Better End of the Deal

Disclaimer: Oh, come ON. Like you really think I own TT.

Pairing: Implied Slade x Robin. Other than that, none.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Semi-AU. Terra never turned into stone, and now that Slade is gone, is once again a Teen Titan. Early one morning, she and Robin have a talk about their ex-"master".

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She yawned and stretched lazily, the top of the gold and blue pajamas she wore riding up to expose a small portion of her stomach. Rubbing her eye sleepily, she trudged into the kitchen, stomach growling furiously. Upon reaching her destination, she quickly made her way to the fridge and opened it, peering inside as she licked her lips eagerly.

Eggs, meat… something that's probably alive… tofu… yuck! She closed the fridge in disgust, sighing in defeat. She reminded herself to tell the others to go shopping, or to simply go herself before she walked over to the cabinet and opened it, pulling out a box of cereal. She held it to her ear and shook, groaning as the only sound she heard was the faint shaking of crumbs. Come on!

She put the cereal box in the trash can and stormed back over to the fridge, opening it again and looking around, determined. But she saw nothing, and hung her head in dismay, cursing under her breath. She closed the fridge and turned, walking over to the cabinet again and pulling out the bread. She checked to make sure it was alright, and breathed a sigh of relief as she found that it was. Toast!

She busied herself making four pieces of toast, pulling out the butter and a butter knife after she had put it in the toaster. However, as soon as she set the items down on the counter, the toaster began to shake violently and eventually exploded, ruining both a spot on the table and her toast.

"You have got to be kidding me!" She huffed, trying her best to keep her voice down as not to wake her team mates. "All I want is some breakfast!"

"Need some help?"

She jumped, surprised, and whirled around to see Robin, already dressed and looking amused. His hands were on his hips, a smirk playing at his lips and she blushed, turning back to the renegade toaster. Glaring at it, she then looked back at him, laughing nervously as she rubbed the back of her head in embarrassment.

"Uh… yeah? Heh heh…" She bit her lip as he walked over, frowning at the soft snicker he emitted upon looking at the toaster. "What's so funny?!"

"Nothing!" He said, laughter in his voice, as he walked over to the fridge and opened it, looking inside. He frowned to himself, furrowing his brow, his mask casting dark shadows over the lower portion of his face. "Un… we really need to go grocery shopping. Make a note of that, would you, Terra?"

She nodded absent-mindedly as she narrowly avoided a piece of toast that the toaster spewed out in a feeble attempt to live. It flew over and hit the ground by Robin's feet, and the boy wonder looked down at it, and then back at her, quirking a brow. Terra laughed nervously.

"How about them toasters, eh?"

Robin smirked and turned away, heading over toward the cabinets to resurrect the task that she had buried only moments before. She watched as he did so, biting her lip.

Robin was always so cool, so confident… She could not help but envy him. Sure, the boy wonder had a temper, and was as stubborn as a mule, but those traits were easily looked past. She frowned in thought, staring down at her hand. She could remember when she hadn't been able to control that hand, for Slade had been controlling it for her, and this thought brought her back to the thought of her nightmares. It sent a cold chill down her spine and she quickly averted her gaze to the kitchen ceiling.

Ah, yes, the nightmares. Nightmares in which she was still under Slade's control, where she was running from him just as she had run from all of her other problems, but could not escape. Of course, she had told no one; a few simple nightmares never killed anyone after all…

But they wouldn't stop…

She looked at Robin again, watching as the boy opened a container over something and sniffed, his face turning blue soon after. He quickly threw the container away, and Terra sighed, taking a seat.

Robin was Slade's apprentice once, too, she thought, chewing on the inside of her cheek. Maybe… maybe I can talk to him about it…

It seemed like a good idea, and as the leader of the Teen Titans examined something that looked to be a frozen muskrat, she spoke, softly.

"Hey, Robin?"

"Yeah?"

She paused, hesitant. "…can I talk to you about something?"

He did not turn, his back still facing her, but she saw him nod. He continued looking. "Sure, Terra, what's up?"

Unsure of how to continue, she was silent for a moment. Should she just come out and ask, or be a bit more subtle? Eventually, she spoke again, voice just loud enough to reach his ears. "…it's about Slade…"

Abruptly, his search stopped mid-way, hand still inside of the cabinet. She saw him tense, body going rigid, however slight it may have been, and winced. There was a short silence before he turned his head, just enough to look at her out of the corner of his eye. She still could not see his face.

