Okay, got a few pre-show thank yous to hand out here. NABELLETHEY, Zeerawolfstar, Guardian Dimension, and CaptainKJ – thanks for the great comments on chapter one! They are gratefully appreciated. If anyone would like, you can submit questions. The next chapter is going to be B'Elanna, so start sending. Oh and always comments are appreciated, as well as flames... though flames are not gratefully appreciated... Anyways! On with the show!
Kath: Okay, today we're going to start the show off on the right -11 dings to 12- ... foot. -Grabs hammer and busts the 'Right and its Various Forms' counter board-
Katie: Do we need to take your medicine again?
Kath: NO!... I'm fine. See? -Grins insanely- -through smile- Fine. All fine.
Katie: That's just creepy.
Kath: -through smile- Just introduce today's guest.
Katie: Oh right. -Familiar dinging noise comes from nowhere- Where is that coming from now?
Kath: That's right ding today's guest is Commander Chakotay! The Maquis leader gone Starfleet. -Big huge doors open with two muscular men dragging Chakotay in-
Katie: Why do they always have to be dragged in? Why can't they just come willingly and get it over with?
Kath: -shrugs- Who knows? Welcome to –
Katie: The Voyager Show!!! New and improved with—
Kath: Three exclamation—
Katie: MARKS!
Kath: -glares- I'll get you for that.
Katie: FIRST QUESTION!
Kath: Well aren't we in a hurry today? Usually we let him know stuff. -Realizes Chakotay hasn't said anything since after being dragged in- Uh... Chakotay?
Chakotay: Akoochimooya...
Kath & Katie: AHHHHH!! -Smacks Chakotay repeatedly with inflatable bats-
Chakotay: -doesn't flinch- I am far from my ancestor's bones.
Kath: Actually you might be a lot closer than you think...
Katie: -nods in agreement- You see, Commander, we've kid—borrowed you temporarily from the Delta Quadrant and you're currently in the Alpha Quadrant... I think...
Chakotay: -opens one eye- Really?
Kath: Uh... no. We lied. You're... uh... dead. Sorry 'bout that.
Chakotay: -opens both eyes- -gasps- Really??
Katie: No, no, no! You're alive, and you're in the Alpha Quadrant.
Chakotay: -gasps- Really??
Kath: I understand why Janeway hates you so much at times...
Chakotay: You know Captain Janeway?
Katie: -crosses arms and looks cross- You could say we're old friends...
Janeway: -Backstage- Did she say I was old?? LEMME AT HER!!
Katie: -girly scream- Oh my god, who let her lose?
Chakotay: -cringes sheepishly- I sure as heck didn't.
Kath: We'll get security on it, big guy. Now, about that first question...
Katie: Oh right -ding- ANYWAYS, Chakotay, tell us this: Do you really love Seven of Nine or are you just trying to make Harry jealous?
Chakotay: Well she's too insane for me. I put on a nice face and eat lunch with her, but truthfully she's quite scary. She scans too much, and that one time where she made me her holographic boyfriend still creeps me out.
Kath: That makes two of us.
Chakotay: But was nice to think she thought of me in that manner, considering so many guys were giving me a rough time at Sandrine's after I broke it off with her.
Katie: Ugh guys... such egotistical fools.
Kath: Wow, such vocabulary.
Katie: -hides dictionary- I know.
Kath: Okay, next question. Was there any potential between you and Janeway? To be honest, I thought I saw several sparks between you two.
Chakotay: Well, yes. That was about the first 6 years of the trip though. The last year was Seven. Janeway and I were quite the command team if I do say so myself, but she was just too... protocol for my liking.
Katie: It took you 6 years to realize that?
Chakotay: No. I saw the interview of you two and Janeway the other day, and you spoke of our relationship when we were left to die of that virus on that one planet... uh... New Earth.
Kath: You saw our show?
Katie: Wow, we can broadcast pretty far now from the tree hou—studio.
Chakotay: Anyways, we did have our little fun down on that planet. I got to see the real Janeway. Oh yeah, it was nice... -drifts off in memory-
Katie: OKAY!! -Chakotay snaps out of it-
Kath: That was just creepy...
Katie: Moving on to the second-to-last question: Why in the world would you give up so easily and go Starfleet when you could have just along your Maquis ways?
Chakotay: Well our ship was destroyed.
Katie: Oh. Right. -Ding- WHERE IS THAT COMING FROM??
Chakotay: -ignores Katie- And secondly, I was quite tired of being chased by Starfleet. So as the saying goes, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em."
Kath: Wow this interview is going much shorter than yesterday's. I guess it's because we don't have Janeway yelling at Katie for every insult she dishes out.
Katie: So true, so true.
Chakotay: Plus I'm not really here.
Kath: Uh... excuse me?
Chakotay: Yep, I'm not here.
Katie: ... Okay then, I think someone's been taking one too many hyposprays.
Chakotay: I'm actually in a trance and waiting for my spirit guide.
Katie: Uh huh.
Kath: Um... I hate to tell you this, but you're not in a trance.
Chakotay: Yes I am.
Kath: No you aren't.
