(I've seriously lost track of how many edits this has gotten.)

She woke to the early morning sunlight and was content, momentarily, to remain thoughtless and motionless against him. As the previous few days' stress seeped into her semi-conscious mind, though, Sakura grimaced and reluctantly retracted her arm from across his chest. True to form, Gaara watched her stretch, eyes as clear as if the concept of sleep had never crossed his mind, expression somewhere between pensive and pained.

"Are . . . you all right?" She reached out towards his face.

He caught her hand before it found its destination and nodded. After a second's thought, he placed it on his chest. "You dreamt?"

After a second, she understood. He can't sleep . . . so he can't dream. "I think so. I don't remember much of it, though."

"Tell me?"

She looked away. "Training, I think. We were on the practice field. Us, and Lee and Naruto too." And I'd turned from your arms to see how much Lee was upset by us being together. And his pain hurt me.

"Dedicated . . ." The corner of his mouth twitched and he sat up, twisting first one way, then the next, until it sounded like he'd popped every vertebrae at least twice.

That'd be kind of upsetting, if he wasn't so fun to watch, Inner Sakura commented.

To cover up any leer that may have surfaced, she asked him the first thing on her mind. "How do you do it? The not sleeping thing, I mean. How does that work?"

He blinked at her, then sank back into the bed, propping himself up with an elbow. "I don't think about it anymore. Thinking about how much I wanted sleep was bad enough. If I thought about how I couldn't . . ." His hand intercepted hers again; acting on orders from Inner Sakura, it'd been was reaching for his stomach. "I'd just want it that much more. And thinking about why I couldn't sleep would just be . . . unpleasant. So I learned not to think about it at all."

If he stays there for just a few seconds longer, I'll be brave enough to kiss him. Sakura rubbed her tongue against a molar, the roof of her mouth. Well, maybe after I brush my teeth I'll be brave enough.

He squeezed her fingers and let go, sliding out from under the blanket that tangled around their legs. "I have to go back today. We're taking the offensive to Sound, for their part in the uprising. Before I leave, though, I need to talk to the Hokage. She knows as well as we do that there's a chance we'll flush Orochimaru out of hiding, and I was allowed to come here under the condition that I ask her if she had any requests for him."

For the Kazekage to accept let alone seek out Tsunade's input in dealing with Orochimaru speaks well for the alliance. You two did well at helping mend fences, apparently. "I have to meet Gai-sensei and the others at seven for training, then we have a mission. Nothing major." She sat up and frowned, picked imaginary lint off of the blanket. "Then I have to come home and . . . start going through things."

He didn't look at her. If anything, he seemed uneasy. "I'm sorry."

She tried to shrug it off, speaking almost to convince herself. "It's a part of life. Don't be."

The floor was cold under her bare feet. Her funeral dress had dripped a puddle onto the bathroom floor from where she'd hung it over the shower curtain's rod. Sakura reached for her toothbrush, but paused as she touched it. One for her. One for Gaara, that her mother had bought after the second time she'd found him keeping her sleeping daughter company on the living room floor. And one for her mother, who would never be coming back to use it.

Loss is a part of a ninja's life.

But that doesn't mean I have to like it, have to breeze on through as if nothing touches me. I just have to keep moving.

Gaara reached under her arm for his shirt, then turned his back to her to button it. She shot a confused look in his direction, a look that he didn't see, before turning her attention back to the sink. Please let me at least get through the basics before I have to deal with anything else. By the time she was done with her teeth he was done with his sandals, and she left the bathroom to him in order to go in search of her own clothing.

Inner Sakura seemed amused by her dash to dress as neatly yet as quickly as possible. You haven't been this worried about looking nice for someone since Sasuke was still . . . well, close to normal.

Shut up, you. This is different.

Gaara met her in the hallway, gourd in place. She stopped in front of him, suddenly shy, then looked up with a faint smile. "The shirt . . . it suits you. I never told you."

He nodded. His hand reached out, then fell back. "I wanted to apologize for last night."

Inner Sakura perked. For scalding me almost to death? It's about time!

"It's okay. You had the best intentions in mind, so –"

"I was curious."

She blinked. "What?"

"I was curious. I wanted to know how it felt. I shouldn't have kissed you."