"…go on."

She shifted uncomfortably, her gaze dropping to the table. "Well… you… I mean, you were his apprentice once too, right?" Her only answer was silence, and she took that as a yes. "…did you… um… ever have… you know, nightmares?"

Now she could see his face. He had turned around all the way, expression blank.

"…every night."

Her eyes widened in surprise, and he walked over to the table. He did not sit down, crossing his arms over his chest. Even though his eyes were covered with his mask, she could hear the understanding in his voice when he spoke again.

"…are you having nightmares, Terra?"

His words were soft, and knowing and she immediately felt at ease. Robin understood her; he knew how Slade was first hand, and if there was anyone she could talk to, it was him. Swallowing hard, she nodded stiffly, her eyes dropping back down to the table.

"…yeah," she said quietly. "…I haven't been getting much sleep because of them."

He had sat down while she'd been talking, resting his arms on the table. He was staring at her, and she imagined behind that mask of his, his eyes were soft. He leaned forward a bit.

"Tell me about them."

She paused, taking a deep breath. She then leaned forward as well, though she did not look at him, still feeling a bit nervous. "Well, it's like… what if you guys had never helped me? What if I had been stuck with Slade? What if I'd stayed his apprentice, under his control, unable to help myself forever? I dream about that. And sometimes, I'm running and trying to escape him… I don't know where I'm trying to go -- maybe Titan Tower? -- but I can't get there, and all the other places I try to hide aren't safe. He's just… always there and I can't get away and it's so… it's so scary…" She trembled, the memories of the nightmares that haunted her sleep flying back to her. The darkness, his voice, her never-ending fear…

She felt something on her arm, and jumped a bit, looking down. It was Robin's hand, she realized, touching her gingerly and when she looked at him, his expression was sympathetic… but knowing.

"It's okay," he assured her softly. "…I know what it's like."

Never in her life had any words meant so much…

She hung her head, blonde hair obscuring her face from view. No matter how comforting his words were, or how much he understood… it didn't take the fear away. It was still there, along with the humiliation she felt for letting herself be so easily controlled. She closed her eyes tightly, fighting back the dark memories of her nightmares, and the frightening sound of Slade's voice in her ear. Robin gripped her arm a bit harder, and she quickly opened her eyes to look at him.

"Hey, it's alright," he said, his voice a bit lighter now, a weak smile on his face. "You're safe now, okay? Slade's never going to control you again."

She paused, wanting so much to believe him. "Never…?"

He squeezed her arm reassuringly. "Never."

She smiled faintly and nodded, pushing a strand of her hair out of her eyes after she'd done so. Her expression was grateful, and she felt as if the entire world had just been lifted off of her shoulders. Suddenly, she wasn't so afraid.

"Thank, Robin," she breathed, her smile widening. "You're really great, you know? Even though the others sometimes say so, you're really nothing like Slade--"

She stopped short, suddenly wondering if she should regret what she'd just said. Robin's face was blank again, and he released her arm, his hand once again resting on the table. She fidgeted nervously and dropped her gaze.

"I'm so--"

"I wish you were right."

She blinked, confused. "Huh?"

The boy wonder did not respond, staring down at his hands. His expression was distant and she immediately knew that he was thinking about Slade and his time as the evil genius' apprentice. She saw him wince, just slightly, and her eyes widened.

She wondered… just what had he really been through?

"…Robin?"

"Huh?" He looked up, snapping back into reality, to see Terra regarding him with a worried expression. He forced a smile. "Ah, sorry. Got a little side-tracked."

"…what did he do to you?"

Robin looked surprised by the question, and Terra leaned in closer, both eager yet afraid to find out. He frowned, his brow furrowing and it was obvious that he was glad that his mask was still on, hiding any emotions he was feeling that may have shown in his eyes. He did not respond, simply stared at her and she blushed.

"…uh… sorry," she leaned back, away from him, mentally smacking herself for her stupidity. "I mean… I shouldn't of asked; that's your business--"

"What did he do to you?"

"Eh?"

