Disclaimer: see Chapter 1

A/N: Thanks to all reviewers. I LOVE all kind of feedback. So please, please go on!!

Departure

Part 3

Again one day later

Hello again my dear diary,

actually I am writing more often than in a long time before. But I need to tell you about what is going on. It helps me to get it out somehow.

This noon I met with my three ´friends´ and they now know about everything. It was so hard to tell them about my feelings towards them and what I want them – us - to do.

With shaking legs I came into the restaurant and wanted to leave again at once. Lyle was there, sitting at another table but he left without taking any note of us. I kind of panicked but Sydney calmed me down. Why does he always know exactly what to do to bring me over my own deep borders?

He simply asked what happened inside myself and immediately I started to concentrate on the voices, my mom´s voice especially. She told me to speak frankly to the others and reminded me that I myself name these three men my friends. My words started clumsy but when I only saw acceptance in their eyes I went on with much more self-confidence.

When I finished the pure joy in Syd´s whole figure gave me some goose bumps and made me swallow hard.

Sam answered first and told me that I am the best boss, he´d ever had and that he himself would call me a very good friend whom he would protect against the PTB´s even if it means he´d loose his life.

Broots said: "I never expected anymore that you would ever tell me this, but I felt in your whole behaviour that you are a friend, a real good friend, and not only for Debbie but also for me. If I am getting in trouble I am sure you will come to help and so will I!!"

After all this answers my tears started to fall and I didn´t feel ashamed but happy. Though I never expected these reactions, it was a confirmation of what I felt deep down myself.

We agreed that Sydney and Broots will go back to the Centre, try to find a way into the room of Jimmy. - Sam and I flew to San Francisco afterwards. We are now in a hotel next to where the little girl from the newspaper lives.

Possibly I will met him tomorrow morning, Jarod my friend. Sam will stay at the hotel though he is not happy about it. Jarod will surely run if he enters the room after me. So I will go alone. Perhaps I can convince him that I am not here to bring him back. I really need his help, I do not know how to conceal as perfectly as he does. May be he also has a plan to vanish completely from the Centre´s radar. This would help me alot.

You know I once was head of security. Therefore I should exactly know how to proceed but it´s not only my life I am endangering but all the others are in this, too. I couldn´t live with a possible loss of either one or all of them. I need Jarod, his ideas, his sims to go through this.

Will I am be able to show him the feelings I never accepted myself ´til now? Can I afford to show him my l... I can´t even write it down, now can I? I would like to tell him about the warm feelings he still could cause by just seeing him. The power of OUR feelings at Ocee´s, it´s still in me. I am so anxious to show him how much I cared for him, the love I feel. – Now I wrote it. I love him, but will I am be able to show him my love, as he did on Carthis?

Mom just says I can do and I will, after a while. May be not at once but surely after some time. So I will try and trust in her as I always did. Mom, I need you alot tomorrow. Please help me again!!

- End of part 3