Her mouth opened and shut in wordless denial.

On its second trip away from his body, his hand found hers, pulled it away from her side. "You're . . . my friend. And I don't want to do anything that would jeopardize that." His head sank. "Forgive me."

Curious. A toy. Nothing else.

I don't believe you!

Pain made her want to lash out. The words were past her lips before she had a chance to think them over. "I would think that you, of all people, would know better than to use someone else to experiment on."

Both hurt and acceptance flickered across his features before fading to the hard mask she had seen the night before. "I won't let it happen again."

ooo

The outside air was chilled enough to bite at her lungs. In the street, before they parted, he caught her wrist and spoke carefully, cautiously. "When I return . . . May I still see you?"

She looked down, then closed her eyes, biting her lip. "Friends do."

"Is it still possible for things to be the same between us?"

Never. She shook her head. "I don't know."

He sighed and tugged on her wrist as he stepped to her. She buried her face against his chest as his arms went around her, as her arms went around him.

An hour ago, things were perfect. Mentally replaying events, though, she noticed things she should have seen before. His stopping her touch. His turning his back to her to dress. His not looking at her.

He stayed in my bed, holding onto his doubts . . . I didn't imagine the way he touched me! I didn't!

Sasuke was easier to deal with. Sasuke just ran cold and cold, and cold some more. It was expected to be that way.

I refuse the truth of this. This is not right.

Something akin to anger twisted in her stomach. Let me just wake up again.

"Give me time," he whispered against her hair.

This is your decision. You have no right to sound upset by it.

I should never have let you close to me.

She nodded. He squeezed her, then was gone, marching resolutely towards Tsunade's quarters.

Breathe, she told herself. With her exhalation, overtaxed emotion washed away. Cold was good, she decided. Simpler.

Down the street was a familiar face, a face that she hadn't seen outside since her chuunin exam. Flanked by a small thicket of ANBU, Sasuke smirked and jerked his chin upwards, indicating that he recognized her presence.

What the hell is he doing out?

ooo

The day, it seemed, would only keep getting better. If she seemed overly morose, her teammates and instructor relegated it to the funeral the day before.

Idiot. Idiot. You knew nothing good could come of it. You let this happen.

Gai struck a pose. In her current mood she found it unbearable. Naruto looked no more amused than she. To her right, though, Lee snapped to attention, round eyes wide and gleaming with adoration.

"Today's mission, my wonderful young students, may require your finely honed fighting skills!"

"Yes, Gai-sensei!"

Naruto grunted. Sakura picked dirt out from under her fingernail.

"And to be warmed up and ready in this delightfully brisk weather, after we do our exercises we will spar!"

Pushups did nothing to dampen a growing self-resentment. She pushed herself through their run, refusing to let her teammates pull ahead of her. And when the kicks she did against the training post hurt her foot, she gritted her teeth and kicked harder.

Not good enough.

Five hundred kicks? I'll do five hundred more after the mission.

Gai watched her from the corner of his eye but said nothing until everyone was through.

"All right! Lee, you're up first to spar!"

"Yes, Gai-sensei!" His fist hit his chest. Sakura watched him, finding his enthusiasm strangely endearing.

So dedicated. Weird, sometimes, but dedicated.

She looked back to her instructor to see him glance past her and to Naruto, obviously wanting to put his two best students together. She'd seen it before. Then Gai would work with her, or after Lee and Naruto were done they'd work with her, and none of them would push her in quite the same way they pushed each other.

Not good enough.

She stepped forward. "I'll go, too."

If Lee sensed the edge to her, he gave no indication as he smiled and settled into his stance. The smile was what did it, she decided later.

I am not here to be blown off.

After the first flurry of blows, Lee backed away, the smile shifting from one he'd normally give her to one of considering satisfaction.

She sneered, attacked again. Blocking one of his roundhouse kicks with her already battered shin made her hiss. Before he could plant his foot, she was moving in, the knuckles from her fist grazing his hair as he almost put himself in the dust trying to avoid her strike.

An approving noise came from Gai's direction, a muffled cackle from Naruto's.

Not good enough.

Lee ducked under her heel, then swung. She met his fist with her elbow.

Don't relegate me to a piece of scenery.

Not good enough?