She blinked at him, confused again and Robin repeated himself. "What did he do to you? Slade? I'll tell you if you tell me."

So, it's a kind of trade… Terra thought. Or… the kind of thing normal teenagers do. If you tell me a secret, I'll tell you one. Seems fair…

"Well," she started, once again embarrassed. "I mean, before, it was okay. I was his apprentice, and he taught me how to control my powers. Sometimes, he was even nice to me… But then… when I could beat you guys, he…"

Robin's face was expressionless, his voice flat. "Got violent."

"Yeah." She sighed, and rubbed her arm. "I mean, even before that, he was really creepy, you know. When I led Beast Boy out of there, he was every where, just like in my nightmares. I couldn't escape him…"

"I know the feeling," said Robin with a nod, and she could tell he really did know the feeling all too well.

"I was… afraid, you know? When he hit me, I could tell he wasn't playing around because he really hit me, and… he just wouldn't stop. And then he started to control the suit, and I couldn't stop him and he just… took over. There was nothing I could do, and for a moment, I was afraid that it'd be like that forever…"

"Is that all?" His voice was gentle, though she thought she heard a hint of envy there.

"Yeah, that's all…" She trailed off, before looking at him again. "So… what'd he do to you?"

His face was still blank, and he shrugged a bit. "…it wasn't much different, I guess, sometimes."

"Sometimes?"

He was silent for a moment, obviously somewhat hesitant to respond. "…not that what you went through wasn't awful… it was, Terra, I'm not saying it wasn't. But… I guess between you and I, you got the better end of the deal. And you should be glad. I guess I kind of am, since we're friends. Better me than you."

She frowned. "What do you mean?" She tilted her head, her eyes softening. "…what happened? Why was what happened to me so much better? How did I get the better end of the deal?"

"He never fucked you."

And there it was, finally out in the open, blunt and honest. Robin's expression was still blank, and to someone who did not know him, almost bored. But Terra saw past it, though barely, and saw a small piece of the hurt he felt. She was shocked to say the least, her eyes wide, mouth hanging open.

"Oh, my God," she rasped, disgust flickering over her features. "He… he…"

"Yeah," mumbled Robin. "He did."

Terra remained silent, at a loss for words. Of course, she knew Slade had had an odd obsession with the boy wonder… Robin had always been the main priority, always the name at the top of his list. Robin, the perfect apprentice and, with the right training, the perfect killer. Even when she had worked for Slade, when the evil genius had looked at her, she'd been able to see the faintest hint if disappointment in his eyes.

'Why can't you be Robin?' She imagined he'd been thinking, now that she knew just what he'd done to the young crime-fighter. The thought sickened her… Robin, who always appeared so strong and confident, so arrogant and cool… someone had actually broken past all of his defenses, and ruined him in a way as horrible as that. And who else but his arch-nemesis, his former master, Slade?

"Robin," she whispered, the pity welling up inside of her at a rapid pace. She reached out to touch him. "I'm so sorry…"

He flinched away from her touch, his frown deepening. "It's nothing," he assured blandly. "I mean, it will never happen again. Even if Slade isn't gone, I won't let it happen again." His voice was determined with an edge to it, but she could distantly hear the shame hiding behind the hard front. "I won't."

She pulled her hand back and nodded. "…I know you won't. But… Robin… it wasn't 'nothing'… What Slade did--"

"It's in the past now, and I can't change it," he interrupted, speaking over her, as if he were trying to convince himself instead of the girl before him. "There's nothing left to do but move on; just move on and keep moving on."

He stood, pushing himself away from the table abruptly, and turned away. She watched him do so, frowning as he started to walk away. Hurriedly, she called out,

"Where are you going?"

"Out," he grunted, pausing at the doorway. He glanced over his shoulder at her. "And Terra?"

"Yeah?"

"…I'm sorry you had to go through what you went through with Slade. You can talk to me anytime you need someone to listen, okay? …I'm here."

She nodded, smiling gratefully. "I know…" She paused, and then added, "And so am I. Remember that."

A weak, crooked smile passed over his lips before he waved and turned, walking out. She watched him go silently, breathing a small sigh before she stood and walked back over to the cabinet, resuming her search. Suddenly, her own nightmares seemed silly and insignificant…

I really did get the better end of the deal…