For the next five months, things were relatively crisis free for everyone. Peyton and Jake had fallen into a pattern that they both enjoyed. A lot of their time was spent with Jenny which Peyton loved, and when they found the time, they went to movies, or parties, or just spent quiet time together. Nathan and Haley seemed to be doing remarkably well, almost to the point where everyone stopped questioning their decision to get married. It appeared that they really were meant to be together. Lucas and Peyton had talked about it one night with Lucas even admitting that he was a little jealous of their relationship. It wasn't that he was harboring any kind of secret crush on Haley, but just seeing how in love they were, well, it made a him long for something like that in his life. Peyton and Jake were no where near that, but that suited Peyton just fine. She wasn't sure if she was really ready for the love of her life just yet. She liked the fact that Jake was someone she could be quiet with. She felt safe with him, and comfortable, and his kisses did something to her stomach – and in her mind, that was enough for now.
The beginning of May signalled the winding down of the basketball season. It was time for playoffs to start, and the Raven's had had another undefeated season, mostly due to the exploits of the now nearly inseparable Scott brothers. It had gotten to the point that people from neighboring towns came out to the games just to see them play. The rumblings had started about possible NBA futures and the college scouts were starting to show up fairly regularly to check them out. The rest of the team took their psuedo superstar team mates in stride. Despite the fact that Nathan and Lucas got a lot of attention from the outside, they were still the same guys on and off the court they had always been – understanding that they were part of a team, not the center of it. Peyton was ready for cheerleading to be over with for the year, feeling as she did every year at this time – that basketball season was too long and she wanted to other things with her free time then spend it in the gym working on cheers. Jake was entirely unaffected by the pressure of playoffs. His approach to basketball was different than most of his team mates. It was important to him, but having Jenny had really rearranged his priorities and he looked at basketball as a fun diversion. He didn't stress it.
The guys were having a last minute practice before their first playoff game so Brooke, Haley and Peyton decided to hit a club together. It was a girl bonding night to offset all the male bonding that had been going on. After a night of dancing the girls stopped off at a coffee shop, not ready to go home yet.
"So Tutor girl, are the rumors true?" Brooke asked as they sat down.
"Which rumors are those? It's so hard to keep up." After their marriage the rumors had run rampant. Haley was pregnant was the obvious one, and it had progressed from there. Every time her and Nathan had a disagreement there were divorce rumblings, as well as other less savory insinuations.
"About Duke?" Brooke elaborated.
"If you are asking if the scout talked to Nathan, then yes. Apparently they are interested."
"How do you feel about it?" Peyton asked.
"Duke is fine with me. To be honest I still haven't figured out what I want to do. Maybe teach, or law, or..." she drifted off.
"I can't believe that Tutor Girl does not have her whole life planned out. How unorganized of you," Brooke teased.
"Hey, I got married at sixteen – I think that proves that I can be spontaneous." Haley shot back.
Peyton laughed at that. The psuedo bickering that went on between Brooke and Haley was their favorite mode of communication. Neither one of them took the barbs or jabs seriously. It was all done in good fun.
"What about you Brooke? What college are you looking at?" Haley asked.
"Haven't really thought about it. Probably the most expensive one I can find. No better way to punish the parental units that spending butt loads of their money."
"A la Van Wilder?" Peyton suggested. The girls had rented the movie one night when the boys were stuck at basketball practice.
"Yep. Would serve them right," Brooke replied. "What about you mopey?"
"Me? I'm not mopey," Peyton said.
"Not so much anymore, ever since Jake came into the picture. What is the scoop there Sawyer?" Haley asked.
"We're hanging out. No marriage plans yet Hales. Don't worry, you still hold the exclusive on that. I don't know. Maybe art school? Somewhere fabulous like New York." Peyton replied.
"New York would be fabulous. Isn't there an expensive school there?" Brooke wondered out loud.
"I'm sure Columbia has a pretty steep tuition." Haley offered.
"You do know you need good grades to get in there right Brooke?" Peyton teased.
"Details." She waved her hand. "I may not have the best GPA but I'd certainly be the most entertaining interview they had," Brooke grinned flashing her dimples.
"Brooke, I highly doubt flirting would get you into Columbia," Haley teased.
"Don't underestimate flirting Tutor Girl. It's a universal currency." Brooke shot back.
"So how many more games have the guys got?" Peyton asked.
"Nathan says if they go all the way we've got another six weeks of basketball. That would take them to state."