She saw her opening, took it, and connected solidly with Lee's jaw. He staggered back, hand to his face, shock brightening into impressed joy.

Behind her, Naruto gave a low whistle.

Fuck you, I am good enough!

She didn't turn to look. "Gai-sensei?"

"Yes, Sakura?"

"I need you to make me stronger."

ooo

The mission was uneventful, but the promises of accelerated training she had gotten from Gai made it fly by. Determined to not be fazed by her duty, she ripped through the things in the house that no one would return to use. Clothing went into one pile, personal items into another. She threw out the toothbrush. Slowly, though, sentimentality overcame her. She sat on her mother's bed, going through pictures, until darkfall.

Alive, I must move on.

The night air of the training field was chilly enough to whiten her breath. After the first few hundred kicks, though, she was warm enough to not feel the cold.

Five hundred, each leg.

By the time she was done, her shins were bleeding. Panting, she glared at the training post as if it had committed a personal offense.

Lee emerged from the shadows. "You're really serious about this, aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"That's great! I always thought I'd be the only person out here at this time of night training. Now I don't have to do it alone!" He grinned, flashed her a thumbs-up.

Why not.

"Lee, you're a really great person. Did anyone ever tell you that?"

He fidgeted. "Other than Gai-sensei? I can't think of anyone off of the top of my head, so I don't know . . ."

Her smile turned to a scowl as she examined her shin. That'll look ugly in the morning . . .

"Sakura, your legs!"

"Yeah." She shrugged dismissively. A shower would be nice . . . but I'm not sure that I want to get back in there yet. "I guess it happens."

Lee knelt beside her, pulling a roll of bandages from a pocket.

She poked at his shoulder. "Hey, don't worry about it. After all, I didn't try to bandage your face this morning!"

He grinned up at her. "No, you didn't."

"I'll go get it cleaned up in a little bit. Like I said, don't worry about it."

"But –"

"Don't worry about it."

He stood. "If you insist."

Sakura looked down and sighed. This had been way too long of a day.

"Are you all right?"

She shook her head.

Arms went around her shoulders, pulling her in to a green surface that smelled like dust and the results of hard work, that smelled purely of Lee.

No blood on this one.

"Sakura . . . Is there anything I can do to help?"

Nothing lost.

It's my choice, he said. He wants me to want him, he said. I'd love to. I'd love to be able to love him.

She searched his expression before standing on her toes to press her lips against his.

It's not the same.

His mouth opened against hers with all of the shaky, exuberant grace of a month-old puppy.

It won't be the same.

She kissed him back as his hand clenched against her shoulder, as the other tangled in her hair.

But it will be better. It has to be.

Because she didn't think she could feel any worse.

ooo

Pushing herself gave her an outlet for the sadness and anger that burned bright for the next few days. Bettering herself made her feel better about herself. Her shins scabbed and peeled, but a near-empty jar of medicinal cream she found in her mother's room insured that she didn't scar. Impressed by her determination, Gai did indeed throw her training into high gear. Soon, her hands needed the same treatment. Lee was there to bandage her carefully, devotedly, pressing lips against her fingertips.

At Gai's suggestion, Sakura started running more in the mornings. She was surprised, but not overtly so, when Naruto started showing up to run with her. He even gave her a jar of Hinata's medical cream as they walked through the street to cool down.

"Thanks, Naruto."

"Thank Hinata next time you see her. She makes this stuff all the time. I think she thinks I'm accident-prone."

Sakura laughed, stretched to try and relieve the stitch in her side. "How are you guys doing, anyway?"

"Great. It's actually kinda scary, you know?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, I think this is it."

"That doesn't sound too great."

His hand went to the back of his head and he grinned self-consciously. "No, really. I think I'm in love."

She stopped short, blinked at him. Did he just say –

"It's kinda weird. I wasn't sure about her when I made Gaara ask her to go out with me, but I figured I had nothing to lose. I mean, you were seeing Lee and all. Plus you're you, and you're kinda mean."

The jar in her hand made a satisfying thunk as it connected with his skull.

"See what I mean?"

She stopped twitching, jaw unclenching as she relaxed, then grinned back into laughing blue eyes.

"But . . . How do you know, Naruto?"

