Day One

Am quite miffed. Lost apprentice to smart mouthed pretty boy Jedi.
On the plus side, can use credits to purchase a swivelly chair. Cannot be a true badass without a swivelly chair!

Day Four

Whoo hoo! New swivelly chair I got off of EWOKbay came! It cost a pretty penny. Had to use entire dental plan fund to pay for it. OH well.

Day 37

Have found potential new replacement for Maul, but not sure if he will take job. He seems worried about the lack of dental plan.

Day 40

Have successfully ensnared former Jedi to the clutches of the dark side. Have promised him donuts. Am thrilled. Will celebrate by spinning around in nifty swivelly chair.

Day 41

Sick... as... a... dog...

Day 500

Have decided to raise massive clone army as part of plan to take over Republic and destroy the Jedi. Have decided to use buff bounty hunter as prototype. Dooku suggested use of former deceased apprentice's genes, but said no. I'm sorry, but I just don't like his beard.

Day 501

Okay, who is the wise ass who put all my underwear in the freezer? And why is my robe covered in mustard? Now I must send apprentice to cleaners again. Am miffed. Will swear revenge.

Day 978

Am getting close to having had it. Entire lair now fricken reeks of donuts. Have sent apprentice to start civil war to get him out of here before the smell nauseates me into no longer liking donuts or killing him.

Day 3649

Am beginning to regret civil war idea. Stupid Gunray is being a whiny little bitch. Says he won't join unless someone kills Padme. Not sure why he wants to kill her. She's so cute.

Day 3651

Very happy today. Stupid little green booger man has been stomping about town whining about having lost his cane. Like he actually needs it. He probably just left it as Coruscant Creme again. Hmmph. I still remember the last time I was there. I was ahead of him in line and he kept poking me with his stupid little stick. Glad he can't find his cane! Am now feeling sour. Will amuse self by spinning around in swivelly chair. Whee!

Day 3652

Am sick as a dog again. Should not spin so much and so fast... but chair is so much fun!

Day 3655

Had meeting with Padme and Jedi. Did not actually give a rat's ass about the attempts on her life for obvious reasons. I just wanted to show off my swivelly chair. Yoda was so jealous. I could tell. Mace was being a big downer. I think he needs to get laid or something. Hope he doesn't. He thinks he's such a badass, but he's not!

Day 3657

Assassin hired by assassin to assassinate Padme was assassinated. Wow, that's redundant. I knew subcontracting was a bad idea!

Day 3658

Met with Pretty Boy Junior today. He wanted me to help convince Padme to go to Naboo with him for her own 'protection.' Yeah, right, that's what he wants to take her there for. Agreed to help cause it works with my plan and he complimented my cool chair.

Day 3659

Does Kenobi even know he has frosted flakes in his beard? He thinks he's such hot poodoo ever since he grew a beard but he doesn't take care of it. Will not tell him. Ha!

Day 3661

Apparently I have been granted special permanent emergency powers. I only found this out when an aid whispered it in my ear. Can't understand a damn word Binks says. Perhaps should send Amidala a thank you note for letting him in the Senate. Not such a bad idea after all.

Day 3662

Pretty Boy Junior is missing. I bet I know where he is and what he's doing.

Day 3664

Dorku, I mean Dooku bitching about the lack of dental plan again. Wants to know why he doesn't have one. Will not tell him about swivelly chair. Have had it. Told him if he wants dental plan will have to raise the money himself.

Day 3665

Am hungry. Will have apprentice pick up donuts on the way back.

Day 3666

My apprentice is an idiot. He tried to take Yoda's donuts. No one takes Yoda's donuts. Even I know better. He deserved to get his ass royally whipped by the little green booger man. On the plus side, plans for ulimate weapon arrived. It took a long time to explain to Dooku it was not a giant donut hole.

Day 3667

Kenobi throwing a fit. Pretty Boy Junior and Padme missing again. Like he doesn't know what they're doing. Or maybe he does know and is just jealous. Jedi. So uptight. Have sent Skywalker a swivelly chair of his own. Used dental plan money again. God, I love being a badass!