it she was lying through her teeth.

"Did you go to the gravesite without me?" her dad asked with a soft smile.

"I went Friday night. Jake came with me. He didn't want me to be alone." Peyton lied. It wasn't a total untruth. Had she told Jake what the day was, he would have been there in a heartbeat. She couldn't admit to her dad that she had forgotten the anniversary. It was more out of her own shame than fear of reprimand.

"Pey, I'm so proud of you. I know how hard it is for you to open up to someone new." Her dad praised.

Her guilt grew in multiples. "Had to happen sometime right?" she half joked.

"Do you have plans tonight?" Her dad asked.

"Actually I said I'd babysit for Jenny. Jake has basketball practice." Another lie. The guys did have practice but after blowing Jake off at school that day, she wasn't sure he would even talk to her. She didn't have plans to babysit, but she did want to get out of the house without telling her dad why.

"OK. Well, if you are going to be out, I think I'll stop by the café and say hi to Karen. Don't be out too late."

"I won't."

It was still light out, so she went to the park to do some thinking and sketching. Peyton wasn't having a lot of luck in the drawing area, but her brain was working over time in the thinking. Jake saw her sitting there, on a bench, staring out into space as he was driving home. He couldn't help but stop.

"Hey," he said as he walked up, hands in his coat pockets, hair still wet from his post practice shower.

"Hi." She replied. He instantly knew that she wasn't ready to talk.

"So...I was going to pick up some food to take home. Wanna join me?" Jake asked.

"Not really hungy."

"OK." He said and sat down beside her. They didn't say anything for a long time.

"I thought you were getting food." Peyton finally said.

"Thought you could use the company." He responded.

"I don't want to talk Jake."

"Didn't say anything about talking." He didn't push.

"What do you want from me?" she asked, her voice rising an octave.

"Nothing Pey. I don't want anything from you. I'm just here, OK?" He said softly.

They sat in silence again. He reached out slowly and took her hand in his. His gaze didn't wander from the tree in front of them they were both intently staring at. Peyton let him hold her hand. It was comforting and she like it. As soon as she realized that, she took her hand away. She didn't feel like she deserved to be comforted. She clasped her hands together in her own lap. Jake didn't say a word. He sat there with her for half an hour.

"Why are you here?" She finally asked dragging her gaze from the non-descript tree.

"Because that's what friends do. They sit with each other so neither one of them has to be alone." He explained.

"Maybe I deserve to be alone." Peyton whispered. Jake wanted to immediately jump in and reassure her, but he knew that would only cause her to clam up or get defensive, so he sat quietly, waiting for what she would say next. "My mom died nine years ago Friday." She continued some time later. He remained quietly beside her. "And I forgot." One tear fell down her cheek. Jake reached out and brushed it away, still saying nothing. Peyton looked at him and was surprised by what she saw. There was no pity, or sympathy in his eyes. He simply looked at her the way he always did. "What do you say to that?" She wanted some sort of reaction. She wanted him to yell at her and tell her how awful she was, and how she should be ashamed of herself.

"It's OK." Was all he said.

"No it's not." She shot back.

"Why?"

"Because, I'm an awful person, that's why. What kind of daughter forgets the day her mother died?"

"I'm not going to come down on you Peyton, you've done that to yourself already. Like I said, I'm just here." He squeezed her hand.

"What is wrong with you?" Her voice was rising again. Jake knew she was trying to get a rise out of him, so that she could push him away. He wouldn't take the bait.

"It's OK Peyton." He repeated.

"Seriously dude, what is your malfunction?" She said louder, shaking away his hand and standing up, hand on her hips.

"It won't work Peyton. You can't make me go away." He said calmly.

"Why do you even want to be here?"

"Because I care about you."

"Even now that you know what a horrible person I am?"

"You are not a horrible person."

"I stole my best friend's boyfriend." She pointed out.

"So?"

"I forgot about my mom."

"No, you didn't. You might have forgotten the anniversary, but you haven't forgotten her. Look, I didn't know your mom, but I do know that if something ever happened to me, the only thing I would want is for Jenny to remember how to smile again. And on Friday, with us, you were smiling. Just because you enjoyed yourself on the anniversary of your mom's death doesn't make you a bad person. She would want you to be happy...especially on the anniversary. It doesn't mean that you were happy she was gone, it just meant that you were happy. It's OK to be happy Pey. She would want that for you."

"You are right, you don't know my mom." Peyton said.

Jake wanted her to cry, to let it all out. He knew she needed a release. "But I do know you." To Jake's surprise she sat back down. She even put her head on his shoulder. He simply put his arm around her and they sat like that for a little while longer. She then wordlessly got up, went to her car, and drove home.

He didn't expect a great out pouring of emotion or explanation from her. Jake knew that wasn't her way. All he wanted was for Peyton to know that he was there for her whether she needed to talk, or just sit in silence. He wanted her to know she wasn't alone. Peyton went home and started drawing again. The picture that wouldn't come in the park suddenly flew onto the page. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew it was because of Jake. Peyton wasn't sure how he did it, but his silent comfort brought a small measure of peace to her. She couldn't figure out if he did it on purpose or if that was just him. Either way she was grateful. And for a brief moment, she could almost forgive herself.

A/N so does it make me a total dork that I am really happy with this chapter? Rhetorical question, of course it does. Thank you again for the reviews. Working on the next chapter as we speak. Less than three weeks until season premiere! Yay. Thoughts/Suggestions? always Carys