Disclaimer dood thing ah whatever you get the gist
I don't own anything. I don't think I even own my own sanity. It runs down the hall screaming bloody murder sometimes. I try to ignore it, it makes such a dreadful racket, it does.
I was inspired to write more on this topic by someone who was inspired by me. Huh. We're on a roll here!
I'm not sure whether or not this could be classified as angst, but if it doesn't, bug me. The sooner I get corrected and this is in the right section, the better off we all are.
This could work on its own, but it works best as a companion to "Lose Thy Self". It takes place after it happened, at an inn, when Colette still hasn't recovered her soul yet. She still retains a bit of her somewhat sarcastic tone in this fic.
I think that's it. So!
Something...strange filled the air.
I couldn't recognize the scent. It had a mix of something burning, but not quite, something melting...
I walked toward it. I felt the need to investigate.
The little half-elf boy was fussing in front of an oven, where the smells where coming from. He turned, noticing me. I was examining some cooking utensils that lay on the counter.
"Hello, Colette." He called out cheerfully. I turned. The name...clicked in my head. It was mine. Since when I don't know. Since now. No one's argued yet.
"They're about done," he opened the oven door, carefully taking out a tray. "Don't touch them, okay, Colette? They might burn you or something."
I looked at the tray's contents. Cookies? Yes, I think that was what they were called.
"Quit staring at 'em. You're not getting any if you hover over them too long."
The swordsman in red entered, obviously following the scent of the cookies.
"Oooh! Can I have one?" he asked his friend, reaching for one.
"No!" the little half-elf slapped his friend's hand with a ladle. "Everyone seems to swarm around my cookies today! Even her!" he pointed the ladle at me.
The swordsman looked at me with quiet interest. I looked at the cookies with quiet longing.
"Hey," he whispered, nudging his friend. "I think she wants one."
Please don't talk as if I'm not in this room, okay? I can hear you perfectly well even without my painfully-sharp hearing. I hear you sing a mile off key when you take showers, and when you snore I can't think straight. We don't need a night watch, just stick a microphone near your mouth. That'll scare all the monsters away.
The half-elf scoffed at the idea. "Her? She hasn't eaten a thing since she lost her soul. She wouldn't...start...now..." he must of saw the look on my face as I ogled the cookies.
"Let's test it out," the swordsman piped brightly, waving one gently under my nose.
How...dare you...mock me...with that...tantalizing treat!
I gawked at it as he waved it out of reach.
"See, she wants one," he placed it back on the tray, where it sat among its chocolaty brethren.
"Well...okay. If she wants it, you might as well give it to her."
I chose the one that seemed the best. But...now that I had it, I didn't know what to do.
I held out my hand, with the cookie in it, out to the swordsman. He'd know, shouldn't he? I wasn't sure if I was supposed to eat it or not.
"What's she doing?" he asked his friend, who was busy with a new bowl of batter.
"You dolt," the little boy fwapped him on the head with a spatula. "Don't you get it? She's offering you a piece!"
The red swordsman reached for it hesitantly, looking at me questioningly. I somehow managed to nod.
He split it in half and gobbled his. I took a bite timidly, watching him lick his fingers with a content smile.
"So...how was it?" the half-elf boy inquired.
"Like a bite out of heaven," the swordsman drooled.
"Flattery won't get you another one," the half-elf snorted, dumping some sugar into his batter. The swordsman reached for some of it, but he got another smack with another kitchen utensil.
"Hands off! You could get salmonella poisoning."
"I don't care about some stupid salmon-jelly poisoning. Gimme some."
I slipped out quietly as the two argued. I didn't feel very comfortable all of a sudden.
I went outside to get some fresh air, which seemed to help a bit. The wind blew, but the only way I could really tell was because the trees waved. The wind seemed to blithely ignore me, or was it I refused to notice it?
I thought about today's events. Why did I want something to eat? Like that little boy said, I haven't eaten a thing for ages. Why would I start now? And what exactly made me feel so odd?
My stomach gently (well, gently isn't the best way to describe it...) reminded me that I couldn't keep anything down for the moment and rejected its contents.
Gruesome...okay, no more eating for a while...
I wandered about, not really caring about where I was going. Besides having a terrible stomachache, I didn't feel well. Walking helped me forget about it.
A faint whine got my attention. A dog was waiting outside a meat shop, its tongue flopping. I approached it, making enough noise to let it know of my presence without being distracting. It ran up to me, wagging its tail.
Hello. How are you doing today?
Before I realized what I was doing, I was on my knees, petting the canine. I shivered slightly. It wasn't the dog that scared me...it was what I was doing. I wasn't supposed to act like this. I was a shell that wasn't supposed to be interacting, much less notice the thing. I tore myself away from it and dashed away. I'm not myself anymore!
What do you mean, "I'm not myself anymore"? You're just some clueless being that's been residing in this body until its true owner returns. You are meant to preserve it so it does not die. That's your only purpose. You have no identity. Stop pretending to be someone you're not.
"There you are, Colette!" the red swordsman panted, catching up to me. "I was getting worried about you."
The name "Colette" didn't click anymore. It wasn't mine. It never was, never will be. I was selfish and stupid to ever think it was.
"It's not like you to dash off like that. What's wrong?"
I'm not Colette, you dimwit. But, if you want, I can take a message and I'll get it to her as soon as possible.
I walked away from him.
"Colette?"
Stop calling me that...
He placed a hand on my shoulder. "Will you be okay?"
My wings flared and I turned on him. I told you, I'm not Colette! I don't know who I am, but I know for sure I'm not her. I won't replace her, because I know my existence is only temporary. When she'll come back, or if she comes back at all, I don't know. And what will happen to me, I can only pray. Just...just...go away!
He backed up a few steps, too scared to do anything else.
Something stung my eyes. I tried to get it out, but it felt...wet.
"Colette, don't cry. I'm here. Don't cry!"
He held me, tears falling down his face. I couldn't really grasp the reason why he cried, or why I was.
It's all his stupid necklace's fault! Ever since, I'm becoming more and more like the person I used to be, and yet the person I never was. I tried to take it off once more.
He stopped me, like the last time. , don't kill yourself. Stay with me."
How nice. You care.
He doesn't care about you. He cares about Colette. Not you, you stupid, no-nothing fill-in.
I gave in, wanting to fade away. I was the only thing standing between him and his dear. I didn't want to be. My life had no meaning. It was theirs that did.
Who am I...?
Author's notes, and what:
I'm halfway through writing this when I suddenly realize "she" has no name. Be a dear and give her one.
I know I said that I wouldn't write any sequels to Lose Thy Self unless I was really bored. Turns out, I'm not bored at all, but the Synns told me they'd do some very painful things to me with common household appliances if I didn't write. I think I might have scissor-phobia, because I practically wrote two hundred miles an hour on this.
Remember the drill! Read, review, and make me and the Synns happy campers. Especially the Synns.