"Six weeks?" That seemed like an eternity to Peyton.
"So is it my imagination or has Nikki been pretty scarce lately?" Haley asked, changing the subject. Haley knew that Peyton was getting tired of cheerleading and she also knew that Brooke didn't understand. She was trying to ward off a confrontation.
"You aren't imagining it. Nikki has blown off her last three scheduled visits with Jenny. She always has some legitimate excuse but Jake is starting to get a little frustrated with her. I think he's just scared that she might abandon Jenny again. As much as Nikki is a pain in the ass, she is still Jenny's mom and she's getting to the age where she recognizes that Nikki isn't around." Peyton explained.
"What is Jake going to do?" Haley asked.
"I don't know. Right now he just reports to the court appointed supervisor every time Nikki is a no show. His lawyer says if she keeps this up, he could get full custody without having to go back to court. Nikki is still on probation."
"That's good news right?" Brooke asked, attempting to take part in the discussion.
"No Nikki?" Peyton said. "Ya, it's great. Can't say that I miss her."
"So what is the scoop now with you and Jake? It's been like, what? Six months?" Haley asked.
Peyton hadn't really thought about it that much. She couldn't really remember a time when Jake hadn't been around, but six months seemed like such a long time. She mentally calculated it in her head. "I guess so. It's been since Christmas break, so...ya. Wow, that's like some kind of record for me." Peyton admitted.
"You were with Nathan longer than that." Brooke stated bluntly. Peyton shot her a look. They tried to keep the Nathan/Peyton references to a minimum with Haley around. "Well, you were." Brooke said petulantly. She was never one to mince words.
"This is different." Peyton said.
"Because it's more than sex?" Brooke pushed on.
"Brooke, were you missing the day they handed out the tact gene?" Peyton asked.
"Probably. Tutor girl is fine with this, I mean she married the guy knowing his past history. I don't see why we have to tip toe around it."
"She's right Pey, it doesn't bother me." Haley reassured Peyton. In actuality, Peyton was glad they had veered off the topic of her and Jake. It felt safer to talk about Nathan and Haley.
"So how are things with Dan and Nate?" Peyton asked, knowing that would keep the discussion off her.
"Tense, strained, uncomfortable, so pretty much business as usual." Haley smiled. "That whole better person thing didn't last long did it?" Peyton replied.
"Not really. I'm kinda glad though. I did not know how to handle Dan when he was being all nice and normal. I like it much better now that we have gone back to hating and avoiding him." Haley said with a laugh.
The girls finally decided that they were ready to go home and went their separate ways. Peyton's dad was out on a job but she was looking forward to going home to a quiet house. She wanted some time alone to think.
When she pulled up to the house she saw that Jake was waiting for her on the front step.
"What are you doing here?" she asked as she unlocked the front door.
"Just wanted to see you. My mom is at home with Jenny and I knew your dad was out of town. I just thought you might like some company." Jake smiled.
"You do know that for years before you were around I stayed by myself all the time." Peyton pointed out.
"I know, but now you have me, so you don't have to be alone."
"Maybe I like being alone?" Peyton knew she was trying to pick a fight but she couldn't stop herself.
"What's wrong Pey?" Jake asked.
"Nothing. Can't I just have a night by myself?" She shot back.
"Absolutely. And I might even buy that if you hadn't spent the night with the girls," Jake said, without any sarcasm. "What's really wrong."
"Nothing." She sighed. "I'm just ready for cheerleading to be over." Peyton replied.
Jake knew she was lying – or at least trying to divert his attention. He quickly contemplated whether to push her or not. He decided against it. "I could throw the game if you want? Make the season end faster?" He teased.
"Really?" She mocked. "You'd do that for me?"
"Pey, I'd do anything for you." He replied seriously.
"Anything?" She replied.
"Name it," he said.
"Go home." She answered. "It's not you, really. I just want a quiet night alone. I'll call you tomorrow?"
"Sure." He acquiesced. Sometimes she just needed a little time in her own head to sort things out. Jake knew that eventually she would tell him what was bothering her, or it would blow over. He kissed her on the cheek and left her alone with her thoughts.
The Ravens fared better than the previous season, but still lost out in the semi finals. Before anyone even realized it, Nathan and Haley were celebrating their first anniversary – shocking most of the town even more than their actual nuptuals did. Brooke decided to throw and end of the year/anniversary bash at her parents beach house. Nathan, Luke, Jake, Haley, Peyton and Brooke spent the day wakeboarding and the evening drinking and hanging out.