He was quiet for a moment, thinking. "I don't, really. But she's great to be around. Comfortable, you know? Like I could tell her anything. She smells great. She cooks ramen for me. We can talk, we can be quiet, it doesn't matter." A grin he had to have picked up from Jiraya spread across his face. "And you wouldn't believe this thing she can do with her –"

Thunk!

Damn it, I think I cracked the thing that time. She examined the jar with a frown. No, that's just a blond hair.

From the dirt at her feet, Naruto gave an odd whine. She reached down and grabbed his jacket to help haul him to his feet . . . to the sound of a very familiar voice.

"Taken down by her, now, Naruto? You're even more worthless than I thought."

Naruto shook his head to clear it, then glared. "They left the cage door open, Sasuke?"

Sasuke smirked at them, pulling a hand from his pocket to gesture to the five ANBU around him. "My cage moves now. As long as I'm a good boy, I can have some time to walk outside."

"Don't know why they'd do that."

"I'm stabilizing, being a better person. Stuff like that. Ask Tsunade."

"I'll be sure to ask her what the hell she was thinking."

Sasuke gave a strange, low chuckle, then turned to her. "Sakura. You didn't come and talk to me the last time I asked."

She gritted her teeth, hand clenching around the jar. "The time I talked to you before that, you saw fit to call me a whore. Again. I got tired of it."

He smiled, a corner of his mouth lifting away from his teeth. "It's because you're more interesting when you're angry. When you're not, you're just . . . annoying."

Cold is good. Simple. "Then don't talk to me. Spare us both the annoyance."

"But you're interesting to observe. I believe I saw you out here about a week and a half ago. That was definitely interesting."

Naruto looked from her whitening face back to Sasuke's smirk. "What are you talking about?"

"Our dear friend's love interest."

"He's not my love interest," she whispered. "He's not my anything."

"Really?" During her visits with him, Sasuke had learned how to use his presence and proximity to intimidate her. He did that now, moving in until she stepped away from him. "Do you treat all of the men around you so tenderly?" His voice dropped to a mocking whisper, full Sharingan focused on her face. "Would you treat me that way?"

His intense expression shattered to shock as Naruto grabbed him by the collar and slung him away from her. The blond half-crouched in front of her, snarling, "I don't know what's going on, and I don't care what you think you saw, but don't talk to Sakura like that!"

"Or what, you and her demon-bearing boyfriend will come and get me?" Sasuke sniffed. "Maybe you would. You are two of a kind, after all."

Two of a huh? "Naruto, what –"

"Don't worry about it," he growled. Then, to Sasuke: "We're going now."

"I won't stop you."

Aggression radiated from Naruto as they walked, so much that she almost felt it was visible. He snarled. "What was Old Lady Tsunade thinking, letting him out! What if he gets away? What if he runs again?"

"Then . . . he'll probably try to go to Orochimaru again."

"And we'll have to chase him down again! And the way things are out there now, with Sand and Sound at war . . ." He blinked, straightened. "They're after Orochimaru too, huh? Sand is."

"Yeah. Gaara said they expect to find him at some point." While in her bed, their hands together, his scent on her skin while she watched him and smiled and never saw it coming.

She bit her lip.

Naruto didn't notice. "They expect . . . They expect him to bolt. The Fifth expects Sasuke to take off and lead everyone straight to Orochimaru."

"And seeing how he is, how he's been, it can't be that long before he does." She shook her head. Rehabilitation? He couldn't be rehabilitated since he didn't want to change. And at some level, I knew this also.

"But then whoever finds them will have to deal with them both, and Kabuto, too."

She cringed, then cringed more at his next statement: "What was that about you and Gaara?"

She worded the truth as carefully as possible, trying her hardest to not let it barb her in the telling. "He came in after the funeral and spent the night over. He hugged me goodbye, and Sasuke saw it."

The blue eyes that met hers were cool, free of speculation, but she saw that he knew something else had happened. "And?"

Inner Sakura stormed. You are not going to get relationship advice from Naruto! You are not! I forbid it!

Naruto's in a functional, stable relationship, she replied. Naruto obviously knows something about how things work that I don't. So shove it. Sakura took a deep breath. I don't believe I'm doing this, though.

"We have a bit of time before we have to meet Gai and Lee . . . How about I try to explain things over breakfast?"