TAPS
Author's
Note: Inspired by a McShep deathfic. I have seen so much McShep
fic
lately that I decided that us Shepford Wives have to fight back.
So
here's my, wholly depressing, contribution. Told from John's
POV.
Dedicated to the men and women who have given their
lives for love of
their country, and Jake, my little soldier boy.
I love you, baby. Come
home safely.
Disclaimer:
SGA still does not belong to me.
"Day
is done, gone the sun.
From the lake, from the hills, from the
sky.
Safely rest, all is well.
God is nigh."
"TAPS"
Unknown
The light of the Event Horizon
casts shadows over everyones'
faces and reflects off the many
trails of tears. I probably look about
the same, if not worse. I
haven't slept in a few days, my showers have
been brief and
half-hearted, and I've been wearing the same clothes over
and over
again. I know I should change, but I just...don't want to.
Elizabeth
stands before the Stargate, giving her eulogy, but I do
not
listen. Her face is wet, her eyes shimmer, and my heart goes out
to
her. It's one thing to be an officer and lose a man; it's
another thing
entirely if you're a civilian.
Teyla and
Rodney stand at my right, but they leave a gap between
themselves
and me. I understand, and I appreciate it. After all, Aiden
was my
right-hand man.
Operative word, 'was'. Past tense. Who
would've thought that a
tiny little word that almost everybody
uses almost every single day could
be so...heartbreaking.
"...and
now, Major Sheppard, Lt. Ford's commanding officer and
trusted
friend, would like to say a few words,"
Liz moves aside,
and I take her place. I look out at the
expedition team, but I do
not see them. I see over them, to the sun
setting behind the
enormous window opposite the Gate. I'd rather look at
that than
their faces, which are full of pity. Pity for me.
I
automatically begin saying the same thing I've said at other
memorial
services, even though this one's different. Aiden's different -
was
different. There was something about him that...I don't
know,
fascinated me, I guess. I mean, at times, he was so young,
then at other
times he was so hard he scared even me. Corps
training, I suppose. I
think I preferred the younger side. The
more innocent, fun side. The cute
side...That's right, I said
'cute'. I admit it. I was physically
attracted to him from the
moment I met him. When he joked with me about
what Gating felt
like and then jumped backwards into the puddle, I knew
that I
wanted to spend more time with him. Well, I did. Liz gave me
the
greatest opportunity when she asked me who I wanted on my
team. His was
the first name to pop into my head. Then, mission
time spent together
grew into off time, and my attraction grew
from teenage-hell-hormone-lust
to, well, love.
Goddammit,
why didn't I tell him?
I turn to the Gate. I have been holding
his ever-present hat and
dog tags the entire service. I stare at
them for a moment, my thumb
running over the raised words on the
metal. "FORD, A.G., 391130506, AB
NEG, USMC M, CHRISTIAN".
There's only one. When no one was looking, I
took one of his dog
tags. It seemed fitting. That's what they did in
WWII.
I
tenderly set the tag inside the hat and, holding the bill, put
it
into the Gate. The tip of my middle finger brushes the cold
puddle,
and the dark blue item is pulled out of my grip. My hand
hovers there for
a moment, then slowly lowers to my side. I am
suddenly aware of someone
playing "Taps", and I snap off
a belated salute. I also become aware of
the fact that I am
crying. Luckily, my back is to everyone. I have to
remain strong.
For them.
Aiden would want me to.
I remain where I am
as the team files silently out of the Gate
room, then I kiss my
fingertips and set them on the Event Horizon. "I
love you,
Aiden," I whisper.
The wormhole disappears.