Disclaimer: All characters owned by somebody else.
Author's Note: A cautionary tale.
Rift
For the last few months Lex had spent his every waking hour working on it. First there was the planning, then the research, and finally, and most agonizingly, the execution - building it up bit by delicate bit, changing it here, changing it there, destroying it on several occasions and starting again. Finally, at a time when everybody else in Smallville was sleeping, he'd finished it. He wasn't totally satisfied with it, and he suspected that he never would be, but it was time to unleash it on the world.
That had been yesterday. Lex had been so full of hope, but then everything had changed. Clark had come along and, without a thought, destroyed all of Lex's dreams. And he'd done it all through words because, despite what people say, words are more powerful than actions and hurt far more than sticks and stones ever can.
Lex looked at the monitor one last time, preparing to delete the e-mail, but then, instead, he moved his mouse towards the Printer icon. One day he'd make Clark eat his words.
Slowly the e-mail printed out and Lex, through his tears, read the words (words that were already indelibly printed in his memory) one last time:
maninblack,
The following review has been submitted to: Warrior Angel: The Early Years Chapter: 1
From: Clark Kent
Hi maninblack, my friend Lex told me to check out this story - he said that I might find it interesting. Sadly this wasn't the case. Here's a list of things I didn't like:
1. The concept - who cares what Warrior Angel did when he was a kid. He's not that interesting as a superhero anyway but he's even duller as a teen.
2. The characters - what's with that girl who keeps dressing in lilac and bemoaning the abducting of her parents by aliens ever chapter - she's just not believable. Also, that guy who discovered Warrior Angel's secret seemed incredibly under-used. The only guy I liked was Devilicus and he's the bad guy for crying out loud.
3. Words - you use lots of big words that I've never heard of. I doubt if some of them actually exist. You should use real words. I realize Shakespeare invented lots of words but they let him get away with it because he was dead.
4. There seems to be lots of things going on behind the scenes that the reader's expected to piece together - what's that all about? It's based on comics so it should be simple. Nuff said.
Sorry to be so negative but my father always tells me that honesty is the best policy. However, here's a few ideas I've had that'll improve it:
1. Warrior Angel's young. Give him a full head of hair. Bald guys are creepy (although sometimes their heads are really shiny and you get to see your reflection which is kind of cool).
2. Add a cow. Maybe two. Everybody loves cows.
3. Make that three cows.
Hope this helps fix your story. Since I've reviewed your story I was wondering if you could return the favor by checking out my friend pinklady's story "Mary Sue, Her Parents and The Meteor Tragedy" - chapter 96 has just been posted in the real fiction section.
THE END