Chakotay: Yesss...
Kath: Noooo...
Chakotay: Ye—
Kath: NO!
Chakotay: ...... Yesss...
Katie: -kicks Chakotay in the shins- You annoying pedantic drone.
Chakotay: AHH!! That stings! -Leaps up and down hollers in pain-
Kath: Okay, last question, and then we can chat some more. -Waits for Chakotay to stop leaping and hollering- Okay then… -looks at watch- You know for someone who I thought was kind of cute, you certainly are very melodramatic and annoying.
Chakotay: -sits down- You think I'm cute?
Katie: -groans- Ugh, seriously.
Kath: -blushes insanely red and hides behind card- LLLLLLLAAAASSSSSTTT QUESTION!!!
Chakotay, Katie, Audience & Show Staff: -cover ears-
Kath: Sorry about that... heh... -cast flirty smile at Chakotay-
Katie: Fine, if you're not going to ask it already...
Kath: I'm trying to but you keep interrupting!
Katie: I do not!
Kath: Do too!
Katie: Not!
Kath: Too!
Chakotay: Ladies!
Kath & Katie: YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!
Chakotay: -weakly- Okay...
Kath: Okay, on with this stinking last question...
Audience: FINALLY!
Katie: So Chuckles-
Chakotay: Did you just say Chuckles?
Katie: Yes. Yes I did. Problem? -growls-
Chakotay: -high pitched voice- No!
Katie: Anyways, CHUCKLES... is it true that the Captain's chair is more comfortable than your chair?
Kath: What?? That's not the last question? That's a stupid question!
Katie: You should know, you wrote it.
Kath: -gasp- I most certainly did -takes question card not---... shut up. Shut up, I don't want to hear it.
Katie: Aw, come on. Let me bask in your stupidity.
Kath: -pouts- I'd rather just get an interesting question and move on.
Katie: Fine, then we'll ask one of MY questions!
Chakotay: Do you guys have any food here? I'm starved.
Katie: No. No we don't. I suggest you be quiet or I'll eat you.
Kath: That's no lie.
Chakotay: You're a cannibal?
Katie: Did you just speak?
Chakotay: -twiddles fingers-
Katie: I thought so. Now, last question.
Kath: I've heard that before...
Katie: Do you really want to go back to the Alpha Quadrant? Because, you know, if you do ever get back here, you and the other Maquis will just be court marshaled and sent to prison like... forever.
Kath: True, true. I like your question. Chakotay?
Chakotay: -under fuzzy ducky blankie- ZzZzZzZz....
Katie: Who gave him that blankie??
Kath: -pokes Chakotay with pokey stick- WAAAKE UP!
Chakotay: I SWEAR I DIDN'T DRINK YOUR COFFEE!! -pants- Oh ... I'm still here?!?!
Katie: Yes. Now, did you here the question? -rewinds tape- Do you really want to go back to the Alpha Quadrant? Because, you know, if you do ever get back here, you and the other Maquis will just be court marshaled and sent to prison like... forever.
Chakotay: Well you see, I'd figure by then we'd be acclaimed as heroes for traveling so far, and Janeway has sworn to give us a good word. I'm hoping that Starfleet will just let me write a few books on my life experiences while out here and move on with life.
Katie: Write a book? That is so ... I don't know... weird... cliché... among other things...
Kath: Well it looks like we made it through the interview without killing each other.
Chakotay: That's what you think! -deep music plays 'DUN DUN DUUNNN!!'- -pulls out phaser aims and fires- -nothing happens- Uh... what is up with that?
Katie: Mwhahahaha... yeah, your technology doesn't work here.
Chakotay: Oh. Right. -ding-
Katie: SERIOUSLY, WHERE IS THAT COMING FROM??
Kath: Medicine time! -grabs inflatable bat and whacks Katie repeatedly-
Katie: AHHHH!!!
Chakotay: -girly scream- AHHHH!!!
Kath & Katie: -Stop fighting- Why in the heck are you screaming for?
Chakotay: It's her! -Janeway storms out on stage-
Janeway: Chakotay, how dare you speak of our relationship on New Earth in that manner! You're going to pay now; I just had my 13th cup of coffee!
Chakotay: -whimpers-
Katie: Ah, another Pay-Per-View moment.
Kath: Well that's all we have for today. Tune in next time for B'Elanna Torres, which to say should be fun with that Klingon temper of hers. -curtains close-
Audience: Aww...
One guy in Audience: We wanna see the fight!
Kath: -peeks from behind curtains- It's nothing really.
One lady in Audience: Uh huh, whatever. Big tough guy getting beat up by little wimpy Captain.
Janeway: -storms out of curtains- BRING IT ON LADY!!
Same lady in Audience: -climbs over railing-
Audience: -Chants- JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Katie: -comes out from behind curtain- Ah, come on guys. This is supposed to be rated PG.
Kath: Really? I thought it was PG-13.
Katie: -shrugs- Who really knows or cares anymore?
Kath: Until next time, I'm Kath.
Katie: And I'm Katie. Good Night America... and those watching this over subspace bands.