Peyton was out by the bonfire when Luke came to find her.
"Hey you," he said as he sat down beside her. She was the only one still outside.
"Luke, hey. So I hear congratulations are in order." Peyton replied.
"Congratulations?" Luke was momentarily confused. "Oh," it dawned on him, "about Duke. Thanks."
"So you and Nate and Haley are heading off to Durham, huh?"
"It would appear so."
"Aren't you excited?" Peyton asked.
"Sometimes it's weird – like I'm always the third wheel." Lucas admitted.
"What does that mean?"
"Well, it's just...ah forget it. I'm getting a little melancholy tonight. So how are things with Jake?" Luke asked, changing the subject.
"The judge should rule about custody in the next couple of weeks. Considering Nikki has been a no show for the last two months, it's pretty much guaranteed he'll get full custody."
"That's not what I meant," Lucas replied. "How are things with you and Jake?"
"Fine. Why do you ask?" Peyton wasn't about to offer anything.
"No reason." They sat in silence for a few minutes. "Are you happy Pey?"
"You really weren't kidding about the melancholy thing, huh?" Peyton smiled.
"Do you ever wonder if Haley and Nathan set the bar too high for the rest of us?" Lucas asked.
"What does that mean?"
"Think about it. They dated for what? Four months? They just knew they were meant to be together forever and they got married. You and Jake have been together for seven months and I don't see you running down the aisle."
"I'm not Haley." Peyton pointed out.
"I just wonder if I'll ever find anyone who gets me like they get each other." Lucas pondered.
"You will. She's out there Luke." Peyton reassured him.
"You know, I thought I found her once, but..." he trailed off.
"You aren't referring to me, are you?"
"What if I was?"
"Don't go there Luke." Peyton warned.
"What went wrong with us Pey?"
"First of all, there was never an us...there was almost an us, but never an actual us." Peyton pointed out.
"But maybe..."
"No maybe, I'm with Jake."
"And he makes you happy? He gets you?" Lucas asked. "Like I did?"
"It's different." Peyton replied.
"Do you love him?" Luke asked softly.
"I don't know. I like being with him. And that's enough for now."
"He loves you." Luke pointed out.
"Ah..." Peyton stammered.
"He does. He told me." Lucas admitted. "But you don't love him, do you?" he looked her straight in the face.
"I am not having this conversation with you Luke. You've had a few drinks and..."
"Answer the question Peyton. Do you love Jake? Tell me." He interrupted her.
Peyton didn't answer him but didn't break his gaze either. "I don't have to tell you anything." She replied through gritted teeth.
"How about me?" A voice came from behind her. She whipped her head around to find Jake standing there. Lucas at least had the decency to look contrite. He wordlessly got up and left the two of them alone. Jake dug his hands into his pockets and waited for Peyton to answer.
"How long have you been there," she asked quietly.
"Long enough." He stood for a few more seconds before taking a seat beside her.
Peyton clasped her hands in her lap, staring intently at her fingernails, trying to figure out what to say. "Jake..."
"Look, ideally I didn't want Lucas to be the one to tell you how I felt, but now that it's out there...well...I love you Peyton." Jake said. Peyton didn't respond right away. She had no idea what to say. "I don't expect you to say it back...just promise me you won't freak out. OK?" Jake lifted her chin so that she was looking at him. "With all the shit that has gone on the last year with Nikki this should have been the worst year of my life, but it hasn't been. And you are the reason for that. Having you in my life...well it's the best thing that has happened to me since Jenny." He admitted.
"Don't say that Jake." Peyton replied.
"Why not? It's true."
"I thought we were just having a good time."
"We are Peyton. But somewhere along the line, I fell in love with you."
"Don't..." Peyton warned.
Jake reached out and threaded one hand in her hair, his palm against her cheek. He leaned in and kissed her. When they broke away, he leaned his forehead against hers. "I love you Peyton Sawyer." He whispered.
Peyton always had butterflies in her stomach when Jake kissed her, but this time, they were beating their wings so hard she thought she might throw up. Her flee response kicked in full bore and she jumped up. "I can't do this Jake. I don't love you." She said matter of factly. "I'm sorry." And she ran away.
A/N - thank you SO much for all the reveiws. Please let me know your thoughts/suggestions. always - carys