Chapter 3

Maybe I was too harsh on her. She was hurt, upset, I guess she wasn't thinking straight. There's this really odd, queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that I just can't shake. What is it? Guilt, pity, I don't know. That last comment did make her storm off crying after all.

I shouldn't even be worrying about this, I mean, it's not exactly my fault is it? I wasn't the one who made her cry, Seifer was, and that's definitely any of my business. She was the one who asked me to dance, she was the one who wouldn't take no for an answer. I had no part in this. I didn't know about her and Seifer, if I had, I would never have accepted the offer of the dance, if only to avoid all this trouble. I just wanted the whole night to be an uneventful affair, with nobody bothering me, or even trying to talk with me, so I could just get on with being a SeeD. Why do things never work out the way you want them to?

Why can't life ever be simple?

"Squall?"

And here comes yet another complication.

"Do you always have to go looking for trouble with Seifer?"

Quistis. What's she doing here? It's graduation night, she should be with the other instructors giving endless dull speeches, and getting drunk on the free champagne. Why does she always want to talk to me?

"Squall?"

"No, instructor." I kept it brief, hoping that she would leave me alone.

"Well, you certainly managed it tonight." I could tell she was trying to goad me into a conversation.

"Yes, instructor."

"Squall, what's wrong," she sighed. "Tonight, I saw you dance with somebody you didn't even know, but you can't even bear to talk to me?"

She just didn't get it, did she? She's my instructor and it's just plain awkward. It seems like she's always trying to make friends with me, and it's just plain awkward. She's not like this with any of her other students, and I don't understand why I'm singled out for all of the attention. The only other student she seems to try and spend time with is Seifer, and that's in the detention room.

"Squall, answer me."

"You're an instructor and I'm your student." It was the kindest reply I could think of.

"You know, I was like that myself once." Here we go again. She'll try to tell me that, really, I'm not that different than she was, and that she understands me. I've heard it all before. "I'm sorry, I completely forgot. I came here to give you an order."

An order?

After graduation?

I had to admit, I was curious. This was unusual to say the least. What could she possibly want to give me an order for now? The exam's over, and from tomorrow, I'm a SeeD.

"You and I are to go to the secret area."

What?

Why would she want to go there? That's where all the couples go after dark, or where people go to talk where there's no danger of the Garden faculty hearing them. Unless she was going there to catch some unsuspecting students for detention, but then, that didn't make sense. It's not one of an instructor's jobs.

"Are we going to tell everyone that they're violating curfew, because if that's the case, leave it to the disciplinary committee."

"Please, Squall. Just meet me there, okay? This will be my final order."

Final order.

What did she mean by that?

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I was feeling fairly suspicious when I entered the training centre. It's
not as if this is unusual for me. I come here regularly, especially at night time when it was free from training classes, and to be honest, it was free from other students as well. Outside of class, I only come here when I know I'm going to be alone. Not that that's strictly allowed of course, you're only supposed to come here if you've got a training partner or you're in a larger group. Nobody's ever noticed that I come here alone, or if they have, they haven't said anything about it. I prefer to be alone anyway. I wouldn't want to come here with anybody else.

I guess that's why this feels strange. I've never agreed to meet anybody in here before, and I've certainly never been anywhere near the secret area. That's not exactly my kind of thing.

Maybe that's why I feel like I really don't want to be here. Or maybe it's because I've got no idea what Quistis is going to say, and I'm not even sure if I really want to hear it.

What can I do about it, though? I've never disobeyed a direct order in my life, and I'm not about to start now, when I've finally been promoted to a SeeD. I won't do anything to jeopardise that. If that means going to the secret area and talking to her, then that's what I have to do.

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As soon as I walked into the secret area, I saw Quistis leaning against the balcony, looking down towards the ground. The resident couples were looking at her suspiciously, wondering whether she was going to report them to the committee no doubt, but they must have decided that, as she was out of uniform they might be in luck, and they might as well stay.

I walked over to join Quistis on the balcony and prayed that this wouldn't take long.

"Thank you for coming, Squall," she sighed, staring wistfully into the distance. "I haven't been here for a while."

Is that what she brought me here for? To make small talk?

"What time is it?" she asked me. I checked my watch.

"Just after midnight."

"Well, that's it then. I, Quistis Trepe, am no longer an instructor as of now."

What?

"I'm an ordinary member of SeeD now, just like you. Who knows, maybe we'll end up working together."

I don't understand. Why is she telling me this? If she was fired from her post as an instructor, what does that have to do with me? It's none of my business and I never asked it to be.

"Aren't you going to say anything?"

"If that's how it was decided by it, you have to abide by it." She turned away, looking a little hurt by this, but what did she expect. If she wants sympathy, then I'm not the person to come to, she knows that.

"They told me that I failed as an instructor, that I lacked leadership qualities."

This was starting to get awkward. I don't know what to say, I mean, it's not as if I don't feel sorry for her, she really did put a lot of effort into her job, but there's nothing I can do to make her situation any easier. It's just pointless.

"I got my instructor's licence at seventeen, I've only had it a year. Where did I go wrong?"

Why is she putting me through this? Doesn't she understand? There's nothing I can do.

"Are you done yet? What am I supposed to say about other people's problems?" I almost regretted these words as soon as they came tumbling out of my mouth. They were harsh, stinging words, but if somebody pushes me hard enough, then I just can't help but speak my mind.

"I'm not asking you to say anything, Squall. I just want you to listen." She looked up as she said this, and it was then that I noticed the red, blotchy circles around her eyes. She's been crying.

Fantastic. Just when I thought my evening couldn't get any worse…

"Then go talk to a wall." I couldn't stop myself from shouting this. I'd had enough. She just doesn't seem to understand that she's the only person that can get herself out of this situation, she shouldn't go turning to me to help. Not that I could anyway, even if I did want to.

"Aren't there times when you want to talk, to share your feelings with someone?"

Is this just some kind of joke? Does she know me at all or has losing her instructor's licence sent her crazy?

"Everybody has to take care of themselves. I don't want to carry anyone's burden."

That was it. I just couldn't tolerate any more conversations with upset women. What did they want from me anyway? It is better off to be alone, to take care of yourself. In the end, everybody else will leave, you'll just end up on your own, and you'll end up getting hurt. My way is much easier.

"Squall."

I can't possibly take any more of this. She's not an instructor now, she's not my superior, and she can't order me to say.

It's time to leave.